After I was discharged from the Army in 1975, I essentially loaded all my possessions (including my ever present gender dysphoria) into the back of a VW Beetle I had bought in Germany, spent some time at home in Ohio and headed for Texas. I had a real close friend who was being discharged about the same time in El Paso. (Ft. Bliss)
I had packed my stash of women's clothes and almost was brave enough to try my hand at walking around outside my room at a motel I stayed at on the way down to Texas. The mirror was busily lying to me and telling me I was the best looking blond ever when I came to my senses, became scared and spent the rest of the trip feeling guilty about at least trying a short trip to the motel's restaurant/bar.
Of course I didn't have too long to ponder my insecurities when my car broke down outside of El Paso in the dessert. I don't even remember now what I did to get a hold of my friend in the dark ages before cell phones, so I waited until the morning and flagged down another motorist to get me to the nearest garage. Fortunately, all I had was a destroyed distributor cap (remember those?) so relatively quickly I was back on the road with too much time to think about my future.
My friend was married so I slept in the guest room and both of them worked during the days so I could cross dress to my heart's content. Unfortunately I was becoming increasingly frustrated with simply staying inside. Looking back, I should have started to realize then I was so much more than a cross dresser but I would continue to try to outrun or out drink my feelings.
After a couple months I moved back to Ohio if for no other reason than I knew the territory better and what I would have to do to try to finally try to get out the door as a woman. I can use the "woman" word now because back in those days, transgender wasn't even used as a word and quite frankly I didn't know what I was.
The defining moment I do remember was the first time I saw my reflection in the window of a store on another night I yet almost went into another.
The huge defining moment of my life though, came in 1975 when my first wife was discharged from the Army and came to live with me in Ohio and about the time I was about to run back to Texas, we found out she was pregnant. (Even with birth control.) My daughter beat the odds and forced me to settle down.(Kind of.) I went back to school, bought a small bar with my friend and tried to out drink who I really was.
The revelation was still decades away.
Friday, January 13, 2017
A Voice in the Darkness?
I have always respected Helen Boyd who authored "My Husband Betty" and "She's Not the Man I Married" plus her other blogging and writing.
I picked this up from her post "The Other America" and thought I would pass along a link and an excerpt for you all to read:
I picked this up from her post "The Other America" and thought I would pass along a link and an excerpt for you all to read:
THE OTHER AMERICA
You can’t listen to the few words Joe Biden spoke when he was awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom, with distinction, without realizing what deeply decent people we have had running this country.
At a moment when Moonlight, Fences, and Hidden Figures are in theaters.
At a moment when rights for trans people were really having an effect.
At a moment when the Pipeline protests caught the national attention and once again, Native Americans showed us how to respect our land and ourselves.
At a moment when everything seemed to be going something like right finally, when our national conversation about the prison pipeline and the deep patriotism of the Muslim parents of a fallen war hero reminded us of the worst and the best we can be as a nation — at that very moment, it all fell apart.
It hasn’t yet. The fumes of Obama’s legacy are what we’re running on now. It was only 8 years ago when the high hopes and inspired souls overjoyed so many of us; that we looked at each other with wide-eyed amazement as if to say can you believe we did this? And the rest of the world looked at the US with surprise and respect: we could be still be America. We were.
I don’t know what we’re going to become. That other America, the wretched one, the gilded mean one of bottom lines and wealthy excess, of poorer people making the groceries stretch a little longer, of a nervous middle class, what of it there still is, of people dying from medical conditions they might have survived in a more generous time.
For more please go here.
Cyrsti's Condo "Archive Post"
From 2011:
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Stuff!
OK girlfriends and guy friends...here is a miss mash of stuff (kind of like my closet!),
Number one is another site dedicated to "transequality". The "National Center for Transgender Equality" web site features great information and even a training piece. Check it out!
Way less serious news includes "The Village Voice" reporting that "Lady Gaga" is going to do a video with transsexuals. That is earth shattering! Really? Lady Gaga?
This soldier,who made the "Top Ten Chinese Crossdresser List" just blew me away!
