Cyrsti's Condo "Star Reading"

All of us "Libra-ites" do not have a particularly exciting astrological "smootch" this week:  (September 23-October 22): Mixing of family, friends and your honey will have you short circuiting, as you’ll have to switch faces and be able to pull off a seamless performance. Yes, your charm will be put to good use, but beware of those that always look to step over the line and raise the ire in you. Sorry to say, at the end of the year, this is always part of the crap you’re going to have to put up with.

On the other hand, find a Cancer to hang out with this week:  (June 21-July 22): The mistletoe must be up, because you’ll need to be closer to your baby or any warm body that brings on sweet feelings. Love will be on your mind and commitment is getting more real. The fears you once held will now seem to be outdated. This week, a new age begins for you, one in which there are rainbows and even a few unicorns.



Hop on over to theFrisky for your "star-date"!

Is Cross Dressing a Gateway Drug?

Quite the subject.  many would suggest and have-that the mere act of putting on women's clothes leads people like me to where I am today.  Not unlike saying smoking weed leads to heroin.

I only suggest cross dressing doesn't take over a life, it takes you to where you can make a educated gender choice. My real point is - in my case at least, I found- I knew without a doubt I was doing the right thing.  On the other hand a comment I received recently through Google+ from J Spurling brought me back to my paranoia of accepting myself as transgender could indeed come from my cross dressing:

"I suppose that looking back, each phase built on the last.  Yet, it was always there under the surface, waiting for me to come to terms with it.  Now that I'm self accepting of this aspect, I'd like to say I'm not only a cross dresser, but fully transgender, yet I'm hesitant to self-diagnose.

As for how my wife has responded each time I broach the topic.  Initially, it was very vitriolic, she'd seen a professional psychologist on the TV state it was a man's way to ultimately dominate a woman. Wow, where did that come from, I searched and couldn't find anything like that short of Janis Raymond.  Last time she told me point blank to stop, and how would I like to be married to someone male...

For me that's a lot of pressure, because I'm all she has.  In a  sense Cyrsti, I'm going through what you went through.  So rather than self-diagnose and also to seek some coping skills, I'm going to start seeing a councilor who's experienced with our issues. "


Indeed "J" we are walking a similar path.  For the longest time, I equated any so called "cross dressing" success I had as another possible step towards going full time.  Looking back, I desperately needed someone to tell me would living 24/7 in a feminine world be "what the doctor ordered?" Yes-No? Also, at some point, I considered I was addicted to the thrill of cross dressing.  Ironically, this idea was instilled in my noggin by a firefighter friend who equated the experience with the "rush" of fighting a fire.  She turned out to be really addicted because she ended up going through SRS.


So, no, being a cross dresser will not lead you down the path to being a transgender woman or man. The process just gives you an idea if you truly want to.  Keep in mind being gender dysphoric is a huge difference than just wanting to look like a woman.

2015 The Trans Central Year?

2014 brought many positive changes to the transgender community, fortunately too numerous to mention. For the first time we saw trans women (Laverne Cox and Jazz) making it into most influential woman categories.  All of a sudden, the mere act of being born female with a vagina does not equate with the essence of becoming a woman. At the least, a very scary thought for many traditional binary thinkers.  Making the process even more difficult for those folks is it's looking like even more are in store for the future!


Here is one from the "Hollywood Reporter" : 
"ABC Family is continuing its push into the unscripted arena with a big swing.

The Disney-owned cable network has handed out a straight-to-series pickup for My Transparent Life, The Hollywood Reporter has learned.
The docuseries, from Ryan Seacrest Productions, centers on a teen named Ben who learns his parents are not only getting a divorce, but also that his father is becoming a woman.

The series will intimately follow Ben, his family and friends as they support each other through the unexpected journey and watch Charlie slowly become Carly, as she experiences the many stages of her transition from male to female. The show is described as a generational story of a loving family and circle of friends, supporting each other through the unfamiliar and unexpected situation."

Of course all of this is following the success of the Amazon series Transparent with Jeffrey Tambor (left).  For a start, I love the fact Tambor loves the part and is in many ways a truer portrayal of how most of us are able to visually transition. After all, we all can't look like Carmen Carerra, Janet Mock or Andreja Pejic. The best is yet to come!

