Trans Gender Blender

Yesterday (and today) was yet another day when I ended up looking back at key points of my transition.

"Back in the day" I wondered how I could "traverse" the gender gap of life as a guy for 60 plus years with assuming the feminine lifestyle I was so desperate to get to. Like so many others in my situation, there were certain "stereotypes" we thought could/would define us. Perhaps sitting at an upscale bar smoking a "Virginia Slim" cigarette while sipping a "foo foo" drink. (I hated even 'trying' to smoke.}

"Foo foo" means some sort of fruity alcohol drink which tastes nothing like alcohol. By the way, if you drink them, it's one off the most common ways for a bartender to make sure you don't taste the alcohol-there is none. They love to give your shot to a bar regular for an extra tip!

At any rate, as you Cyrsti's Condo regulars know, life didn't quite turn out the way I figured it would/could during my Mtf gender transition. Finally it came to me I could indeed bring the enjoyable part of my past with me. I began to notice cis women who enjoyed sports and beer and even became to be accepted in their sandbox. Sometimes to the point of being described as being too girly.

As it turned out-the blender wasn't done today! Read on in the next post.

You Can't Change at the YMCA?

Via Connie, the story of a Tacoma,Washington YMCA is now caving to pressure and changing it's stance on transgender use of it's changing rooms:

On the heels of a new "bathroom bill" in Wisconsin and just days after bathroom usage became an issue for one transgender student in Missouri, a YMCA near Seattle is embroiled in its own bathroom battle.

"The Y in Tacoma, Wash., attempted to make its bathroom policies more accommodating to transgender individuals, reported Seattle TV station KOMO. But the facility encountered a backlash from members, what the station called "a flood of phone calls, emails and social media postings."

So the YMCA recinded its new policy, which would have allowed transgender members to use the locker room of their choice. 

Those in charge of the athletic facility gave KOMO this explanation for the policy change: "a non-transgender individual might pose as a transgender [sic] to gain access to our locker rooms and expose themselves to children and cause harm to children." 

"We are asking that our transgender members use our private changing room at our family facilities," YMCA spokesperson Michelle LaRue told KOMO."

Trans sunset over Cincinnati

Of course we know: " studies have found that transgender people are much more likely to be the targets of harassment and violence when using gender-segregated spaces like restrooms or locker rooms, rather than the perpetrators of such crimes. In fact, there has never been a verified instancereported of someone "pretending" to be transgender to enter gender-segregated spaces and cause harm to cisgender individuals.

Nevertheless, the false assumption that transgender people are deceiptful and have nefarious motives behind their desire to exercise basic human bodily functions persists, and continues to give rise to misguided policies and legislation that isolates and stigmatizes transgender people. "

Thanks Connie and you all can follow the link for more!

"Grass Roots" Transgender Politics

No! Not that kind of grass (which by the way is coming up for legalization this fall Ohio) the other kind of political campaigning - which by the way, seems to be in total disarray with the Republicans  Something all of us in the LGBTQ community need to be aware of.

Out in Oregon (literally) a transgender woman decided to meet a politician who had never met a trans woman: From the "Oregonian"

"Last month, after Rep. Carl Wilson announced he will introduce a bill to ban transgender teenagers from having sex reassignment surgery, the Grants Pass legislator admitted he had not yet knowingly met a transgender person.

Elaine Walquist decided to be his first.

A 64-year-old retired teacher, Walquist spent most of her adult life living in "stealth" after having the surgery in 1980. Last week, in an hour-long meeting both parties called friendly, Walquist experienced something new, too: It was her first time telling a stranger her story.

Walquist grew up in Michigan, the second of four children. She was a skinny, honor-roll student who loved Broadway musicals and spent prom night reading a book. The morning of her 13th birthday, she began wishing she would wake up a girl. She wished every year until 1980, when she was 28 and had saved enough from a job working at a hotel.

Legislators weren't talking about women like Walquist then. There were no advocacy groups lobbying states and insurance companies to cover transition-related procedures.

When she began taking female hormones and going through lengthy, painful electrolysis procedures, she did so alone."

As a side note Elaine was not able to change his mind but said they parted with much more respect and knowledge than before. Follow the link for more, including an all too familiar MtF gender transition story from those of us "of age."

Women Form Cliques and Men Form Teams

No big earth shattering news in that headline? Right? All in all, it's just another version of "Women are from Venus" and "Men from Mars."  Over the years, I have written about where transwomen and transgender men come from.

I think (assuming we make it through life relatively unscathed) we are Earthlings. Why? Because we do assume a highly unique view of the genders by simply living our lives. Men mistrust us because we have made a conscious choice to leave the "team." Women often are much more curious as to the reasons behind us joining their's.

As I widened my scope of feminine acquaintances who have never met my past self, it seemed that only a few doors had to be opened and I was admitted to what I have always called the "girl's sandbox".

I found for the most part, I did not threaten the other cis women except for the ones who always seemed to keep in the back of their noggin's the nagging idea I used to live a very male life. So I didn't matter to the average woman chasing down a man, stuck in family drama-etc-or I was just too damn old and certainly wasn't going to win any beauty battles!

On Mars, I always felt it was ironic that once I chose to leave the man's team, I was for the most  part feared or very/very excluded. I guess because they felt I was cheating in the gender game. No sports or beer for me!

Which brings me full circle to my journal post for today-what type of women do I enjoy hanging out with the most?

It wasn't so long ago I would have said "all." Now, not so much. One example was a woman who was at the Nail Party the other night. For some reason, she just made me feel a little uneasy. We had never met before and we never really interacted that night, but she just didn't seem like the type I would meet for a cup of coffee anytime soon.

