I have two especially musical terms. One is to be called ma'am or lady and the second is to be told I look nice by my toughest critic (and partner) Liz. Actually, the two often happen hand in hand. Let's take Sunday for example.
I was going to wear my new teal colored sweater with a pair of leggings and boots for Transgender Day of Remembrance. Unfortunately the only leggings I could find were brown ones and as I watched her eyes work me over from head to toe, I steeled myself for rejection. She said I looked like a character out of "Robin Hood Men in Tights." Not exactly a ringing endorsement. So I changed and received the go ahead and more.
Sometimes it is tough to set my ego aside and realize where I am in this process but I do. Years ago tough lessons taught me to learn the mirror did not always tell the truth.
I am also taking better care of my hair as HRT seems to be kicking in on it again (or winter!) I have found different ways to brush it out without causing more split ends and making it thicker.
One way or another, as I always say, confidence in who you are is a key component in achieving a successful feminine lifestyle. Transgender or cross dresser.
Tuesday, November 22, 2016
Monday, November 21, 2016
Another Look at the Veterans Adminstration
This time from another "Hart"-Michelle:
I will be seeing my therapist next week and will have more questions for her. I just recently attended a lecture, given to student therapists by members of the LGBT counselors from the VA (I am an unofficial member of the group).
One of the things I learned at the lecture is that the VA is now placing not only a trans status in one's medical records, as well as any desires for future SRS. It was also mentioned that sexual preferences is also being included in the records. I now have many questions for my therapist since I was under the understanding that physiological records are kept separate from medical records unless medications are required. Because of my unofficial status, I thought I have been able to stay somewhat under the radar but this information has caused some concern."
I will be seeing my therapist next week and will have more questions for her. I just recently attended a lecture, given to student therapists by members of the LGBT counselors from the VA (I am an unofficial member of the group).
One of the things I learned at the lecture is that the VA is now placing not only a trans status in one's medical records, as well as any desires for future SRS. It was also mentioned that sexual preferences is also being included in the records. I now have many questions for my therapist since I was under the understanding that physiological records are kept separate from medical records unless medications are required. Because of my unofficial status, I thought I have been able to stay somewhat under the radar but this information has caused some concern."
Thanks Michelle, while nothing would surprise me, I have never been asked anything about my sexual preferences, or SRS. Then again, I have not been afforded the access you have! Way to go!!!
Cyrsti's Condo Monday Edition
Brrr! Welcome to another chilly special Monday edition. It's cold and windy here in Southwestern Ohio but at least we don't have all the snow not so far up North. Let's grab a hot cup o joe and get started.
Page One: The Week that Was-or Wasn't: The big event this week of course was the Transgender Day of Rembrance commemorating the untimely deaths of transgender women and trans men this year alone. As a commitee member, I was proud to see a very good turn out regardless of recent security fears. Speakers were transgender women of color representing the fact the vast majority of deaths were among women of color. Trans health care issues and homelessness were also discussed. More importantly, certain area groups in Greater Cincinnati who are working to help presented tables of information.
Page Two: Yesterdays Coffee-Opinion: Privilege was another topic of interest yesterday. Depending on how you view privilege, it's a very difficult topic to discuss. Very simply put, to some, being white presents privilege and it does. But on a deeper level, the amount of bullying ones goes through is privilege, and it goes on and on. In an indirect way, Connie approached the question in several of her blog comments. Here is her latest:
"I sometimes wonder if I am being selfish, as if it should be my duty to actively reach out to other transgender people, as well as the general population. The fact is, however, that by living my life completely as a person who is confident in herself, I am presenting myself in a positive light to all people. Whether it be my religious beliefs, my professional life, or my family life, I have always tried to lead by example (a good one, I hope). Why, then, should my trans status be any different? I had spent so many years hiding myself, always with the wish that I would be able some day to live as a woman, I deserve to finally enjoy that fruition. The thousands of hours I had spent removed from life was actually so much more selfish of me."
Page One: The Week that Was-or Wasn't: The big event this week of course was the Transgender Day of Rembrance commemorating the untimely deaths of transgender women and trans men this year alone. As a commitee member, I was proud to see a very good turn out regardless of recent security fears. Speakers were transgender women of color representing the fact the vast majority of deaths were among women of color. Trans health care issues and homelessness were also discussed. More importantly, certain area groups in Greater Cincinnati who are working to help presented tables of information.
