What Came First...the Wig or the Name?

Recently, I wrote a post here in Cyrsti's Condo about my early cross dressing days when I would on occasion change my name to match (in my noggin) the spirit of the wig I was wearing. For example, I had exactly the wrong wig choice for me when I bought this big curly platinum blond wig. When the mirror lied to me and I wore it, I would change my name to "Roxie." I had so many other names back then I forget most of them. Most importantly though, I was successfully and needlessly confusing anyone I met when I foolishly tried to change my persona. After all, how many cross dressers were they meeting? I certainly wasn't accomplished enough yet to present feminine consistently.

I managed to confuse Connie and a few of you when I wrote this post. Here is her (Connie's) comment and her own story:

"LOL Forgive me, but I'm laughing at your mistakes, too. Naming yourself according to the wig you were wearing! I think that the name of the first wig I got by mail order was "Sultry." I may have felt a little sultry in it, but I was far from being that way, I believe now. :-) I learned, pretty fast, that gay bars were not necessarily the friendliest places for a trans woman.

Then, again, I also learned that they could be too friendly, when I was hit on by a very large drag queen one night. I was with two cross dressers, who did nothing but laugh at me, as the drag queen moved in on me with a vengeance. It was all I could do to resist the unwanted attempts of molestation and grinding against my hip as I sat on the stool. This is not one of the occasions for which I can look back and laugh, but it was definitely one from which I learned some things - about myself, as well as others. My first solo trip out was about six weeks after I had ventured out of the house to attend a cross dresser meeting for the first time. It was a trip to a grocery store across town to do the shopping for Thanksgiving dinner. 

I've always done the grocery shopping in our house, so there was some level of comfort in doing something that was routine to me. While sorting through the pile of frozen turkeys, a woman asked me how big of a bird I thought she would need for her large family. From there, after a rather long chat, I ended up writing out my cornbread stuffing recipe for her. Later, when I requested some cheese at the deli counter, the woman there responded with: Oh, that voice! Your voice is so...so...sultry...I love it! No, I was not wearing my Sultry wig, but I do think I was making a rather cheesy attempt at feminizing my voice. :-)"

You should have not resisted the drag queen! She may have changed your outlook on life! :)

Michelle Hendley

Michelle is an transgender actress and YouTube personality. She is best known for her role in the "Boy Meets Girl" movie in 2014.

The plot of the film is when 21-year old Ricky (Hendley) is a transgender woman living in a small town in Kentucky with big dreams to move to New York and attend a school of fashion design. Ricky is working as a barista and spends most of her time hanging out with her only friend Robby who has been by her side for the past 15 years. One day while Ricky is at work, Francesca, a woman from town, walks in and a friendship unexpectedly blossoms, which then turns into an affair.

For more, follow the link above.

Burger King Revisited

We received several cute comments regarding our Burger King "Impossible Whopper" post. Here they are...

First from Stana at Femulate: "The Impossible Whopper is pretty good. Tastes just like a "real" Whopper and now I'm pleased to learn about the added benefits!" 

Then there was Connie: "Well, now the zealots will have to admit that transgender people are real; not impossible at all! Why be a Burger King, when you can be a Burger Queen?

Does the new sandwich also make one grow buns?"

and Mandy Sherman:"Wow…all I need to do to get some nice boobs is eat the sandwiches at Burger King? Nice…if it’s true. And the calories will help them to grow! Once it’s proven to be a fact, I’ll try to eat there as often as possible! Wonder how long it will take to grow C-cups?"

Thanks all! I'm not a vegetarian but I may have to try an "Impossible Whopper" now to see if it speeds up my HRT process! :)

Mirror Mirror...

Over my life, I have suffered from a love/hate relationship with my mirror.

It started early on as I benefited from a long hallway we had in the house which featured a full length mirror at one end. I could get cross dressed up and fantasize I was a beautiful girl. Unfortunately it was much later in life when I learned how wrong the mirror could be. The best example would be when the mirror thought one of my best described as a drag queen outfit would look good at the mall. I even put together a tennis outfit once. I can only imagine now how ridiculous I looked. In fact, many times the public told me with their reaction.

As the cell phone camera began to emerge though, the mirror emerged in a new light. Even though I owned an aging regular camera which has since went totally obsolete, the cell phone gave me a new avenue to view myself and show myself to the world. After extensive experimentation, I found I could take a better picture of myself if I took it from the mirror. Or so I thought. Seemingly, I could put any picture on a dating site and get a positive reaction.

Actually though, one of my pictures attracted my partner Liz on a dating site called Zoosk. Rest assured the process was long and grueling, as I suffered many cases of being stood up by men looking for a date. On the other hand, Liz was attracted to my photo because of my sad eyes. She felt a connection.

Every once in a while, I still sneak in a mirror picture. Here is one of my favorites from two winters ago. It was taken after a fun night on the town with Liz, in our hotel room. It had one of those fancy lighted mirrors in the room and I couldn't resist as Liz was already asleep.

After I see it, I want to color my hair again and shift the part back to the center. I have to keep telling myself to stay the course with my current silver gray hair which according to my "experts" (Liz and my stylist) is kinder to my complexion, age etc.

Plus, this mirror pic does not represent my real everyday life anymore. As with any picture, it only represents a small slice of time.

Trial and Error

Over the past decades I have learned the hard way there is no easy way for most of us to feminize ourselves and face the public. I can't tell you how many times I was brought to tears by people snickering at me.

