National Coming Out Day

Per norm, I am a little late, but yesterday was "National Coming Out Day" for LGBT women and men.

Also "per norm" my coming out was basically backwards. The first time I told anyone I was a "transvestite" came when I was in the Army in Germany. I had a very close knit group of three friends, one of which included my future first wife.

My disclosure came circa 1974 after a Halloween party when I came dressed as a slutty prostitute. Looking back, it's hard for me to remember how I was able to acquire the shoes, clothes, makeup and wig to even attempt to pull it off.

Seeing as how this was way before "Don't ask, don't tell" time in the military, I'm lucky I didn't get reported to the higher-ups. Maybe it did, but I only had less than six months to go before discharge and hassling me may have led to more problems than worth. Of course too, this was way before the transgender term had been invented.

At any rate, later on in life, one of the guys I came out to ended up coming on to me, the other remained a friend for years and as I said the woman involved ended up marrying me.

Ironically, outside of an ill fated attempt to come out to my Mom when I was discharged, coming out to anyone else didn't happen until I came out for good.

Sink or Swim?

In a recent post we discussed a forlorn transgender woman at one of my support group meetings. Sadly, I know she is far from being alone. Gender dysphoria is cruel to say the least. The only simple thing it does is to cause you to build an un- penetrable very dark and lonely closet  to hide in.

As Connie points out, too quickly it becomes a "sink or swim" situation:

FABULOUSCONNIEDEEOctober 10, 2018 at 12:20 PM

"I think I was about eight-years-old when my mother sent me to the community pool for swimming lessons. My grandfather was over for a visit when I came home, and he told me how his father had taught him to swim - "He just threw me in the lake, and I figured how not to drown."

Figuring out how not to drown and learning how to swim are not the same thing. Figuring out how to not let gender dysphoria drown you, likewise, is not the same as learning how to live with gender non-congruence. I call it "survive or thrive." I hope your friend learns how to survive long enough to find herself thriving."

Thanks for the comment!

Perhaps the saddest part of the trans woman's existence (in question) is her seeming total lack of regard for how she looks. Most of us learn early and often how much work it takes to perfect a feminine presence. At the least, a quick shave and a touch of makeup may do wonders for her. In other words, she is setting herself up for failure. 

Maybe if she keeps coming to the meetings, someone can help her with it and relieve some of her pressure. I think sometime in the near future, makeup and hair experts are returning to do free makeovers. Instead of going for the "naturals" in the group, maybe she could get some help. 

Even if someone has to tell her to shave. 

Monday's Meetup

The Monday night cross dresser - transgender get together was for the most part exceedingly sad.

Why? The loneliness in the room was perceptible. Even with all the social events the group does. I would venture a guess in any given week, if a person was able, someone in the group was going out somewhere.

Even that though wasn't enough for one of the attendees. She is in her early 50's and must suffer from some sort of learning disability. I have only seen her in one dress with flip flops and short cropped hair which probably may have been blond at some point.

I give her credit though, she feels female and refuses to not go out in the world looking like she does. But, she almost caused me to tear up when she said she was tired of being abused in the world and having no friends.

It was then, several members of the group brought up social media contact and joining up with a few of the other social outings. She refused, indicating it was all over her learning capability, in so many words. I think though, by the end of the meeting, a few of the other members talked her into to trying.

I hope she discovers a new universe for herself because she is talking suicide by the end of the year.

So sad...no it's tragic.

Boy in the Mix?

In one of the latest "Ulta" beauty company commercials, they show several different people getting their make up done. In the midst of all the cis women is one boy busily applying makeup.

This got me to thinking competitor "Sephora" here in Cincinnati has a special session every now and then just for transgender women and/or cross dressers. The only other thing I know about them (the sessions) are they fill up quickly.

For more information on classes in your area go here.

More Meet-Ups

Tonight is another cross dresser - transgender support group meeting.

EJ Johnson

This is the one which has become way more interesting, due to new and returning participants. For example we had one of the members describe herself as "agender" a term I hadn't heard much since I don't go to the younger trans meetings here in the metro-Cincinnati Ohio area.

