Those of you Cyrsti's Condo readers who may have had previous military experience, may recognize the title of this post. On more occasions I can count, we hurried to be at an assigned point in the Army at an appointed time, only to wait and wait and wait. In many ways, my HRT journey has been the same.
In the beginning, changes begin quickly and I began to wonder if the process was happening too easily. Perhaps my body was predetermined to make this step all along. Reality soon set in though. Changes did slow for a couple reasons, due to obtaining my dosages and medications.
Now I'm getting mixed signals. If you recall my posts before the end of the year, I very much thought I had "hit the wall" with my bodily changes. Of course my hair was still rocking but I felt as if my breasts and hips were not keeping up their end of the bargain. All of the sudden I was feeling frustrated. I waited so long to begin HRT, hurried into the initial changes and now I'm waiting again.
The problem is, I have never been a patient person. Nothing is good enough over the long term, including my feminization progress. It's also extremely hard to judge daily changes in myself, the first thing I do in the morning is not measure my breasts. I need to just forget about the process and let it happen.
Some would argue there is more than a little change in one's emotional make up during HRT. I don't doubt I do feel more emotional about everything, including staying positive about many things. Why aren't my breasts bigger or my hips more feminine, etc.
This past couple of days though, I think I may have been over reacting. All of the sudden, I'm noticing a little more "bounce to the breast" and jiggle to the hips. Now, I'm fairly sure I was totally over reacting. I know going through HRT at (64) with my body style can only achieve so much.
It's time to calm down, hurry up and wait for more!
Monday, January 6, 2014
Sunday, January 5, 2014
Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition"
Welcome to our first "Sunday Edition Post" here in "the Condo". Relax in your "jammies" with hot cup of your favorite coffee (or whatever) and let's get started!
Sports Section.- My Ohio State Buckeyes were beaten by Clemson primarily because of the worse defense I have seen in my life, conversely, my Cincinnati Bengals embark on yet another NFL playoff adventure-not a good experience in my past. In fact, the standing joke around here is, "when you feel the ground getting cold under your feet, it's hell freezing over-the Bengals are going to the Super Bowl." Actually it did 32 years ago when the Bengals played the same team they are playing today (San Diego) in the coldest game ever in the NFL. Close to -60 degrees (F). "Momma Karma's little sis Momma Nature" tried to go it again this year but missed it by one day. She shifted her cold breath up to Green Bay and spared us freezer until tomorrow - 40 below wind chill.
If you have ever heard the old "brass monkey" saying, the next couple days around here and a load of other spots in the U.S. should take heed. The revered proverb goes something like this, "Better bring your brass monkey in off the porch before he freezes his balls off." True, right? Unless he wants a quick head start towards SRS.
Week in Review.- New Year's Eve was another wonderful evening for me and among other things the third I have spent with Liz, my partner and the beginning of my third year on HRT. Of course we exchanged all the pleasantries back and forth here in Cyrsti's Condo. Thanks to all for checking in and all the best to all of you in 2014. Outside of our insulated world here, all sorts of transgender "best of" lists all starting to appear. At least in this country, the anti closeted stealth transgender women and transgender men, are helping to raise the bar for all of us. Which brings us to our next section.
We Got Mail.- As you all know, I'm quick to jump upon my soapbox and blast all the transgender community who "jumped closets". They transitioned then went away. On the other hand there were just as many or more who refused to accept their true gender identity and stayed in my cross dressing closet. (Me) Shel le , who is close to my age, pointed out in one of my posts, "it was a different world back then." She is right. I think finally we "T"'s in the LGBT system learned from the gay and lesbian community on how to advance our own agenda. We are seeing it now on many fronts.
To finish 2013, we also became entrenched in discussions of how genetic men interact with transgender women - or don't. We covered hardly earth shattering thoughts like how insecure men are with their sex and indeed their whole gender. As those of us who grew up as card carrying members of the male gender know, men have precious little to hang their gender hats on. I'm not being a male basher here but men just live in simpler systems than women and when one of us wants to "jump" ship, it's cause for concern. First, those damn women were allowed to vote, allowed to work in the same jobs and even are starting to manage companies? What's this world coming to...the unkindest cut of all. Men wanting to be women and just maybe I want to talk to her??? Quite the dynamic we can discuss forever.