"Back in the day", I had a friend who delighted in carrying "Mao Tsetung's" little red book. I really never believed he ever opened it, but it really upset many people... All he was looking for in our Midwestern town. Seemingly a thousand years later China is emerging as a world force and I thought we would feature a picture of one of China's former soldiers Well, here she is!
What would "Ozzie" think! Yes that "Ozzie Osbourne". I don't really think "The Oz" is capable of a coherent thought but was he shocked when daughter Kelly tearfully dumped fiancé Luke Worrall when she found
out he was having a secret affair.
The heartbroken star finally ended her engagement to the model when
she discovered he was cheating with Elle Schneider, an identikit
blond.
But what Kelly didn't realize was that Elle was born a man - and is
now a pre-op transsexual.
Elle, 21, from Miami, revealed her secret to the Sunday Mirror, and
produced an ID card that shows she started life as Reynaldo Gonzalez.
Elle said she was open with Luke that she was born a boy and it turned him on more. Imagine that!
It seems (from my angle) this could be Kelli's fault. Her own transformation resulted in "Elle" and her looking like sisters. Maybe Luke thought that too?
Number one is another site dedicated to "transequality". The "National Center for Transgender Equality" web site features great information and even a training piece. Check it out!
Way less serious news includes "The Village Voice" reporting that "Lady Gaga" is going to do a video with transsexuals. That is earth shattering! Really? Lady Gaga?
"Back in the day", I had a friend who delighted in carrying "Mao Tsetung's" little red book. I really never believed he ever opened it, but it really upset many people... All he was looking for in our Midwestern town. Seemingly a thousand years later China is emerging as a world force and I thought we would feature a picture of one of China's former soldiers Well, here she is!
What would "Ozzie" think! Yes that "Ozzie Osbourne". I don't really think "The Oz" is capable of a coherent thought but was he shocked when daughter Kelly tearfully dumped fiancé Luke Worrall when she found
out he was having a secret affair.
The heartbroken star finally ended her engagement to the model when
she discovered he was cheating with Elle Schneider, an identikit
blond.
But what Kelly didn't realize was that Elle was born a man - and is
Elle, 21, from Miami, revealed her secret to the Sunday Mirror, and
produced an ID card that shows she started life as Reynaldo Gonzalez.
Elle said she was open with Luke that she was born a boy and it turned him on more. Imagine that!
It seems (from my angle) this could be Kelli's fault. Her own transformation resulted in "Elle" and her looking like sisters. Maybe Luke thought that too?
Life Turns on a Dime-If You can Find One...Part One
Perhaps one of the curses of old age is the ability to look back over your life and see with some sort of clarity your "hits and misses"
I could fill another blog with all the stupid things I did but for the sake of brevity I am going to keep this relatively short.
In some sort of numerical order, I'm going back to my own paper route days. (early 1960's) I saved my hard earned money from the route, mowed grass, shoveled snow then bought and stashed my own make up and shoes. Every once in a while I was given the job of cleaning both locker rooms and I was able to find a skirt big enough to fit me, so essentially I was in business.
I lived in a rural area so imagine my surprise when one of my only available friends and especially his Mom seemed into us dressing as girls. Also during this time, I began to drive an old 55 Ford around the barnyard and try to smoke his Mom's Lucky Stripes cigarettes. Quite the combination of experiences. It's hard to say how far all of this "experimentation" would have taken us as he moved away not long after that. I was 14.
Fast forward to 1967 when I went to Proms as a senior and desperately wanted to be the girl only to know the Vietnam War and the draft was bearing down on me as hard as a runaway truck. I worked the college route hard for four years until my lottery number came up in the teens and I was off to the Army. The only lottery I have won to this day, but I hit the jackpot. Along with many other raw soldiers during the winter of 1968 at Ft. Knox, I learned the hard way how team work really worked and how to get into shape. All the time licking my wounds from pre Army breakup from my finance who knew I was a cross dresser. She said tell the Army I was gay or she was gone.
