Fight the Bigots and Haters

There is a site where you can add your support to the young transgender woman Cassidy Lynn Campbell who was bullied after her Homecoming Queen win.
Go here.

Wide Wonderful World of Wideo's!

OK, I couldn't come up with enough "V" words for the title so what's the harm in a bit of creative license?  (Very little!)
As I lined up yet another male to female transformation video for the Cyrsti's Condo big screen, I began to think how unfair most of them are to the majority of us.  Here we are, daily scraping by to transition, present and carve out a world in our non birth gender. It's just unfair how "female ready" some of these guys are. But is it really?

A couple indicators I look for in a video is the size of the person's shoulders and an indication of height. With many, I'm simply amazed with how small they are.  Over the years, I have known or seen transgender women, cross dressers and/or drag queens who have been built the same way.  The best example I remember comes from 260 years ago one night when I was at an amateur drag show. One of the performers was absolutely the most petite, effeminate males I have ever seen and obviously a stunner in drag. On the other hand, I had to mentally shudder at the possible bullying and abuse this kid had to take. In fact, he was subjected to it there.  An especially creepy "admirer" in the crowd was scaring the hell out of the kid and rightfully so before he was removed.

So I guess (as with everything) Momma Karma giveth and taketh away. But regardless of how far the video subjects have traveled in their transitions, there are more than a million very entertaining, educational and amazing videos on the subject. Like this one from a drag queen:

Transgender Morphing

I found this interesting video to pass along on the Cyrsti's Condo big screen which features a series of MtF transgender before and afters.  This one is a little different in that the gender images are "morphed" from male to female. Take a look:

"Pass" the Makeup Please

If you are not familiar with a site called The Transadvocate,  you should be. They are a top shelf spot featuring transgender issues, features, and discussions. As you may remember, I have mentioned their work several times here in Cyrsti's Condo.

Recently Transadvocate ran a post by Dana Taylor called "On "Passing" As A Woman." She begins by writing:

"Right up front I will tell you that I cringe when I hear passing as a woman in relation to a trans woman. What this really means is passing as a cisgender woman. A real woman, right?"

And a bit later adds:

"They want all women to meet certain stereotypical criteria which includes how you look, smell, walk, talk, etc. We should never tell our sisters that they must meet this criteria to be a woman. Even though you may think you are trying to help this person you may actually be causing damage to them. For instance, there are some trans women who have physical male characteristics that will never allow them to meet the passing criteria. I am one of those women. If I had listened to a lot of advice from trans women on being a woman, I am not sure where I would be today. It is difficult enough to come out and try to be who you are than to have all these other requirements put on you. This can cause some trans women who are not out yet to never come out thinking there is no way they could pass."

I so agree!   I get all sorts of  messages which begin with  saying "I will never pass", I immediately consider one of three things:

1.- If you use the "never" term, you are a success! It will "never" happen.
2.- You are not willing to go through the years of trial and mostly error I have endured with my "linebacker" body to enjoy bits of success. (Did you think I was born with all this "natural beauty?) Kidding!
3.- Most importantly, what are you trying to pass as?

As Dana said above you may fit into a category where indeed you will never "pass" as a genetic woman but is there a problem with "passing" as an attractive transgender woman?

Check out this message I received from a reader the other day:  He said he was afraid to go out and he would need to look exactly like a woman before he did. I told him "good luck with that"! Sure, there are rare guys like the kid on the left who indeed may "pass" in the strictest sense or the British chopper crewman above. The rest of us know our path is beyond tough and has no guarantee of success.

Then, there is the classic example of Stana of Femulate fame. The picture to the right is what she was wearing the day we met for coffee last summer. She is unapologetic about being very tall and in tall heels. I have had comm enters say they are too tall to pass. Obviously Stana doesn't feel that way and she proved it to me as I was able to look over her shoulder at all those men getting lost in all those legs.

The common thread here goes back to what Dana pointed out.
"A woman is a woman who makes her own choices on how she wants to look, dress, smell or anything else that has to do with her own body. If she wants to follow the stereotypical concept of being a woman, she should be free to do so."

She went on to add and I paraphrase, society needs to get the hell over how we want to live and leave us alone - and you know what? We have contributors here in the Condo who are living examples of how society does adjust to us for a change. Pat, Tracy and myself of course.

Let me repeat though "If you tell me you will never "pass", I will certainly take you at face value."

***Go here for the entire Transadvocate post.

Top Ten Rest Room 101...Again

I update this post every now and then here in Cyrsti's Condo because the simple act of finding a place to pee is so difficult for transgender and transsexual women and men.

