So Hot It's Flamin!

It is no surprise the Bravo television network is very gay orientated.  But Bravo has unleashed a new level in gay talk on Fashion Queens. Forget about political correctness as guests Miss Lawrence (right) and Derek J "critique" female celebrities. Here is one review from Madam Noire:

"Last night Bravo aired a new tv show, “Fashion Queens” featuring hair stylist Derek J, fellow hair stylist and “Real House Wives of Atlanta” cast member, Miss Lawrence, and media and style maven and Bevy Smith. The three big personalities discussed things like haute couture, trends and what would a fashion show be without the shade that comes with discussing the most egregious fashion faux pas. The show is primarily about style, so it was interesting Bravo chose Derek J. If you’ve seen some of his public appearances, you might have noticed that more times than not, he’s far from impeccably dressed. And I’m not referring to the fact that he wears women’s clothes, but more to the fact that he wears ill-fitting, tacky looking women’s clothes. But let me stop. That’s not what I’m here for today. During last night’s show, I was otherwise occupied, catching up on “Girls” episodes and watching “Golden Girls.” But I jumped on Twitter for a hot second to see that Derek J, whose business is hair, made some interesting comments. He said that he’s “not a fan of the natural hair movement.” Ok, fair. You don’t have to like it. But then he took a step further saying: “natural hair is not for everyone.”

Maybe it was just when I watched it (no I wasn't intoxicated) I just got a giggle from this 'flamin" gay look at current culture.

Trans In Fighting in the Pentagon

From the Dallas Voice.Com:


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When “don’t ask, don’t tell” was repealed, gays, lesbians and bisexuals became eligible to serve openly in the military. Transgender people still cannot. But since 2011, trans woman Amanda Simpson (above) has served as special assistant to the assistant secretary of the Army. In 2009, when President Barack Obama named Simpson to a position in the Commerce Department, she became the first trans presidential appointee. While some accused Obama of filling quotas, those Simpson had worked with during her career at Raytheon touted her experience as a test pilot, an engineer and as deputy director in the company’s advanced missiles and unmanned systems product line. But it’s Simpson’s work on trans issues and her care for the LGBT community that endeared her to her Raytheon co-workers. Louise Young, who founded Raytheon’s LGBT employee resource group, credited Simpson with getting gender identity and expression added to the company’s equal opportunity policy. “It’s a delightful irony she’s working with the Army,” Young said. “Amanda is a real trailblazer in many ways.”

For more go here.

Looking over my Shoulder

"Male Privilege" has long been one of the hot topics directed at the transgender woman.
The most common lost privilege is perceived gender intelligence of course. The most dangerous loss of so called male status has to be personal security.
Recently I went to a fairly good sized club in an area of town where most of the gay venues are clustered together. A trans girl friend and I decided to go "gay" for the evening since we simply haven't been there for a while. Of course once we got in there, I discovered I had left my phone in the car and god forbid I just had to have it.

It was dark and I had to walk across two dark parking lots to my car. I thought nothing of it until I was about halfway to the car and did start to look over my shoulder a bit. I did know the area well and know it to be well populated and safe so I wasn't being a total paranoiac mess but the thought was there.

The safety concern should have been there for me and all of us of course! As with any genetic woman who grew up knowing the gender parameters of safety, we need to know it too.

My first lesson came years ago.  You may remember me mentioning knowing a very diverse small group in nearby Columbus. By diverse I mean there were a couple of transsexual women who were gearing up for SRS, cross dressers, a few spouses and one admirer. Of course at that time I didn't identify with any of those groups and had no idea what transgender even was (this was the early to mid 80's).

Approximately most of us would get together at one the homes. On occasion my wife would go with me to these get together's and sometimes not.  One of the evenings she did go with me I learned one of the first rules of feminine safety...don't get cornered!

As I got dolled up for the evening, we were having the usual battle about how I was dressed.  To put it mildly, provocative was the word she used. Too much make up, too much hair and too much leg just about covers her criticism. She was right and proved it that night.

The "admirer" was a big man. I'm guessing he outweighed me by at least 50 pounds and was 4 or 5 inches taller. I had met him before and didn't think much of it when he started to chat me up in a narrow hallway around the corner from where the others were. Slowly and then quickly he had me pinned close to the wall. For the first time in my life I felt I could be overwhelmed physically by another human.  My mind was racing on how a woman would or could get out of this if a man like him tried to really push it.

About that time my wife came around the corner.  As she was so adept at doing, she let me learn my lesson and let the admirer push a little farther before she stepped in and rescued me. Lesson learned. Of course I had to hear the infamous "well you dressed like a tramp, what did you expect". In reality, I was trying the "tramp" method to be validated as a woman. The worst path I could take.

