Walt's Not So Excellent Adventure

I watched a video this morning which I will pass a link along to which has a guy (Walt)  who went through the surgery, lived as a woman for a time and decided he made a mistake and changed back. To each his own, and people do make mistakes but I wonder how that epic mistake happens? I can only think there was some sort of disconnect in the gender socialization process.

I have not researched it, but I understand the reputable SRS surgeons and clinics still require some sort of history living as your chosen gender-before going under the knife. I'm under the impression that those in the know are calling the process gender socialization. From personal experience it is a fascinating and sometimes scary experience when you go from presenting as a woman versus being socialized as one. I just know I will go to my grave loving it. But that's just "not so little ol me".

Of course it 's possible to go out dressed as a woman and present yourself successfully and think Yay! I'm a girl Woo Hoo! It's also very possible to do it as essentially a stealth cross dresser. Not a problem in the world unless you begin to believe you can shortcut the socialization process in the girls sandbox. The worst place to attempt a stunt like that. You will find out quickly which gender isn't the "sugar & spice" one.

After all, who needs all that sand kicked in your face?   Everyone will have to accept me as a woman after my SRS...Right?  Not so fast happy campers, there is that one pesky problem-gender does not live between your legs and to my knowledge can not be operated into our brains.

By jumping ahead in the socialization process, you simply miss key yes or no moments.  Examples you have read me write about here in Cyrsti's Condo are the feminine communication process and the intricacies of fitting into female social circles.  Even in my very gray orientated mind...they are black and white learning experiences. You want to belong or you don't.  Plus of course I'm just scratching the surface.

By paraphrasing Walt one more time he says something to the extent you can't fix a psychological problem with surgery DUH! He is totally correct and I'm fairly sure SRS does not include a lobotomy, for a good reason. (I know what you are thinking you need to add- not subtract to a male brain ) It has been fairly well documented these days that gender identity issues are not psychological problems. But I agree, one could develop if the person involved is not free to explore their feelings- as Walt surely wasn't.

At this point, every bone in my body is screaming "don't be snarky Crysti" and write what you are thinking.  Since bones can't scream anyway- who the hell wants to hear from a person who made a fairly major mistake with his life and still has no idea why?

Why didn't he tell the truth and just say- look I'm just a cross dresser, got a sex change  and then went through the ultimate purge to be with a woman who just can't image my past. Understood!!!!

Ahhh! I feel better now!

Here's your link here to "Crossover Kids" other than "Walter" it's a good piece.

No Gizzards-make mine Bigots

From Yahoo News:

" The president of the fast-food restaurant chain Chick-fil-A has once again injected himself into the gay marriage debate, this time criticizing U.S. Supreme Court rulings. Dan Cathy posted a comment Wednesday on Twitter criticizing a pair of U.S. Supreme Court rulings. Those decisions will extend federal recognition to same-sex marriages in the states where they are legal, and will add California — the most populous state — to the 12 others in that category. "Sad day for our nation; founding fathers would be ashamed of our gen. to abandon wisdom of the ages re: cornerstone of strong societies," Cathy wrote, according to The Atlanta Journal-Constitution (http://bit.ly/12qjRKF ). The post was later deleted. Chick-fil-A issued a statement acknowledging the post, saying Cathy was offering a personal comment. "Dan recognizes his views do not necessarily represent the views of all Chick-fil-A customers, restaurant owners and employees, so he removed the tweet to eliminate any confusion," the company said."


Why did the chicken bigot delete the text? My car has shown it can drive right by any of his units and right to his competition.

Walk a Mile in Our Shoes!

I wonder if this woman will have any empathy for transgender women and men now?

More "A" Word

Angel sent a great comment to our fancy mailbox here at Cyrsti's Condo about my  androgyny post:

"Believe it or not, you aren't the only trans person I've heard of this happening to. Androgyny seems to make people uneasy... not sure why, but it seems to be true."

Being the armchair social observer that I am Angel, could it be an androgynous person stirs up more feelings of insecurity in many people than trans people do?

If you hang your bra on the idea the gender binary is a major part of the very basis of human socialization - you really mess with their minds. If they can read you as a transgender woman or man at least they can find something to understand. In that case, positive or negative, the noggin is churning out some sort of reaction.

No matter how the Saturday Night Live "Pat" skits may have been politically incorrect, they pretty much hit the nail on the head of how unnerving an adrogynous person can be to the general public.

Thanks Angel!!!!

For you "youngsters" I'm passing along a SNL clip on the Cyrsti's Condo big screen:

Some Are More Visible than Others!

Check out this video of recently arrested trans activist Lexi Sanfino (for doing a protest topless dance on a flight) on the Cyrsti's Condo big screen:

Long Hair and the Trans Girl

As recently as my last post here in Cyrsti's Condo, I am never shy about mentioning my hair.  I am a believer in nature giving and taking away. In my case, nature was in a giving mood with my big bones and torso but just happened to slip in potentially wild big hair. The take away though is the idea of older women not looking stylish in longer hair. Among other things it's called the 16/60 and is used to describe a woman who looks 16 from behind and 60 from in front.  Yikes!!!! I don't look a day over 59!