Page Two: Yesterdays Coffee-Opinion: Privilege was another topic of interest yesterday. Depending on how you view privilege, it's a very difficult topic to discuss. Very simply put, to some, being white presents privilege and it does. But on a deeper level, the amount of bullying ones goes through is privilege, and it goes on and on. In an indirect way, Connie approached the question in several of her blog comments. Here is her latest:
"I sometimes wonder if I am being selfish, as if it should be my duty to actively reach out to other transgender people, as well as the general population. The fact is, however, that by living my life completely as a person who is confident in herself, I am presenting myself in a positive light to all people. Whether it be my religious beliefs, my professional life, or my family life, I have always tried to lead by example (a good one, I hope). Why, then, should my trans status be any different? I had spent so many years hiding myself, always with the wish that I would be able some day to live as a woman, I deserve to finally enjoy that fruition. The thousands of hours I had spent removed from life was actually so much more selfish of me."
To be clear I have taken some of this comment out of context and I have always tried to be clear it's nobody's duty to do anything and I think this is a quality comment. (Read the rest following a former Transgender Awareness Week post.) It's just that my beliefs dictate I happen to possess just enough privilege to help another trans person and I can.
Page Three: Making Up: Yesterday was also an interesting look into the different worlds of cross dressers and transgender women. The cross dressers for the most part wore sky high heels and perfect makeup (albeit) a little heavy. I have been fortunate in that I have hit a groove in the makeup department. A touch of foundation, eye makeup and mascara something like this from Connie: "I approach my makeup regimen with the thought of accentuating my assets first.
Not to say that there are not many flaws in need of attention, but I learned long ago that taking extreme measures to cover them up only brings more attention to them. It is much better to draw attention to my assets (though few they may be), and the flaws are therefore less noticeable.
Learning to simply "draw" attention rather than "draw on" attention is the tricky part. In my case, as it probably is for most of us, it is the eye makeup that does the trick. I've learned that it actually takes much more time and effort to use it sparingly than to go for a dramatic and overdone look. For me, the results are more satisfactory, and I feel like the attention is toward my eyes, and not the eye makeup itself."
On the other hand I refer to Stana at Femulate as the true makeup wizardess!
Page Four: The Back Page: Once again it's time to wrap this up and get on with my day!!!
I luv you all and thanks for stopping by the Condo :)
Jessie
Saturday, November 19, 2016
Transgender Awarness Week
Again I present another thoughtful post from Connie:
"Here I am, on Thursday, just becoming aware that this is Transgender Awareness Week. Could the reason for it be that I am constantly trying to forget my own transgender status, and that being aware of the "trans community" requires that I also be aware of myself? I think I have moved along in my own transition to the point where I look at transgender issues more from the outside than as one from within the community itself.
Of course, I have empathy for people, especially the children, who are struggling with their own gender identities, and although I don't expect the general population to ever understand those struggles as I do, I wish that we could just be aware that we are all human beings. As Maya Angelou wrote, "We are more alike, my friends, than we are unalike." Bullying is not acceptable human behavior for any reason.
I was bullied as a child because my extreme efforts to hide my gender identity caused me to appear to be a weird kid to some people. Whether it was worse than the bullying a child must endure for coming out or not should not be the question; the awareness by either party is altered by individual perception. Maybe this should be Transgender Perception Week, then, yet are we more concerned with the perception of the transgender person or those perceptions of the rest of society?
I have to believe the awareness is already established by now, and we should be dealing with the perceptions by moving on to a level of acceptance - at least tolerance. The awareness we need to spread is that we are more alike than unalike."
Just an idea Connie that sooner more than later one enters a state of stealth in their transition, if you seek it or not. Some of us stay in the "arena" to perhaps help others as some sort of activists. Some just go away which is OK too.
We will see what the future brings with the new administration and how closely we will all have to band together to effect more change. For those having trans "passing privilege" going farther underground to be left alone would seem to be the natural way out. But fortunately, the younger generation isn't seeing it that way.
"Here I am, on Thursday, just becoming aware that this is Transgender Awareness Week. Could the reason for it be that I am constantly trying to forget my own transgender status, and that being aware of the "trans community" requires that I also be aware of myself? I think I have moved along in my own transition to the point where I look at transgender issues more from the outside than as one from within the community itself.
Of course, I have empathy for people, especially the children, who are struggling with their own gender identities, and although I don't expect the general population to ever understand those struggles as I do, I wish that we could just be aware that we are all human beings. As Maya Angelou wrote, "We are more alike, my friends, than we are unalike." Bullying is not acceptable human behavior for any reason.