So many years later, I realized the lesson so long ago set me on a positive path. The world today is a meaner more violent place and we all need to be careful.  I'm a total believer the female privileges we gain outnumber the male ones we lose. But losing the security card is certainly one to be aware of and be careful with.

Don't think pepper spray in your purse is a frivolous addition to your purse!

The Transition Life

On the Cyrsti's Condo big screen:

Gay in the NFL

Breaking news from the sports site : SB NATION.

Ravens linebacker Brendon Ayanbadejo was released by Baltimore this offseason, and on the heels of comments earlier this week where he suggested that he was cut in part because of his outspoken stance on gay rights and equality issues, Ayanbadejo clarified himself to the Baltimore Sun on Friday. During an hour-long interview he made it clear that he harbors no resentment for the Ravens, and respects them for the support they offered him throughout his career both on and off the field. But that's not all. When the conversation turned to his work with gay rights and the question of when we might see an openly gay player in the NFL, Ayanbadejo had this to say: "I think it will happen sooner than you think," Ayanbadejo said. "We're in talks with a handful of players who are considering it. There are up to four players being talked to right now and they're trying to be organized so they can come out on the same day together. It would make a major splash and take the pressure off one guy. It would be a monumental day if a handful or a few guys come out." Ayanbadejo's release not related to advocacy The 36-year old linebacker says he was misquoted in a report claiming his release was related to his stance on gay rights. He took to Twitter to defend his former team. In other words, everyone prepare themselves for the most insane day of the NFL offseason in human history. A day to make the sports world explode, basically. And it would be awesome.

For more go here.

Should Have Known

 I just never really learn but then again I was never a quick learner.
Yesterday I had and accepted an invite to go see the Cincinnati Reds play. I went with the only three people in the world that I care about that I'm not out to.
So I went as my other self.
So how did that work for me? Well sort of "bittersweet". I did enjoy the old sports banter with the other three guys but felt for all the world I was in "guy drag". No real surprise.

What really did surprise me was the old reaction I had to the other women in the ball park.  I was back again to wanting to be them and wear the leggings and boots they had on in the chilly weather.
Quite obviously in my everyday life now I'm past all of that and in to what I'm wearing.  Sure I notice the fashion other women are wearing. Now though I adapt what I can into my style and do the best I can.

At that point, I started to get aggravated with myself for going back to my old emotions or putting myself voluntarily through this day at all.

Then I was frustrated for being a damn victim, which I hate.

Fortunately, the Reds won and I'm back to normal. What ever that is.

Shop till You?

It is difficult to believe but a story of a transgender woman being discriminated against by a JC Penny's store is over a year old now.
I interact on a couple other sites and last night I received this incredible, informational answer to my post. I wasn't very clear I wasn't writing about myself and here was the response from
Chrissy-Xena:

"Unfortunately in any large store, especially where many employees are more clerks rather than professionals some will bring their personal beliefs in to work and try to over-ride the usual store/company policies when they feel personally justified to do so (such as religious views, right-wing ones, bigotry etc). Too bad you didn't get wait to see what the manager would have said to you, and then if not accepting of you and using the woman's fitting room then to get both their names and make an official complaint. Chances are the company would have backed you, given you came in the store dressed as a woman, and conducted yourself as such. And having your GF as a witness would have been a big plus in case they disputed the facts of the event. The company may have warned both the employee and manager not to discriminate again, and it they didn't agree to letting you, a customer, use the woman fitting room and/or female bathrooms then they should have been fired. If not then you could have filed a federal complaint (in some localities as well) or suit based on gender discrimination against the employee and company. Unfortunately this all sounds all so familiar to a similar incident a few years ago down at a Macy's store in Texas, and it was properly reported to management and dealt with sternly with the employee who refused to follow the inclusive policy of Macy's. The employee (also Black and conservative religious) used her religion as an excuse not to allow the transgender customer to also use the woman's fitting room, and wouldn't agree to change, so she was fired for just cause. Just know that if such a thing ever occurs again, to consider getting their names and making a proper complaint so that it can advance the cause of the greater transgender community. And without doing so that same two employees will keep discriminating against any "perceived" trans-persons that come in their area. BTW, if you ask for the store manager (if they have left for the day, the acting store manager will attend to your complaint). But following up with a written complaint ASAP to corporate so it won't be covered up (store managers won't send such complaints upstairs to corporate as they make him/her look bad ...they didn't train their employees well on store/company policies or deal well with it when it did occur, etc.) and will help enforce our basic civil rights. You may not wish to sue, but if you do then likely some trans-legal aid will back you and provide free legal services. But always ...always file complaints, they are cheap and most of the time they work to make changes without filing a lawsuit. At the very least the employee is likely to be fired if they don't change their behavior, even if they don't change their negative viewpoints about trans-persons. PS I have had "reverse discrimination" myself as when years ago I worked as an employee, at a Macy's nonetheless, a revengeful TG ex-friend filed false complaint against me with the BBB (she pretended they were a woman customer and was "shocked to see a man dressed as as a woman's employee" etc) and tried to get me removed from selling in the woman's clothing area, just out of spite. Once I found out who had caused me to be transferred to the men's department I told corporate HR (which was quite embarrassing as I hadn't revealed my trans-status so this "outed" me at a job where I "passed" 100%) they put me BACK in the same woman's area where I was an outstanding saleswoman). I then sued the TG for filing the false complaint, went to court and argued the case myself and WON! Remember, you are the highly valued customer shopping in a store where they are sinking fast with lowering sales, and they NEED every single customer regardless of their personal characteristics. Chances they WILL do something about any such complaint you file, and eliminate the problem one way or the other. My philosophy is "stand your ground!" Then "fight back." It feels so much better at the end of the day."

