Coming Out to Your Best Friend!

This is another article I wrote for "Hub Pages". In many ways this is my first work of fiction in that none of this ever happened to me exactly. I did come out years ago to a couple of my male friends without much drama. In those days I was very much an occasional crossdresser so life was much simpler? Maybe at my age I just can't remember!
Here's the post:

Do I laugh or cry?

You are a guy and your best friend has been hinting for months about how he is unhappy with his life. He is getting better at changing the conversation from sports to. "Did you see the show last night with the beautiful guy/girl?" Sooner or later, even you get the idea your best friend is trying to tell you something.
Finally (during a private moment) he blurts it out. "I want to be a woman." As you process what he just said, you think "so that is why he dressed as "Cher" last Halloween!"
Well it's all good... maybe. After all, he's still my friend and so what if he goes home on occasion and throws on a dress. There are worse things and I have won't see it. Then the finality of what he said strikes home. "I want to be a woman." Damn! What now? Why did he tell me?
"What now" depends on what kind of friend you are. How secure are you in your masculinity and then again..."What the hell is he thinking?"
At this point, is it time to either blow off the whole situation or even the friendship? How serious is he? After all he is sitting across from you drinking a beer with a five o clock shadow like so many times before. He can't be serious.
Then he says " this is so much more than wearing a dress on Halloween. I want to be a woman." Enough is enough. It's time for one of you to leave and the other to stay with a double shot of whiskey to ponder what just happened.
A week or two or three goes past without so much of a word from your transgendered friend. Finally she calls to sound out your feelings. She tells you she values your friendship. Past, present and future. There is nothing overtly sexual about this. She wants you as a friend and can they meet?
Sure, what's the harm. Same old spot. Same old beers, sports talk and 5 o'clock happy hour shadow. That's when it becomes complicated when his friend wants him to meet "her".
The dynamics are intimidating to say the least. For the sake of discussion, let's ignore all the sexual tension and let's forget how much courage and trust was needed to even attempt the connection.
Men are visual creatures and seeing his best friend as the opposite gender is traumatic for the vast majority of men. Just how is that vision working for him? That depends on many intangibles and one huge one. How does she look?
Let's say she doesn't present well. The less than attractive female image projected by his trans friend can cause immediate problems. Hey, she can't be serious.. This is some kind of joke and he will definitely grow out of it! My friend can never expect to even try to be a woman looking like that! A doubled edged sword to the transgendered friend who so desperately wants to be taken seriously.
Let's say she is gorgeous. Face, hair, legs and clothes just could make her the best looking woman in the room...with you. Another set of problems. You are reacting to him as a woman. What's going on with that? What does that make me? Why is your old drinking buddy teasing you with this? Where did those breasts come from anyhow?
If the truth be known, the middle point of the two scenarios is probably the most common. Your transgendered friend mustered a tremendous amount of courage to tell you at all. She put it all on the line to salvage any of a future friendship. Quite possibly the decision to live as her chosen (not birth) gender was a life or death decision.
You should be honored, frustrated, sad or mad. Your friend as you know him is never coming back. The well worn "still the same person..just looks different" doesn't work. Even when she wears jeans and and a sweat shirt to meet you, it will never be the same. She left the boys club.
Just remember, she didn't leave your club. It may take years for her transformation to become complete and just as long for your friendship to recover. Good luck!

How to talk to a Transgender Girl!

"Trans" Got Your Tongue?

(another one of my "Hub Pages" posts)

Suddenly you find yourself beside or very close to a transgender person. Now what?
You want to say something but don't know where to start
The dynamics of starting a conversation are very complex! You've already figured we are not contagious or harmful. The hard part is over.
Three things could be in your mind. Number one, you are just curious. Why does a person want to change a perfectly good gender?
Number two, you want to expand your experiences. You want to add a transgender conversation into your life experiences. Unfortunately, this usually includes the process of telling all your friends! Hey! Guess what I did?
Number three, you assume the trans person is lonely. You are just being nice!
All three of these reasons are absolutely rational reasons! Curiosity is fine. Just try to be careful with really crazy questions. I do understand though you have no idea what a crazy question is. I'm patient!
Expanding your experiences is fine. Just don't make us the spectacle to do it. Don't be the first of your whole group to have enough courage to speak then go back and have the others "slink" up or worse yet "snicker" at us from across the room.
The assumption we are lonely is as false as the assumption we are all promiscuous. On the other hand a light conversation is usually always welcome.
My assumption is you are a genetic female if you are interacting with me at all. Men just have too many gender bridges to cross to approach us. If they do, the worst are the guys who want to call you "man" or "dude" and want to give you the knuckle buster male power handshake. Rare is the man who is secure enough in himself to converse with us. I'm really insecure with guys. First i have to find out if they know I'm trans and then try to figure out where they are going! I'm not one of the Trans Girl "male bashers" you hear so much about. It's just reality.
I can't speak for the rest of the transgender female community but I welcome approaches on several different levels.
I have no problem on explaining to you what I am. If I have the courage to express my true self and you have the courage to ask me... I will do my best to educate you.
I love to talk fashion with you and even guys and sports too! On the other hand if we appear to be unfriendly it is just that we are really shy and we have to wait for you to make the first move!
The approaches I hate are the "carnival" views and the "guy" bashing. Sure, I'm very different in many eyes but have some respect. I'm sure there are some skeletons dancing around in your closet. The difference is that this isn't my closet. It's my life.
As far you insecure guys go , please don't take it out on me. I know you have that pretty dress hidden at home. Hope it fits!

Whats in a name?

