Psst! There are Cross Dressers Among Us

This Cyrsti's Condo post comes from 2012 but is still very relevant today:

Over the months and years here in the condo, we have labored over many different labels. Out of pure simplicity I have just decided to stay with a couple main ones such as transgender and transsexual. To take the whole step further the terms "culture and community" have come into discussion too.

Having said all of that, I wonder where all the semantic babble we indulge in leaves the cross dressers who often exist like the "elephant in the corner". First of all, here are some of my ideas of a cross dresser:

In the most basic sense, we are all crossdressers. If you came out of the womb as a male and dress as a female (or vice versa) you are a cross dresser. All the tons of information, ideas and theories why don't matter in this discussion. Where I'm going here is where being a crossdresser may take us-or not.

For a fact I know more than just a few of you who are content to be just a cross dresser  You may love the feeling of the clothes-physically and or sexually. You may not have any desires to experience the world as a female in any sense and t

hat's all good. Then, comes a much bigger cross dresser segment.

I use the term "transition crossdressers". You are the ones who are not certain what all this means. Is a sex change in your future? What about your life as you know it now? The bottom line is you know this is so much more than just putting on women's clothes in the privacy of your home. Exploration begins in so many areas  ranging from attending meetings to going public as a member of your chosen gender. (No matter how successful)

I was a transition crossdresser. What ever sexual thrill I initially experienced from women's clothes went away quickly and I was left wondering what was missing here? Like so many of you, I dug a hole, jumped into it and tried to bury that part of me. I was the crossdressed elephant in the corner of the room.  Silent and largely ignored by the rest of the transgender community and invisible to the transsexuals.

For the most part nothing has changed in our culture for the transition crossdresser except for the enormous amount information available today.

The only positives I can offer here are I know you are sitting in the corner and I remember the enormous struggles I have gone through to arrive at this point in my life. Referencing you becomes the problem because in some senses I believe you are the "silent majority" in the transgender culture because of necessity. Some seem to think if you have not made the blind leap of faith into absolute gender transition it makes you less of a person. I of course do not believe that and in many ways write this blog to provide any insight and help and can provide.

Yes Virginia, there are cross dressers among us!

Progress?

As I read over many of my old Cyrsti's Condo posts over the years, I wonder if we as a transgender community has progressed much at all.

Many times I believe it has since the "T" in the LGBT logo is not nearly as silent as it used to be. I remember the day when I was discriminated against in a gay bar and had a hard time even getting a cocktail.

It could be the HRT working for me, but today I don't think I am mistaken for a cross dresser or drag queen as much. Although I have nothing against either. Or, it could be society is more "used" to the idea of a non binary transgender type person.

Or perhaps, I just don't care what society thinks and the freedom gives me a better chance to lead whatever life I choose, which happens to be a feminine one.

Even with the current administration which at times seems to foster a particular dislike for us, a certain amount of society has used the time to accept us and even vote for transgender in the LGBT political tickets around the country.

So, I guess times are better. We now have established organizations such as Lambda Legal which can fight for our basic rights in courts. Plus as more and more people are lucky enough to meet or know a transgender person, the less foreign we seem.

Certainly progress is slow and even uncertain in the current times we live in, but our tribe has proven to be tough and resilient for the battles for trans equality ahead.

We Got Female

Received several great comments here in Cyrsti's Condo over the weekend about several different posts. The first comes from Paula Goodwin on Eddie Izzard:

Paula GoodwinDecember 4, 2017 at 6:33 AM

"Izzard is a contentious figure over here, for some he is "not trans enough" because he will switch presentation, for others he is "not serious enough" because of his day job as a comic, and for others again he is "not female enough" but is seen as a male invading female spaces. I am something of a fan, but suspect that a less famous, more settled personality will beat him. We already have trans councillors and MEPS, but as yet no Labour party MPs, We have several candidates but none yet in a winnable constituency. (I have considered standing myself but I'm not sure that I and my family could stand the media attention). "

Thanks Paula! From what I know of Eddie Izzard, I imagine he does create some controversy. I was surprised when he publically crossed the line from cross dresser to transgender.

The second comment comes from Joanna about the post comparing cross dressing as a gateway "drug" to becoming transgender : joanna SantosDecember 3, 2017 at 3:44 PM

"I went through exactly the same type of thinking Cyrsti and finally realized it wasn't a drug but the denial of your true nature emulating a withdrawal cycle we had created by denying it. Takes a while to figure this out however and when you do its a great relief. Nice post"

Thanks to you Joanna! Love the comment!