Little did I know I would see three continents in three years compliments of Uncle Sam and most important, I met the mother of my daughter who is my most cherished possession. I also didn't know of the benefits I have to this day (unless the Republicans take them away.)
After the Army I tried to drink my gender dysphoria away for years to no avail, went through two marriages and tried to actively commit suicide once.
As I said...this post should and will be presented in more than one part. Stay tuned :)
I could fill another blog with all the stupid things I did but for the sake of brevity I am going to keep this relatively short.
In some sort of numerical order, I'm going back to my own paper route days. (early 1960's) I saved my hard earned money from the route, mowed grass, shoveled snow then bought and stashed my own make up and shoes. Every once in a while I was given the job of cleaning both locker rooms and I was able to find a skirt big enough to fit me, so essentially I was in business.
I lived in a rural area so imagine my surprise when one of my only available friends and especially his Mom seemed into us dressing as girls. Also during this time, I began to drive an old 55 Ford around the barnyard and try to smoke his Mom's Lucky Stripes cigarettes. Quite the combination of experiences. It's hard to say how far all of this "experimentation" would have taken us as he moved away not long after that. I was 14.
Fast forward to 1967 when I went to Proms as a senior and desperately wanted to be the girl only to know the Vietnam War and the draft was bearing down on me as hard as a runaway truck. I worked the college route hard for four years until my lottery number came up in the teens and I was off to the Army. The only lottery I have won to this day, but I hit the jackpot. Along with many other raw soldiers during the winter of 1968 at Ft. Knox, I learned the hard way how team work really worked and how to get into shape. All the time licking my wounds from pre Army breakup from my finance who knew I was a cross dresser. She said tell the Army I was gay or she was gone.
Little did I know I would see three continents in three years compliments of Uncle Sam and most important, I met the mother of my daughter who is my most cherished possession. I also didn't know of the benefits I have to this day (unless the Republicans take them away.)
After the Army I tried to drink my gender dysphoria away for years to no avail, went through two marriages and tried to actively commit suicide once.
As I said...this post should and will be presented in more than one part. Stay tuned :)
Thursday, January 12, 2017
Why Not a Trans Woman?
Following my recent post concerning my recent encounter with a transgender "admirer", I thought about bringing back an old post I had written years ago singing the praises of trans women.
Rather than searching through nearly 4500 archived blog posts, I decided to re-write a whole new post.
First of all, I believe many transgender women have the capabilities to understand a cis-man more than a cis woman. After all, we walked a mile or so in guys shoes during our lives and know how both sides think to an extent.
Having said that, I also think the very point has the potential to scare a lot of guys off. What if we understand too much? Would the whole process give us too much of an upper hand in a relationship?
Then, another elephant in a room full of them is how a man brings a transgender woman home to meet the family? It's bad enough if you are doing it alone.
Finally, there is the ultimate problem with sexuality-normally on the man's part. Does he face up to being gay when indeed he doesn't have to because the trans woman has long since quit seeing herself as a guy?
I'm biased but I think a transgender mate can provide a rich and unique life experience to any relationship. I also think admirers are so aggressive because we trans girls are so rare and even exotic to some.
Perhaps though, some transgender women migrate back to cis women because of some of the basic courtesies of life...like not getting stood up on dates to start with. But then again there is the on going problem of so many trans women being so damned nasty.
So I've tried to dodge the herd of elephants in a very small room and deal with a very complex subject! Excuse me while I clean up the mess!
Rather than searching through nearly 4500 archived blog posts, I decided to re-write a whole new post.
First of all, I believe many transgender women have the capabilities to understand a cis-man more than a cis woman. After all, we walked a mile or so in guys shoes during our lives and know how both sides think to an extent.
Having said that, I also think the very point has the potential to scare a lot of guys off. What if we understand too much? Would the whole process give us too much of an upper hand in a relationship?
Then, another elephant in a room full of them is how a man brings a transgender woman home to meet the family? It's bad enough if you are doing it alone.
Finally, there is the ultimate problem with sexuality-normally on the man's part. Does he face up to being gay when indeed he doesn't have to because the trans woman has long since quit seeing herself as a guy?