So much for this "Sunday Edition" here in the Condo. I look forward to our upcoming week and may Momma Karma smile on you and do something about her " Sis" Nature.
Sports Section.- My Ohio State Buckeyes were beaten by Clemson primarily because of the worse defense I have seen in my life, conversely, my Cincinnati Bengals embark on yet another NFL playoff adventure-not a good experience in my past. In fact, the standing joke around here is, "when you feel the ground getting cold under your feet, it's hell freezing over-the Bengals are going to the Super Bowl." Actually it did 32 years ago when the Bengals played the same team they are playing today (San Diego) in the coldest game ever in the NFL. Close to -60 degrees (F). "Momma Karma's little sis Momma Nature" tried to go it again this year but missed it by one day. She shifted her cold breath up to Green Bay and spared us freezer until tomorrow - 40 below wind chill.
If you have ever heard the old "brass monkey" saying, the next couple days around here and a load of other spots in the U.S. should take heed. The revered proverb goes something like this, "Better bring your brass monkey in off the porch before he freezes his balls off." True, right? Unless he wants a quick head start towards SRS.
Week in Review.- New Year's Eve was another wonderful evening for me and among other things the third I have spent with Liz, my partner and the beginning of my third year on HRT. Of course we exchanged all the pleasantries back and forth here in Cyrsti's Condo. Thanks to all for checking in and all the best to all of you in 2014. Outside of our insulated world here, all sorts of transgender "best of" lists all starting to appear. At least in this country, the anti closeted stealth transgender women and transgender men, are helping to raise the bar for all of us. Which brings us to our next section.
We Got Mail.- As you all know, I'm quick to jump upon my soapbox and blast all the transgender community who "jumped closets". They transitioned then went away. On the other hand there were just as many or more who refused to accept their true gender identity and stayed in my cross dressing closet. (Me) Shel le , who is close to my age, pointed out in one of my posts, "it was a different world back then." She is right. I think finally we "T"'s in the LGBT system learned from the gay and lesbian community on how to advance our own agenda. We are seeing it now on many fronts.
To finish 2013, we also became entrenched in discussions of how genetic men interact with transgender women - or don't. We covered hardly earth shattering thoughts like how insecure men are with their sex and indeed their whole gender. As those of us who grew up as card carrying members of the male gender know, men have precious little to hang their gender hats on. I'm not being a male basher here but men just live in simpler systems than women and when one of us wants to "jump" ship, it's cause for concern. First, those damn women were allowed to vote, allowed to work in the same jobs and even are starting to manage companies? What's this world coming to...the unkindest cut of all. Men wanting to be women and just maybe I want to talk to her??? Quite the dynamic we can discuss forever.
So much for this "Sunday Edition" here in the Condo. I look forward to our upcoming week and may Momma Karma smile on you and do something about her " Sis" Nature.
Cyrsti's Condo "Transgender Woman of the Day"
Our featured transgender woman today is:Florencia Trinidad (born Roberto Carlos Trinidad; March 2, 1975), better known by her stage name Flor de la V, is an Argentine transgender actress and comedian. In 2010, after a court decision, Trinidad was legally recognized as a woman, and changed her name.
Saturday, January 4, 2014
Top Ten Transgender Positives from 2013
Two respected sources recently put together their 10 Important Transgender Moments of 2013 The Advocate collaborated with Mara Keisling, (left) the executive director of the National Center for Transgender Equality, to discuss what 2013 meant for trans rights. She highlighted the many victories seen this year, concluding that 2013 was a true year of momentum and sharing that perspective in a similar feature that ran first on The Huffington Post.
Follow the link above for your own look!
Coming Out Tutorial
In this Cyrsti's Condo big screen feature, Nicki talks about her first year of MtF transitioning. She provides an excellent look into a barely 20 something transgender woman's life, coming out to parents and more.