Our final comment for the day comes from Connie:

"Speaking of holiday parties, I have been invited, again, to the annual party given by a couple who "disinvited" me a few years ago after I came out to them. After meeting with them privately later, however, they considered me acceptable to mingle with their esteemed guests the next year. This will be the third year I will attend in all of my holiday party glamour, and I go just to spite them. They are Trump supporters, as are many of their friends, and I feel I must be there to represent the "deplorables" of the world. I refuse to talk politics at any party, especially this one. I will be, however, charming, witty, and looking my best. I'm sure that I am the only trans woman many of them have ever met, and I want to leave the best impression that I can. If some of the husbands come away thinking I'm prettier than their wives (and I am, I think, in some cases), that is just icing on the Christmas cookie. I haven't decided what to wear yet - except for the all-important smile (while simultaneously biting my tongue often)."

Being more than a little pretentious myself, I don't being the "star" attraction at a party and so far I have never have had to discuss politics. Plus, Liz's big boss is an out lesbian, so the LGBT connection works in my favor.

As far as being better looking than someone else, I can't/won't answer to that either. I just do the best I can within the limits I have to work with. Thanks for the comment.

Cyrsti's Condo "Archive Post"

This post was written back in 2012 and considers the idea of a cross dressing = transgender addiction:

"I was working on my book last night and going over chapter ideas.  One of the old ideas I always felt  ridiculous was cross dressing being an entry gateway to transsexualism. Not unlike the marijuana/ heroine connection. If you put on your Mom or sister's clothes, sooner or later you would be going under the SRS knife. If you took a hit on a bong, heroine and ruin was in your future.

Years later as I think about it, I can see how the connection can be made. As I explored my life as a closeted cross dresser, for the most part I was just confused. Nothing was enough. Dressing more, a new outfit or wig and even passing well at the mall were only temporary fixes. Something was missing.

I have smoked the "heathen weed" but thank goodness never went any farther in the drug culture but have heard the impact cocaine or heroin has on a mind. I can compare my fix in a similar sense I guess.  Of course without the terrible health problems drug use causes.

The end result was I finally ended the short term fixes and faced up to my true self. I found my own transgender religion. I vividly remember the night not so long ago it happened. I was me and I embraced myself totally for the first time in my life.

I can see however the feeling that night could have been compared to the great feeling of wellness heroine supposedly gives you. The difference is I don't need a hit every day to maintain the high.

That's the reason I can say cross dressing was not a gateway drug for me, I found I used it to mask who I really was. The whole time I was transgender...DUH! But certainly others may be different in that cross dressing may be the only gender fix they ever need for whatever reason. No different than drinking a beer when you come home from work and not a fifth of bourbon.

Life is kind of like that...right?"

A Lazy Sunday?

It's hard to believe my fave time of the year (fall) is nearly over and Christmas is approaching quickly with a touch of snow even in the forecast later in the week.

The good news is my "The Ohio State Buckeye" football team pulled out a hard fought victory over Wisconsin with a crippled quarterback none the less. Also, the Bengals can't lose to the Steelers today because they don't play until Monday night.

I did see a cute Buckeye sweat shirt yesterday with a "V" neck which may look sharp with leggings and slouch boots I could wear around football bowl time. I am still looking for an article or two of clothing to buy with my gift card from my daughter. (It's burning a hole in my purse!)

Essentially, I am looking for a longer black or silver gray sweater top I could possibly wear on New Year's Eve this year. It's looking as if I also will have a couple of potential "dress up" affairs coming up for the holidays. I really don't want to wear the same thing if I can help it, even though I won't be seeing the same people.

So, while this Sunday is a bit lazy, looking ahead isn't. Naturally, you will find how a transgender woman's life gets as cluttered as a cis woman quickly,  as we cross the MtF gender boundaries.

Thanks to All!

This morning I went shopping for a new top or two, to make good use of my daughter's gift of a birthday gift card.

I ended up picking out a forest green hip length sweater top with lace inserts across the shoulders and down the arms. I then added a pair of rose gold hoop earrings to finish my mini buying spree, which was completed as we had to take both cars to the garage to get fixed, too.

Throughout the morning (including a stop at another store) I was never mis-gendered. In fact, when I went to the dressing room to try on the top, the lady in charge took me straight to the woman'a dressing rooms.

Plus, at the auto repair shop we go to, Liz and I were referred to as "ladies" several times.

I suppose it helped I finally colored my hair again and replaced the predominant gray theme with a dark auburn one.

If I do it correctly, my hair is so soft I can't hardly believe it. I think I am finally getting it through my thick noggin (and hair) how to rinse all the color rinse out of my hair and use the proper amount of conditioner and make sure it is properly rinsed also.

At the least, it all gives me the extra confidence to face the world as a transgender woman.

While we are on the subject of confidence, thanks to all of you loyal followers here in Cyrsti's Condo, Twitter and through Facebook! It's all appreciated.:)

Eddie Izzard Transgender Politician

Eddie Izzard is attempting to become the first elected transgender member of the UK's Labour Party.

The comedian and activist who came out as trans in 1985, previously missed out on a NEC spot by a few thousand votes in 2016.

If  she wins the election he would become one of the most important trans political figures in Britain, having a key say in Labour internal governance.

In a new manifesto, Izzard says: “The barriers facing trans people in politics still need to be broken-down, and whilst there have been a few trans candidates for Parliament, disappointingly we have not seen a breakthrough in this area.”

(Quote from the "Pink News" with the pronouns changed.)

A Fantastic "Trans Woman"

Here is another look from Cyrsti's Condo at the Chilean film "A Fantastic Woman" starring Daniela Vega from the "Los Angeles Blade": 

"For the first few minutes of Chilean director Sebastián Lelio’s “A Fantastic Woman” (Una mujer fantástica), life seems to be pretty sweet for its transgender heroine, Marina.

An aspiring singer who earns her living working as a waitress, she is involved with Orlando, a successful older businessman. They adore each other and are deeply committed to building a future together.
This blissful existence is turned upside down in an instant when Orlando dies from a sudden aneurysm.

Instead of being treated with compassion, Marina is mistrusted by hospital staff, suspected of wrongdoing by legal authorities investigating the death, and viewed as an embarrassment and an interloper by Orlando’s family – who consider her an “aberration” and immediately begin pressuring her to move out of the apartment she shared with him.

It’s a stark reality with which Lelio’s film confronts us. The notion of unexpectedly losing a partner is dreadful enough, but to be faced with hostility and prejudice in the wake of such tragedy, to be denied the right to grieve the loss – even actively prevented from doing so – is a nightmare most of us are loath to imagine.

For more, follow the link above."

In many aspects, this film contains some of the same paranoia's older transgender women face as they age. An example is myself who wonders what will become of me in a nursing home and will all of a sudden I will lose all the hard earned LGBT gender equality I worked for.

At my age, I am closer to the fact than farther. 

Coming Out...2012

This is a Cyrsti's Condo post from 2012.when I detailed telling a close friend I was transgender:

"Due to need, the Labor Day week in my life (a couple weeks ago) was an extreme reversion to my male self. Of course it was tough mentally and physically.

I also know even mentioning such heresy would lead me to extreme degradation at the hands of the trans nazi's and rad fem's just to name a few.

Were they right? Was I really a gender impostor because I waited so long to transition?
No. I am who I am. As all of you know (in a similar situation) there is and has been considerable soul searching in my life to arrive at this point.

The whole experience proved to me the extreme gender fluidity of my existence.

I don't believe I mentioned last week I also came out to the oldest closest friend still left in my life. She was visiting for the weekend and working with me again.
Unfortunately, timing was at it's best and worst to do it and had to be very confusing to her. Here I was telling her I was taking female hormones and wanted to spend the rest of my life as a woman-in the midst of one of the most masculine throw back weeks of the previous year. I was not a cross dresser, I was transgender and did she know what that meant?

Her reaction was she kind of knew but didn't totally believe it because I was one of the most masculine men she had ever known. She also didn't know how she would react in the future to the new me.  Fair enough. Can't ask for anything more. I should mention she lives quite a distance from me now and here I was in my most male mode telling her all of this?
My initial reaction was, why would she even believe it?

So, you are thinking where is the best of this?
The best was telling her to say goodbye. The new me wouldn't be able to handle the heat and the physical part of out project like I used to and this was only the beginning. It was very easy for me at that point to tell her I hoped we would remain the close friends we had always been but the changes were coming. There was nothing she could do about it and I was extremely happy about the process.
Conversation over.

She is four hours away and I am refilling my feminine gender fluids. She is off my "coming out" bucket list and we are still on speaking terms.

Bottom line is I am sooooo happy all of that is over!"