Cyrsti's Condo "Cover Woman of the Day"

Our feature cover transgender woman today is Efe Bal the MtF Italian model.

Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition"

"Ker Plunk!!!" Another issue of the Condo's "Sunday Edition" has hit your virtual front porch. Curl up in those warm jammies (Pajamas) of yours and lets get started!


Page One: The Week That Was-or Wasn't.  Late in the week, we took a look into the fragile and sometimes tragic circumstances of a relationship working to exist when the binary male needs to live a feminine lifestyle. Many times to be able to live at all.  Here is yet another great comment from Angela Kay : 

Angela KayDecember 13, 2014 at 5:41 PM

"Pat and I have a lot in common. My wife is very supportive of 'Angie' and has raised no objection to my HRT, but she lives in constant fear of the neighbors finding out and ostracizing her. I tell her that they're more likely to feel sorry for her, but she's not prepared to take the risk. This presents real problems as I live over 80% of my time as Angie. My solution is to do my own shopping and socializing in nearby towns where I'm not known; if we go into our own little town, it's always as husband and wife. I've written quite a lot about this in my own blog. It's not an ideal way to live, but it's a reasonable compromise and it seems to work for us.

By the way, I'm an English girl and had no idea what a 'condo' was until I looked it up on Wikipedia. See – I grow a little wiser every day!"

Thanks Angie! -I struggle to get a little wiser every day!  As far as your wife goes and many generics-worrying may just come with the territory.  Speaking only for me, my amount of "worry" has increased substantially on HRT.

Page Two: Cyrsti's Soapbox.  Just as I was preparing myself for an extended rant about the **Veterans Administration messing with my HRT treatment, seemingly, the "ship was righted" (even though I was in the Army-not the Navy).  After approximately nine phone calls and a threat to camp out in their offices, a person actually told me how to solve the problem.  The problem may now well become the solution seemed to be too easy.  Also last week, I was surprised and amused at how a "transitioning" email had made it to one of my in boxes.  Turns out it was coming from the CIA who does recruit American military veterans (for obvious reasons).  Seeing as how years ago I had signed up for a veteran job search site, I got the email too late! I started transitioning years ago.

Page Three: Just What the Hell is a?  Angie's comment about not knowing what a "Condo" was across the pond, again slapped me up the side of the head.  I say again because I'm am old school and forget this not so "new fangled" thing call the internet is world wide. So, sometimes when I write about something, I'm assuming most all of you know what I'm talking about.  The CIA is an example. Most in the world know of the American "Central Intelligence Agency" as I have heard of British M16 Intelligence Agency or "Scotland Yard." But then again, if I don't explain myself, I could be writing about the "Culinary Institute of America." Then again, many of you may wonder what I'm referring to when I mention the Veterans Administration. Basically, this is their mandate:  The US Department of Veterans Affairs provides patient care and federal benefits to veterans and their dependents.  The agency's name is commonly abbreviated to "VA". 
Page 4.- The Back Page: Before we call this a wrap and move on, I would like to thank Andee again for a link she sent in which goes into a speech about the history of the LGBT community from the Office of National Intelligence.  As a group we truly have and will be everywhere! 


Hey! Y'all have a good week and thanks bunches for taking your valuable time to stop by Cyrsti's Condo!

It's OK-But Not With My Man!

I received a couple wonderful comments on my previous Cyrsti's Condo  post which mainly revolved around cross dressers or transgender women who are married to generics. One from Paula Goodwin:

Paula GoodwinDecember 13, 2014 at 5:04 AM

There is so much that I could comment on here, but I think maybe that would be better as a post soon on Paula's Place. I just want to say that I am a Christian and it does not preclude my lifestyle, my wife is also a Christian and thinks that it does. Faith can either reinforce or challenge our ideas depending on how we approach it.

Paula, I am a baptized Methodist, and using Christianity to hate on us is one of my height of hypocrisies...but it is too big and too polarizing to discuss here.

Then: 

MichellewhoisDecember 12, 2014 at 9:27 AM

There are many of us out there that have spouses that are willing to allow us to be who we are as long as we don't out ourselves. I think that for many of those spouses, it may be a bit of selfishness that they don't want others to see that they have a feminine male living with them. I know that many women want to have men that other women look at and see masculinity dropping from them. They don't want anyone to know that they live with someone that society looks at as some kind of pervert. Maybe one day, people in general will finally accept that everyone must live their lives as they see fit and not by someone else's rules.

