Pageant Photo

One of the contestants from last November's Miss International Queen womanless beauty pageant in Thailand.

Transgender Self Help

On too many occasions, I hear from transgender women who are painfully stuck in the closet.
There are ways out of your dark room and every once in a while someone steps forward with a great idea.
This one comes from Toni D'Orsay and her Dyssonance blog.
(Disclaimer. Sometimes Toni gets a little "wordy" for my tastes but she does incredible with this!)


"Idea: for the month of March, volunteer for 20 hours with an organization or project that specifically deals with trans folk, or solve a local problem. Without getting involved in politics. When I say without getting involved in politics, I mean without becoming embroiled in the online arguments we see, without lobbying for a law to change, without going to see a politician and getting them to vote for something. Kinda different for a request, isn't it? It is a suggestion to you in order to get you to help yourself. The difficulty is that the way that it helps you is indirect -- far more so than working on some change in law. It is going to affect other trans people, and that, in turn, is going to affect your life and make it richer, make it better. You might wonder why I am doing this now, as February comes calling, but the reason is that I want you to take a month a research the organizations in your area that do things for Trans people other than the political. You will have to research them. You will have to hunt for them. Well, that is unless you live in New York or Boston or San Francisco or Los Angeles. Some of the organizations will be doing political work as well, and that's ok. Just say you want to spend 20 hours in an entire month doing whatever it is that they need done. I haven't talked about this idea with any other organization. This isn't part of some secret trans activist effort carefully coordinated behind the scenes. Yes, those things happen. They have to if we are going to get some things to change. No, this is just me, by myself, asking you, personally, to stop for 20 hours in March and volunteer your time to help trans people. And I am asking you to start looking for that trans organization now."

For more on the post and Dyssonance go here:

A Case for Transitioning Young

I have subscribed recently to a blog called en gender written by Helen Boyd of My Husband Betty fame. As with most of her posts, this one is compelling:

" The other day I published a brief interview with Christine Benvenuto, who wrote a book about her marriage to and divorce from a trans woman. I blurbed her book, let me admit up front. I blurbed it because despite some transphobic tendencies (not respecting her ex’s change to feminine pronouns, most notably), I think it’s important that partners get their stories out there – as important as it is for trans people to do so. I’ve been enabling the latter for a long time, and I’m proud to have done so. But I see so often that partners who are having a hard time or who are bitter about a divorce or angry about transition are told – in trans community spaces – to STFU, pretty much. And that really sucks, a lot. The thing is, nothing about her memoir struck me as patently false. I’ve known a lot of trans women and a lot of wives of trans women over the past 13 years. A LOT. And Benvenuto’s story, just as she told it, is pretty goddamned typical. I have seen behavior by trans women that is sexist, misogynist bullshit. I have seen trans women spend their kids’ college money on transition. I have seen 401Ks emptied. I have seen all of that, and more. I have also seen the wives of transitioning women take out all their rage on their trans spouse – financially, emotionally, even physically. I have seen rage that I didn’t even know was possible in the wives of trans women. And I have seen them be unwilling to let it go. That is, I have seen a lot of awful behavior on both sides of this coin. Trans people are not excused because they’re trans just as women are not excused because they’re women. We are all faced with loss and betrayal and heartbreak and all of the emotions that accompany those things. How you choose to express them is entirely up to you."

Of course there is much more to her post which you can read here. But it finishes partly like this:

"So if we as a community want trans people to be happy, people need to know what kind of devastation a late transition can cause on families and wives and communities and of course on the trans people themselves. There is so, so much pain, on everyone’s part. People need to know it. People need to transition younger so that some of this can be prevented."

I'm sure you all know I'm a late transitioner and have even be called "yet another old guy on hormones". We all have compelling reasons or even excuses why we didn't transition earlier in life. Certainly none of us can go back in time so making the best of this situation is now all we have. Helen Boyd's ideas make sense.
I have added an en gender link here in Cyrsti's Condo plus another look "at the other side":  The Cross Dresser Wives" Monthly Newsletter. Don't expect warm and fuzzies there but worth a look!

It Always Come Back

I found this YouTube video which I found to be quite prophetic and described my transgender life completely. You have to follow the video towards the end when Tiffany says her desire to live as a woman just never went away. It just kept coming back:

Dating Yourself Part 2

I started thinking more and more about my last post about dating myself as a guy and as it turned out others were too.
The first thing I thought was "hell yes I would date a stud like myself!" Just kidding!!!!!!!!
I've had a couple comments from transgender women who don't date men at all. That describes me but to each their own of course.
As I started the serious task of transitioning I did date a few guys but just kept migrating back to the company of women. Then when I started to think about it perhaps I was just seeking the validation of having a man with me in public. What better way would there be to be accepted as a woman? But the buzz just didn't last.
At that point I began to think about the very few male friends I had in my past. I had zillions of acquaintances of course but friends? I could count them on one hand over a 40 year adult life and all had moved away or had passed on.
From then on this process became more natural, even when I separated out sex and gender. I have remained adamant about keeping my sexual preferences out of this blog.  Who cares? It's not why we are here. Let's just say the only true transition I'm going through is external. Of course how the world views me is different but to me all the colors of the rainbow have not changed.
What an interesting process it has been!

Dating Yourself?

Maybe I should say-would you date your old male self?
I saw this question on a YouTube video and was fascinated.
I have asked here in Cyrsti's Condo would you be the kind of daughter Mom would like or even would you be the kind of girl she would like to see her son bring home?
Back to the question, would I date me?

For no particular egotistical reason I would say yes. As with so many other young men in my circles, sports and cars dominated my existence so as a young woman I would have had to expect it and adjust. I worked and had an income so as a young woman I could go with me and have interesting dates. (Or at least get out of the house!)
I suppose I was reasonable looking and smart enough to be headed to college so there were worse guys to be seen with.

Drawbacks? As any male, past and present-old and young-I had an ego. In fact as a transgender woman I deal with it now with any men I meet. To think genetic women don't learn to deal with the game all their lives is crazy. Some just do it better than others and one way or another I would have had been socialized to the experience.

I was never a dating "superstar" and I certainly didn't fall into the "bad boy" category which genetic women supposedly are drawn to. Ironically the reason I wouldn't date me is because of my gender alignments. The ripping and tearing of my male and female sides made life miserable for me and all around me at times.  As I got older, I also turned to self medication in the form of alcohol for the most part and considered myself rather "non civilized" following seven consecutive years in college and the Army.
Perhaps the women who did date and marry me felt the basic female need to nurture and change me? The only thing I do know is my wife of 25 years said several times she saw the basic good in me under the turmoil thank God!

At any rate, it's a fun and interesting question for all of us to ponder-trans women or trans men. The next time you pull out the mirror to admire or dislike your image, try looking past the mirror and take a better look at yourself.
The process may just make you a better woman or man.

Transgender Pageant Aussie Style

Miss Gay & Miss Transsexual Australia 2013, an alternative beauty pageant, is being held on 2 February 2013 at Yarraville, Victoria. The organisers of the pageant, The Victorian Secrets Promotions, has already successfully organised the pageant three times, starting in 2009. According to its website, the interstate beauty pageant "embraces diversity in the LGBTI community and provides a safe space for people-like-us to share their beauty and showcase their talents to the general audience."

"Chained Melody"

Author Debbie Martin recently sent me an email asking me to review her recently published love story which crosses the frontiers of transsexualism. For what ever reason I was not able to open the file on my computer.
Since she went to the trouble of finding me on the world wide web, the least I could do was pass along the info to all of you from Goodreads.com. 

Here's an intro of sorts:
" Even with the sexual revolution of the permissive seventies and eighties, men remained men. But as childhood friends Tom and Will enter adulthood, for one of them maturity isn’t just growing from boy to man. He develops into someone completely new as surely as the butterfly emerges transformed from its chrysalis, irrevocably and chaotically also transforming both their worlds in the process. Through battle ground bravado in Northern Ireland, drugs, sexual betrayal, IVF, transsexualism, and ‘forbidden’ love, they each search for courage to live life their way. Can love be strong enough to fly in the face of the chains of convention? The answer only becomes clear after events transpire to ultimately create a simple choice for them both; life or death, and they have to face the consequence of their choices.'

There are a couple of great reviews on the link above. Perhaps in the future I can pass along more!

Ville Ruuska

From Finland's yleuutiset Ruuska ,  Finland’s first male-female model.

" Signed by modelling agency Paparazzi, he is set to grace international runways in the near future. Fashion agencies are increasingly hiring male models to model women’s clothing, Ruuska says, going on to explain on Yle's morning show Aamu-tv on Monday what it means to be a man in a woman's world. "The fashion world has always been interested in special cases. It’s nice that it’s breaking down gender barriers. It adds some spice to fashion when there’s some question over whether the model is a man or a woman," he says."

Before the femme nazi's go off again on the unrealistic idea of a super model's ultra thin figures. (Duh!) Ruuska explained:

 "That androgynous modelling is not about being thin. He compares the male-female form to that of child models aged around 14, before feminine curves have blossomed and a boyish figure is still natural. Yet he maintains that fashion should not be taken too seriously. "I don’t want to encourage women to try to lose weight to be super skinny. Fashion is conceptual, it’s fantasy," he says."