I'm biased but I think a transgender mate can provide a rich and unique life experience to any relationship. I also think admirers are so aggressive because we trans girls are so rare and even exotic to some.
Perhaps though, some transgender women migrate back to cis women because of some of the basic courtesies of life...like not getting stood up on dates to start with. But then again there is the on going problem of so many trans women being so damned nasty.
So I've tried to dodge the herd of elephants in a very small room and deal with a very complex subject! Excuse me while I clean up the mess!
The "Apple" of His Eye?
It's been awhile since I have encountered an admirer.
For you who do not know, the simplest definition of an admirer is a cis-male who is attracted to a transgender woman or crossdresser.
This person stumbled (not literally) on me through another transgender woman I know. Ironically our disagreement on the causes of global warming opened the door to further communication- on the internet even.
Before I knew it we were off the subject and onto the fact of how friendly I seemed. From there he went to the usual series of questions concerning how far along was my transition, how pretty I was and oh, by the way-what was my sexuality. He understood I was in a relationship and a lesbian.
By this time I had to respect how smooth he was. Mark Twain and global warming all the way to my sexuality in under 10 questions.
Of course he was going to ask me out too (I still have no idea where he lives).
All of this goes back to an old movie I never saw "Trans Girls are Easy." Admirers must have it on their most watched list.
For you who do not know, the simplest definition of an admirer is a cis-male who is attracted to a transgender woman or crossdresser.
This person stumbled (not literally) on me through another transgender woman I know. Ironically our disagreement on the causes of global warming opened the door to further communication- on the internet even.
Before I knew it we were off the subject and onto the fact of how friendly I seemed. From there he went to the usual series of questions concerning how far along was my transition, how pretty I was and oh, by the way-what was my sexuality. He understood I was in a relationship and a lesbian.
By this time I had to respect how smooth he was. Mark Twain and global warming all the way to my sexuality in under 10 questions.
Of course he was going to ask me out too (I still have no idea where he lives).
All of this goes back to an old movie I never saw "Trans Girls are Easy." Admirers must have it on their most watched list.
Paper Girl?
I thought this experience from Connie's past was at once charming, scary, funny and along the way I was envious!
" Did I ever tell you the story about my paper route adventure? At the tender age of thirteen, very early on a Sunday morning, I got dressed up in my mother's clothes, put on some makeup and a wig, and began my delivery of the Portland Oregonian. I had 97 papers to deliver up a long steep hill, and they were quite full of inserts that morning. I decided, therefore, that I needed the help of my mom's car. She had driven me up the hill a few times before, but I was in no condition to wake her to ask this time. So......I coasted the car out of the driveway and then proceeded to do the route.
My mother figured out later that day what I'd done, but I was really surprised by her reaction. She was not so mad that I'd used the car, and she was only slightly more upset that I'd borrowed her clothes and wig. Her big problem was that, if someone she knew had seen me, she would have been so embarrassed that someone would think SHE would be out and about at 4:00 AM! She did punish me, but I kinda took it as a compliment that she thought I might "pass" (even if it were as my mother)"
While I have written a number of times of how I used my paper route money to finance makeup and shoes, there would have been no way I could pulled off what you did Connie and lived to write about it today!!!!
" Did I ever tell you the story about my paper route adventure? At the tender age of thirteen, very early on a Sunday morning, I got dressed up in my mother's clothes, put on some makeup and a wig, and began my delivery of the Portland Oregonian. I had 97 papers to deliver up a long steep hill, and they were quite full of inserts that morning. I decided, therefore, that I needed the help of my mom's car. She had driven me up the hill a few times before, but I was in no condition to wake her to ask this time. So......I coasted the car out of the driveway and then proceeded to do the route.
