Shopping Thoughts

Today I had to go shopping for guy clothes.
Hate it. Boring...sort of like watching paint dry but I will have to do my best guy drag for an interview coming up.
Felt the same old "why me" feelings as I entered the store and went the wrong way to the men's department.
The process never takes a long time.  Pick from the same boring colors and styles and take off.
In my part of the world it is back to school time. As the mother/daughter combos attacked the clothes,  I  wondered how it would have been for my Mom to take me shopping for new fun back to school outfits. A part of my life I will never know.
Many of these families were ahead of me in line and as I waited I realized I'm not as bitter or frustrated anymore with buying a few items of male clothing.
Today was the first time ever I could comfortably watch with interest the items other women were buying. The first time I could look for imperfections in other women lol! A huge difference from simply wanting to be them. Even though I was in guy drag (I passed) I was them.
For once I was comfortable in the knowledge my girl was safe and secure and growing. Comfortable in the knowledge my life was changing.
Sure, a new pair of shoes or purse I noticed would have been more fun to buy today but now there is a tomorrow.
A tomorrow when those new heels will look fabulous!

Finally!

The call came from the VA psychologist. I will call her back for an appointment tomorrow.
Now what? I will tell her for sure I've taken this "girl" thing as far as I can go.
She will probably ask me if I really want to go further and why.
My life has been similar to digging a tunnel from two sides.  On one side is my inner girl. On the other is how she presents to the public. I believe a powerful connector could be the hormones.
Here is how I visualize this. (Years from now, we can revisit)
For example, the last three out of four times I've been out I have seen nothing that would lead me to believe the world didn't accept me as female. One end of the tunnel is moving inward quickly!
The other end is much more difficult to judge. She's a little jaded and cynical and has waited years to see if the light in the tunnel wasn't the train.
How are hormones the connector? Those of you who read the blog who are on them may agree with my ideas.
Sure the body changes I know. Any increase in breast size and hips is just the beginning to physically feeling more female.
The more dramatic connection would be mental.  I've written in the past about my "feminine" thoughts. I want the tunnel connected here.
I envision a "gentle" connection. I really don't want any invasive surgery but to want to have softer skin, nicer breasts and stronger feminine emotions n my life.
So we will see what the psychologist has to say.
Whatever her decision, work on the tunnel will continue!

Non Information

Hormones part two.  Updating my visit to the VA to inquire about hormone therapy, updating you is easy.
There isn't an update. Nothing so far.  No appointment with a consulting shrink. Nothing,
OK, it has only been a week. Yes, I am impatient.
My imagination tells me my request is rattling the around the halls of the local VA. Yes we saw the transgender memo, but we have someone wants to do it? Here? Now what?
Truthfully, I wonder about the number of qualified  people the VA may have?
The person I talked to can legally prescribe hormones if she is allowed to.
Now, I do understand there are parameters. Not just any Tom,  Jane or Cyrsti should be able to walk in and leave with hormones.
I don't even know if I qualify with the lifestyle requirements. Sure I live most all of my leisure time female. Is that enough and am I just being paranoid? Probably.
All I need now is an "anti-paranoid" drug!

Showing My Age!

As I was shopping the other day, I discovered a really attractive two piece top. I took it off the rack and took a look at the price tag and saw "Made in Vietnam".

37-year-old Wendy Iriepa and 31-year-old Ignacio Estrada

Later I happened on a story of a couple getting married in Cuba on Fidel Castro's 85th birthday.
I read that  same-sex marriages are not legal in Cuba but Iriepa is now legally registered as a woman following her 2007 sex change.(Reuters is reporting.) The couple said the wedding would be both a first in Cuba's once-persecuted gay and lesbian community and a birthday "gift" for Castro.

In some senses I feel betrayed. Were all the tensions and loss of friends being wasted? Vietnam and Fidel Castro? After all it was Fidel and the Russians who took us to the brink of nuclear war.
Happily I feel relieved. In our lives all tensions seemed to be replaced by others. I guess it's good the old ones are getting laid to rest.
Too bad I don't smoke cigars anymore!