What happened though was I developed a thick skin while I learned to take better care of my own. Also ironically the more harassment I received, the more determined I became to present better in public as a woman. The more I progressed, the more natural I felt and over an extended period of two things happened. Probably the most important was gaining all an important confidence. More and more any resistance to me from the public was their problem, not mine.

Equally as important and a factor which took me years to research was how far reaching my possible transgender leanings went.  All of a sudden, I decided to throw my easy cross dressing trips shopping out the window. Even I learned clerks in stores didn't care who I was compared to how green my money was and easy trips to quiet book stores didn't really challenge by goal to be more feminine.

Finally I decided I had to take steps to establish myself as more than the occasional cross dresser if I was ever to explore if I could ever live full time as a transgender woman.

Here was my method as I have written about before here in Cyrsti's Condo. First I had to try to take a realistic look at what I wanted to accomplish. Little did I know how quickly I could establish myself after I quit doing dumb things like basically changing my name to match new wigs and going to gay bars looking for acceptance.  An example was when I dressed to match all the other single professional women that first night when I slid into an upscale bar stool at a Fridays outside of a close by busy mall. Make no mistake, I was scared to death! I still remember what I wore and each and every emotion like it was yesterday. Basically I wore a black pants suit with flats. With my restaurant/bar experience, I knew once I made it past the hostess stand with no problems all I had to worry about was finding a seat at the bar.

To make a long story short, I ended up becoming a semi regular at the venue and was treated well over the years.

Of course others have different yet similar experiences. Let's check in with Connie:

 "I must say that this is certainly the time for 2020 hindsight! :-)

There's so much more for a trans woman to change than just her clothes. If only it were that simple for most of us. When one becomes uncomfortable with what had once been her comfort level, pushing a few limits is then necessary. Although there are copious amounts of information and anecdotal stories that are readily available, we all must subject ourselves to some personal trial and error, if we expect any change. Learning to laugh at one's own mistakes, and to celebrate the successes, is a change for the better."

So true! Thanks!

Burger King in the Gender Business?

Perhaps you have heard (from the far right) fast food giant Burger King is offering a new vegetarian Whopper sandwich.

According to right wing zealots, when men eat the new sandwich they can grow boobs, decrease the size of their genitals and become homosexuals.

So, there you go, I have an inexpensive way to cut back on my Estradiol and Spiro! :)

Battle Scars

Trend setting young transgender woman Jazz Jennings has always been in the fore front when it comes to publicizing her own life. Her most recent landmark came when she went under the knife and completed genital realignment surgery.

The picture of her in a swimming suit dramatically shows the extent of the surgery.

This is just another instance of how Jazz has stepped up and showed the world yet another slice of transgender life!

Plus, another very accomplished and talented transgender woman is appearing in another very visible television role...Laverne Cox is a judge on the Bravo TV's design show Project Runway.

As always, Laverne is an articulate, gorgeous representative of the trans culture.

Before you head off thinking all I am doing is glorifying the very attractive upper portion of our culture, I am not. The greatest majority of us struggle to achieve our own level of femininity at all.

My only point is to show those who have achieved it and put their efforts to good use!

What Was I Thinking/

I still can't get enough of the decade just past. The more I think of it, the more I remember doing crazy things. A few I remember vividly.

When I first started seriously down the feminine road, very early I decided I really didn't like the gay bars I was going into. It was about that time I discovered two small lesbian bars I began to frequent. One of which was the equivalent of a dyke biker bar. To say the least, they hated me there. The other was a different story and was the venue where I was strongly encouraged to sing karaoke by a super butch lesbian in a cowboy hat. I was also told one night by another lesbian I was pretty cute and maybe I should go home with her.  The major problem was I had a spouse to go home to!

Them again, there was the one evening I will always regret not being able to experience. That night  a group of stripper were supposed to entertain at the bar one night. Unfortunately, my wife was due home and I had to get back and change back into my male self.

Along the way, a few guys (including one trans guy) did enter my life. It was quite the adjustment and one it turns out I didn't have to accept. Every time I turned around, it seemed my life pushed me towards lesbians.  One of the highlights was acting as a "wing person" for one of my lesbian friends.

About this time too, as I have written about before, is when I met Liz. I was coming out of an intensely sad period of my life. I had just lost my wife of twenty five years and three out of five of my closest male friends to heart disease and cancer. I met Liz on an on-line dating site eight years ago and we have been together ever since.

Here is a New Years Eve picture:

The final point I need to make was, how difficult the decade really was. As with anything else in life you remember the upside and have a tendency to downplay the downside. Like the time I went to a downtown urban summer festival one night in Dayton and another time I went to a Christmas festival in my favorite boots, leggings and sweater. I remember the excitement and satisfaction of living the feminine experience but not the loneliness of doing it alone.

The only words of wisdom I can offer are, no matter how lonely and lost you are, if you don't keep putting yourself out there, nothing will change!

   

A New Decade

I suppose at my age (70) it's not good to measure my life in decades but then again age teaches you to do just that.

In my last Cyrsti's Condo post I said I would hitch up my big girl panties and show you all the hated "before" picture. It's the only picture I know of me and goes back over a decade to circa 1997.

Naturally enough, since I have been living full time as a transgender woman for over seven years now, there are no pictures of me as a guy.

So, here is a picture taken last summer in Columbus, Ohio at Club Diversity.

But hey!!! So much for me. May the New Year and new decade be safe, healthy and prosperous for each and every one of you!