My mother figured out later that day what I'd done, but I was really surprised by her reaction. She was not so mad that I'd used the car, and she was only slightly more upset that I'd borrowed her clothes and wig. Her big problem was that, if someone she knew had seen me, she would have been so embarrassed that someone would think SHE would be out and about at 4:00 AM! She did punish me, but I kinda took it as a compliment that she thought I might "pass" (even if it were as my mother)"
While I have written a number of times of how I used my paper route money to finance makeup and shoes, there would have been no way I could pulled off what you did Connie and lived to write about it today!!!!
Wednesday, January 11, 2017
Transgender Resistance
As we all know by now, the winds of change are upon us and harsh winds they may be. Like it or not-Donald Trump will be the next President of the United States.
Now-I have no understanding of why anyone in the transgender family would have voted for him-I still know they did. Frankly I am scared to death of all strides we have made in the trans community getting reversed and in the gay/lesbian one too with a future Conservative Supreme Court Judge.
As with everything else in this country though, change can occur and let's not forget who won the popular vote. After all, Trump was right-the election was rigged-in his favor.
This morning Stana over at Femulate ran a post called "The First 100 Days of Resistance." Follow the link to check it out.
Now-I have no understanding of why anyone in the transgender family would have voted for him-I still know they did. Frankly I am scared to death of all strides we have made in the trans community getting reversed and in the gay/lesbian one too with a future Conservative Supreme Court Judge.
As with everything else in this country though, change can occur and let's not forget who won the popular vote. After all, Trump was right-the election was rigged-in his favor.
This morning Stana over at Femulate ran a post called "The First 100 Days of Resistance." Follow the link to check it out.
Make Me a Woman? Help???
The other day, I saw a plea from one of my online contacts to help "make him a woman."
Number one, I do not possess such God or Goddess like qualities and number two, even asking such a question shows a complete misunderstanding of the situations the individual is going through.
Why?
A true gender transition must start on the inside and work it's way out, not vice versa. A great number of the most beautiful cross dressers and drag queens on the planet have no intention of ever being a woman. So I recommend living as much as you can in the feminine world and then deciding if you want to go further down a transgender path. If all goes well, your interior gender leanings will match your exterior and all will be well.
You will also have to learn the basic differences of living as the opposite gender as well. If you haven't noticed, cis women who can be the most nurturing, loving people on the planet, can also be the most clannish, vindictive and competitive too. When push comes to shove (and it might) men are basically more social like dogs and women more like cats.
One example would be a divorce. Many times caused by the input of another woman on a man and healed by a group of women friends on the other.
Can you imagine how wealthy a person could be if she could wave her magic wand and "make" a man a woman? Then change a person back when the change wasn't at all what he expected? The loss of male privilege alone can cause many to turn back.
Of course I journeyed to the feminine side, looked around, took my lumps and stayed. The reason I am so pessimistic is how traumatic the trip can be. However, once you reach the other side and you belong there, there is no better feeling in the world.
No, I can't make you a woman but I can help along the way. Perhaps better than most cis women because I have been there and done it.
Number one, I do not possess such God or Goddess like qualities and number two, even asking such a question shows a complete misunderstanding of the situations the individual is going through.
Why?
A true gender transition must start on the inside and work it's way out, not vice versa. A great number of the most beautiful cross dressers and drag queens on the planet have no intention of ever being a woman. So I recommend living as much as you can in the feminine world and then deciding if you want to go further down a transgender path. If all goes well, your interior gender leanings will match your exterior and all will be well.
You will also have to learn the basic differences of living as the opposite gender as well. If you haven't noticed, cis women who can be the most nurturing, loving people on the planet, can also be the most clannish, vindictive and competitive too. When push comes to shove (and it might) men are basically more social like dogs and women more like cats.
 |
| Unidentified |
Can you imagine how wealthy a person could be if she could wave her magic wand and "make" a man a woman? Then change a person back when the change wasn't at all what he expected? The loss of male privilege alone can cause many to turn back.
Of course I journeyed to the feminine side, looked around, took my lumps and stayed. The reason I am so pessimistic is how traumatic the trip can be. However, once you reach the other side and you belong there, there is no better feeling in the world.
No, I can't make you a woman but I can help along the way. Perhaps better than most cis women because I have been there and done it.
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