Check out the video. See if you agree how much sadness still seems be in those big beautiful eyes.
Check out the video. See if you agree how much sadness still seems be in those big beautiful eyes.
Friday, January 3, 2014
It's Never Too Late
I happened upon a post by another transgender woman who is transitioning later in life and living to write about it! (Just kidding!)
It's called "When to say Yes to the Dress" by Courtney Bedell on the Baltimore Gay Life site.
Courtney's story is similar to many of us. She met the same resistance, harbored the same inner turmoil and ultimately reached the points we are now in life. Not so surprisingly in the transgender culture, we are called "pretenders" because we waited so long to transition.
Six year old Coy Mathis was used by Courtney as an example of a "no doubter" transgender child who just knew she wasn't a boy. Coy of course also benefitted immensely from a family who has battled for their daughter's right to be herself. I'm guessing, immensely rare for anyone of my age.
Here's an excerpt from more of the post:
By 12 I felt strongly that I was a girl but unlike Coy, I couldn’t talk about it to my parents, or anyone else. I did what most TGs did 20 or 30 years ago: deny, deny, deny! At 12 I was wearing my older sister’s dresses and using her make-up, but not in public. Despite my having plenty of friends adolescence was a lonely and devastating time for me. I could only be myself when I was alone so I often hooked school to spend the day in a dress curling my hair and putting on make-up.
Nobody ever saw me looking pretty—ask any teenage girl if that isn’t a version of hell! I wanted to tell my mom but I just couldn’t find the words. Even when she might have picked up on the clues she didn’t open the subject. When I saw a psychiatrist at my parent’s behest it took me two years to tell him I was convinced that I was a girl and had XX female chromosomes. Naturally, he thought I was simply gay or a cross-dresser. I continued to live two separate lives for another 20 unhappy years.
Sounds familiar, right? Here's more:
So, the answer to “when do you say yes to the dress?” is simply, as soon as possible! From my own experience, I say do yourself a huge favor and don’t waste half your life denying your true essence! Don’t endure decades of pain and loneliness waiting for the ideal time to change. We often wait until the situation becomes severe enough to outweigh our fear of the potential upheaval our transition will cause. It doesn’t have to be that way if we approach it preemptively before our lives become unbearable or unmanageable.
See a gender therapist, go to a support group (Tranquility at GLCCB), search your feelings, explore your options, sort it all out and learn what action is best for you. You may decide it is time to transition or you may discover transition is not right for you—the key word here is “discovery.”
Follow the link above for more!
It's called "When to say Yes to the Dress" by Courtney Bedell on the Baltimore Gay Life site.
Courtney's story is similar to many of us. She met the same resistance, harbored the same inner turmoil and ultimately reached the points we are now in life. Not so surprisingly in the transgender culture, we are called "pretenders" because we waited so long to transition.
Six year old Coy Mathis was used by Courtney as an example of a "no doubter" transgender child who just knew she wasn't a boy. Coy of course also benefitted immensely from a family who has battled for their daughter's right to be herself. I'm guessing, immensely rare for anyone of my age.
Here's an excerpt from more of the post:
By 12 I felt strongly that I was a girl but unlike Coy, I couldn’t talk about it to my parents, or anyone else. I did what most TGs did 20 or 30 years ago: deny, deny, deny! At 12 I was wearing my older sister’s dresses and using her make-up, but not in public. Despite my having plenty of friends adolescence was a lonely and devastating time for me. I could only be myself when I was alone so I often hooked school to spend the day in a dress curling my hair and putting on make-up.
Nobody ever saw me looking pretty—ask any teenage girl if that isn’t a version of hell! I wanted to tell my mom but I just couldn’t find the words. Even when she might have picked up on the clues she didn’t open the subject. When I saw a psychiatrist at my parent’s behest it took me two years to tell him I was convinced that I was a girl and had XX female chromosomes. Naturally, he thought I was simply gay or a cross-dresser. I continued to live two separate lives for another 20 unhappy years.