My response to her was I agreed with JC Penny's recent earnings, they would certainly value any shopping dollar. Plus I have rarely faced any dressing room problems as I shop. Perhaps the saddest part is the story of transgender women again fighting among themselves.

Let's Talk About It

For me at least, one of the most difficult thresholds I have been unsuccessful in achieving is what I think is an acceptable feminine voice.
At times I think my voice is passable (no pun intended) but most of the time...not.
It's my own fault. Over the years I have read quite a bit about the voice dynamics involved in feminine speech. My most difficult task is continuing to talk like a woman over an extended period of time. I guess I lose concentration or just get lazy.

As with anything transgender, there is help available if you can afford it or if it is available near you. With interest I ran across this post from The Times Union.com about the  College of Saint Rose Transgender Voice and Communication Program. They have served 50 or so clients and supervised 70 or so graduate students over the past 5 years.

One of my strongest beliefs is how inherently different the world reacts to us as women and often how our reaction is as important as our looks.  Too many novice cross dressers and trans women want to concentrate totally on looks.

Jack Pickering PHD, is the driving force behind this effort and says "In addition to biology, there are gender differences in speech, language, and non-verbal communication that are cultural, learned and reinforced from a very early age. Therefore, we focus on aspects of communication like gestures, word choice, and enunciation. Lessons in these areas frequently lead to discussions of transgender issues and the challenges faced during gender transition, such as ridicule, harassment and discrimination when there is a perceived gender mismatch between how someone looks and how someone speaks, gestures, or moves. I think about how our transgender guests have changed me, my program, the college, and clinical practice in voice and communication. I have a much better understanding of what gender is (and is not) and an increased sensitivity to an aspect of cultural diversity I knew very little about."

Of course this is just an excerpt from the post. Read the rest here.

Trans Conscription

Transsexual Aricha Ploymaneewong, right, shows up at a conscription venue in Wat Laksi temple, Bangkok, Monday where she was defined as having a gender identity disorder and exempted from conscription. APICHIT JINAKUL

"Back in the day" one of my most distasteful memories was the military draft physical during the Vietnam non War. The whole day was just icing on the cake after an entire youth suffering locker room shyness. But I did get a gift for my pain...I was given a 1-A status which meant my Southeast Asia travel ticket was punched after I graduated college. Obviously my heart went out to the young Thai trans woman above.

All of these fun thoughts came back to me when I read this story from the Bangkok Post:

"The army needs 94,480 new recruits this year, and this week, young Thai males between the ages of 21 and 29 are going to conscription centres to make sure that number is reached. Most are not going there because they want to, but because they have to. They taking part in a lottery that many hope they will lose, i.e., that they will not draw the red ticket that requires them to spend the next two years in the army. For the most part, there is little interest in the lottery, except for the young men involved and their parents and family members. However, in recent years, there is one small group of young “men” that always creates attention.

"
These are young people whose birth certificates say they are male, but who have changed considerably over the years since their births. They wear women’s clothing and many would be considered women in other countries, having undergone operations to change their gender. These transsexuals stand out as they go through the conscription process, creating awkward scenes among themselves and the young men who are already nervous about the draw. That is not a worry for the transsexuals, however. Under current military regulations, they are almost always exempted from the draft because they are considered to have a "gender identity disorder" or in the Thai sense “a gender whose condition is not consistent with the gender of birth."

As always there is more if you go here.