As luck would have it though, as in everything there are exceptions to every rule. In my case I read the exception in the Fabulous after 40 site:


"If you have thick hair with a natural looking color, and you are not too thin in the face, then you can wear your hair pretty long. How long? The best hairstyles for long hair over 40 are ones that fall no further than mid-back, or your hair will look unkempt. (but I think this is true no matter what your age.) The reason I think you need a little fullness to your face to pull off this look successfully is because long hair will draw the eye down, making your face look longer and thinner.

Although you might think that looking thinner is more desirable, as we age it really isn’t. A long and thin aging face will just look tired and haggard, and length will also draw attention to fine lines and wrinkles. My advice to women over 40 with long hair and a thin face is to a) switch to short hair or b) try a shoulder length style with layers and softness around your face. These two styles will be much more flattering. And remember, showing a little bit of your ear will draw the eye up, lifting everything up and showing off great cheekbones. It’s kind of like having a face lift."

It turns out, I can say yes to all three plus it would break my heart to say "no" after all these years. I guess karma cut me a break for sentencing me to the wait for my own hair. (Have to blame someone)

Plus certainly this information is also good for flattering wig styles we all can wear.

If we all do this right, we can look as good as Courtney Cox in the example picture above!

The Big "A"?

Do you remember Julia Sweeney's character Pat - the highly androgynous character on Saturday night live?

Well I don't know if I'm putting too much into just being called Pat at the grocery store or getting more looks than if I was dressed totally feminine? When I wasn't.

I have written a number of times here of how sometimes my androgyny catches me off guard as it did today. Of course I am sure it had nothing to do with my 6 inch highlighted pony tail flowing out of the back of my hat?

But "Pat"? Really?

Time Capsule

As far as the continuation of the last post here in Cyrsti's Condo called Quiet Time, I slept on it. If there is such a thing as my best "work"- it magically appears in my noggin at around 4 am. Normally,I'm thinking it's 4 am somewhere and get up. This time was different though as I had visitors-  the ghosts of blog posts past came floating around.

So, I started to look back at a group of old archived posts here for some sort of common thread.  Where I was then and where I am now, without the obvious. I had to toss out the "big" things such as HRT, relationships and friends. Well, not toss them but put them gently aside in my "to be cherished" room. Quickly I found the one common thread "back in the day" was how heavily influenced I was with what I was wearing and the public reaction to me.

All probably normal, right? Now normal is this big scary word to be but I guess I can use it in this context of my transition. I was just growing into my feminine self. So, I concluded my transition progression was normal but then I started to feel a bit guilty about many of my current blog posts now-or the lack of them. Sure the YouTube videos are fun and the news stories from around the world are timely and crucial to our transgender rights but:

I just don't have those fashionista moments to pass along. I don't wear heels, almost always wear some sort of jeans and what I hope is passable makeup.  My one guilty pleasure is still using my breast forms to fill out a form fitting top attractively with as much cleavage as I can.

If in two years I'm fortunate enough to still be in this dimension, will I look back at this post and think I had reached another milestone? If so, why did I have this nagging guilt that somehow I feel when I don't write as much about experiences because well, they have become mundane?

Sunday was a good example. I went to dinner with my girlfriend's father, brother and son for the second time and didn't have to ask for a hit off of Dad's oxygen tank because I could breathe normally. I had a girly salad (because it sounded good on a hot day) and just completely enjoyed myself. Not because I was living a transgender life-I was living mine.

Later of course, I just had to search for the slightest bit of negativity and found it. Was I on my much maligned stealth path?  Well probably yes and no.As far as looks go, I still do and most likely will always get my share. The "looks" now though have gone from stares and whispers to glances for the most part. So I guess essentially I'm sliding into the stealth dimension and it works because I can get those other pesky things done such as living my life. But on the other hand (or arm) my girlfriend and I are working diligently on a unique trans tattoo for me. Naturally if I'm going through all that pain and suffering I want my first Tat to tell the world I am trans and proud of it.

In two years I will invite you all over for an adult beverage to the Condo and we can open the time capsule and get a chuckle!

Too Much Going on to be Quiet

I am quiet though and I can't quite figure it out. Perhaps in my personal life I'm reaching a point of not being the one most likely to "rock the boat"? Forget gender transition- not being a rocker could be the biggest difference of all.

Maybe I'm not looking at the "big picture"? The more I have been able to build my new feminine life as a transgender woman, the more secure I have become. I could even take away the feminine word and still be secure. I am just me.

I love telling myself I was right-even if it took me so many years to arrive at this point. It was all so simple. When you don't have to live a lie, life just becomes so much simpler. DUH!

I also love to take all the credit for reaching this plateau of my life. Fortunately it's been awhile since anyone has told me how brave I am for living my life on my terms.  Balderdash!  Very simply I am one of the phantom 10% of transgender people in this country that someone knows.  The six or so people I consider as friends, family or lovers are the one who are much braver than I.  They gave me the push to "walk my transgender talk" until I could truly embrace and live it.

Looking back at the last five years, there was no way I could have imagined I would end up here and how it would differ from what I thought it would be.

Perhaps I rocked the boat into calmer waters and most surprising to me-it's a great feeling. That's not to say my ADHD pinball machine mind will calm down anytime soon but how I view the world surely has.

On occasion, quiet time is a little too much to handle! More to come!