I was bullied as a child because my extreme efforts to hide my gender identity caused me to appear to be a weird kid to some people. Whether it was worse than the bullying a child must endure for coming out or not should not be the question; the awareness by either party is altered by individual perception. Maybe this should be Transgender Perception Week, then, yet are we more concerned with the perception of the transgender person or those perceptions of the rest of society?
I have to believe the awareness is already established by now, and we should be dealing with the perceptions by moving on to a level of acceptance - at least tolerance. The awareness we need to spread is that we are more alike than unalike."
Just an idea Connie that sooner more than later one enters a state of stealth in their transition, if you seek it or not. Some of us stay in the "arena" to perhaps help others as some sort of activists. Some just go away which is OK too.
We will see what the future brings with the new administration and how closely we will all have to band together to effect more change. For those having trans "passing privilege" going farther underground to be left alone would seem to be the natural way out. But fortunately, the younger generation isn't seeing it that way.
Friday, November 18, 2016
Good Karma Day
I am a real believer in Karma and today should be a good one for me. (I need so much!)
My first stop this afternoon will be a stop at the site of the Greater Cincinnati Transgender Day of Remberance. As I have written here, I am on the set up committee and my responsibilitees include gettting participarts from "Point A" to "Point B" etc. I figured it would be important if I knew first :).
Tonight I am going to a monthly "safe haven" meeting and donating a few supplies for the hardcore homeless in Cincinnati.
At least it will be a good day for it-70 and sunshine. Tomorrow windy and temperatures in the 30's with the possibility of snow. Never a boring moment!
My first stop this afternoon will be a stop at the site of the Greater Cincinnati Transgender Day of Remberance. As I have written here, I am on the set up committee and my responsibilitees include gettting participarts from "Point A" to "Point B" etc. I figured it would be important if I knew first :).
Tonight I am going to a monthly "safe haven" meeting and donating a few supplies for the hardcore homeless in Cincinnati.
At least it will be a good day for it-70 and sunshine. Tomorrow windy and temperatures in the 30's with the possibility of snow. Never a boring moment!
Thursday, November 17, 2016
Makeup as a Art? Form?
Using makeup most certainly isn't a problem just for transgender or cross dresser women. Just look around for all the makeup counters and commercials you see for us all.
Like so many others, I was convinced until I found a woman to do my makeup, I would struggle forever. While some would argue I still struggle, the first real professional makeup job I had was from a man.
I was a member of one of the early so called hetero cross dresser clubs in Columbus, Ohio in the 1980's and one of the meetings featured free makeovers by a couple of professionals. Most of the members there were too shy to wipe off all the makeup they applied and start over but not me.
Of course back in those days I had far fewer wrinkles to deal with and was blessed with smoother skin and the professional worked wonders. So good I barely knew me!
The true tests were to come later when the so called "A" list cross dressers began to compliment me and even invited me to tag along that evening when they went out after the meeting.
Finally, the evening came to an end with one of those "what if" moments when a real live guy ignored all of them and asked me to stick around for a drink. At the spur of the moment "Cinderella" decided she would leave with them and go back to the hotel.
In the days, weeks and years ahead I tried my darnest to copy all the makeup guy told me to not much avail.
Every now and then I have someone ask for advice and I always say if you have the budget, go to a professional and buy the basics only. If you don't, experiment and don't let the mirror lie to you. Plus you can read tons of tutorials on line which focus on value versus effect.
Rest assured the mystery of makeup does get easier but it takes work and most certainly the whole process is one of the most pleasureable parts of being a woman.
Like so many others, I was convinced until I found a woman to do my makeup, I would struggle forever. While some would argue I still struggle, the first real professional makeup job I had was from a man.
I was a member of one of the early so called hetero cross dresser clubs in Columbus, Ohio in the 1980's and one of the meetings featured free makeovers by a couple of professionals. Most of the members there were too shy to wipe off all the makeup they applied and start over but not me.
Of course back in those days I had far fewer wrinkles to deal with and was blessed with smoother skin and the professional worked wonders. So good I barely knew me!
The true tests were to come later when the so called "A" list cross dressers began to compliment me and even invited me to tag along that evening when they went out after the meeting.
