Welcome to my World!

Back in my "princess" days , expressing my gender "separation" was simply how good I was looking in the mirror. My cross dressing was new exciting and extremely frustrating.

As I gender evolved and I began to truly understand who I was,  the path I needed to take became clearer. Looking back over the lessons learned and not learned, I sometimes feel I only have enough knowledge to make myself dangerous. For that reason, I'm always on the outlook for more. An example would have been the small all female friend birthday party I was invited to. Why do women do this so much different than men?

One of the biggest problems I have is knowing which of my feminine gender expectations are real or misconceptions. When one of my genetic female friends says "Welcome to my world",  I take for granted the lesson is real. Then I make it my passion to have a better understanding of what "their" world is. Normally the "obvious" isn't the true picture. I know I'm not covering earth shattering ground here. Any of you trans guys reading this are thinking DUH Cyrsti what is ever obvious about a woman? From both sides of the gender fence guys, I can tell you there are reasons all of us feel that way...all three genders.

Here's where I am going with this.  I'm fond of reading and passing along snippets of information from Ginger's Total Image Consultants site. I found the "Lose Your Self-Consciousness" post to be especially relevant. As transgender women or trans men we certainly have every reason in the world to be extra self conscious about our selves.  If women as a gender are more likely to be self conscious, aren't we more likely to be less obvious? As trans women this is a double edged sword because our self image is so important to how we present to the world.

To help, here's a bit of advice from Ginger's blog which is linked above:

"The funny thing about being yourself is that you have to lose your self-consciousness — the habit of judging yourself — in order to do it. You need to become so immersed in the moment and within yourself, that you begin to channel your pure creative spirit. It’s in this empowered state that we’re able to not only do our best work, but also experience the blissful joy of creative expression. As we link up with the Divinity in the present moment, we naturally connect with each other — the greater Oneness of all. That’s when the fun begins. Learning to be fully ourselves without concern for the reactions, judgments, or expectations of others is a life-long journey. Regardless of how confident and self-possessed you are there will always be times in life when you feel vulnerable and afraid to be yourself. That’s called living as a human being on planet earth. The important thing to remember is that self-consciousness is about you – not other people."

At some point of time, I can't wait to say "No! Welcome to my world"!

Nights in Columbus

Getting back to last weekend at the Trans Ohio Symposium, following the mental stress of my workshop my girlfriend and I thought maybe naps would be in order before we hit the streets of Columbus.  As I wrote in a previous post, the mental stress came from both of us listening to me! I also considered I was suffering from the symptoms of "low testosterone" Oh wait-I am according to my endocrinologist.

Saturday evening a show was planned at a venue called Wall Street Nightclub in downtown C-bus.  I have always been fond of Wall Street as it was one of my first places I went coming out of the closet before the days of electric light. Once again, the venue and the show did not disappoint. The acts were creative and crossed all ends of the gender spectrum. In fact sometimes it was difficult to figure out who was who doing what. A real pleasant change from the usual drag show!

Another difference was the timing of the show. It actually started on time at nine and was over by 11 and the club was being transformed into a huge dance floor.

Truthfully, girlfriend and I are not going to be seen on Dancing with the Stars anytime soon, so I suggested we go back to Club Diversity where we went the night before. My idea turned out to be one of the true bright ones I have happened upon in a while.

As in the night before, we found seats towards the end of the bar where the entertainer was just going nuts singing an Elton John medley on a piano. We didn't hesitate and dropped a few sheckles into his tip jar immediately!  Even more impressive was his obvious joy in performing. Then unbelievably,  the music only got better when a guy with a saxophone showed up. He joined in for a few more tunes to delight of all. We were certainly at the right place at the right time!

I figure it's always good to log in a positive score or two in the idea department to go with all those pesky negative's I seem to accumulate at a record pace!

As good times always do though, the two hours of music and fun went by in seemingly two minutes and it was time to go back to the hotel and look forward to the final phase of the weekend!

College was a Drag for F Scott

With the release of The Great Gatsby,

I thought it would be time to post a picture of F Scott Fitzgerald (the subject of the movie) in college drag.
right...

Buzzfeed reported that the photo was snapped in 1916 when the future "Great Gatsby" scribe was in his third year at Princeton University. Fitzgerald was then performing a play called "The Evil Eye," which he also wrote the lyrics for, with a musical-comedy troupe known as the Princeton Triangle Club.

I have no idea if this movie version of Fitzgerald's life covers his college years or female impersonation days but star Leonard DiCaprio just still may be pretty enough to pull it off!

Dookie Woop

Dookie Woop is an androgynous model and entertainer from Brazil.

Here is "Dookie's" YouTube channel.

I LOVE this Video

I respect quite a few video's on YouTube for the amazing transgender changes. Others I respect for the creative ways they are produced and presented. I love this for both.  Pull up a chair and enjoy my latest "discovery" on the Cyrsti's Condo big screen:





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My First Transgender Workshop

I'm no longer a virgin.
Saturday after lunch I stood up before approximately 20 people at the Trans Ohio Symposium and talked about my transgender experience.

