Fun in the Jungle

As promised, I did twist Liz's arm into taking a picture of two of me after my hairdressing appointment yesterday.  To show the difference in length, I added the top picture of  my hair at it's longest. 

The new picture (or the bottom one) was taken in our overgrown front yard, due to a late summer (of course) mower break down. Also, I was too lazy to crop it.

No Comment

I have steeled myself to the idea of a compulsive liar/drinker joining the Supreme Court.  I just felt uplifted watching Dr. Ford and slimy after watching Kavanaugh testify yesterday. Enough said.

On the bright side, I made it through the BMV....Board of Motor Vehicles this week with no problems, not that I expected any. I managed to have a pleasant attitude and it was returned by the woman behind the intimidating counter.

Plus my hairdressing appointment also was pleasurable as always. We exchanged idle chit chat about her transgender son starting testosterone soon and the negatives of his separated father not accepting him. Which is especially tough around the holidays.

My new natural hair color is coming along nicely, and it almost looks like I have highlighted hair, plus it is soooo soft!

With a little bit of luck (and a promise from Liz) I will have a picture for you today.

You are so Pretty

As I think back over my rather lengthy life, I don't remember many times at all when I have been complimented on my appearance by a spouse. I have had two spouses spanning approximately 35 years of my life and I am not including Liz in this because she will at the least tell me I look "nice." In fairness, I didn't have the extra benefit of HRT "back in the day." Also,  I am the first to admit I didn't look good enough to deserve any kind of a compliment.

Overall though, I have always believed spouses and/or women in general have a difficult time truly complimenting another woman. I'm leaving out the small conversational complements on accessories/ clothes etc. Many times I feel, another woman is just fishing to find out more about me. Or, am I transgender or what. Plus, there is the dreaded "You look good!" not adding out loud...for a man dressed as a woman.

Here is a comment on the subject from Connie:


"However, my wife has never told me that I'm pretty. She'll tell me that I look good in a particular outfit, but almost always after I've fished for it. I know it's because her transition is still a little behind mine, and her memory of the guy she married is not as distant as mine. This is why I say that transition never really ends or comes to some definite conclusion."

Some believe women aren't as competitive as men, which I think is wrong and appearance is one of the top areas of competition.  Never believe women don't dress for other women on the same scale as they dress for men. I know when I am going someplace relatively upscale, I consider what the other women will be wearing.

One way or another, the subject gets very complicated. Not unlike gender interaction itself. 

I Flunked

My vocal appointment didn't go so well. I use the excuse of having a cold but if the truth be known, I was lazy. I think I thought I could take this whole vocal improvement thing for granted and I could slack my way through it. After yesterday though, I realize it may be one of the most difficult tasks I have ever taken on.

My main problem is how I phrase my words. I still have all the aggressive vocal tendencies from my male past. Plus, they want me to improve my breathing all together. I can only hold an "O" or "U" sound approximately four seconds when I need to hold it for at least eight.

I need to take this all more seriously and get to work!

My therapist appointment was very predictable. If I am going through one of my healthier mental phases which I am now, we basically find other things to talk about.

For example, yesterday, we spent quite a bit of time discussing my birthday and the upcoming witches ball...both in October.

No news is good news!

Boogey Down

So far the week has been very predictable, except for a couple exceptions. At Monday night's cross dresser - transgender support group meeting, I met an interesting couple. The transgender woman was a 28 year old natural beauty. She was with an adoring self professed gay man who said he loved her. Plus it seemed they met in a gay situation and fell in love. Then she started to transition and was just starting HRT.  Finally! Someone new and interesting.

For some reason, quite a bit of the discussion centered around finding a significant other for a relationship. Of course someone asked me how Liz and I got together. I said we met on line when she saw my picture and said I had sad eyes. Which back in those days (seven years ago) I most likely did. The fact of the matter is, most of them like Liz more than me!

The rest of the meeting was predictably boring.

Tuesday, my two self improvement appointments weren't so predictable.

More on my vocal and therapist visits later in another post.

Busy Week Ahead

I have quite a bit happening this week.

Tonight is one of my cross dresser - transgender support group meetings. The one I don't have to drive an hour and a half to get to and normally the one which someone interesting shows up to. So I have something to write about.

Tuesday, I have two doctors appointments. The first is with my speech therapist, which should be interesting since all I have done today is cough. I have been working on my homework though, so I should be able to pull success from failure. Shortly after is my therapist appointment. Which should go well since I found out where her new office is. I find the older I get, the more resistant to change I am. You would think since I have seen quite a bit of life and accomplished such unique touches as crossing the gender frontier as a trans woman, I wouldn't get intimidated much. But I do.

Wednesday or Thursday, I have to go to the BMV and get my car license tags renewed. Which is always one of my least fun things.

I make up for it on Friday when I go to my hairdresser. Always a fun time.

Also this week, I plan on thanking my speech therapist, therapist and hairdresser for all their help in furthering the success I have experienced recently with my MtF gender transition.