Every now and then discussion pops up about how we choose our names in our chosen gender.
The unique part of the process is that most of us make the choice on our own. Without parental or family input of any kind.
What happens when your child is choosing a name?
An interesting look into the process comes from a site called "Salon". A woman details the process her 11 year daughter and family went through choosing a new name.
From letting the child have total choice to a suggestion process, she covers it all!
Just imagine if you had the freedom to transition at an early age. Would you or could you have made a sound decision?
If I was in the situation with my family (which of course I wasn't), we could have taken several family directions with a name. It would have not been an option but "Jessie" would have been a great choice. It's softly feminine and has roots in the family history.
I have mentioned before that I would choose the name today. Ironically, the process would be almost as difficult as the transition form my male name to Cyrsti.
As world problems go this is a small one for me. Just imagine how big it would be for a family in the process?

The "Silent T"

We have discussed the "Silent T" many times in regards to the GBLT movement. Recently, I learned a whole new definition of the "T". 
The "Ohio University Post"  ran an article about "Cory Frederick" a FtM trans person who attends OU.
In route to his gender realignment, he realized he disappeared into society as a man. ""When I underwent surgery, I lost my visibility as a queer person," Frederick said. "Others can easily identify you when you look like them. ... But now they see me as just a man." A highly desirable consequence to the great majority of transgender people but not to Frederick.
How interesting and different!
"It's important to be visible," Grey said. "What media has represented
a trans person in a positive light? Zero."
To increase visibility, Grey created the performance art piece "Ask A
Tranny," where he stands in public and answers any and all questions
about being transgender.
"Hopefully this kind of visibility leads to greater understanding and
action," he said. "It takes a squeaky wheel to get the oil."
So much for the "Stealth" route for Frederick! Good for him and women such as "Femulate" founder "Stana" who actually lectures college level groups on our culture!
Pioneers indeed! Some day I would love to do the same!

OMG!

No words can describe this picture of man model Pejic.  So letters will have to work!

Football Fashion Tip!

All you "hose and heels" girly girls can put the 3" heels away for the big game this year, unless you want to wear them with a pair of "skinny" jeans and your football jersey.
Latest figures estimate that up to 40% of all NFL fans are now women. Sales of women's NFL apparel is on an all time high.  The favorite seller is Dallas Cowboy QB "Tony Romo". If you don't like the Cowboys just pick "Peyton Manning" or maybe even "Aaron Rogers" of the "Packers". The only unpopular choice could be the "Steelers" Rothlisberger but you can always pick "Palamalu". He has the hair we all want.
Speaking of hair girls, don't worry so much about yours! Read this "Frisky" post about the new look which will fit in perfectly with your football look.
Don't worry, you still can be the perfect hostess and enjoy the game too!

Androgny Rules the Runway!

This is just a fun post I just wrote for "Hub Pages"
Some of it I've covered but from a different angle.

Are Hybrid Models Fair to Women?

Glamorous androgynous male models are becoming the rage on many of the top fashion runways of the world. Most notable are the stunning "Anrej Pejic" and "Lea T".
As a transgender woman myself, I'm fascinated and even a little envious of the look and style. I thought this is good for trans girls everywhere.
When I started to think it through, the whole trend means about as much to me as the average woman on the street.
Sure, a few of the styles seen on the runway will trickle down to my level but certainly not down (or up) to my size. Will I feel excluded again when "Hope Alexander" writes a hub on the new fashions? (Hope is a very prolific fashion reporter.)
Probably so. I'm no different than the majority of women today. Doing the best I can to live up to societies standards. 
I know I will never be a transgender beauty such as "Lea T" as sure as most women know they will never be a "Carrie Underwood"
So no, the runway is not fair to genetic or trans women.  Then again, it was never meant to be.
Androgyny is yet another fun look at a segment of our population who happen who straddle both genders. Custom made for an industry who has featured boyish girls for decades.
Bell bottom jeans and shirt dresses are on their way back anyway. So who cares about the runway?
You go "Lea" Andrej" and "Kate" we'll be watching.

A Radical Queer?"

Yes I have heard the term before and I never really applied the term to myself in any way shape or form.  First and foremost I identify transgender and resent the gay community's treatment of us.
A post I read doesn't change my mind but does bring up some interesting points. The "Trans Group Blog" post centers around pop culture.
Is any publicity of the transgendered culture good publicity? No definitely not. We have made great strides and do not need a return to "Jerry Springer" comedy or "Psycho" killers. This quote is from the blog and comes close to my sentiment.
"OK, so am I the only one who really would prefer it if pop culture
would leave transfolks alone? I'm not saying I don't want our folks in
media, quite the opposite, I want our faces, our stories, our
experiences out there; I want visibility for our people. That said,
there is a difference between visibility (which I define as socialized
educational promotion of our community and cause) and simple
exploitation or just plain annoying stereotyping."
I don't want pop culture to leave us alone and I really don't want to picket the government for transgender rights. But you know, more and more I'm thinking I would and will.
I also would go to courses to educate students and of course continue my one on one life in the public.
Now, does that make me a "Radical Queer"? If it does...so be it.
This seems to be a period of changing my mind!

"Cloud Nine" Heels?

I really don't know if there is a brand name for "Cloud Nine" shoes.
I do know I was walking in them in my mind today at work!  I was still buzzed mentally from my dark look I played with a couple nights ago. Often, that is often not the best way to be!
I have mentioned a number of times my male side is the worker and provider. The problem with  moving between genders is two fold. The biggest problem is gender residue. Too much of one in the other is not good right now in my life. The other hassle is just the mind adjustment of just going back to my birth gender that I'm just not that comfortable with anymore.
I don't exactly why but today the only experience was a euphoria that put me in a good mood.
I wish I could bottle up whatever happened and keep some for later.
Sure the whole change in style was fun but realistically I know it's not a huge departure from the person I am.
Perhaps I just got an idea of why women do change their style and how satisfying it can be when it works!