Another Look.

Perhaps you may have missed it but along the way here in Cyrsti's Condo, we have been discussing the TLC, television show "Lost in Transition." Also, you may remember, one of the couples live in Washington State and went on their anniversary to Seattle, where blog regular Connie lives. During the episode the transgender woman was made fun of and mis-gendered in a nail salon.  It turns out, Connie specifically knows the area and even the salon:

FABULOUSCONNIEDEEJune 15, 2018 at 2:37 PM

"OK, I finally recorded and watched the third episode - the one you are referring to here. I was really only curious about the couple from my neck of the woods, only to find them visiting the very place that I work five days a week! If you watch them walking around the Seattle waterfront, and down the pier, you can see some of the beautiful hanging flower baskets that I tend to. Had they filmed earlier in the day, I may have been on the show, as well!

I found it of interest that they visited that particular nail salon, as I walk by it a couple of times a day. I have been on the search for a new salon since my old manicurist retired last year, and I was considering trying this salon. Was it a coincidence that I was never getting a good vibe looking into the windows as I walked by? After seeing this episode, I guess I was right in not going in. Being outed by another customer is one thing, but I hate doing business with someone who misgenders me. To be fair, though, I think that the giggles were dubbed in, and did not come from anyone in the salon.

The cynical side of me (OK, the largest part of me) was disturbed by everyone in this show - the transgender women, their spouses, and the rather judgmental looks by the others who had just been informed of the transitions. As I have learned the value of "practice, practice, practice" from athletics and music, I don't understand how one can just decide to do, or be, something, and then expect others to be accepting. Of course, my perfectionist personality was responsible for about fifteen years of delay in my own transition. There may be as many right ways to transition as there are those transitioning, but there are plenty of wrong ways to do it, as well. I think that all of the people in this show would do well to read your blog before going any further. But, then, this show was filmed last year, so that advice is probably too late."

I agree with you on almost all you wrote. In all fairness to the producers of this show, they may have found they had waded into a subject with an immense expanse of material. Plus they are saddled with having to make ratings.

Again and again I would warn anyone about just deciding to announce they are transitioning without doing quite a bit of in depth research. Which, for the most part, does not include watching a television show on the subject.

Thanks for the comment and reference to the blog! 

Dammit!

As my hair appointment grows ever closer and the hotter it gets around here, the more I am thinking about asking my stylist to thin out my hair a little more than I originally thought.

I still know I want her to trim my bangs, so they are actually functional. You can see in this picture from the Cincinnati VA LGBT Pride day, what I mean about my hair and no bangs.  As far as the color goes, Liz is going to help me color it before I go for my appointment.





Coming up on the Pre- Fourth of July weekend,  two parties are coming up we have been invited to, so I definitely want to look my best. My "Stars and Stripes top arrived and it fits, so I know what I have to wear. I haven't seen these friends for awhile, so I think my look may work well! At the least, I can give it my best shot and maybe even get my nails done too.

Why Me?

During my walk this morning, I happened to encounter one of the neighbor's older daughters as she was leaving the house.

Per norm, she barely looks at me,which is fine too. She fits the norm child in the neighborhood. Blond, slim and pretty.

For a second I flashed back to my teen aged days (a large flash :) and wondered what my life would have been like if I had been able to live the way I wanted. I graduated high school in 1967, in the middle of the Vietnam War and I have written many times here in Cyrsti's Condo concerning the amount of angst I lived through about being drafted. I didn't have wealthy parents or bone spurs to keep me out of the draft but I did have the where with all to go to college and earn a four year deferment. None of which really helped me with my gender dysphoria.

Four years later, my deferment ended and I was drafted.  I figured my little stash of female clothes wouldn't be accepted during basic training at Ft. Knox, so I purged before I went. Again I was getting farther and farther removed from my dreams of ever living like a girl. I persisted though and the world began to slowly catch up to me.

I learned there were others who yearned to live like me and even stumbled upon a new term...transgender. Slowly and all too surely, I finally came to the conclusion I was indeed transgender.

Now at least, I could achieve my goal of living my life out as a woman. I learned the hard way again what it truly meant to cross the gender frontier.

It's still tough to do but when I see another woman, I can think I finally made it.

VA Pride Day

"LGBT Pride Day" at the Cincinnati Veteran's Administration hospital campus, turned out to be a well attended quality affair. I would estimate approximately two hundred peeps wondered through. Only a couple were remotely negative to the three of us who attended to our table. One fool was enjoying call us "you guys" a little too much. Some people shouldn't be allowed to get out much I guess.

On the positive side, we had one person who came up and said he was deeply closeted but was looking for alternatives to come out. He took a ton of the information we were offering. There were also several others who said they had transgender members in their family.

The part of the event which really stood out to me, was a brief performance of "Muse", a woman's a capella chorus. They were wonderful and truly represented the feminine spirit.