Yay Michelle!  What would the family and the girlfriends say if "hubby" showed up in dress, hose and heels to the family holiday?  I think many don't give enough credit to the generic ego.  As much as sitting around about dreaming about weddings, rings, dresses etc.-somewhere there has to be a husband involved. 

It takes "two to tango" of course and how many cross dressers and or transgender women along the way hoped marriage would "cure" them?  On the other side, generics are well known "fixers" and so many times don't ever realize there is no "cure" to what ails us. Dare I say, a spouse can be a huge part of the ail. 

Ironically now, the three closest generics in my life don't understand my wife's feelings about my transgender leanings.  Cross dressing was fine, but as soon as HRT was brought in-we were done.  I have told all three of them she was living up to her part of the marriage deal.  Did not want to live with another woman.  Case closed. I mean, really closed when she passed away.

Finally Michelle, I equate your comment about women wanting men with masculinity dropping off of them to society- and the well known generic attraction to the "bad boy."

We can be "bad" just not in the traditional sense!

Pushing the Envelope at Home?

One common theme most of us face or have faced is how we approach our lives as cross dressers or transgender girls with wives who understandingly have a huge stake in our actions.  Here is a portion of a comment from Pat about her life:

While over time my wife has acclimated a bit to me being dressed she still does not want anyone to learn that I am a CD. When we lived in the house we were somewhat isolated. We were down a long driveway on a small road with only a handful of other houses. When I would dress my wife was always running around closing the curtains even though there was no real way passers by if any, would be able to see in.

She went on to say though, they have since moved to a more populated condo.

Surely, spouses have a huge stake in us...if they don't, it's time to put a lawyer's phone number on your phone's speed dial.  Relationship-kaput- done-finis. I wrote nearly a whole chapter on this subject in my "Stiletto's on Thin Ice"  book.  Plus, you Cyrsti's Condo regulars probably get tired of me writing about how my wife accepted my cross dressing before we married.  On the other hand, she never made a secret of how as soon as I began the path to HRT, we would part ways as friends.  She passed away before I started. 

Recently on another site where I was commenting on gender differences, a generic went out of her way to agree with my comments but prefaced it all with she was a Christian and didn't agree with my lifestyle. Believe it or not, I never waded back in.  My point is, if a spouse truly believes her faith precludes loving and accepting all, she will never accept a cross dressing spouse - let alone a transgender one.  

I also know though, what an incredibly selfish gender journey we embark on.  Many times, not understanding all of it ourselves, let alone expect a loved one to embrace it.  Plus, for most of us, the more we experience the girl's sandbox-the more we want.

Personally, I have a whole box of envelopes I have pushed over many edges during my life but my transgender experience was far and away the most powerful.  My wife and I made it 25 years, and if I was her, I would kicked me out after year one.  Which makes her a better person than I.  On the other hand, she made me the woman I am today and Liz brought her out.

This post could go on forever and is as complex as any I could write.  Maybe we could just make it into some sort of Condo game show? Pick this envelope and see what's in it?

Thanks Andee

After I finally got this link to download on my ancient computer (passed along by Andee) - she said I may be surprised and I was after I read it.

I have to tell you my first surprise was the official letterhead/banner of the Office of the Director of National Intelligence (Please! No cheap shots about a contradiction in terms!) The second was the title:

Remarks as prepared for delivery
by The Honorable James R. Clapper Director of National Intelligence
Intelligence Community (IC) Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender Allies (LGBTA) Summit  

The link I was reading, to my knowledge, was a very enlightening speech by James Clapper highlighting the struggle for acceptance of the LGBT community within the intelligence establishment. Here is a very brief excerpt:


"I understand you’ll be hearing from Kristin Beck, the transgender retired Navy SEAL. I saw Kristin’s Twitter page, and was especially taken by the tweet from a fan who heard her speak a few days ago at the South by Southwest film festival in Austin. It read: “I'm so floored by the Navy SEALs in the … audience with me, supporting Kristin Beck ...”(left)
It’s a real coup to have her speak to you at this summit. With her courage, integrity, and energy, she’s breaking down attitude barriers like she used to break down doors as a SEAL. I understand she’ll be at West Point at the end of the month. I’m sure she’ll win over hearts and minds up there as well.

