Stare Down! At the Transgender Corral!

"The Corall"

Where?
In a bathroom. A ladies bathroom of course.
A restroom "pass" is a precious thing to me! In order to keep it, the fewer women I have to meet up with the better.  I always try to sit where I can keep an eye out for whose coming and going to have the least traffic.
Knock on wood, life recently has been pretty good. My "C&C" (comfort and confidence) level is quite possibly is at it's all time high. A restroom incident wouldn't be desirable!
Last night wasn't so much an incident but more of a happening with no real idea of the outcome.
As I entered the "corral" there were two or three younger women hanging out and talking about guys of course and I had to walk between two of them to get to a stall,  They looked at me closely but never really said a word about gender. Which is usually the case with their generation.
They left quickly, leaving the room to myself and another woman. She finished first and I was trying to time my departure from the stall when she was leaving the room. Hearing the paper towels being pulled is my cue. Not fool proof but close.
Last night was different.
As I left the stall, she turned to look at me.  The second or two that we locked eyes seemed like an hour.I normally look away or say hello. Last night I didn't. I just locked eyes with her This time it wasn't my "deer in the headlights" look. It was more like the gunfight at the "O.K. Corral". "Go ahead and draw your weapon lady! Well she did.
She said "they are out of paper towels in here. I wanted to warn you." Really? That's it? I shook off my surprise thanked her and she headed out the door.
Of course my mind wouldn't let it go. She was sitting only couple seats down from me at the bar with a small mixed group. No one even gave me a second look when I came back to my seat.
So once again I wondered what really happened in that second.
She was close to my age and was dressed up and made up which is rare. Our hair color was about the same and I was wearing younger casual clothes.  She could have thought a woman my age needs to cut that hair. My clothes weren't that radical. She was wearing some sort of bright patterned jacket with black slacks. I'm sure we both thought we would not be caught dead in each others clothes.
The only scenario I can think of is my makeup. With the long straight  black hair and olive makeup and if I do my eyes and cheekbones right...it's almost a native american look. Maybe she was a "Cowboys and Indians" fan. Last night was just a throw down night in the bathroom? Or maybe she just thought I was a bitch!

Transgender Stuff!

Transgendered dogs? Yes.
Of the hundreds of dog breeds in the world, experts say only about 18
have ever been reported with sex reversal. But researchers in Spain
this week said they can add a new breed to to the list: the French
Bulldog.

According to CEU-Cardenal Herrera University in Valencia, specialists
discovered that a "female" French Bulldog, Tana, actually had the
internal organs of a male during the three-month-old puppy's first
visit to the veterinarian. Alerted by an enlarged clitoris, they
conducted a series of tests and discovered that "she" had cryptorchid
(or undescended) testicles.

From Yale comes a new musical called "Trannequin" follow the link all you Yale alums!

Staying on the east coast, "The Baltimore Sun" reports Director John Waters said his late friend and muse Divine was so obsessed with Elizabeth Taylor that he even wanted to be her.  So much so he dressed as her
 to go on a date with a female.
So who didn't want to be her? At least look like her?

Religious Frock?

From the "The Telegraph" in the UK.
An English priest who was photographed in hooker drag at a charity
event has resigned from his congregation following what his sister
refers to as a “witch hunt.”

Upon arriving at the “tarts and vicars” event near his church in
Tyneside, England, wearing shiny gold tights, a black dress, and pink
high heels, the Reverend Martin Wray says he was received warmly. But
after a photo of him in the get-up was published in a local newspaper,
parishioners filed complaints about how Rev. Wray was representing the
church.
I don't know. Could it have been the pink heels?

Transgender Places to Visit

The first is an old site. It's a listing of some of the most successful accomplished transgendered women in the world.  "Lynn Conway" puts the site together and it's an excellent source of trans women who do more than look good!

 Truly amazing what these women have accomplished!
Another article comes from "Pride Source Michigan".  "Alex Kracisky" 19, works as an intern at Transgender Michigan as a part her service on the AmeriCorps HIV/AIDS Team Detroit.
She works with on line resources including an online resource called Trans Pages,  an index of Michigan businesses that are trans friendly." That includes places like doctors offices, clothing stores, restaurants, hair stylists. It's incredibly needed because I remember early in my transition I didn't know who to go to or what to do. It was invaluable."
Alex represents a younger generation transwoman's attempt to change the world.

We all can and have benefited by the courage of these women!

Reach Out!

Every once in a while I get a blast of new contact requests on "Yahoo" and "Flicker"
Some I respond to, some I don't and many I don't understand.
I have waded through the "avatars" and now I have more exclamation points than all the elementary school alphabets in Ohio.
I can understand the point of staying safe on the internet and creating layers of exclamation points to conceal your identity...really I can.
I guess what I don't understand is the total silence I normally get from the "point". I'm ready for something exciting!
Ok, in reality I'm looking for anything. "Hey girl, you look amazing!" Or even "Did your Mom dress you funny because you haven't learned anything!"
Maybe I'm being stalked? Will I turn around this weekend and see an exclamation mark following me down the street?
No I won't because the "point" is in the closet. Been there, done it and was fortunate enough to get out.  Even in my deepest and darkest days, I was able to peak out and meet someone.
Good luck all you "points"! I'm rooting for you!