Sounds familiar, right? Here's more:
So, the answer to “when do you say yes to the dress?” is simply, as soon as possible! From my own experience, I say do yourself a huge favor and don’t waste half your life denying your true essence! Don’t endure decades of pain and loneliness waiting for the ideal time to change. We often wait until the situation becomes severe enough to outweigh our fear of the potential upheaval our transition will cause. It doesn’t have to be that way if we approach it preemptively before our lives become unbearable or unmanageable.
See a gender therapist, go to a support group (Tranquility at GLCCB), search your feelings, explore your options, sort it all out and learn what action is best for you. You may decide it is time to transition or you may discover transition is not right for you—the key word here is “discovery.”
Follow the link above for more!
Stop the Damn Bitching Already!
I believe I have whined, complained and yes, even bitched about how HRT has destroyed the thermostat in my body here in the Condo. Go ahead and say it, "no one twisted your arm to start HRT Cyrsti, so get the hell over it."
I accept all of that except - after a brief respite from the minus teens wind chills we are having here in my part of Ohio, we are expecting temps to go to 20 year lows next week. Really?
I have a confession to make: Cyrsti's Condo does not over look the mountains and the beach in the tropics but is in a circa 1860's drafty big brick building in Ohio. Our weather extremes though, do make you appreciative when Momma Nature throws you a bone and the temp rises to 50 in January - summertime.
To combat the cold though, I'm heading south again- to Cincinnati where the outside temp will be nearly as cold but the inside temp will be toasty with the help of a "B.A.F" - a big ass fireplace. Sorry about all the cussing in this Cyrsti's Condo post but this cold weather just gets me in this mood.
Setting aside all my whining, there are benefits to facing up to this cold "thang" as a girl. First of all, you are allowed to be cold by other women and men. Secondly, you can stylishly "layer" yourself up to stay warm and look good too. My best purchase of the season so far were my fur lined snow boots which fit over my hand knitted wool knee socks for warm "tootsies". Of course my "imagined" overstock of sweaters, leggings and scarves all of the sudden isn't so overstocked at all!
It's too bad that "karma", "cold" and "cussing" all don't begin with a "C". If they did, I could come up with some sort of inspired thought of why Karma was getting even with me for making fun of women all those years for being cold.
How about, I just can't or I give up Momma Karma, I'm sorry! You were right and you win!
I accept all of that except - after a brief respite from the minus teens wind chills we are having here in my part of Ohio, we are expecting temps to go to 20 year lows next week. Really?
I have a confession to make: Cyrsti's Condo does not over look the mountains and the beach in the tropics but is in a circa 1860's drafty big brick building in Ohio. Our weather extremes though, do make you appreciative when Momma Nature throws you a bone and the temp rises to 50 in January - summertime.
To combat the cold though, I'm heading south again- to Cincinnati where the outside temp will be nearly as cold but the inside temp will be toasty with the help of a "B.A.F" - a big ass fireplace. Sorry about all the cussing in this Cyrsti's Condo post but this cold weather just gets me in this mood.
Setting aside all my whining, there are benefits to facing up to this cold "thang" as a girl. First of all, you are allowed to be cold by other women and men. Secondly, you can stylishly "layer" yourself up to stay warm and look good too. My best purchase of the season so far were my fur lined snow boots which fit over my hand knitted wool knee socks for warm "tootsies". Of course my "imagined" overstock of sweaters, leggings and scarves all of the sudden isn't so overstocked at all!
It's too bad that "karma", "cold" and "cussing" all don't begin with a "C". If they did, I could come up with some sort of inspired thought of why Karma was getting even with me for making fun of women all those years for being cold.
How about, I just can't or I give up Momma Karma, I'm sorry! You were right and you win!
Cyrsti's Condo "Trans Woman of the Day."
A week or so ago we mentioned a "surprise" transgender beauty's appearance on Project Runway All Stars. The show brought together a group of popular/established fashion bloggers from around the world and Gigi's Gorgeous New's Network blog made the cut!
During the show, Gigi proved she was much more than a pretty face as she owned the runway to the delight I'm sure, to transgender women around the world.