In this regard, I’d like to recognize an effort that was born out of the first summit, and that’s the Transgender Working Group. I understand that over the past year, with members from across the IC, they’ve been behind the idea of educating colleagues and managers of the transgender workforce, and more specifically, transitioning employees on how to interact with those employees before, during, and after gender transition.

I’m told that the group has produced a resource tool to help users understand transgender issues for use in our community. I just wanted to commend you for this effort. That type of grassroots, cross-IC effort embodies what intelligence integration is all about. I believe we should approach all of our community challenges as an integrated community, learning from each other, and applying our best resources from around the IC. That’s the real spirit behind today’s gathering. And I have great expectations for what you will all do with the energy that’s been generated here this morning, and that I’m sure will continue to be generated, long after the summit is over."

As I said, my excerpt is a very small part of an enlightening presentation.  Go here for more and be patient - it's a government website and loaded slowly for me. 

Thanks again Andee!!!

"Govnment" Stuff

Thankfully, most of you took my "Transitioning" Post about a CIA job ad which made it's way into my email as nothing political and DEFINITELY not an opinion on the agency or it's current problems.  I just thought it was an interesting play on words.  On the other hand, here is a report I am solidly behind:

USA Today reported:  ARLINGTON, Va. — Now that the U.S. military has opened more jobs to women and allowed gay men and lesbians to serve openly, Air Force Secretary Deborah Lee James says the ban on transgender troops is likely to be reassessed and should be lifted."Times change," she told Capital Download, saying the policy "is likely to come under review in the next year or so." Asked whether dropping the ban would affect military readiness, she replied: "From my point of view, anyone who is capable of accomplishing the job should be able to serve."

I thought I felt the ground here in Ohio was getting unseasonably cold - until I read this and I knew Hell was freezing over!

Cyrsti's Condo "Vintage Woman of the Day"

 Our feature cover today is Teri Toye, who ventured to New York City in the 1980’s and spent her days enrolled as a fashion student in 1984, and her nights as a fixture of the NYC nightlife scene. But after a chance meeting with designer Stephen Sprouse, Teri opened her runway show and became an instant modeling sensation. 

But as quickly as Teri became a modeling star, she disappeared from the fashion world, returning home to Des Moines, Iowa, where she still lives and works in historic preservation and real estate.

Interesting!!!!

I have added a link to Zagria's blog to jump to for more.

A "Non Binary" Girl?

I was involved in my normal "surfing" around on the web and happened across a person looking for a non-binary girl.  I thought maybe this younger peep had an interesting label he applied to men who actually are attracted to transgender or non binary women.

The poor "admirers" it seems, get no love from many.  Right or wrong, their advances are considered to be entirely sexual in nature and the man in question has to wrestle with the dark specter of him being gay.

Pretty simple, right?  Nothing ever is simple with a trans person.  I have a cross dressing friend who is fond of saying the true test of a trans/admirer relationship is when he is willing to take his trans woman friend home to meet his family.  That may be a little dramatic and more than a little scary to both parties but the idea sounds fairly true.

As you all know, I don't write about the "admirer" subject much here in Cyrsti's Condo but I know what a sensitive subject it is.  Like so many others, when I was starting to explore the feminine world, I craved the idea of having a man on my shoulder as a validation of who I was.  Looking at the overall generic population of women-don't they rely on the same feelings?

I also wonder too about the transgender women I read about who worry about ever finding a quality man-but don't generics worry about that too?  Welcome to the girl's sandbox girls!

If you are a "non binary" girl like I am, no matter where you stand in the relationship area, it's exceedingly tough process to "market" yourself to men who may be attracted to us.  Most dating sites don't provide spots for non binary gender folk at all.  I know when I was actively involved in finding friends on line, I had to balance the binary lines.  My only choices were a woman seeking a woman and a man seeking a man-or a woman.  Many weeks I would change my preference to see what would happen. I won't even comment on the so called transgender - transsexual only dating sites.

It did happen for me.  I met my partner Liz five years ago on an on line dating site, as well as my dear trans guy friend.  Along the way though, I did sort through tons of crazies or "romeo's" who wanted to know when I could meet them at a nearby motel.  No different I suppose than any generic.