Connie, Connie, Connie?

This morning when I opened the Cyrsti's Condo comment page to review, I saw I had been really "smooched" by the "Seattle Bombshell" or just bombed "Connie."  Before I head out on the tundra, I thought I would share one.

First of all, since she is from Seattle, Connie is a coffee snob. She commented: "The only thing that is disappointing here is that you get your coffee at a gas station. YUK"  What she doesn't know is all the attention I get from the tree company guys!!! On the other hand-  She (Connie) is stuck watching a bunch of Frazier reruns in a Seattle coffee shop, all the time wondering if she had a chance with Frazier's closeted gay brother Niles.

Her second point was much more serious and it concerned a transgender woman's often rough interactions with lesbians... coming up next!

Cyrsti's Condo "Vintage Looks"

Remember Jim Bailey? Female impersonator extraordinaire!

It's a Start!

Every once in a while I mention the often bewildering world of changing your gender markers (which means flipping the "M" to "F" or vice versa.  The rules often change radically depending upon where you live.

I have also mentioned I'm just lazy plus a huge procrastinator.  The other day though when Liz and I stopped into a convenience store/gas station for petrol and coffee.  It so happens I have had a rewards card there for ever.  It was still in my male name until the other day when Liz saw the receipt and the name.  To make a long story short, she said something not so positive about the name she saw.

OK already! I changed the name and the marker from "Mr." to "Ms."  I wish it all could be that easy.  Even I would have to quit putting it off.

Leelah's and Lindsey's Legacy?

Of course Leelah Alcorn's suicide and plea for help has tragically come and gone.  Part of her legacy around here (from where she was from) is turning out to be a continuing discussion of what it means to be transgender.  WKRC TV, the CBS affiliate in Cincy recently produced a special on transwoman Lindsey Deaton.(Left)

  Lindsey is one of the rare transgender women who has been able to transition during a long term marriage to a generic. She is also very visible in the local community. I have added a link below to the story and video.  My disclaimer is in the past we have had a difficult time with WKRC's links.  Check this one!

Go here

Cyrsti's Condo "Too Much Beauty for One Gender"

I'm not even sure I would be correct in using the "androgynous" word for (Tokio Hotel) musician Bill Kaulitz.  What would David Bowie and Boy George say?

And My Blog Gently Weeps

From GayStar News and Trans Ohio:
A 22-year-old, believed to be a trans woman, is alleged to have been stabbed to death by her father on Friday night (13 February). Bri Golec, an artist and drummer from Akron, Ohio, is the seventh known trans person to murdered this year. -Trans Ohio said: 'We are saddened to learn of the murder of Bri Golec (left), a 22-year-old trans woman who resided in Akron, Ohio. 'Her father has been arrested and is in jail at this time. Please keep our Akron community in your thoughts and prayers.



This is yet another refusal of the family to accept a members transgender identity.  Here is more:   The language in this report (from Akron) has been updated to reflect family members' clear statement that Golec was male and not a trans woman. We continue to note, as we did before, that Golec's gender identity can not be 100% confirmed based on conflicting evidence currently available. - See more here. 

Snowed In

Well, the much awaited meeting with the grand kids was snowed out today.  Cincinnati (Bostonians ignore this) is getting a foot of snow in the area and the thermometer is at a balmy four degrees.  At any rate, too much snow to drive a hour and a half in. We will have to "git er done!" later.  Of course kids are a blank canvas on which parents and family draw on, so fortunately I have only a positive canvas to complete. The deadline is sometime in May, when both families are expecting the real me at grand daughter's birthday party. 

My real surprise came though the other day when my daughter started to talk to me what I am required to wear at my oldest grandson's Bar Mitzvah . (A year from now.)  It seems all of his closely related women family members are wearing similar outfits.  The whole moment was yet another of the surreal moments I have experienced recently in my transgender transition.

 

Connie and Maria added a couple more thoughts!

1. For you, Presidents Day will forevermore be Precedence Day! Weather permitting, or whether not permitting: Is that the question? Well, I think that you have better than "a snowball's chance" with the grandkids. Just a reminder, though - talking 'not down' or 'not up' is challenging, but 'not too much' is advised. It's the old K.I.S.S. adage that, I think, works best here. And, if you're really lucky, you'll get a real kiss before the day with them is over! :
2. Maria HardingFebruary 15, 2015 at 9:12 PM

   Best wishes on your tasks for tomorrow with the grand kids. They love you. Kids are so open, they'll probably just shrug their shoulders and say, "OK" 

Maria these three definitely are going to think "is that it" or as my daughter said, unless I grew a tail and pointed ears, her youngest wouldn't care-since he is such a huge cat fan!

 

Good Question!

I ran across this post on a site called "Slate".  It's near and dear to me because as most of you know, my partner Liz identifies as a staunch lesbian.  So, more often or not I am in the company of women, straight or gay.  Of all the groups I deal with though, lesbians are the most likely one I will get at the least given the cold shoulder to or at the worst-flat out discriminated against. The problem to me is I am not the enemy to cis-lesbians-the same as I told the teen therapist (who happened to be a Christian) on the radio.  Look, I know not everyone has to accept or like me but finding out I'm not alone (as always) makes me feel a bit better. Read on:

 "In theory, our multifaceted, multilettered queer community is all about alliance, solidarity, and mutual support. Though we’ve seen advances in areas like marriage equality and nondiscrimination ordinances, systematic oppression of LGBTQ individuals continues in the form of disparate treatment in health care, employment, criminal justice, and public accommodations such as bathrooms and similar sex-segregated spaces. With so much to fight against outside our coalition, divisions within it have largely gone unchecked, with destructive rifts continuing to grow. One of the widest of these rifts exists between the L’s and T’s, particularly between cisgender lesbians and trans women."

If you have observed or dealt with the cis lesbian community at all, this is a wonderful article which goes into the misconceptions both sides have about each other and is worth the read.

I will leave you with this positive excerpt:

"There will always be differences in the experiences of cisgendered women and trans ones, masculine people and feminine ones, and between each and every unique individual. Already, there are signs that the divide between cis lesbians and trans women is growing smaller, as more and more queer women’s groups are extending explicit welcomes to trans women, women’s colleges are opening admissions to trans women, and more trans women are adding their voices to feminist campaigns. True, our differences can lead to misunderstandings and tensions, but the diversity that comes with difference can also be a source of great strength if we are willing to allow ourselves to learn from one another and support each other’s individuality. "

Vanessa Vitiello Urquhart is a freelance writer who draws the web comic Tiny Butch Adventures.

Stealth, Activism and the Grandkids?

How's that for a post heading?  First of all, here is my definition of "stealth" :

1. You are "able" to.  that means more than mere appearance.
2. You do have a level of passing privilege, attitude, confidence-whatever.
3. You live, understand and embrace your new life.

I used to feel two things about stealth. Number one, it terribly hurt the knowledge and advancement of the transgender community during my generation. And, two I could never even be in a situation to go stealth. Well, it seems these days, stealth could be a possibility because of the effects of HRT and the relationship/social settings I have found myself in.  As I have written about recently, I am not going to out myself but won't hide from who I am.  After all, being trans is just one small facet of my personality.  But, none of what I just wrote will ever stop me from being a vocal example of change for the transgender community. Being an "activist" however is a highly subjective term and often in the mind of the beholder.

"And the Grandkids?" Weather permitting, the big sit down "coming out" breakfast with my three grand kids is tomorrow (Monday).  Two have "known" but have never met the real me out of male drag and one (the youngest) hasn't really been included much.  They range in age from seven to thirteen and too smart for their own good.  (Aren't they all?)  My biggest job is not talking down or up to them!!!!