That's OK though, I will try to stay grounded here on Earth and let my transgender experience calm all the gender drama around me. All that traveling just makes me tired!

Who Deserves "What?"

I have been following Terri Lee Ryan's series of posts on the cross dressing culture. She is one of the few I have found who does not mix in transgender women into the mix. For the most part, I have agreed with, or at the least read with interest the posts. But the latest sort of "rubbed" me the wrong way.

It was entitled "Cross Dressers Deserve a Happy Marriage." I immediately thought-and who doesn't? Actually, she was reiterating what all of us already know. Whatever tripped whatever "switches" in our psyches to forever attract us to women's (or men's) clothes as CD's or to feel sure our gender issues go much deeper-just aren't going away...ever.

So yes Teri, cross dressers do deserve a happy marriage. But as you yourself wrote, walking that tightrope with a spouse who has one hand on the family checkbook and the other with a speed dial number to her divorce lawyer, is tough.

Sorry, Terri, looks like you were just reaching for a topic to speak to a choir with on this one. Plus you didn't mention the number of women who outwardly don't mind cross dressers-until it is her husband in her new dress.

Don't forget women have egos too!

Transgender Women and Violence

We all know the ever present threat of violence to trans women and men everywhere. Especially to those of color. But what we don't think about enough is how prevalent this violent behavior is to others in the LGBT community too.

As you Cyrsti's Condo regulars know, I'm a huge fan of Helen Boyd who has written two books (My Husband Betty) and teaches gender studies at Lawrence University in Wisconsin. After reading a recent post called "To the Guys" I strongly felt the need to pass it along. First of all though, I am going to give you an excerpt of why so many of us feel uneasy:

"When women complain about being catcalled, this is why. Too often we don’t feel safe and a catcall reminds us that we’re attracting attention – wanted or unwanted. & Sometimes it feels safer to be less noticeable when we’re out.

That phrase, “safe enough”, came out of a conversation I had with a gay man about what it’s like to walk past a guy on the street. You never know how he’s going to respond, or what’s going to happen. The safety concerns aren’t just women’s. The violence some of us worry about isn’t just sexual violence. It’s gay bashing. It’s transphobia. It’s racism.

The thing is, even if you’re not that guy, you probably know that guy. It’s not that you’d even know who he is, either, which is why everything you say or do when you’re only with other guys matters. Jokes about crazy bitches, gay men, all of that. When you don’t stand up in the little situations, the guys who would hurt gay men and trans people and women get permission. They think you hate us all too because of the jokes you tell or listen to without objecting.

Someone isn’t taking no for an answer, or is freaking out because a gay guy is crushed out on you, or because a trans woman is hot."

What I like about Helen is she is speaking from experience (with a transgender spouse).

You can read more of this thought provoking post here, and maybe think a little more about your safety in the near future. Especially if you are just coming out of the closet into the feminine world.

The World Wide Condo?

One thing I forgot to mention about our last Cyrsti's Condo post was is a reflection of my generation I guess.

Mick Dodge

I just didn't realize how much the post was truly international in scope. Jeni is in Australia, Paula in the UK, I of course am in Ohio (Mid West USA) and Connie lives in Seattle (Pacific West Coast) - in Mick Dodge's tree house.

The internet lives and the transgender world is alive and well on it!!!

Cross Dressing and the Guy Next Door?

After the Cyrsti's Condo "20 Word" post on words you believe to be female in nature, Connie came up with an idea to do 20 for cross dressers and Jeni even directed me over to a Paula Goodwin Facebook post on "Crossdressing Success Stories." Both are incredibly interesting. 

First, Paula's- being the bitch I am (on the 20 word list) or inquiring minds want to know, doesn't one have to define what dictates "success" as a crossdresser? I mean if you can go shopping or whatever as a girl and not be "busted as a guy",is that "success? In that case, I'm pretty sure I had tons more failures than success. I guess the biggest success I had though was figuring out the clothes actually had very little to do with the process. Something much deeper was going on. Which brings me to another comment sent in from Jeni (I paraphrase) - how many times does cross dressing lead to a person becoming transgender. 

Number one, I don't believe someone "becomes" trans. Either you is, or you 'ain't.' It may manifest itself in your life at any time, but it's there. So, like marijuana leading to doing heroin, a cross dresser will not automatically take the path to a transgender future. If the dots are already there-they are easier to connect.

As far as 20 "crossdressing words", here is part of Connie's comment:

"OK, we could try to come up with a different list: 20 Reasons People Cross Dress. Notice that I say "people", as the lists may be different for men than for women. Also, and more importantly, designating the sex of the cross dresser would change the whole definition. That is, I believe there is a difference between a cis male who identifies as such, but partakes in the activity of wearing women's attire (to whatever degree and for whatever reason) and a cis male who (gender) identifies as a woman wearing women's attire (to whatever degree and for whatever duration).

 I know many more (self proclaimed) cross dressers than (self proclaimed) transgender women ("full-time" or "part-time"), yet I'm not sure that the self-proclamations are always accurate. Many of the cross dressers may have just settled for the lifestyle out of fear of the loss of loved ones or a career, but they, at the same time, identify their genders as being female in secret. So, they cross dress (or do they?), when they can get away with it, as a coping mechanism. Furthermore, their self-proclamation could very well be a coping mechanism (denial) in itself. *Been there-done that."

Go here for the rest!

Trans-Dawn

I missed a true pink and blue sunset over downtown Cincinnati last night. So this was the best I could come up with this morning.

    Just had to call it "trans dawn" and send it along with tons of positive vibes to all of you down on your luck and/or still huddled in a dark closet.

A brighter day is coming!!!