It's interesting I did hear the term used last night when I happened along a Lisa Ling special on gender neutral people. One in particular was "E.J. Johnson" who happens to be the gender fluid off spring of NBA basketball star "Magic Johnson."

All  in all, the show was a nice fascinating look into gender which included a crossdresser with a beard in a coffee shop.

The series is on CNN and here is a link to their web page.

Time Flies

It has been rare when I have missed a couple days in a row of writing a post. My excuse is I was really busy. I had a great time to be sure. It all started Friday morning when I had breakfast with my partner Liz and my daughter Andrea. All was wonderful, especially when the server kept calling us you "girls." It was music to my ears and sweetened my already sweet strawberry waffle.

Friday night was predictable. I may have drank a little too much and ended up disliking totally a overbearing cross dresser who wouldn't leave Liz alone. However, I thought I did a good job with my makeup, hair and outfit. It's not often I feel that secure in my appearance.

For some reason too, the music was at a level (for a change) I could still communicate with others.

Of course, the cliques were out and functioning. Two of the group never sit with all the others and normally the cross dresser who doesn't like transgender women on hormones, manages to create her own vacuum by being obnoxious. I think for some reason, the two who never sit with us are trying to pick up a wayward date in a dark bar.

The one thing I have to completely remember is how fortunate I am to have the support to live the trans life I do and how many of the others I see are forced to structure their life around extreme loneliness. 

As I find myself a year older, indeed I am blessed!

Time Flies

Time flies when you are having fun...or are retired (I am). It doesn't seem possible it is Thursday already.

To recap, I have a very busy weekend coming up. Tomorrow morning is a breakfast with my partner Liz, and my daughter Andrea. Liz is taking the day off. Friday night is karaoke night  Usually, someone interesting shows up and hopefully doesn't make a fool of themselves. 

Saturday was going to be a visit to a rooftop upscale restaurant along the Ohio River overlooking downtown Cincinnati. I decided to postpone it for a week so I could stretch out the good times for a little longer. Plus, there is a late afternoon football game to watch with Liz.

Sunday, rounds out the long weekend with Liz's company picnic, which is normally a very good time. I enjoy the attention I get, being the only transgender woman in attendance. Plus, the boss is an out lesbian, so the LGBTQ community is represented.

The weather is looking to be nice, my outfits are set, I'm ready to go! 

Halloween Hooters

I received a couple of comments here in Cyrsti's Condo regarding my "Loose Ends" post and one in particular involving the picture of the "Hooter's Girls". If you have never been to a "Hooters", it's essentially a wings and beer sports bar where the servers all dress in the "uniforms" you saw. I think I did read though, the chain now accepts male servers. No word if they have to have their own hooters!

Here are the comments. The first from Connie:

1. FABULOUSCONNIEDEEOctober 2, 2018 at 12:11 PM

   "Where did you find that old pic of me and my friend?
   
   My wife asked me what I wanted to be on Halloween night. I answered, "Asleep."
   
   :-)"

   Your friend sent it to me!
2. 
   Michelle HartOctober 3, 2018 at 9:46 AM

   "You can always get a Browns jersey and a pair of short shorts"
3. Michelle, a good idea...just the wrong team! :)
4. Thanks to both of you for taking the time to comment!

Loose Ends?

Since we have been enjoying a small amount of  football talk around here in Cyrsti's Condo, lets not forget the cheerleaders!

If you played football like I did, maybe you too yearned for the day you could be a cheerleader (female one). Maybe in time for Halloween, you can be one also. Here's a tip from Connie:

FABULOUSCONNIEDEEOctober 1, 2018 at 12:24 PM

"I think I've seen plus-size cheerleader outfits on the Pink Basis site. Raw Raw, Shish Boom Bah! :-)"

Or, you could make your own with your team colors, a short flaired skirt and tight t-shirt.

And, if you are more adventurous (and can pull it off) you could try being a "Hooter's Girl" Unless, times have changed though, it is difficult to find larger sizes for transgender women such as me. 

"Hooter's Girls"

 With Halloween coming up this month, it's time to get creative! It's also a good time to sneak out of the closet for a bit and test the air!