The Last Gasp

 As you make the Mtf Gender Transition, there are certain milestones you must pass as your male self slips away. As it turns out, your male self often fights harder to give up his privilege than others.  I ry remember vividly a few of those moments as I transitioned. 

As often happens, my memory was jogged by reading someone else's  post on the topic. This time it was another by Emma Holiday who I read on the "Medium" format which has been difficult to link to because it is a paid format. Regardless, Emma's post was called "A Blind Date with my Trans Identity." In it she details her first trip to a feminine make over artist and her feelings after the experience.

It turns out I had a similar experience years ago which started my slide towards living full time as my authentic transgender self. 

As I said, this happened years ago when I went to a transvestite "mixer" in nearby Columbus, Ohio.  The evening included a chance at having a professional makeover, if you were brave enough to do it. Finally, after agonizing I decided to hitch up my big girl panties and go for it. Of course the first problem was having to remove my wig and existing makeup. To make a long story short, the makeup up artist was a guy and he did a fabulous job! It was the first time I had seen the real girl me staring back at me from a mirror. Deep down, somehow I knew I could never go home again to being my routine guy self again. Then it was reinforced by a guy approaching me in a venue some of us went to later in the evening.

I had experienced the first of many blind dates with my transgender self.

However, my male self would never go easily and fought totally against my feminine self. Even to the point of him wanting to show himself to a couple cis women I knew who totally were accepting me as a transgender woman. 

Finally it took my relationship with my partner Liz to completely accept my natural self. 

The last gasp took years to get to. Thanks Emma for the memories. 

Emma Holiday

Wrestle Mania

 First of all, I need to send out an apology to all of you who have commented on previous posts here in Cyrsti's Condo. My excuse is, for once I have been busy in my everyday life with Doctor's appointments, completing taxes and other fun filled things to do. 

So, I am going to try to get to a few comments, including the one featuring WWE wrestler Tyler Reks  coming out as transgender. 

Gabbi Tuft Tyler Reks

The first comment comes from "Sara":

"Tyler Reks as I remember was not a big name wrestler and these guys have dreams of making it big, but all too soon fade away... So I was quite surprised to hear you mention this! I checked his bio and sure enough the 1st sentence mentions her female name and pronouns! unfortunately it also mentions her "dead name" because wrestling ring names are often an attention getting stage name, there are only a few that actually use their real name It's not that I doubted what you reported, but it just sounded too good to be true!"

Thanks for checking Sara. I do the best I can to check sources but most of the time it is very difficult.

The next comment from "Connie":

"How does one wrestle in a wig and wearing silicone breast forms? I have enough trouble just doing yard work; bending over, lifting, and perspiring. More than once, I've had to grab my wig as it's been snagged on a limb, not to mention a breast form that slipped out of my bra because it had gotten so slippery from sweat.

John Lithgow played the part of an ex-NFL tight end who was transitioning mtf in "The World According to Garp." His portrayal was, at that time, far from the weirdest thing in that movie. I would hope that it wouldn't seem to be weird, at all, these days.

Who knows, maybe Tom has a desire to be Marsha Brady. He's tried to deflate his balls, anyway. :-)"

For those of you who don't remember, NFL QB Tom Brady was once accused of using deflated footballs to get a better grip and cheated in the process.

As far as having my breasts slip out of their bra, I still have that sensation every now and then even though my breasts are now attached to my body through the miracle of hormone replacement therapy. Also, in the past when I wore wigs, I had the misfortune one night when I ran out of gas and was walking home to have a low hanging tree snag my wig. 

Finally, I am sure if Gabbi Tuft tries to continue to wrestle, she will soon learn how sensitive the breast area becomes and will have to perhaps learn from other women wrestlers how to protect herself.  Could be the least of her problems!

I really appreciate all of your comments!

Lux

 A Chilean actress recently came out as transgender. Her name is Lux Pascal. Here she is:

Passing Confidence

 Recently I received this comment on "passing" from the Cyrtsih@yahoo.com email from Tami:

"It seems that many have different views on the importance of passing, and I won't argue that.  To each their own.  I put high value on it however.  Like many, my initial experiences out in public were guarded. My wig was ok, my makeup just ok, outfit not quite right.  Then I matured, the facial hair was 95% removed, and I grew my hair out.  Already small at 5'9" and 145 lbs at my heaviest.  My dermatologist helped with a little botox and fillers to feminize my facial cues.  (So supportive too!) I took some voice lessons at U of A in Tucson .  It all just came together for me.

I still go to work as male, push my medium length bob back and play it straight.

At a business lunch with a speaker recently, I sat next to a woman at our table of eight women.  I invited her to lunch a few days afterwards.  She had no clue I was trans and said so, when I mentioned it late into our second meeting.  So I don't need to be 'stealth' but if it happens, I let it.  I could share a dozen more stories that warm my heart given the intimacy, good humor, and kind words that were shared. 

I pass now 99% in any setting, and there isn't anywhere I won't go or do confidently.  Friends have said I own the room with my confidence.  I can (and do sometimes), have a bad 'voice moment' and leave someone wondering, but never a discouraging word is heard.  Always a compliment!   I always want to be the best ambassador for trans people and it works.  So the icing on the cake (for me), in passing is the total acceptance from others; the many female friends I have developed long and lasting relationships with.  And, sometimes their husbands too.  I had once thought that other women might only see me as a novelty, and their interest would fade.  It hasn't.  They are remain friends and the circle grows.

So it's the relationships - normal friends and a social life that makes passing rewarding for me and easy for others to befriend me and stick with me."

Thanks so much for the comment! I know another local trans girl who is a "natural" and passes easily. Even to the point of being a wonderful karaoke singer (when there was such a thing!) but she still goes to work as her male self. 

To each their own! 

My own story was a little more complex as I was slightly under six feet tall and weighed over 275 lbs  when I started to transition. I then promptly lost fifty pounds. I too though began to rely on my personality and confidence to gain any "passing" privilege I could.

Former WWE Superstar Comes Out

 For years I have wondered how long it would be before an NFL Football player comes out as a transgender woman. With all the thousands of men who have played (or are playing) the sport, the odds have it a couple have to be trans. After all, several have come out as gay. 

Now, in another sport it seems the transgender barrier has been broken.

Former WWE superstar who wrestled as Tyler Reks has come out as Gabbi Tuft has come out as her authentic self. 

 

She said, I don't expect everyone to agree or understand but it wasn't her place to change any core beliefs. As the outer shell may change, the soul remains the same.

It all makes sense in that so many transgender women seek to over masculinize themselves to over compensate in the world.

Up Date

 I spoke too soon (or wrote) because a couple hours after my meaningless "Robo" call from the VA concerning my Covid vaccine, my phone rang again.

This time there was actually a real person on the  other end waiting to help me make my appointments for both Covid shots. 

So perhaps the best news is I am going on this coming Saturday for the first one which looks like a better day weather wise. The middle of the week, we are supposed to have the infamous snow/ice mixture interspersed with bitter cold.  

The only bad part of the call was, the guy on the other end kept mis-pronouning me. No matter how many times I corrected him. I finally gave up and made sure my name was on the list.

I hope the vaccines are proven to be the beginning of the end of this pandemic madness.

Desperation?

 It's very frustrating when a trip to visit the vampires to have my blood work done becomes such a big deal.

After all though, it was one of the very rare times I have been able to get out of the house these days. I was able to talk Liz into going with me as we had to head north to Dayton to let the vampires do their quick work.

It's my own fault in that essentially I am stuck between two Veteran's Administration hospitals. The first one in Dayton is about an hour and a half away but it is definitely more user friendly than the hospital here in Cincinnati. Plus, it might be my imagination but the Dayton VA seems to be more transgender friendly. 

Be that as it may, as we entered the hospital, we had to be checked in and asked the magical question, "What brings you here today." I so badly wanted to say just to look around or we came just to enjoy the wonderful cafeteria food. Needless to say, I didn't say that and we were allowed to continue our masked journey to where the blood laboratories were taken. 

Very quickly, we were done and making the trip back to Cincinnati.  Since I had fasted for the blood letting, we stated to look for a place to eat on the way back.

Along the way we found one of those infamous fast food strips along the interstate so we left the highway and began our search. Amidst the sprawl was a Popeyes Chicken restaurant. In the past I have eaten at a Popeyes several times but since there isn't one close to our home, I had never tried one of their chicken sandwiches.  I loved my first spicy chicken sandwich and wondered why anyone would ever eat at the hate chicken place, Chick-fil-A.

All too soon after a couple more errands the big day out was over and it was back to covid seclusion to me.   Perhaps a light is coming at the end of the tunnel for me. Sunday in typical VA style I received a robo call from the Cincinnati asking me if I wanted a vaccine. When I pushed the proper number saying I did, the voice came on and told me no one was available to answer my request. I just laughed and thought some things never change in the military...hurry up and wait. 

TDOV

It doesn't seem possible but the days are rolling by and it's time again to plan another Transgender Day of Visibility.   Recently, here in Cincinnati, I was contacted by an acquaintance of mine from the transgender - cross dresser group I participate in every now and then locally. 

For the TDOV issue I was asked if I had any ideas and/or would I participate in the Zoom meetings for virtual planning. After giving it a little thought, I figured the whole subject I could shed some light on was what happens to LGBT individuals when they have to seek out assisted living care facilities later in life. 

As I thought the whole process through a bit farther, I thought how fortunate I was  to have been able to attend two seminars on the LGBT aging subject from the person who not so long ago suddenly passed away. In more than a couple ways, I like to consider him a mentor of sorts. 

Now, if I decide to move forward, I have to come up with how I would present it. 

Girls Night Out

 In my very early days of being out and about as a transgender woman, one of my "bucket list" items was to be included in an authentic girls night out. 

My first happened in 2016 as I was invited by my friend Min to come along. Even though I was thrilled, I was still scared to death.

Most amazingly, I found a picture! I am on the bottom left holding my breath :) The picture was taken by Min's (bottom center) husband Ian.