I have followed her YouTube videos for quite awhile and was particularly impressed when she came out as transgender and the work she has done which included her sister. (Thanks to many of you who pointed her video's out too!!! You are the best!)
In the -10(F) degree weather around the Condo, Gigi's work is certainly a thawing influence. She is just another example of how bright the future can be for transgender men and women everywhere.
Of course you can follow the link above to her Blog.
During the show, Gigi proved she was much more than a pretty face as she owned the runway to the delight I'm sure, to transgender women around the world.
I have followed her YouTube videos for quite awhile and was particularly impressed when she came out as transgender and the work she has done which included her sister. (Thanks to many of you who pointed her video's out too!!! You are the best!)
In the -10(F) degree weather around the Condo, Gigi's work is certainly a thawing influence. She is just another example of how bright the future can be for transgender men and women everywhere.
Of course you can follow the link above to her Blog.
Thursday, January 2, 2014
New Years Fashion Police
I have actually had a couple of you "Condo-ites" ask what Liz and I wore on New Years Eve.
She out "pizazzed" me with a multi colored silky tunic top which draped over her thighs with leggings. She also started out with a modest pair of heels for the short walks we were under taking but we went back to the hotel and she changed to a pair of metallic flats quickly. I wasn't have anything to do with heels as always!
I went with my 3/4 length patterned black blouse/top, black leggings and slouch boots. We weren't going anywhere too fancy, unlike last year, so comfort trumped "glam" this year. On the other hand, our nails were polished, our makeup was top notch and a great time was had by all!
As I have written here in Cyrsti's Condo in the past, the mirror I worship the most is the public eye. New Year's Eve, the public was very accepting of me. Interestingly, now I have several different scenarios to consider.
I am moving away from "Hey! isn't that a guy in a dress." To a very real possibility the public may think we are two lesbians. So before I get "my freak on" concerning a real or perceived public reaction, I have to understand where it's coming from. Here's an example. Our server where we ate, quite possibly was a lesbian too, gave us excellent service and better yet, spread that Ladies word around liberally. While it's true, the more I transition, the less all of this is important to me at all. Why I care at all just comes from years of negative conditioning.
Being identified as a lesbian though is a whole different idea than I ever considered, almost the same as becoming androgynous in the public's eye. The L identification also changes my interaction with men again. Which is another topic for another day!
Regardless, of over thinking this whole gender process and being repetitive, I felt truly wonderfully comfortable and at ease in my own skin and clothes on New Years Eve.
My only disappointment was I faded early and could only make it till 2 am!
She out "pizazzed" me with a multi colored silky tunic top which draped over her thighs with leggings. She also started out with a modest pair of heels for the short walks we were under taking but we went back to the hotel and she changed to a pair of metallic flats quickly. I wasn't have anything to do with heels as always!
I went with my 3/4 length patterned black blouse/top, black leggings and slouch boots. We weren't going anywhere too fancy, unlike last year, so comfort trumped "glam" this year. On the other hand, our nails were polished, our makeup was top notch and a great time was had by all!
As I have written here in Cyrsti's Condo in the past, the mirror I worship the most is the public eye. New Year's Eve, the public was very accepting of me. Interestingly, now I have several different scenarios to consider.
I am moving away from "Hey! isn't that a guy in a dress." To a very real possibility the public may think we are two lesbians. So before I get "my freak on" concerning a real or perceived public reaction, I have to understand where it's coming from. Here's an example. Our server where we ate, quite possibly was a lesbian too, gave us excellent service and better yet, spread that Ladies word around liberally. While it's true, the more I transition, the less all of this is important to me at all. Why I care at all just comes from years of negative conditioning.
Being identified as a lesbian though is a whole different idea than I ever considered, almost the same as becoming androgynous in the public's eye. The L identification also changes my interaction with men again. Which is another topic for another day!
Regardless, of over thinking this whole gender process and being repetitive, I felt truly wonderfully comfortable and at ease in my own skin and clothes on New Years Eve.
My only disappointment was I faded early and could only make it till 2 am!
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