KISS..Keep It Simple Stupid

At times (or most of times) I tend to get a bit mystical about how life kind of moves back and forth. I seem to go through phases of female interest and then the guys move back in. 
I've never been able to connect the dots of gender interest to how comfortable I'm feeling. Last night for example I had three women at least say hi.Later I finished the evening with a quick trip through a big grocery store about 10 at night.  I wondered down the aisles dong some light shopping and encountered a larger older handsome guy who was seriously checking me out from a not so sly side glance. From him I passed five girls who probably were in their early 20's who never gave me a second glance and finished with a young black guy looking straight through me. So I guess you can say I was successful..
So any connection? No.
Then in the last two days I have received much more female attention from one of the dating sites I'm on and had an incredible night out with a very close lesbian friend I hadn't seen for ages.
I am intrigued (and shouldn't be) by the gender dynamic I experience.  Women present a much softer dynamic to me; much more lifestyle orientated.  Men of course are "cause and effect". Follow the action with them and all is good.
So any connection? No.
When all of this begins to really heat up, life can be very interesting and confusing.  Then again all of the interaction is just what genetic women go through.
I can get as mystical as I want about all of this but the fact remains it's the life I chose. May as well have some fun doing it!

My Style

I've written and read many articles about women and their style.  I know what mine is but I have a hard time describing it.

I finally saw a picture of my dream girl. (At least today lol)
Well here is my style!
OK I know I can never look like her but I can take certain elements from her example.
Our hair is very similar. The hat is fabulous but would not work on me because I have a big noggin.
Her shirt is very similar to one I own but I have to wear it under a top or jacket because of my arms.
The shorts? Not even. I love them on her. I'm just a lot too old to be wearing those shorts!!!!!
Instead I work with a couple pairs of beat up bell bottoms with holes and a belt similar to hers.
I usually just wear them with flip flops and a long shoulder bag.  As I enter a room I do my best to show off the most important piece of my outfit...My attitude.  
If my model didn't have her shoulders thrown back and that smile on her face, half of the effect would be gone!
Many times the most important part of my outfits escape me due to years of negative conditioning. But hey, I'm working on it!

Candis Cayne On "Necessary Roughness"

On the "USA" Channel is a show called "Necessary Roughness"
In the episode called "Dream On" Candis Cayne plays Gerald Daniel at a class reunion of the shows female stars Jeanette and Dani. Gerald as you might have guessed has become a beautiful Geraldine.
Quickly, Candis introduces herself to Jeanette. Stunning as ever, Candis confides Jeanette was her dream girl growing up...she (Geraldine) was so in love with her. Her confidence, beauty and effortless femininity...how she wanted to be her.
I thought, wow that is just the way I felt about a couple girls growing up.  How did they ever come up with such a plot?  They certainly didn't pick it up with out having some inside knowledge! (No they didn't call.)
Geraldine is shown and mentioned a couple times in the last fifteen minutes of the show, including the classic ending. Dani and Jeanette  are sitting around chatting about the reunion. They both were fairly certain they were the hottest women there except for Geraldine.Dani gave Jeanette all the credit for being a great fashion role model.
The two when on to girl chat about Dani's ex husband and Jeanette's unfulfilled dream of the dream guy and the white pickett fence. Without missing a beat Jeanette says "No worries. It turns out Geraldine is a lesbian and there is still hope!" What a sequel we will never see!
If you can catch this episode...you have to wait at least halfway to catch Candis...who is always worth the wait!

Diversity at Home

My job takes me to different spots on occasion. Unfortuantely nothing real exciting like the Bahamas! Lol.
As I walked in (I work in male drag) I said hello to all the employees (I knew) and then waited for the new guy to turn around so I could say hello.
When the new guy turned around, he wasn't a guy at all. She wore a burr haircut and a very loose uniform shirt  which almost completely hid her breasts.
I tried to give her the warmest greeting possible of course and proceeded to praise the company's diversity in hiring to others.
In the circumstance I'm in, I'm sure I will not ever be able to find out if she is a real butch or an actual FtM trans. Certainly I can't just walk up to her at work and ask.
The good part to all of this is the crew accepts her as far as I can see and I will get a chance to work with her a couple more times this week. Of course she will get a fair shot while I'm there.
The better part is she doesn't need it.

Two Is A Fun Number!

Enjoyed a long delayed evening with a female friend last night.  For whatever reason we had just not been able to get together to catch up on life. She is the one I went to the NFL game with last year.
We met in the place I go to on a regular basis. As we sat and talked a few of the friends I have met came up and it was fun and new to introduce a girlfriend as a girl.
Interestingly enough my girlness extended to the guy who called me man at the end of our music conversation the other night. (Alpha Post) He walked by and told my friend "you can't believe a word she says" referring to me! How quickly pronouns change!
The whole evening of engaging in girl talk with her and the others just reinforced in me how good it feels to be a girl!
All of the sudden the restroom issue wasn't one as we exchanged comments about the young "Elvis" pictures on the walls.  The pronoun issue wasn't one as I was addressed as "she".
For one evening at least I transitioned! The fun part was I was just being me.