Working the Room?

Saturday night as I mentioned in the Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition"- a bunch of us went to an amateur boxing event in downtown Dayton, Ohio. 

First of all, let me try to explain the physical set up. The ring itself for lack of a better term sat against the back wall in a space under a parking garage over hang. Chairs surrounded the ring in a semi circle with a beer truck on the left, and food concessions on the right (including the rest rooms.) Of course we ended up sitting on the left side. 

As it turned out, just before the boxing matches began, Liz and I thought a trip to the restrooms would be a good idea - so we did.  We headed along the semi circle aisle to the other side. I am sure the trip wasn't the mile and a half it felt like and I wasn't the visual cannon fodder to every woman in the seats behind me. On the other hand, I kept telling myself "shoulders back and chest out."

I found two things out for certain-the trip was not a mile and I survived.    

As far as being "cannon fodder?" I'm used to that!!!! I was busy looking for any other transgender women watching the event. 

"Houston - We DON'T Have a Problem."--Anymore

Seemingly, it has been nearly  four decades ago when Bobbie sent me the story about Phyllis Randolph Frye's story. The story was in the New York Times via Houston, Texas and represents why stealth was basically the only way to come out-back in the day. Unless you were blessed with incredible "natural" passing privilege.

Read on, (for Phyllis),  It was the summer of 1976. As Bruce Jenner, 26, was celebrating his decathlon victory at the Montreal Olympics, Phillip Frye, 28, was admitting defeat in suppressing his gender identity. He, becoming she, had already lost a lot: He had been forced to resign from the military for “sexual deviation.” He had been disowned by his parents, divorced by his first wife and separated from his son. He had been dismissed from several engineering jobs.

And there was more:

In response, (to coming out) she got her house egged, her tires slashed, and her driveway spray-painted with obscenities. Teenagers openly mocked her, the engineering profession blackballed her and the federal government rejected her for a job because of her “desire to impersonate the opposite sex.”

In the early days of writing Cyrsti's Condo, one my fave rants was an "anti-stealth" one. Perhaps age really does "dim" the memory to protect the innocent-or the guilty as far as the transgender community goes.

Cyrsti's Condo 'Quote of the DAY"

From the "reality" show Port Protection:

"Where the Women are Men and the Men are Animals."

Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition"

Ker Plunk another Sunday edition is hitting your virtual front porch. Here in Southwestern Ohio, we are back to what traditionally is called "Indian Summer" when much of our traditional summer heat and humidity returns for it's last "hurrah" before fall. Let's grab a cup 'o' joe (coffee) and get started!

Page One-The Week that Was or Wasn't: To me the biggest thing that has happened to me for awhile in the transgender world was the announcement from the Pentagon that an actual timetable has been set for allowing active duty transgender troops to serve openly for the first time in their military careers.

Also, along the way- the news of  Raffi Freedman-Gurspan, (left) a former policy adviser at the National Center for Transgender Equality, will serve as an outreach and recruitment director in the White House Office of Presidential Personnel. Obviously, great news on both!
Page Two- Opinion.- Pronouns and the Trans Person: To me at least, they shouldn't but the use of gender pronouns people use with me define me. Often though, it's not fair to a public who is just getting familiar with trans women and transgender men at all. Plus, we are asking a person to make a split second gender decision on us. I had plenty of examples this weekend alone. There was the clerk girl at the shoe store yesterday who started to call me "sir" (at the check out) and to her I just said "No, thank you sir."  

Then there was the receptionist at the Veteran's Administration a couple weeks ago who changed  pronouns on me seemingly ten times a minute until she was totally frustrated. The list goes on endlessly of course. The woman taking tickets at the amateur boxing match we went to last night (Thanks Kim!) he/she'd me instantly when she took my ticket.
Of course, I'm not alone (with many of you) in the fact "passing privilege" will never be 100% ours, and pronouns may always be a problem or embarrassment of sorts for both parties.  

I do have a solution though. Most of the offenders I encounter aren't doing anything inherently evil. They are just confused and uneducated. I am thinking of printing up a very short list of alleviating the public's questions and when I do encounter a person, I will give them one.

Page Three .-The Back Page: Most of you know, I am not much of a "fashionista" but this weekend I grabbed Liz (she smiled) and we went shoe shopping. I did get "radical" and dipped into my limited funds and bought a pair of "short" boots that come just above my ankles and a pair of green/teal actual women's tennis shoes. (I know neither are very sexy-but both are very functional.) So looking ahead at the tons of fall festivals in the area and later into the winter weather-I m set up fairly well with my three pairs of boots.
Well kids, I have to get going and rustle up another cup o joe As always, thanks for stopping by!!!! 'Luv ya' all!!!

Shock and Awe II

As I mentioned in my last Cyrsti's Condo post, yesterday was a very long day. So let's pick up where we left off-arriving at Liz's sometime around 6 PM after navigating some rather aggressive Cincinnati rush hour Friday traffic.

After a short half hour break, we were on the road again, this time to head out to the middle of nowhere. Somewhere out near Connersville, Indiana to pick up her son for the weekend from a mostly surly Dad. Most assume Indiana (like Ohio) is this vast cornfield. It;s not and the part we drove through was very hilly and I assume less than LGBT diverse. In fact Liz and I play this little game of how long I would last in some of these little towns. If I am wrong and you live in one, let me know and I will apologize! 

We arrived to pick the son around dusk and headed back towards Cinci stopping to eat at an well known chain of highway family dining restaurants (the ones with general stores.)

Everything was cool, we ordered our food-got it when Liz started to growl about the women who sat down at the table on our left. Basically she was saying "I am going to have to kick her arse if she keeps staring." For once, I hadn't even noticed but said "to hell with the woman, I was ready to knaw off my arm." Instead of bitching to management about her or saying something, I was just too tired to worry about the bitch. 