Finally, the evening came to an end with one of those "what if" moments when a real live guy ignored all of them and asked me to stick around for a drink. At the spur of the moment "Cinderella" decided she would leave with them and go back to the hotel.
In the days, weeks and years ahead I tried my darnest to copy all the makeup guy told me to not much avail.
Every now and then I have someone ask for advice and I always say if you have the budget, go to a professional and buy the basics only. If you don't, experiment and don't let the mirror lie to you. Plus you can read tons of tutorials on line which focus on value versus effect.
Rest assured the mystery of makeup does get easier but it takes work and most certainly the whole process is one of the most pleasureable parts of being a woman.
VA Backs Out of Gender Confirmation Surgery
Citing money problems, the Veterans Administration reversed their former stance of approving SRS surgeries.
As with most things with the VA, timing is everything as the announcement came out during Transgender Awareness Week. This is also the government agency which has been routinely in the news for poor care or excessive spending elsewhere. So playing the money card doesn't make sense.
What does make sense is, with the new anti LGBT administration coming into power, we will have to circle our wagons to protect hard earned victories.
As with most things with the VA, timing is everything as the announcement came out during Transgender Awareness Week. This is also the government agency which has been routinely in the news for poor care or excessive spending elsewhere. So playing the money card doesn't make sense.
What does make sense is, with the new anti LGBT administration coming into power, we will have to circle our wagons to protect hard earned victories.
Wednesday, November 16, 2016
Sarah McBride
McBride, 26, was the first out transgender American to address a national political convention earlier this year and as the spokeswoman of the nation’s largest LGBTQ rights group, has become its new face to the public, especially since the election of Donald Trump.
"There’s no question a lot of transgender students and their parents woke up Wednesday morning really scared,” McBride told the Associated Press on Sunday, speaking for HRC. “I’m feeling the way a lot of folks are feeling — worried that the heart of this country isn’t big enough to love us, too.”
On HRCs Facebook page, McBride appears in a video aimed at “combatting bullying and continuing the fight toward equality until we are all treated with the dignity and respect we deserve.”
To find out more about HRC’s new Parents for Transgender Equality Council, click here, and to see the training film addressing bullying of LGBTQ children, click here to watch, “What Can We Do?
Love It When a Plan Comes Together
Yesterday was one of those days. Like it or not I had a full day of appointments at the VA, usually the litmus test of my external acceptance as a woman. Over the years being transgender I have had my share of stares and comments from other patients (not staff). In fact in the case of some of my health care providers I have MtF transitioned in front of them as they prescribed my HRT.
Of course the success was a product of the two "c's" - clothing and confidence. From the ground up I wore my new boots, black tights and a lite sweater which dropped over my hips. For once I did just the right amount of makeup to look light I wasn't trying and my hair is still holding it's color and fighting back the gray.
Most importantly though, all my health appointments came through well. Without your health after all nothing else matters.
Secondly, I didn't receive many learing second looks and the only comments were "Ma'am" and "She."
The whole day was worth the old days of torment and turmoil I endured and I wondered why. I give credit to the boots giving me the support to improve my posture. Standing up straight has been such a hard habit to break. For such a long time I felt bending over a bit cut my height down. It did but gave me the poor posture most women don't have. Plus, even standing up straight still didn't make me that tall and more importantly made me look thicker. Not a good thing.
Finally, confidence is such a fragile thing. I for one would think as long as I have been out and about now, I would have plenty. Even still, confidence is my constant companion in my purse-good or bad. Yesterday it turns out I had plenty of the good kind.
Of course the success was a product of the two "c's" - clothing and confidence. From the ground up I wore my new boots, black tights and a lite sweater which dropped over my hips. For once I did just the right amount of makeup to look light I wasn't trying and my hair is still holding it's color and fighting back the gray.
Most importantly though, all my health appointments came through well. Without your health after all nothing else matters.
Secondly, I didn't receive many learing second looks and the only comments were "Ma'am" and "She."
The whole day was worth the old days of torment and turmoil I endured and I wondered why. I give credit to the boots giving me the support to improve my posture. Standing up straight has been such a hard habit to break. For such a long time I felt bending over a bit cut my height down. It did but gave me the poor posture most women don't have. Plus, even standing up straight still didn't make me that tall and more importantly made me look thicker. Not a good thing.
Finally, confidence is such a fragile thing. I for one would think as long as I have been out and about now, I would have plenty. Even still, confidence is my constant companion in my purse-good or bad. Yesterday it turns out I had plenty of the good kind.
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