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| Toxic male from UnSplash |
Before I begin this post, I have a disclaimer. I did not follow what I preached many times when I opened my dark gender closet door and ventured out into the public. I broke many unwritten rules I knew were true.
I will say, the times when I came out were much different
than today. Not so much kinder and gentler to transgender women and trans men. Mainly,
what I am referring to is the person at the top ruining the nation we have, and
I don’t have to mention who he is. Basically, he is the top toxic male who
empowers all the other toxic males who potentially can give us trouble. There
is a real difference in just being laughed at all the way to being physically
attacked.
In my case, as I always mention, my initial problem was
drawing attention to myself rather than learning how to blend in with other
women. I was fortunate I grew out of that phase quickly before I got into
trouble other than just being laughed at.
Another of the main issues I encountered was how I was
presenting myself once I was fairly confident, I could get by. What I mean was
I was going out primarily as a single woman. Which is primarily something
ciswomen just don’t do. They believe there is strength in numbers I just did
not have. To make up for it, I tried to make sure I did not sit down next to a
man if I could help it, and if there just happened to be a vacant seat, I tried
to mark it is as mine. What I tried to do was use my cell phone as my major prop.
Especially if it was during the warm weather months when I could not throw my
jacket over the seat next to me and reserve it. Often, I would act like I was
texting a potential friend on the phone who was going to join me. Anything to
throw a toxic male off my path.
I learned quickly
when I discovered how much nonverbal communication went on between women that
men knew nothing about. One night I had a prime example when a toxic man tried
to strike up a conversation with me at one of the places, I was a regular at.
When he did, I received a nonverbal warning from one of the bartenders I knew
about him, so I rapidly left the venue before anything happened.
All of those methods I used helped me to survive in a new
exciting world as I left the gay venues behind me and started to learn what the
real world was all about. All very important points if I was ever going to make
it to my dream of living as a transgender woman. My learning experiences turned
out to be tremendous.
As I said, times have changed today and so much more is at
stake for all of us. Whereas a couple years ago, a stranger would be less
likely to say anything to you. These days, all of that has changed. There is
more pressure on all of us to put our best foot forward as transfeminine people.
I always mention the weight I lost when I first came out. Which helped me to
buy more stylish clothes and obviously look better. At the same time, I began a
very serious skin program which started every day after I shaved. I was doing
as much as I could to improve my overall feminine self. All of it gave me
confidence to move forward, which I needed badly.
Finally, I would be remiss if I did not mention the loss of
your male personal security when you enter a new feminine world. Don’t take
chances with your security by doing the things cisgender women already know. To
the best of their ability, they try not to park in dark unmarked areas unless
they have strength in numbers. As I read, in some areas, women even have to
guard their drinks from toxic men trying to drug them. Can you imagine that? Well,
you have to when you go through a male to female transition.
This entire post urges you to be on your game when you come
out. Among other things, be careful how you carry your purse in crowded areas. It
all adds a level of acceptance as a trans woman which goes far past your basic
appearance which of course is important too.
In todays’ world, it is important to know your circumstances
at all times, not unlike a cisgender woman who learned what to do around toxic males.
Look at it this way, you will be a more complete woman ready to earn your place
in today’s world.