As luck would have it for the woman, her life at the restaurant got progressively worse as a fairly big group of diners became fairly boisterous. I turned and watched her faced as she glared and rolled her eyes. What was going on? She was having a big night out with a kid who could have been a grandson and a man who looked to be a 60 something like her and all hell breaks loose.

First she is subjected to sitting at a table next to me and then all that noise? Really?

She was in "Shock and Awe" of the situation! As was I as we finally rolled back into Liz's around 10 PM and I took a look in the mirror. Wowza! No wonder the woman was scared! So was I. Maybe a little upkeep on the hair as well as a makeup touch up would have been nice.

Oh well, maybe the whole evening will provide her with more church gossip and condemnations on Sunday. After all, she had to sit close to and stare at one of those trans what? women. And, oh yeah, about all those black people making all that noise...

Shock and Awe!

Yesterday was one of those days which I knew was going to be long, but not so sure how long. 

First of all, the weather was tremendous and an ideal time to have yet another sidewalk sale at my old house in Springfield which I am continuing to clean out from literally 20 years or more of "collecting." I don't sell much but every little bit helps me to "get by" and augment my very meager Social Security. It's better than carrying a sign and standing on a corner asking for change. Can ya spare a dime brother for a poor trans vet? But...I didn't have to because...

I was successful in "moving a couple pieces" out as I grow ever closer to putting the place up for sale and went back to Sis-in-Law's to pack up and drive the hundred miles or so to Liz's. Decided to wear my best "Boho-Hippie" outfit".  A long flowing multi colored purple skirt, tank top and flip flops. It fits right in as, on the way to Liz's I go through Yellow Springs, Ohio which was (and is) a hot bed of hippie/liberal activity and  a place I have felt immensely connected to. I was dressing to blend in my mind for the past and present!

Let's "back track" a bit and mention too, the "mousse was loose" yesterday- as Liz and I call it. In my hair from when I washed it Thursday. I love to just shampoo, condition and mousse my already very wavy hair and basically just let it go. So, I went with the "460 Air Conditioning" in my Rolls Royce (4 windows down at 60 miles an hour) and headed for Cincinnati. I always love going through "The Springs" imagining I could go back and re-live just a few of those years I so admired the hippie girls with their long wavy hair. When I had my Army 'high and tight'.

Of course I can't so the closest I can come is to let my "freak flags fly"; turn up one of the Woodstock CD's I just found in my house and head on down the road. What could be any better?

I am sure my old dog in the back seat was thinking "here we go again!" And go we did-once I got to Liz's as "Shock and Awe" continues!!!

You Never Know Where You Are Going-Till You Get There

Liz is fond of taking much of the credit for "kicking me out of my transgender nest." From the beginning she only saw me as trans. She has been with me nearly five years now, including starting HRT, so I guess technically she knew me as a cross dresser.

It took a while, but either I began to shut up about my transition experiences, got used to them or whatever-because I began to hear less and less "welcome to my world" (I hate it!) Ideally, it's not her world, it's how I perceived it then and now.

But don't get me wrong, she did put her boot up my rear and kick me out of the nest. I began to grow my personality in the gender I learned I felt most comfortable in. (I always thought I would and I love it when I'm right!)

What is also fun is the number of so called "civilians" Liz and I have met in our travels. Of course I am considered anything from unique to "just one of the girls" who happens to be a little different. Most importantly I just want to be considered a quality human and every place we go (like the knitting group) I don't have to be a standard carrier for the LGBTQ culture. In fact, the wider I expand my circles, the more I find people do know more and more of us who are particularly transgender, gay or lesbian.

As Connie is fond of saying "It ain't over till it's over." (Wait-that wasn't her.)  But she does say transitioning does follow you to the grave.

Again the fun part is seeing the signs ahead, but never quite getting there!!!

Corny?

Today I just had to get out and away-been up here with Sis in Law for about a week. Plus, I have been feeling really crummy the entire week. Since the day was another cool sunny day, I packed up the old dog and we headed North into some heavy rural/agricultural areas I used to travel with friends when I was younger.

There are nothing like miles of corn and soybeans on an empty highway to give me time to think. After considering I could see why the white man originally stole this rich heart land from the Shawnee and other Native American tribes-my mind turned to what the life of a young transgender person would be like these days where I was. 

Of course I don't know for sure but if you have ever heard of the 4-H  Club or the FFA (Future Farmers of America), I don't know if they even formally accept transgender girls and boys. As I passed on of the big 4-H symbols on a barn, I thought that maybe a trans kid could maybe gain a circle of friends. 

Then, I thought of the area high school I was driving through and all I thought of was how brutal an experience that could be. All of a sudden I realized I did have a point of LGBTQ reference of sorts on that very school. Years ago, one of the drag queens in the area was actually part of the the school's color guard/flag team. I never had a chance to talk to her about her experiences.

All too soon though, the dog was tired, I was tired (out of gas) so it was time to head back!

All You Need is Love!

With all respect to the Beatles, all you need is love- with a liberal dose of knowledge. As many of transgender women and trans men  have found as we have transitioned to the outside world, it is not such a scary place after all. BUT NOT SO FOR MANY. 

Unfortunately, we have a HUGE way to go in the LGBTQ world to pave the way to a better life-especially for our youth.

As it happened, I saw this event through Facebook and a Cincinnati Transgender Group site. And since Burlington, Kentucky is actually very close to Liz's house- I volunteered to help any way I could.

Happy to say, I received an nearly immediate positive response.

Indeed, "Love Must Win" and if I can get out from behind this computer and help more-I can't wait!

Thanks Ryan!