To start with, I was happy people showed up at all as there were several other workshops going on at the same time. I was also pleasantly surprised at the diversity of the room. We had a nice mix of transgender women and men plus a few cis females mixed in.
Before I forget, I would love to welcome any of you who were there to Cyrsti's Condo. 

As far as how the workshop went- I hope I find out. Everyone was given a form to fill out and turn it in. No I  didn't fill out my own. We will see how it goes,  as it stands right now,  I have no idea. My girlfriend loved it but she is biased (I hope!).

Mechanically,  I have absolutely no problems speaking to a group. My problems are I'm a bit of a clown and I have a very scattered thought process. Both of which have always hampered my public speaking efforts.

I wish I could add some drama to the whole process but I can't. No I wasn't hung over from the night before, petrified with fear  or sweating non feminine bullets. I was working against an after lunch time slot in a very warm room. Fortunately my speaking experience taught me to read the room and I was able to  finish up before afternoon nap time. (Mine included) It's always a bad sign if your speaker is putting themselves to sleep.

Looking back, I do believe I did too much talking and I would have loved to have more time to hear from the transgender women and men in the room.  My observation though,  the whole symposium was more thought  than action provoking.  There simply was too much information to take back into the world and put into action quickly and I'm not saying that is bad.

Finally, I promise if and when I get my grade and it's good I will tell you. If it isn't, well......

So Close to Home

From Shane Morgan, Trans Ohio Founder & Chair:

"Tuesday, April 30, 2013 Not One More.

   Those words still resonate with me. It’s the title of a poem written by our board member Erin Upchurch and read aloud at the 2011 Trans Day of Remembrance

. Not One More. Today, we learned that a community member from the Olmsted Township, a western suburb of Cleveland, was murdered and found floating in a local pond. She had been stabbed and tied to a concrete block. Local newspapers quoted people saying that they thought that she was a “mannequin, floating in the water” – the image of this burns in my head, just as the image of Matthew Shepard does – propped up against a fence like a scarecrow.

  Not One More. The outrageous and the stereotypes that have been perpetuated by the media are unthinkable, and honestly I find myself having to be reserved in what I write about them – the media, at this very moment. It disgusts me on so many levels; I don’t even know where to begin. Not One More. “While we remember and honor the life of Ce Ce, we - her community - have the responsibility to ensure that her death, her life and her struggle do not exist in vain," says TransOhio board member Erin Upchurch from Columbus. “The violent death of this young woman is unconscionable and needs to be addressed. Ce Ce was someone’s child but the perpetrator of this horrific crime could not see that all they saw was how she was different and trying to live their life the best they knew how. This is the third trans woman of color murdered in April in the United States alone and this needs to stop! This was a beautiful young lady whose life was stolen from her and all the news can talk about was what she was wearing, shame on them!” shared Cleveland trans activist, Jacob Nash.

   Not One More. “As a representative of MTQWI and the Cincinnati Trans* Community Group, I am both saddened and appalled by the news Cemia’s death. This tragic loss, and how it was handled by the media, reminds us of harsh realities; that transgender youth continue to be at severe risk; that transgender women, especially women of color, are frequent targets of violence; and that society still struggles to recognize trans* people as human beings deserving of kindness, love, and respect. Cemia’s attackers robbed her of her life and the offensively transphobic language of the Cleveland Plain Dealer robbed her of her dignity. We stand with Cemia Dove tonight as members of the trans* community and as fellow human beings,” says JAC Stringer.

   Not One More. It’s a difficult thing to wrap my head around – such intentional brutality intended to be hidden and never surfacing – literally. As a human being, as a compassionate person, as somebody’s friend, brother, sister, child – I can’t even begin to comprehend what Ce Ce’s family and friends are going through. As a community, we cannot allow this kind of violence to continue to happen, nor can we continue to allow the media, those who use our faces on camera or stories on the tv – we cannot allow them to use us – ANY OF US – especially our trans brothers and sisters of color – to be beaten down, brutalized and shown in the media as if there is something wrong with us, that we must have deserved such treatment. Tonight and as tomorrow comes and goes, we must reaffirm our commitment to one another, to our community. We must stand up for one another and put aside differences. We’re stronger together as a unit – let us not forget that. Stay strong. Grieve. Heal. Stay committed. You are worth it. We are worth it. In community,

 Shane Morgan Founder & Chair, TransOhio"

   As the sun came up so brightly on a Spring day and the birds were chirping here...this very dark cloud came across the horizon.

Alexander Bekker

Androgynous male model Alexander Bekker as a girl:
 And as a boy:

For all the Women I knew BEFORE

I just believe it's time here in Cyrsti's Condo to expand the horizons around here! A start is this ftm transition video: