Baggage

Photo courtesy Cyrsti Hart

 In a recent post I mentioned sports as one of the items of baggage I took with me when I crossed the transgender gender frontier. Obviously, undertaking such a difficult journey requires planning and experience to attempt a smooth trip.

The first lesson I learned was relying on an obsession with appearance was not going to work. Certainly projecting a feminine appearance helped open gender doors but didn't accomplish much when I was faced with one on one interactions with the public. In order to survive, I had to pack gender communication skills as well as trying my best to achieve a feminine voice. To this day, I am not sure I ever made any real strides with my voice. Even after attempting vocal lessons. 

I guess you could say I was traveling light and learning as I went during the early part o
f my journey. I discovered the hard way how women lead a multi layered experience. 

One of the biggest lessons I learned was losing my male privilege. I lightened my baggage extensively and quickly. All of a sudden I was excluded from male conversations. Even to the point of supposedly not knowing the quickest route to where I lived. All of that was easy compared to the danger I encountered when I made in roads to areas where cis women knew not to go. I was fortunate to have not been subject to violence. I learned quickly to park in lighted areas and not be cornered by over aggressive admirers in narrow hallways. 

All in all, it was a terrifying yet exciting time in my life.

So, what do you pack? What about your sexuality? In my case, I ended up with women anyhow so it didn't matter. On the other hand, these days, I know several transgender sisters who have made the journey and found men to live with. Plus with all the information available today I know several transgender individuals who were able to make the transition journey with their spouses. Finally, with all the surgeries and insurance becoming available, I know too several trans women who have found and established relationships with other transgender women through the increasing influence of social media.

Even though the gender crossing won't be easy with many hills and valleys along the way, the most important item to pack is your desire to make the journey. Otherwise, if you aren't willing to add or discard items along the way, the trip will be so much more difficult.   

Weekend Review

Liz and I. Photo Credit Cyrsti Hart

 My weekend was built around sports with a pleasant surprise added in. 

As I have already written about here in Cyrsti's Condo, I was deeply shocked by The Ohio State Buckeyes losing in college football. Almost as shocked as I was when the NFL Cincinnati Bengals won their first game yesterday. To make a long story short, both happenings are rare. 

I'm sure there are many of you who could care less or perhaps didn't carry sports with you as part of your baggage when you crossed the gender frontier. Sports was always such a big part of my life and I was delighted when I found other accepting cis-women who shared my passion. 

Now, onto the pleasant surprise. Liz and I's tenth anniversary was actually August 5th. We have been putting off (for various reasons) going out and celebrating since then. Yesterday we finally made it. We went to an upscale steak house for huge rib eyes. For the occasion I wore a simple lace top and leggings. 

The steak was good and I was able to splurge a little on the sides because the diet has been progressing so well. I am now down 22 pounds to a weight I have not been since basic training. 

So excluding the Ohio State loss, it was a great weekend, and the weather was good too. 

Inspiration

 I need this after a very rare The Ohio State University football loss yesterday. Congratulations Connie!

 

Never Forget

 

On the twentieth anniversary of the 9/11 United States terror attacks, it's important to look back and never forget.

Not only do we need to have to honor the first responders who headed into danger to rescue whomever they could. We need to remember all of those who lost their lives in the World Trade Center, Pentagon and Pennsylvania tragedies. 

Then there were all of the Americans who paid the ultimate price in Afghanistan, which included all of those wounded or are still suffering from their roles in yet another thankless war.

Never forget and stay alert to future threats.

The Path

 Over the years of writing Cyrsti's Condo, among other things, I have discovered how similar yet different our paths become as we pursue the quest to live as our authentic selves. I have no way to really confirm this but I feel (from the comments I receive) many readers are of the approximate age I am. So I can compare my story with yours. 

Cluttered office-Cluttered mind. 
Photo courtesy Cyrsti Hart

If you did grow up in the pre internet dark ages, you don't need me to remind you how lonely the time was. I spent years thinking I had to be the only boy who wanted to be a girl. I did the best I could by trying to compete in male activities such as sports as I over compensated  for my feelings. 

Perhaps (like Connie) you followed a similar path or on the other hand you were bullied growing up. Neither with good results. At the least, we all turned into survivors. I made it through with my small precious "stash" of girls clothes and make up. When the very few times my parents and brother were gone, I managed to cross dress out of my boring boy clothes and into my exciting feminine garments. Unfortunately, the more I was able to escape the doldrums of being male, the more I wanted to be a girl. Little did I know, I was a girl cross dressing as a boy. 

Of course back in those days too, no one really knew much about being transgender and/or gender dysphoria. I am sure many of you remember how long it took to stop the medical world from calling us mentally ill. Our parents, far from being understanding to begin with, had little or no information to help us if they wanted to. My parents being from the WWII generation were long on material support and short on emotional help.

Perhaps also as life progressed you took the military or marriage road out to "making you a man." Predictably with less than stellar results. I was in the Army, served three years all along wishing I was in a dress. The fortunate ones among us ended up with supportive spouses and family when we entered the world as our true selves. So many aren't so lucky. 

As we age, ironically, the path doesn't become any easier. Now we face the harsh reality of assisted care living. All it takes is one or two misguided individuals to force you back into the closet you worked so hard to escape from.

Yes the path is rocky but no one ever said crossing the gender frontier was going to be easy. Look at it this way. When you make it, perhaps you make the journey easier for the next transgender person in line.   

Truth!

 Humans are sharks and sense blood in the water. So when you are out and about in the feminine world, remember:

Stealth

 This comment comes from "Georgette" in the "Medium" platform:

'WOW, Lay it all down on the "Not so Visible" TS/TG people that in the past just wanted to live some semblance of an everyday "normal" life,

I won't use the word "stealth", as for me that means something different, Something akin to "witness protection", Where someone breaks off all contact with anyone from ones past life, Which at one time that was encouraged and almost required,

My partner and I made no hiding of the facts to our families and work, Infact I transitioned at the same work center and with anyone that cared in the company (a fairly large corporation), I was not hidden away but worked at a variety of company sites (mostly all Dept of Def), And would also travel to other areas of the USA to work on special projects,

I may not have been out to all as in telling my background (as in anouncing here I am the TS), But is that really necessary,

We didn't purposely avoid any contact with others, There were NO actual TG/TS support groups that I knew of locally, But around 1985 we just made no effort to keep up with the local CD groups and stopped going to all the Lesbian clubs, We just settled in as growing old as two women together,

And yes I see those arguments on-line of an almost hierarchy of TG/TS, Such a sad state of affairs,

I'm glad you still have a loving partner, And I may feel envious you still have one (mine dying in 2014 after 39 years), Too often I meet the ones that have lost/divorced/or who never had one, But you state that you seldom go anywhere without her, My loving partner and I would have many adventures outside just the two of us,

Since my loss I have come back out to a LGBT+ world that I am trying to figure out, And will tell my long background to any that want to hear it, I may still not be obvious to the non-LGBT+ world but don't really hide it either.'

Thanks so much for the comment!

Georgette Cornio

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Being Gender Fluid

 On occasion I feel as if the term "gender fluid" is a relatively new term. In fact those of us in the more mature age range remember when transvestite was one of the only words we could use to describe ourselves except maybe cross dresser. Then, along the way, the transvestite term was shortened to "tr_nny" which became a gender slur in some parts of the world. 

The reason I bring up the gender fluid term in today's post is I heard it re
cently from an eleven year old person on national television. They said they didn't know what gender they were. I quickly flashed back to my youth and knew I felt the same way. In fact, I have written extensively in the past the number of mornings I woke up not wanting to be a boy anymore. On the other hand when I was successful doing "boy" things I enjoyed it. Definitely gender dysphoria at it's most severe. From a time before gender dysphoria was even a term. Plus, I can't even imagine having such an understanding and supportive set of parents.

As I grew, served my time in college and the Army I prefer to think I "grew" into the transgender term too and out of being gender fluid. Once I experienced being around other so called heterosexual cross dressers, I learned there was a whole other level of individuals who loosely identified as transvestites. These persons were the impossibly feminine visitors to the mixers I went to. They just didn't fit. Somehow they were out of place.

Soon I discovered I felt out of place too. I certainly didn't fit in with the ultra masculine men in a dress crowd and barely tried to hang out with the "A" listers as I called them. I tagged along on the adventures they embarked on after the regular meet ups. I discovered a wonderful world of gay clubs along with the chance to live my life as a feminine being.

All of this decidedly terminated any chance of my gender fluid tendencies but not quite. Even though being feminine felt so natural, going out with friends cross dressed as a man felt good on occasion also. I guess you could say any traces of gender fluidity for me was becoming toxic.    

Finally, I couldn't take it any longer and took advantage of several drastic changes in my life. I put my suicide attempts behind me and started hormone replacement therapy. Which once and for all forced my male self into his closet.

It also ended any lingering ideas of being gender fluid. 

Have a Safe...