My quick list. (Your's could be different)

1.- NEVER take your rest room pass for granted. As you read in the news all the time, many peeps will accept you in all public places but the rest room.
2.- DO go for the point of least resistance. For example one of the big box store chains around me actually has their rest rooms in the vestibule before you go in the store.
3.- GET IN and OUT. The longer you play with your hair and make up in the mirror, the greater the chance another woman will take a closer look at you too.
4.-DO wash your hands.  If you are being scrutinized, if you don't wash your hands, you will be more certain to be labeled a guy. The more experience you have, the more you will find the myth of a pristine women's room is just that.
5.- DON'T BE STUPID.    Sit Down to Pee! It's not as dumb as it sounds. Years ago I actually had a woman follow me into a restroom to see if I sat down or not. Be smart though and look down on what you are going to sit on.  Lots of women are found of the Tyra Banks "squat over the toilet to pee" method but not so fond of cleaning up afterward.
6.-MAKE SURE your stall is locked. If you happen to be stuck in one that won't try to hold your hand on it while you go. While we are on the subject of locked stalls, don't hide in one until the room empties of waiting women who have to go.  You will be roundly disliked.
7.-BE PREPARED to wait. Ideally you can monitor a rest room in a place like a restaurant for an idea of traffic but the women's room is tricky. You don't have the neat quick gadgets like urinals for quick turnaround and a woman with a kid or two can really slow the room down. Plus meeting those kids is also tricky. Don't panic though, lots of time Mom is so engrossed with getting the "little darlings" in and out, you are the least of her problems.
8.-PROPS.  If you are stuck in line, have your cell phone ready to "occupy" yourself. Another trick is to carry a pad or tampon. Over the years I have been asked twice. Could be innocent or a simple way to ask do you really need one?
9.-MAKE EYE CONTACT.  It's tough but the restroom is the place to project the fact you are doing nothing wrong. Another hint to pass along is, another woman may smile at you just because she can woman to woman. This is not the macho men's room. Finally, you can also learn volumes about how your presentation is working...good...bad...or ugly by making eye contact. Acceptance, approval, no reaction and real ugly are possibilities.
10.-KNOW WHEN TO RUN.  If the situation gets bad. (I've had the cops called on me a couple times over the years and other UGLY incidents) Just move on as quickly and with as much dignity as you can... Unless you know your local laws protect you and want to make a stand.

Of course there are many more nuances of effectively securing and maintaining your women's room pass-all the way to how you sit on the toilet to mimic a woman's flow. Rest assured, if a woman has her doubts about you and you both got a stall at the same time, she will be listening. Especially if the room was empty and she more or less followed you in just to see what was going on. Turn the tables and listen to see what she is doing. If nothing, be on high alert.

More than anything else we do and learn during the transgender transition process, rest room passes are the most intense. Just be a good student, do your best and you will be fine!

FYI...the places I have felt the most resistance to using the women's room?  Mixed gay and lesbian venues!

Dead Horses and Glue?

We beat a lot of dead horses here in Cyrsti's Condo...in a manner of speaking of course. Wow, I wondered do they still make glue out of dead horses? .Not much any more I guess, why make glue when you can make  hot dogs?

The point of all of this babble is comparing the ghost horse looking over my shoulder to a very real phenomena called "trans-security". More precisely insecurity. 

Take last night as an example, the four walls here were killing me as dead as the horse, so I took the horse to one of my regular watering holes for an "adult beverage". Specifically one of the two places I literally transitioned in. As always, I felt the same old insecurities creep in as my ghost horse and I took a seat at a moderately populated bar.

In a fairly short period of time, a couple of other female regulars stopped by to say Hi before they left. The more vocal of the two was simply gushing about the changes I was going through and how well I was doing with them? I'm getting very good at sniffing out a BS compliment versus a honest one and felt she was being real...However...

Somehow I was born and bred never to accept a compliment.  Growing up I learned the hard way a compliment was simply a way of saying "that's alright but can't you do better?"

The two women quickly went on their way leaving me to bask in the warm glow of the knowledge others were seeing and approving the changes I have been going through. Being me though, I didn't take long to think of how far I have come because of where I started.  It's similar to saying your sales are up 100% over last year...when you were closed!

I'm the first to admit, I committed my share of awful, crazy fashion blunders but as I was beating my dead horse thinking about them, I stopped. For once I accepted the compliment and the positive charge to my self esteem and took the moment to bask in the glow.

All too quickly my horse turned to look at it's backside.  That look is a signal to me to me that I could transcend both genders and be labeled as a "horse's behind". For once I grabbed my purse and my glow and headed home.

I wish I could say last night was another huge step in relieving my trans securities but I know it won't. There are simply too many issues out of my control and being ever aware of my surroundings is the right thing to do.

My guess this step is simply another even bigger leap in the transition process.  Bigger, because this involves rebuilding the non gender inner me and linking to the new me. Who would have "thunk" it?

By the way, do you know the best thing about a ghost horse is? They don't eat much!

Sweet 16!

Cassidy Lynn Campbell broke down in tears Friday night when she learned that she had been crowned homecoming queen but was born male.

The transgender senior at Marina High School in Huntington Beach, California began taking hormone blockers and estrogen injections prescribed by an endocrinologist and made the transition to living as a girl.

 She decided to run for homecoming queen, in part, to make a statement. "If I win it would mean that the school recognizes me as the gender I always felt I was," Cassidy, 16, told The Times before the election. "But with all the attention, I realized it's bigger than me," she said. "I'm doing this for the kids who can't be themselves."


 She succeeded in a big way!

"T'd" Me Off

An article from the Huffington Post recently had me thinking about a recent experience with a guy using the gender slur Tranny with me.  For reasons he would not admit to, a guy showed up in one of my "Google+" Transgender groups. Of course I couldn't let it alone since the original post was referring to the well worn subject of why transgender women carry the stigma of being promiscuous.  Of course he didn't believe in any of that but he and his wife have been looking for a "tranny slave" or two for their domination "fun" group. Not only are all of all "easy" we just love to be dominated!

Let me point out I could care less about anyone's sexual preference or fetish, it doesn't matter to me what most do as long as I'm not hurt...Within legal reason of course. He kept accusing me of that when my main point was his use of the "T" gender slur. Couldn't get him to understand the process was the same as using the "N" word or any number of other racial slurs.  His main argument was the transgender women in the group had no problem with being called a tranny. Very similar to "I'm not a bigot, some of my best friends are black."

Again he would have no part of my point that his "transgender" women weren't.  They probably were fetish cross dressers, gurls or even she males.

Unfortunately the abuse doesn't begin or end with a man like him as documented by Jennifer Finney Boylan  (left)

"Hey, can we have a conversation about the word "tranny"? It's a word that is generally considered dehumanizing and offensive when referring to transgender people, like the "N" word for a person of color, or the "F" word for a gay man. But there it was in headlines last week in the story about DJ Mister Cee, who'd been outed as having had sex with a transgender prostitute (see "Is That You Boo? Mister Cee DRAGGED Out The Closet By Alleged Tranny Lover Who Taped Their Encounter??? [Video]"). There it was in a Daily Beast interview with actor Jared Leto about his performance as a transsexual woman in the new movie Dallas Buyers Club. (Writer Marlow Stern's first question: "How did you summon your inner tranny for this role?") And there it was, virtually everywhere, when Chelsea Manning came out as trans last month, causing editors from The Huffington Post to NPR to go running to their copies of the AP Stylebook for help. Politico's Dylan Byers actually wrote a smart article about the challenge, titled "Manning Switch Challenges Style Editors," which you'll have to admit was putting it mildly."

Of course there is much more to this post which you can read here but I'm going to finish off with this excerpt:

"Once, early in transition, I found myself wandering around L.L. Bean in Freeport, Maine, wearing a wig that would have been better off used as a home for red squirrels. If you didn't know better, you might well have called me some kind of a "hot mess." I still remember the huge eyes with which a small child, holding her mother's hand, viewed me as I drew near. "Mommy," said the child. "Who is that?" To this day I am grateful for the mother's reply. "That," she said, "is a human being."

FYI, I had that wig and the kid said "Big MEAN woman".

Cyrsti's Condo Book Nook

Is it my imagination (fertile ground to be sure) or are there more and more non fiction books these days which are written about the transgender experience?

Here's another:  My Brother My Sister :

Which has been chosen by Publishers Weekly as one of the Top Ten Memoirs of Fall 2013

"On a visit to New York, the brother of well-known film critic Molly Haskell dropped a bombshell: Nearing sixty, married with children, Chevey revealed he was transsexual and would begin to live openly as a woman. Despite her longstanding liberal views, Haskell was dumbfounded.

 In My Brother My Sister: Story of a Transformation, she recounts the steps in Chevey’s transition, while candidly exploring her own emotional journey, from shock and bewilderment after the initial announcement to a place of acceptance, empathy, and love for her sister Ellen. Throughout the book Haskell turns her critic’s eye on herself, but also broadens her lens to include psychoanalytical and scientific research, meditations on sexual anomalies in art and mythology as well as previously published memoirs such as Jan Morris’s classic Conundrum.

 This is a memoir that pulls no punches in its exploration of a controversial, delicate subject. Through Chevey’s transformation into Ellen, Haskell has produced a cultural map of not only her sister’s experience, but of gender roles and transsexualism in a world increasingly governed by notions of individual identity. My Brother My Sister is tender, honest, informed, and at times a humorous must-read for anyone who has ever struggled to discover who they really are."

Look for the review in review in Sunday's NY Times Book Review.

If we again pause to take a look at the "big picture" of transgender mainstream education, this effort from Molly Haskell is yet another person who possessed the knowledge and expertise to push her experience with a transgender family member into the mainstream press.

Go here for more.