Gratitude

One thing I don't do nearly enough is express my gratitude to all of you who stop by Cyrsti's Condo! Thank you! All of you and your comments make the work of posting a daily transgender blog so worthwhile.

Yesterday, fall hit in a big way around here in Southwestern Ohio. And, as luck would have it, Liz  and I's circle group had a get together last night celebrating the first official day of Autumn. As it turned out, we had a small group of hardy souls get together under a park shelter in the rain to share food and fellowship.

Every once in a while, I run into someone I haven't seen in a while. Last night it was Monica. Monica is a delightful German native (cis woman) who is able to travel with her significant other to many different interesting spots. We bonded last summer during another meet up when I learned she is from a location in Germany close to where I was stationed when I was in the Army.

For some reason, yesterday was different (as I wrote about before) when I thought my whole look just was very good. I thought I looked good and fit in for where I was going. Monica must have thought so too because along the way in our conversation she paused and said something to the fact I was really coming along with my presentation. I was floored. It was one of the nicest straight forward unsolicited compliments I have received in a long time. Never in my life would I have ever dreamed I could have gotten this far with my MtF gender transition.

The whole day spurred me on to be more diligent with my night time preparation, make sure I do my vocal homework and keep my schedule with my hairdresser. One thing I need to do more work on is my nails. I try to work on mine (with a file) every week when I accompany Liz to her karate class on Saturdays.

Finally, I try to watch what I eat to keep my weight down.

However you look at it, gratitude takes a lot of work! It's true, you get back results equal to the work you put into it.

 If you are just beginning your journey as a cross dresser or novice transgender woman, it's a labor of love.

It Always Gets Back to...

This morning we did our weekly shopping. And Paula, this was just down the street...not a hour and a half away like my medical appointments. She commented across the pond in Great Britain, people just don't have to travel the distances we do here in the United States. I did neglect to say, I travel by choice to my original Veterans Administration Hospital, which I like better than the closer one here in Cincinnati.

At any rate, before I ramble any further, let me get back to my original point. For some reason, with the help of a couple ibuprofen, I felt physically very good this morning, and was able to throw my shoulders back and do my best to glide like a woman.

The best part was, I didn't care what others thought. Once I get to the point of having the confidence to look strangers in the eye and try my new speech patterns on them, it's all fun. I am in control of the situation. It helps too if I am not in some sort of physical pain in my hips or legs from thirty plus years walking on concrete floors in the restaurant business.

Also, I thought my make up was purposely subdued as were my clothes...designed to blend with the majority of the other women I saw shopping. Just done to the point of looking as if I wasn't trying.

The icing on the cake was when our coffee shop barista said "You ladies have a nice day."

I just love it when a plan comes together, even though it took decades. 

Doing the Right Thing

One side of myself through all my cross dressing closeted years wanted desperately to believe I was made of the "right stuff" for continuing to fight all the evil urges I had to be a girl. In fact though, all I was doing was tearing myself up. Would not wish it on my worst enemy.

On the other hand (as I mentioned a couple of posts ago) there were the occasional shows on television which had a male actor cross dressed as a woman. I remember distinctly hoping no one else would start complaining to change the channel and me trying to act like I didn't care.

Of course, many of us transgender women feel the same way and were raised close to a similar way.

Take Connie for example, discussing "Geraldine" on the "Flip Wilson Show."

FABULOUSCONNIEDEESeptember 20, 2018 at 12:58 PM

"Those were my college days, when the Flip Wilson Show was on TV. I had gone into my "Great Suppression" in 1968, after a fairly regular closeted cross dressing life of six years. I was very aware of the term, transvestite, and sexual deviant, too. As was my sneaky way in those days, I took Psychology courses as a way to safely research my "condition" (which, of course, I had overcome with pure will power...push down the urge and live with the purge). Wilson's character, Geraldine, was of interest to me academically, and I was very attuned to what others were saying about the characterization.

I had one of the only TVs in my college dorm, so there were usually a few guys in my room watching the show with me. I studied their reactions and made mental notes of their communication - both verbal and nonverbal. My conclusion was that I was doing the right thing in suppressing my gender identity, as I would have surely suffered total humiliation had my secret been revealed. I did consider a ploy, whereby I would suggest that I cross dress for a skit for the all-dorms talent show. That may have been putting myself on a slippery slope, I thought, but the real reason I couldn't do it was that being a clown was not the way I felt about myself.

I remember that the skit we did do was a mock Tonight Show, and that I played a Frank Sinatra-type character, singing "My Way." What would have happened had I come out as Doris Day, singing "Que Sera, Sera"? Many years later, "whatever will be" finally turned out to be my way!

BTW, I rewrote the lyrics to "Que Sera, Sera" for a show I used to do called "Passing Fancy with The Fabulous Connie Dee." It goes like this:

When I was just a little boy,
I asked my mother, What will I be?
Will I be pretty, or just some bitch?
Here's what she said to me:

Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be,
Whether you're "He" or "She",
Que Sera, Sera.

This is, of course, pure fantasy. My mother would never have said that!"