Merry Thanksgiving

Hello again! I hope you still have a family of sorts you can enjoy Thanksgiving with. I am acutely aware of those who don't. In fact I sacrificed seeing my only brother and his extended family again after I came out as transgender to him.

I seemingly have an embarrassment of riches now. Starting with my partner Liz, my daughter, my grand kids and an ever widening group of accepting friends.

In the midst of all of this though, I still wonder why I still have a difficult time on occasion accepting what I have.

Last night was a good example. Approximately two thirty in the morning, I found myself wide awake and thinking about Thanksgiving. In addition, I have a tendency to sleep with the Hallmark cable television channel on. Somehow, I am ashamed to say a few of the movies have driven me to tears. It happened last night.

As I internally churned, I finally came to the conclusion I should do more embracing of who I am. Being weepy on occasion is just fine. Especially after the life I led before when I never cried.

Finally, I ended up going full circle back to Thanksgiving and who I have become.

Before I go though, I need to thank to Mickie, Trish and Zena who commented on the blog through Facebook! Zena brought back a few ancient memories of me showing up to a dinner at her house in heels, hose and a short skirt. Needless to say, it was many years ago! Better yet, I still was allowed to eat :).

Again, I can't say enough how much how much I appreciate all of you!

Going Out to be Alone?

Every once in while, or especially after the transgender - cross dresser support group meetings I go to, I like to reflect back to the early days when I was exploring the feminine world. Overall I was trying to figure out when and if I could live full time as a transgender woman.

Back in those days, for the most part I was having fun. These days I receive satisfaction from the rare days when I think I look my best. I know years ago when I went out, I liked to think I was going out to be alone.

Let me explain. First of all, I was still grieving the passing of my wife and close friends. I was intensely lonely but was aware any or all of my forthcoming friendships would have to revolve around me as a different gender. Not an easy thing to do.

Liz and I's vacation picture from the "Royal Gorge" train in Colorado.

So I cross dressed all up and went to several of the sports bars I used to go to before as a guy. For the most part I was successful. For awhile I was able to spend an evening in my own little world, thinking no one would notice my secret. It worked when I let nobody in.

As it turned out though, that didn't work very long. I found several people who were attracted to me as a friend regardless of my secret. Essentially, they found a way into my solitary world. Ironically, the people most interested in me were all women and I quickly bonded with them. I did have a couple dates with guys which never seemed to work.

Then I even went on several on line dating sites and found the person (Liz) I was destined to move in with and start a relationship which now is going strong at eight years.

Even at that point, I was still clutching at what remained of my guy self. He just didn't want to let go. It took my partner Liz to kick me totally out of the closet.

So now, I don't have to worry about going out to be alone anymore. I am so fortunate.

Charlie Martin

Transgender Le Mans racer Charlie Martin:

Cyrsti's Condo "Thought of the Day"

"As I so often say, we are just like everybody else, some of us have faith, some don't some of us are musicians some aren't, some are tall some are short, we are everywhere and we are everybody. I recently looked at an old post of mine about yeast ~ I wrote about how yeast permeate every part of what ever it is added to, whether it's beer or bread. In a way Trans people are like yeast, we permeate all of society ~ maybe it's time society realized that we add something special, just like yeast, and celebrate us instead of trying to get rid of us ~ who wants an unleavened society?"

Paula Goodwin

"Hair" and Gone

My final visit to my "magician" has come and gone. As I previously wrote about here in Cyrsti's Condo, I am going to have to find another hair dresser to go to. Sadly my regular stylist retired. I found out during my final appointment she is suffering from carpal tunnel syndrome. Which causes pain in the hands.

As we said our goodbyes, I almost teared up (damn hormones). As you may recall, she, my stylist, is the one with a transgender son. As always, she worked her magic with my hair and I went upon my way.

My hair grows relatively fast, so I will be on the outlook for another stylist.

Now, onto another topic. fellow Blogger Mandy Sherman  wrote in with a comment about my trip to the auto repair shop:

"Good for you about going to the shop en femme. My mechanics know me, so doing that wouldn't work well...although I go in capris, a blouse, and flats when the weather is warm. Such fun!" 

Thanks Mandy! I thought it was a good time to explain a couple things about me for any of you new comers to the blog. First and foremost, I am a full time transgender woman. Using hormone replacement therapy very much blocked any return to being a male I ever had. These days, I would have to find a way to bind my breasts and tie my hair back to minimally even look male at all. The best I can hope for is to be androgynous...if I ever tried. 

I am fortunate though, because I never run into anyone I knew before my Mtf gender transition. They have to accept me for what I am. 

I like to say, I am a little slow...but not stupid. I knew totally when I entered into the feminine world, all of it wouldn't be a great time. That is why I heard so many times from my cis women friends when I transitioned, welcome to our world. 

As I sum this up, I need to say, I would never give up anything I have earned crossing the gender divide. 

To quote another familiar phrase, "What a long, strange trip it has been." And let me add, a wonderful one too!

Abby Stein

From ultra orthodox rabbi to an openly transgender woman, Abby Stein.

Stein is thought to be the first openly transgender woman raised in a Hasidic community, an experience she chronicles in her memoir, “Becoming Eve: My Journey from Ultra-Orthodox Rabbi to Transgender Woman,” which was released Nov. 12. Though Stein said she always felt different and was not interested in playing with boys when she was younger, she felt pressured to keep her identity secret and follow the more traditional path of living as a man, getting married and becoming a rabbi.

Stein, now 28, lives in New York City. She announced to her parents and the world in 2015 that she was a transgender woman. Stein became what is known as “off the derech,” or path, and left her insular ultra-Orthodox Jewish life and most of her beloved family behind.

A Whole Lot of Stress about Nothing

Well. my trip to the auto store to get the oil changed turned out to be very uneventful.  In fact the guy at the counter barely looked at me as he made small chat about the vastly newer car I brought in to replace one of our ancient ones. I thought at the time he was somehow afraid to look at me but as the afternoon progressed, no one else paid me much attention either. It was highly satisfying just to blend into society and not be outwardly read as a transgender woman.

Last night I continued my string of good luck by going to one of the socials put on by my cross dresser - transgender support group. Anymore it is fun for me to just sit back and watch some of the more flamboyant cross dressers out themselves. However, it's a very inclusive group anymore since sitting close to me were two acquaintances who are scheduled to go under the surgeons knife in the upcoming month by undergoing genital realignment surgery. Both have a lot more courage than I have! Not so long ago, we had a person close to the group pass away from complications after her surgery.

Onto another topic. This afternoon is the final appointment with my hair dresser I love so much. It seems her husband is getting another job and they are moving out of town.

I have found the older I get, change is harder to accept. Now, in the not so distant future, I will have to find another hair dresser.

All in all, if that is all I have to whine about, life is good.   

Having Fun?

Way back in the day when I first began to live a little in the public's eye as a woman, I thought it was all "kicks and giggles." After all, what could ever be so bad about getting dressed up and going shopping or eventually even out to eat.

As I slowly advanced my cross dressing bucket list, I started to consider doing things which weren't so appealing. Since that time, I have done many different activities which revolved around very male domains. Over the years I have been stared at in auto parts stores and even visited a self serve auto junk yard once.

Today I get to go and get the oil changed in the car which I am not really looking forward to.

Sometimes though, I look at it all as a rite of passage into the feminine world as a transgender woman. As much as going through a mammogram.

On the positive side, watching some guy change the oil in the car is a lot less painful than having a big machine squeeze your breasts.

TDOR Revisited

As predicted, last night's Transgender Day of Remembrance here in Cincinnati was a somber quality event. The speakers did a very good job of relating their personal trans experiences growing up. All five speakers were of color which represented the great majority of slain transgender people so far in 2019.

Over 200 people attended.

The goal for next year of course is not to have to have a TDOR at all. Maybe all these senseless crimes against our community will end.