It's a Process

Last night was an overall fun evening for Liz and I. The transgender-cross dresser "social club" dinner was well attended with 24 attendees. All of them dressed for the occasion and very few over did it. Also there were four new members, including one young trans guy. We were having such a good time (and Liz had today off) that we decided to make a night of it and go to a nearby small LGBTQ bar for a couple more drinks. Unfortunately for me, there weren't any lesbians to speak of in the bar. I always love me some lesbians!

Outside of Liz's cross dressing admirer trying to move in on me when I was in the bathroom at the first restaurant, we had a great time.

For all you fashionista's, I have nothing really exciting to report. I do my best to "under-dress" the cross dressers in the group. Reflecting the fact I live in a feminine mode full time. So, I just wore my paisley patterned leggings, black boots, black sweater and a nice necklace Liz made me.  I also paired the outfit up with my one of a kind weathered retro canvas bag I bought about six months ago at a arts fair. Finally, I  threw on my black leather jacket and we were on our way.

The most rewarding part of the evening was when I was referred to as "she." It happened so fast, I am sure the server and bartender didn't have a chance to think about it. It was incredibly natural.

Speaking of incredibly natural, I think I achieved new heights as far as my never ending worries about my hair goes.  My hairdresser did an incredible job today...which I will get into in my next post. 

New Acquaintances?

Both support group meetings this week resulted in meeting new transgender folks with an occasional cross dresser mixed in.

Most were very shy and uncommunicative, but others were outgoing too. One in particular reminded me of a trans girl I used to hang out with years ago. Another was a delightful more mature pan-sexual cis woman who shared her recent experiences coming out in the LGBTQ community.

At both meetings, I shared experiences about Liz and how she helped kick me totally out of the closet. Of course (being me), I did things backwards. Friends had to convince me finally to accept myself as a feminine being. I was torturing myself living three or four days as a guy, then three or four as a woman. It ultimately led to me trying to kill myself.

It must have been a powerful message in one group, since my therapist made a special phone call to thank me for participating.

Switching topics now (slightly), we will have a chance to meet a few other new transgender and/or cross dressers tonight. We have decided to go to the group Thursday social for the first time.  It also gives us a chance to try out a new restaurant.

Of course tomorrow (Friday) is hair day for both Liz and I and a chance to decide if I want it colored or not. It will be a "game time" decision depending on if Liz is going to have her's colored or not. If she doesn't, it leaves a coloring spot I could possibly have.

Finally, Saturday we have an invitation to go out and meet a couple friends. However, we are expecting another big weekend storm before record cold temperatures set in, so it is doubtful we will be able to go.

The "joys" of an Ohio winter!

Narcissism?

Perhaps narcissism in reverse as I finally posted a picture of me on Facebook from 2007...goatee and all.

At last night's cross dresser-transgender support group meeting, one of the attendee's said the picture (of me) represented one of the more remarkable Mtf gender transitions she had seen so far in the wave of before and afters which have been appearing.

I used to have it among other timeline transition pictures on a separate Cyrsti's Condo page, which I recently put back up. It's on the lower right hand side of the blog under a section called "Cyrsti's Condo Rooms".

Never being a big fan of my pictures, I took it down.

So, collapsing to peer pressure of sorts, here is an attempt at a before and after picture.   As I wrote, the top one is from 2007 when I weighed in at close to 280 pounds and was very unhappy. Since that time, I have managed to shed and keep off, close to fifty pounds.

To coin a tern, what a long strange trip it's been!

Building a Monument

Over the years here in Cyrsti's Condo, we have discussed going to the grocery store. I admit, as cross dresser stories go, I am more than a little boring once I entered my full time transgender phase of living feminine full time. I can't remember the time I went to run errands in anything else than my usual leggings or jeans.

One of the fun things about being feminine is, you are not tied into one style or another. As Connie points out:

"While you are bracing yourself for a snow storm, I am lucky enough to have some actual sunshine and moderate temperatures in the forecast here in Seattle - No rain until the middle of next week! It prompted me, yesterday, to take a look in my closet at those items I rarely wear. I played "dress-up" for a while before deciding to wear a black jean pencil skirt that is different in that it is very high-waisted, hemmed below the knee, but with a slit in the front that extends modestly up the thigh. I wore black tights underneath (in keeping with the season), and a sort-of cropped jacket over a cami on the top. What shoes to wear was a problem because of the different lengths I was wearing, and I decided that heels would be best. I dug out a pair of some old standbys that I hadn't worn in years, but still love despite the fact that they are 5" platform wedges that a woman of my age might shy away from. Still, they are very nice leather Steve Madden's, and I can walk just fine in them (especially having to take the shorter strides necessary while wearing a pencil skirt.

OK, I'll admit that this outfit might have been something from my cross dressing wardrobe of old, but I felt quite confident in my presentation as the woman I am. The 5" heels put me at six-feet, two-inches, but my overall look was proportional, and I don't really feel self-conscious about my height anymore.

Needing to do a little grocery shopping, I thought about ending my dress-up fun, and to change into my regular jeans-look. Seeing the sun shining outside my window, though, I was reminded what had prompted me to choose the outfit in the first place. So, off I went to the grocery store.

As I entered the store, I noticed that I had caught the eye of a middle-age man at the far end of the checkout stands. As I walked toward the shopping carts, he left his wife at the stand to walk toward me. There was a seasonal display to my right (Valentine's Day already?!?), which I diverted my attention toward, so as not to have to confront this man. He stopped, though, right in front of the carts, so I was forced to face him after a few awkward seconds. He looked me straight in the eye, and in a slow and deliberate manner said, "M'am-You-are-(uh-oh, I thought; here it comes)-a-very---MONUMENTAL WOMAN." Since I'd never heard that one before, I was a bit taken aback, and I'm sure that my cheeks turned a color far beyond pastel. "Monumental, well thank you (I think)," I sheepishly answered. As he walked away toward the door, his wife was passing me with her groceries. She was much shorter than her six-foot husband, and so even much more short than I, and she looked up at me with the biggest smile on her face, telling me to have a wonderful day.

I'm still not sure what the man meant by "monumental," but it was followed by "woman," and that's good enough for me! At any rate, I've decided that the weather should not have to dictate what I wear, necessarily, and that it feels good to climb out of the rut once in a while. Changing up our wardrobe choices is one of the privileges we women have; something we may often forget in our day-to-day lives. We do have the power to brighten our own day!"

I have never heard that one either! But, since I can't wear heels, I am pretty much stuck at my given height of 5'11 inches. I normally see several women as tall as I am, just not as thick in the torso of course. 

Busy Week

As luck would have it, or as "Momma Nature" will allow, it's going to be a busy week coming up.

Beginning today (Sunday) Liz and I are going to a group meeting concerning this year's Witches Ball. It should be interesting since the woman who basically has been running the show, has been making a power grab to do more. Essentially taking the lead organization out of it. It should be fun! Sometimes I love a good confrontation :).

Monday and Tuesday, I have cross dresser-transgender support group meetings. Normally, I run into some interesting people at one or the other of the meetings. Ironically, I have been meeting more and more trans men at these events.

Wednesday, it's ride along day with Liz as she goes to one of her medical appointments.

Friday, it's time for my much awaited appointment to my hair stylist. I am still (and will) be debating on whether to re-color my hair yet. Most of the decision will have to do with Liz deciding if she wants to give up her coloring appointment and giving it to me. It's more or less a double appointment time wise for a coloring.

Finally, Saturday we are invited to a dinner at the Italian venue we have been going through. It will be weather permitting again though since we are expecting another major weather system next weekend.

I love a busy week!

Winter Pastels?

Since the burst of holiday color has faded now and the drab grays of winter have set in in my part of the world, I am always looking for a brighter color or two in my wardrobe. Of course a sweater is the best way to go. It provides warmth and color at the same time.

This morning, as I was listening to the weather forecast calling for the first sizable snow of the winter, I found this sweater on "Fabulous After 40" which brightened my day. You can see several more by following the link.

I hope they brighten your day too!

Cyrsti's Condo "Thought of the Day"

I found this on Twitter and thought I would send it along to all of you.

Break out of your closet in 2019!

Passing Thoughts?

Actually I like the word "presenting" better than "passing" when it comes to describing one's feminine appearance.

Also, the term is way over used anyhow but is it a natural phenomena or not? After all, the world operates to a large extent on appearance. I remember going to a very small rural school growing up with basically the same kids all the way from first to ninth grade. The most attractive kids basically formed a clique which lasted all the way.

Unfortunately, we transgender women still have a tendency to over rate ourselves when it comes to appearance. Instead we need to rely on our inner confidence to show the world who we really are. Always remember, the majority of cis women in the world don't have the benefit of being physically beautiful either but do the best they can with what they inherited.

Equally as bad is when we all get set up for failure by the cross dressers and/or novice trans women who often think dressing trashy is sexy and never present well.

The bottom line though is well represented by the quote above.  Thanks to Jill for sending it along! 

Acceptance?

Here in Cyrsti's Condo recently I have been discussing the cis-woman who can't seem to leave me alone and while she is doing it, has been leaving me snarky comments about my hair,

Most certainly, we all experience different levels of acceptance from cis-women. After all, we have taken the time and effort to enter their world.

As I so often do, I will let you read Connie's opinion on the whole situation:

Connie

"As much as we'd like to be considered part of the club, the amount of acceptance by other women will always vary. Beyond that, their motives are not necessarily the same, either. Some women may be accepting because it's the PC thing to do. Others, seeing a trans woman, seem to want to change us (possibly, just as they want to change a man). Whereas these "changers" would not think of doing so with another cis woman, a trans woman could be seen as needing some help - and these women believe that they are the ones who can give it. Some do so with some tact, while others are just plain blunt. Then, there are some women who are more subversive and catty in letting one know what they think about her appearance (these women probably don't care if you're trans or not; they are just bitches).

I think that I stopped socializing with the oft-mentioned local cross dresser group, mostly because of their requirement that we all be totally accepting of each other. Nobody would dare suggest to someone that they do something that might improve their presentation. When the officers of the club voted to ban one of the members from joining the others when in public, though, I stopped showing up, myself. I could have been the next one out for being a bitch about it, but I thought it best to just bite my tongue. Soon thereafter, another group of cis women with whom I was associated ousted a member because she had raised objections for my inclusion. I was told that the woman was jealous of me, and she did not like being shown up by my presentation. 

All in all, I would rather suffer the scrutiny of cis women than the condescension of the trans group. Whether or not things are said to my face, though, I know that there are always things said behind my back. How do I know? Because I've heard things about others when they're not around. Welcome to the club!"

As I have often written about, one of my first rude awakenings to dealing with other women, was discovering how complex the layers are within the feminine experience. I learned relatively quickly to look for and/or expect a knife in the back from certain cis-women. 

Acceptance was not always as easy as it seemed.