How Do You Feel?

When you wake up, Before you get your coffee. You make your way to the bathroom and the mirror.
I'm fond of telling others, it's at this point if something on my body doesn't hurt...then I'm dead.
Recently I ran across another description of my life.  "Gender Fluid" is the descriptor and it really works for me on some mornings. Those are the mornings when I start the day as a man and end as a woman.
The situation is definately not where I want to be right now. On the other hand, my gender status is similar to my joint's  aches and pains.  If I didn't have it...I could be dead!

Famous?

I don't want to be famous! I didn't set out on this very difficult path to be in the white hot spot light. I'm a bit dramatic, I know!
A couple of nights ago I did find out I have made some sort of social arrival.
At my favorite pub (I'm always boring you with) they hired a new male server. He really tries to speak to me and even introduced himself.
At my advanced age I can't remember my name, let alone anybody else's, 
To be polite,I asked the bartender what his name was.  I quickly added I felt bad because he knew my name and I didn't know his.
Without hesitation she said "every one knows you...you are famous."
There are many ways to interpret that.
I guess famous is nice. The crew and managers are very nice to me and fortunately I present well enough to cause very little extra attention. It's our own little secret.
I work very hard to maintain my "status" and live in fear of a restroom complaint.
One side of me wants to rejoice. To those people I'm a positive transgendered role model.
The questioning side of me wants to ask why? If I presented better, they would have never known (like most of the clientele).
Maybe it is all karma. If a "stealth" life is in my future, I would have to trade in my "famous" existence. Hopefully others can benefit!

Transgender Flirting?

What happens mentally or chemically when we flirt? Could we or should we even consider flirting?
Oddly, I think if you are a drop dead gorgeous transgendered girl maybe you shouldn't. A sexual surprise to more than a few guys is not pleasant and they retaliate.
Since I'm not in that category and in the more mature age category (lol), why not have a little fun if I can.
My prime example was the married man across the bar I mentioned in a previous post. The "not so sly" eye game we played could be viewed as a form of flirting. Who knows what he really thought? Anything from why is that guy dressed like that to what is she doing all by herself? Most certainly, he was in town and wife wasn't so the mental wheels were turning in his head.
All of this is just another gender category I'm almost completely inexperienced with. Research is always good and this is some of what I found. "Learn to Flirt Like A Pro" from "Your Tango" was a great start. One of many informative ideas was the " flirty dressing style", which in that case was: low-cut jeans and cowboy boots. If you feel really powerful in cowboy boots, you're going to do your best flirting if you feel confident.
My "guy self" experience tells me  that most women are very calculating in most situations and flirting is one of those. I need the tools to "calculate!"  I just don't have the experience (yet) to process it from a girl's perspective.
As I have learned, any knowledge can serve me well when unexpected situations arise! Get to it Girl!

Seeing What Isn't There?

Or is it? We do so much with mirrors in a transgendered life. We mirror a gender we weren't born as but feel at piece with.
All of society is a mirror. We are not unique in that aspect. Growing up in our birth gender, most of us tried hard to to mirror what we thought society and families wanted us to be. The problem was the mirror was distorted.
The image it gave us was different than we felt and even different than we really looked. I've mentioned my confusion and frustration with my mirror several times Here is an example from a post I wrote last summer called "Mirror, Mirror on the Wall".
Please tell me I'm the fairest of them all!
On occasion, the mirror does tell me that. Then again, the mirror has been known to fib!
I have always had a struggle with that mean old mirror.
It told more than a thousand times I was beautiful only to be stared and laughed at in the first public venue I visited.
More than once the mirror said "you are plain and unattractive" and I never had a problem.
Before you want to jump to conclusions concerning the mirror's judgment, let me reassure you I passed through "transgendered puberty" years ago. I don't frequent malls and such in a micro mini and 5" heels.
Luckily, before I tossed the mirror into the trash heap , we called a compromise.
I told the mirror what I wanted to achieve and we have been working together to be successful.
My ideal was to be a 40ish, big and curvy girl. (My age and size made that a reality! lol) 45 and 5'10".
No real surprise with any of this. Society is obsessed with self image and males are obsessed with female image.
As transgendered women we struggle many times to show what is there. Our inner female self. Unless you are fortunate enough to have a sympathetic spouse or friend, you are on your own with the mirror. Not an easy task but there are many alternatives.  You may have transgendered support groups in your area that either have makeover parties or recommend places to go. If you are brave enough, go to a department store makeup counters and find a person who will help not just sell you something. I had a friend who had great success with a "Mary Kay" lady.
The important point here is that you are not fooling the mirror or a person, you are becoming the person you were meant to be. It has taken me literally years to get to this point.
One thing is certain. Society's obsession with looks is not going away anytime soon. Our challenge is to let our self image shine through the best we can!