Defining your Trans-ness

To be fair, I'm borrowing this line from Miss America's first autistic contestant when she said "I define my autism, it does not define me."

Defining our individual level of "trans-ness".is equally as important. From closet cross dressers to transsexual activists, defining ourselves is key to our personal lives. Even if it is just you and the mirror or you and the world- just thinking "Wow" this is really me defines you.

I thought initially writing this blog, or working on a book or doing a workshop defines me as a transgender woman. In truth though, all of those things are external.  What really defines me are my friends, my relationship and family.

Ironically, I think so many think I had some sort of easy past to get here. On the contrary we all know we have paid considerable dues on our gender journey. Plus a certain segment of the transgender culture even seem to think those dues put them on top of the food chain.

For me though, the difficult part is not forgetting the stages along the way.  Remembering those dark years so long ago when "the girl in the mirror" defined me keeps me real. I just hate when I catch myself climbing up on some slippery pedestal.

Now the most exciting aspect of defining my transgender womanhood  is the simple fact I'm still evolving. I'm still defining being a trans woman.

But no longer being a trans woman defines me.

Quote of the Day

"I prefer to think rationality is subjective on the outcome" Cyrsti Hart

Musically Yours

On the Cyrsti's Condo big screen, here is another transgender transition video from YouTube:

HRT and the Trans Girl

I came across this video on YouTube (of course) and found it to have some interesting information concerning black market hormones. Here it is on the Cyrsti's Condo big screen:

Trans Feminism

This one of those topics which is certain to raise discussions to an emotional rather than a rational level. I'm sure the rad fem haters and their transgender opponents have been battling about this subject for years.  When you refuse to recognize a transgender or transsexual woman as any sort of a female, feminism is a mute point to many.
Fortunately there are a few younger generation people discussing this. Including this article from the Marshall University student publication:
 "Trans-feminism provides type of feminism specific to transgender individuals".

Here's an excerpt:

"Just like any feminists, trans-women connect with whichever branch of feminism coincides with their lifestyle and personal views. Feminists can be radical or conservative. They can identify as men, women, trans, or anything in between. They can be gay, lesbian, bisexual. A branch of feminism exists for everyone. Therefore, the concept of trans-feminism does not suggest that trans-women cannot be part of regular feminism. It all just depends on which equality ideal most closely reflects their goals, personalized views and lifestyle choices. From what I understand, it is a much more difficult transition from male to female, socially because of societal norms of acceptability. Men dressing, acting or identifying as feminine are often judged more harshly than women doing the opposite. This added difficulty of transition could be one reason behind the need for a different type of feminism. By the same logic, anyone could also identify as trans-feminist regardless of their own gender identity if their motives correspond with those of the trans-feminist community more closely than with any other type of feminism. Many people who do not struggle with gender identity concern themselves with transgender rights and issues because they feel their importance and urgency. Perhaps trans-feminism could be perceived the same way. You don’t have to be transgender to get involved in the fight for their rights as human beings. Trans-feminism defines a branch of feminism that has been much needed in society. Despite feminism’s push for total gender equality, a whole other set of issues entangled transgender individuals. In some cases, they need something more than mainstream feminism can offer."

I have a tendency to agree. In some places trans women are still struggling for voting rights because of ID issues and I shouldn't even have to mention the shameful employment discrimination we all face.  Genetic women may be fighting for equal pay but we are fighting to be hired at all.

This is an interesting look at our world from a concerned outsider. Read it all here.

"Dorkism" Part Two

My friend Shelle  lle" was kind enough to comment on my "Dork" post here in Cysti's Condo and to compliment me. So nice!
As always my overactive noggin began to think about the socialization of our inner selves...in our cases mostly girl selves.

To the uninitiated,  females are the warm and fuzzy side of humans.  In reality, their interactions with each other are much more complex than males and often as a group women do have a stronger internal toughness. I found out early on to always be on guard for a negative transphobic public interactions from  women.

What really surprised me though were the negative reactions on line from transsexual women who had gone through SRS.

I try so hard to use these negatives to socialize my inner dork. They are wonderful role models of who not to be.  One problem I do have is a genetic switch of sorts from my Mom to overcome.  Of course I love and respect her for what she was but "warm and fuzzy" does not come to mind. She was a great role model on how not to understand others.

As I throw all these life experiences in a blender (including male ones) hopefully the result will be healthy.
I am a believer in reincarnation and hopefully heading to a higher level after this life.  Hopefully, all this craziness will get me there!

Loving my Inner Dork

I probably am not going out on a huge limb and say many of ourselves grew up not loving our inner transgender selves.

In addition for many more of us, just finding out for sure who our inner "dork" was a huge task. In my own case I find it completely fascinating I know my dork is female orientated but takes my life as a guy and uses him to build from. Along the way she has looked at him and said "really? that was such a stupid guy thing to try".

Along the way though,  writing about my  girl dork has gotten me slammed as "yet another old guy on hormones" to "just an upscale cross dresser". For the record: nothing wrong with either. So get over it and get a life of your own.

Dressing the dork to society's standards is the difficult part. I have mentioned the hormones and my hair length have led me down an increasingly androgynous path but I still live in an area where people have known me for years. I do take the easy way out and let androgyny take it's course rather than put up with the hassle of seeing these people with eyeliner and lip gloss. It just makes me feel a little better knowing I still have enough other problems to worry about and you know? My dork doesn't care. After all she has biding her time for a half century and she can feel the bodily changes going on under my loose clothes.

The bottom line is I'm coming to love my inner dork. So much so I have given her a new label.  Now I call her a feminine "essence" or spirit.   

Certainly her life is getting better as society is picking up a whole new set of clues. We are all just mirrors anyway and society just picks up it's clues from the mirror.  Having softer smoother skin , longer hair and real boobies to work with obviously just makes the process easier.. Plus, it's evident that slowly but surely I'm taking the male props out of the costume for good. Finally,  I'm secure in the fact my female essence will have her day in the sun or mirror...full time.

Perhaps calling her an "essence" rather than a "dork" will make her feel better too?

Horror Scope!

It's a dreary rainy Monday here in Cyrsti's Condo so we are going to part the clouds and gaze at the stars. Here is our weekly "Horror Scope" for Libra's :


(September 23-October 22): An “ah ha!” moment is on its way and will add purpose and focus to your system. While this will hardly seem sexy for anyone else to hear all about now, who cares? This is your time to indulge your inner dork and love it—which means no judgment. After all, this is progress, your progress — so make sure no one rains on your parade!

As luck would have it, I was considering a post on almost the same subject which I will write later.

The "Horror Scope" term is my own and you can go to theFrisky to get yours!

Amanda Lepore

On the Cyrsti's Condo big screen, we are featuring a documentary video featuring the much photographed Amanda Lepore transgender model from NYC: