While My Blog Gently Weeps...Again

It's bad enough when yet another mass shooting in El Paso, Texas rocks our country again. But, the second shooting in Dayton, Ohio hit really close to home.

The tragic shooting took place in a trendy restoration district in Dayton, full of bars and restaurants. I know it well. It was one of the first places I went to explore my transgender feminine world. I have many fond memories and can't imagine why a shooter would chose it to forever mark it in this violent way.

I haven't been there for a few years since I moved to Cincinnati, Ohio.

Cases such as yesterday have a tendency to bring fear to my heart when Liz and I are out and about. An example was yesterday when Liz and I finished our witches ball meeting. We were walking hand in hand to the car when I noticed a forty something couple glaring at us. Of course, the younger people had no reaction at all. I did wonder what problem they had with us. Was it because I was transgender or the fact we were holding hands. Guess, I will never know. Maybe they were just anti LGBTQ rednecks. After all, Resident Rump and his best closeted boy Pence were just in town.

Back to the point at hand. I am far from smart enough to suggest anything far reaching enough to stem this epidemic of gun violence in this country.

I do know though, something different needs to be done. Sending thoughts and prayers has just become too hollow.

Perhaps we should take a lesson or two from the fiftieth anniversary of Woodstock...try preaching Peace and Love to get guns out of the hands of those who shouldn't have them to start with. And maybe start with getting Russian NRA blood money out of congress.

I know I am a dreamer but I shouldn't be the only one.

Going Full Time

I am fairly sure there are more than a few Cyrsti's Condo readers who are considering and or dreaming of going 24/7 as a transgender woman. As I read back to some of my oldest posts from five or so years ago, one of the biggest changes I noticed was the influence of how I looked back then versus my addiction today to how I am treated by the public.

Much of it continues to amaze me in how different it all is from my perceptions years ago.  After I went through the basics of gender discrimination and losing my male privilege, the reality of an everyday existence set in. All of a sudden, I had to plan way ahead  on what I was going to wear and try to figure out how I was going to blend in the easiest way with other women where I was going.

Let's just say most of my preconceived ideas of completing a Mtf gender transition were not accurate at all. I still suffer from gender dysphoria after all these years and probably always will. Regardless of being able to navigate society as a feminine person, I am still deeply hurt when I get mis-gendered. I am reasonably sure I always will. I always try to keep in mind I suffered from sixty plus years of testosterone poisoning, so I am fortunate to have come as far as I have.

For another look at the process, here is a comment from Connie:

"Dreaming of going to a full-time existence is based on our experiences of one-event-at-a-time. Living every moment of every day as a woman eventually becomes the new normal, but it need not be any less exciting. Just living life as ones true self is amazing in itself. Or, as I like to say, I know I am really living when those things that were once extraordinary become ordinary - which is extraordinary in itself."

So true! Thanks! 

A Busy Week Continues

Since our vacation ended, it seems as if all we have been doing is run.

Monday we got back. Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday, I went with Liz to her Doctor appointments and finally the grocery store. Then tonight we have a monthly social with the transgender - cross dresser support group we are a part of.

It's hard to believe another month has raced by already. I haven't even figured out what I am going to wear.

Saturday will make sixteen straight days of doing something. As we have another meeting for the Witches Ball Halloween party coming up in October. Plus, while I am on the subject of Halloween activity, Liz and I are going on a ghost hunt over in Indiana on Sunday.

It's no wonder, I am going through so much make up! Here is a picture taken on one of our Colorado train rides wearing little to no makeup...with Liz of course. I chose to wear just a light foundation and eye makeup that day. Wasn't trying to conserve makeup, I was just trying to blend in with most of the other women on the trip.

Back "in the day" when I dreamed of going into a full time transgender existence, Little did I know it would be this extensive.

Tamanna Simhadri

From India:

 Tamanna Simhadri is from Avanigadda, a small village in Krishna district, Andhra Pradesh, but was raised in Vijayawada. Despite poor financial conditions, she managed to complete SSC and pursued PUC, which is equivalent to Intermediate Education, from Andhra University. Later, she obtained her degree in Bachelor of Computer Applications from Indira Gandhi Open University.

 In 2010, she won her first beauty pageant, Miss Transgender Mumbai. The 34-year-old also works with an NGO called Triveni, which works for the welfare of women and the transgender community.

 Tamanna is also the first trans woman to contest the recently held assembly elections in Andhra Pradesh. She fought the election as an independent candidate from Mangalagiri. However, Simhadri lost in the polls.

Currently, she is the first trans woman on "Big Boss Telugu." Go here for more.

Just a Couple Pictures

It is difficult to encapsulate an eleven day marathon trip across the country to the beautiful state of Colorado but I will try with a few pictures on the Cyrsti's Condo blog. I will also try not to bore you all.

The first picture I found was from Dodge City, Kansas on a very hot day. Before any of you television historians ask...no I didn't see Marshall Dillon or other characters of the old "Gunsmoke"  show. This picture of Liz and I was taken by our tour guide.

This steam engine (as you can probably tell) was way past it's active life. There was a Burger King on the opposite corner which probably is owned by "Miss Kitty's" relation. She was the saloon operator and liberated woman on the television show.

We did get to ride a couple active steam engines on the trip. One of which was on the "Georgetown Loop" between Silver Plume and Georgetown, Colorado.  For you purists, this is actually a narrow gauge oil fired engine.

She's Baack!

Three thousand five hundred miles (round trip) later, we (Liz and I) are back safe and sound from our trip to Colorado.

Very early in the trip, I began to think of myself as a "navigator." Of course my thoughts had nothing to do with the route we traveled itself but instead with navigating the people around me. To be expected the majority of the bus was filled with people my age or older. I'm nearly seventy. Plus, many were from the rural areas of Indiana. Not quite the hot bed of liberal thought.

Fortunately, I had Liz running interference for me.  Quite early in the eleven day trip, the wife of the host of the trip referred to me as "he." Liz set her straight and from then on, at the least, I was referred to by my name. Not mis-pronouned. I only heard the dreaded he word once to my face.

More important though, was how I interacted with everybody. I tried to smile and be as interactive as possible and it worked.

The moment of truth on these trips always comes when all the riders have to use the rest room. I think there were only five or six men on the trip out of a total of 38 people. So spots in the women's restrooms were at a premium. Most of the places we were able to stop at were at the big truck stops along the interstates we traveled. I am happy to say, I experienced no problems.

The only problem I did experience, was with the thin air as we climbed to Denver (and above), We were able to find a place along the way which sold cans of oxygen to help some of us out. We actually crossed the continental divide twice.

The trade out was the lack of humidity we are cursed with here in Cincinnati. Even though we did experience a little rain in Colorado, overall, we escaped some pretty good sized storms. One of the interstates in Denver was closed by a mud slide, fortunately not in the direction we were going.

I did fairly well in the packing department. Although we did have to was some clothes about halfway through the trip.

What I did come away with was, most of the people adjusted quickly and well to a transgender person being along for the ride. Now they can say they have met a real live trans woman.  Also, since it has been since the mid 1970's I have been out west that far, I had forgotten the sheer size of our country. Plus, I know I have only scratched the surface.

Even though I was welded to a bus seat for that long, the trip will produce many fond memories and I will have a few pictures coming up!

Vacay Post Five

As I read this post, it was interesting to me, it happened all the way back in 2014. The last time I was really "gender slurred":

"Perhaps you remember the experience I passed along from the huge lesbian dance my partner Liz and I went to recently.  The evening provided me with one of the rare moments when someone sought went out of her way  to gender slur me.  Liz learned about the dance from a semi regional lesbian group around Cincinnati who has many events.  One of which is being part of a woman's interest writer's group.  The group is meeting next weekend and Liz wanted to know if I wanted to go.

I went to the site and before I could even check the event out further, I couldn't until I was accepted as a member of this lesbian group.  At that moment, I figured that wasn't happening...especially I believed gender slur bitch was one of the "lead dogs."  As I normally do, I thought what the hell and applied anyway. My answer came back quickly REJECTED!  I went through the usual emotions of being hurt - then mad-then calmed down and noticed how I could contact them-and I did.

I simply said, my application was based upon my lesbian partner's preference and my only real "need" was to be with her.  I couldn't care less what the rest of the group thought about me but it was wrong for whomever it was to seek me out and trash me. I wasn't "crashing the party" I paid my 15$ and was there with my lesbian partner who wanted me there. My final question was, I guess I would not be "allowed" or welcome to accompany her to future events.

Another answer came almost immediately from a person who threw the "group leader" under the bus and said it wasn't up to her to reject me (the lead dog did) but most certainly I would be welcome in the future.

Finally, Liz was going to pull her membership immediately, which I said don't do it. I will explain- and this morning, mysteriously , I began to get the groups emails.

Certainly, I don't have a huge ego stake in this deal but I do have a stake with a trans woman being rejected and gender slurred in a group.  It's their little club and who ever they want to keep out is their business but just don't hide behind some cheap gender slurs or passive aggressive BS. So I told Liz, any event she sees and wants to go to, contact the group and see if I am "allowed" to come.  Sooner more than later, one of us will get a dialogue.

In reality, this whole deal reflects on Liz more than me. Why is she (Liz) being discriminated against because of her transgender partner and how hypocritical is that?

As I said, none of this was totally unexpected to me. I figured I was venturing into a tough part of the girls's sandbox. The whole deal begs the question-which group gay men or lesbian women are capable of hurting us the most?"

Now, I could care less. Let the bitches have their little club.

Vacay Post Four

This is also from the summer of 2015:

I believe about a week ago I posted here in Cyrsti's Condo about a fender bender wreck I had at a gas station. As I suspected immediately, he did not have car insurance as about a third of the people around there don't have.

At any rate Liz's 17 yr old son and I deducted my "Rolls Royce" wasn't heavily damaged and I was prepared to let scratched fenders be  scratched fenders and move on- after I took pictures of his drivers license, car tags etc. During that time he was busily calling me "mam" and we exchanged phone numbers.

Old picture from 2015...that's me on the left.

A couple days ago I sent him the bill from my mechanic's fully expecting not to hear back-but I was wrong.  He called today.  The problem is/was I have a terrible voice presentation on the phone and I was expecting a call from my insurance company.  So I was doomed to be Cyrsti's brother (which I hate) on the phone before I even got started. Later on though, we found the car was slightly damaged and suffered a broken strut.

After I answered, he said, he hit a female last week and wanted to meet up with her so he can pay the bill. I said I would have Cyrsti call him and set up a place. Then I had to beg Liz to call for me. Of course she will go with me for safety to get paid, but I get to collect.

What a tangled gender world we weave!

Vacay Post Three

This is a Cyrsti's Condo post from 2015. It is a very weak attempt to explain a few of my early changes when I restarted hormone replacement therapy:

"More great news yesterday! My estrogen was found not to be the basis of my liver problems this summer...and I am allowed to resume my dosage ASAP. 

Estrogen is like a snowflake, for the most part  the hormone effects each trans person different. 

Yes there is the breast development-which is tied in with your feminine family genetics and normally never up to the expectations of the person on HRT. (Many cis women aren't satisfied with their breasts, so we are in good company.)

Yes there is the emotional aspect-which I think is the biggest part. You do get "weepy"and experience "hot flashes" -which are different animals unto themselves. As close as I can come explaining one is during my first one, I thought I was internally combusting!

The part of Estrogen effects (so far) I have never been able to explain to anyone (man or woman) is how my world softened internally. Somehow I was more perceptive to the world around me. Cis men don't experience it and cis women are born with it-so they don't understand. That's OK!

Finally, I look forward to a couple exterior changes. My hair will thicken again and my skin will soften-bringing out curves.

Poor Liz (my partner) she gets to live through another MtF gender puberty of sorts. She wasn't around for my first. She was with me as I started HRT the first time and a form of transgender menopause when I stopped. 

And now, here we go again!!! YAY!!!"

Four years later and it's way past time to write an update to this post. I will when I start to go "live" again with my posts next week.