Finally, I believe nearly all LGBT Pride events paint a too rosy overall picture of the transgender lifestyle. While (even with the current presidential administration which is dedicated to taking all our gains away), things are getting better for our trans sisters and brothers. On the other hand, I think of the two (out of an approximate twenty) transgender women in one of my support groups who have been fired from their jobs recently.

All in all though, it was a nice event and I received another invitation to yet another monthly support group.

What Does it Mean to Me?

For some reason, in the waiting room I use when I visit my therapist at the Veteran's Administration always carries the latest issue of Glamour Magazine along with an incredible collection of boring male adventure issues.  It has occurred to me there must be several transgender women besides myself who use this waiting room.

Today, as I was looking through it , it occurred to me, what did it all really mean. After all, it seems to be focused on the millennial female market.

Slowly but surely though, my noggin began to realize in trans years, I am a millennial. Even though I still can't even come close to the makeup and clothing styles I see, all the other articles about the future of women in society and their overall attitude, mean everything. I began to notice the  extra amount of material which focused on feminine attitude and success.

It was worth the read.

Gender Fluid Ballerina

32 year old Chase Johnsey has made history by becoming the first "genderfluid" dancer to star in a "woman-only" dance troop in London. (English National Ballet)

Chase Johnsey

Johnsey, who uses male pronouns and identifies as gay, won the title of best male dancer at last years National Dance Awards. Johnsey went on to say he learned how to do his makeup from drag queens and enjoys performing as a girl ballerina even though he lives as a boy.

It's quite the story and you can read more here, in the Pink News.

You Might be a Crossdresser If...

Tonight is the larger of my two cross dresser - transgender- LGBTQ support groups. I added the extra "Q" because lately, we have seen several more questioning individuals. At the least, they add quite a bit more interest to the groups.

Of interest, in the group tonight is the person who is a fetish cross dresser. He finally has cleared divorce proceedings and is deciding his sexuality may not be as specific as he once thought. Which is completely fine with me. He is the one who always proudly proclaimed he had to be a cross dresser because he is only into women. Now it seems, he "could" be into a guy if he was forced to cross dress in front of him. Again, nothing so rare about any of that.

Divine

What I think is slightly humorous is he thinks he is so ugly as a man, or woman. He finally is posting some pictures and in them he looks quite a bit like Divine out of drag.

If he comes tonight, I am thinking of bringing it up to him. At the least I can try to tell him to take the "drag queen effect" away from Divine and zero in on the fact they have basically the same rounded facial features.

At the least, it should be interesting and I will let you know how it goes.

John or Joan Q Public

I was out and about in several busy stores and a restaurant today.

Initially I was surprised by a couple of smiles I received by a couple women and one man while we were shopping at the grocery store we visit regularly. Exchanging smiles with cis women isn't so unusual because women are allowed to greet each other without knowing one another. The man, on the other hand was intriguing, because I normally don't get much response from my old gender.

Other than that, nothing out of the ordinary happened, even with the few kids I ran into.

As far as the restaurant went, I have been there several times before and tip really well, so we got the same server and she remembered us. During this food venue visit  I had to use the rest room and my potty PTSD kicked in. Nothing happened though, as I walked right by two servers and went into the women's room. My only worry was a big "red neck" looking very non personable manager who was "running the place. Again, no problems.

No body screamed "Hey! that's a man in the women's room." Actually, that hasn't happened to me in a long time. You would think, I would be working my way through it. But I haven't.

So, all in all, I had a fun day in the public's eye. Now, if I knew what that guy was thinking...

Rest in Peace

Last week, we lost two celebrities to suicide. Kate Spade of the hand bag fame and famous chef Anthony Bourdain. I was never in the financial position to purchase a "Kate Spade" bag, but, especially after my career in the restaurant business, I loved Bourdain. To the point of reading one of his books.

Kate Spade

Needless to say, I was in shock, then again not so much.

Anthony Bourdain

I have my own suicidal demons which are addressed with my therapist when they get too loud. Sufficient to say, my demons will be brought up this Tuesday during my next therapist visit. I am betting I will have to bring up the fact I am entranced not so much of the whys of their suicides (which I understand) but of the hows. The problem is I have learned to cover for my demons over the years.

Some even assume since I have been able to Mtf gender transition, it is all I live for.

Naturally, suicide is a very personal and complex issue and it is easier for me to write about it than speak to anyone about it. Plus, I know I have almost instantaneous access to various suicide hotlines. Including a Trans Vet Hot Line.

Also, in a sense, I suffer from going through three very personal suicides when I was younger, so I know the cost involved to the ones you leave behind. The guilt just builds.

Finally, thanks to all for reading my vent. I am OK and it means a lot I can write about something this personal.