Trans Ohio Symposium

Nothing really earth shattering happening this week as we approach the Trans Ohio Symposium  and my workshop.

As I have related to several times here in Cyrsti's Condo,  I am going to be speaking on "Wall's, Fifty Years" in the closet. My therapist was ultra interested in how I was going to approach it this week during our session. I joked, I was going to wing it but finally told her I had printed former blog posts to refer back to. Much of course is predicated on how many peeps show up, their age mix and how they fall under the transgender - cross dresser umbrella. One of the more difficult things to do too, is to figure how much time should be left for questions and answers.

All I know for sure is, the hour goes ultra fast.

I also found out the lead transgender care person at my Dayton, Ohio Veteran's Administration Campus is going to be doing a lecture also. I am planning on attending to make sure I catch up on any information I didn't know and to just meet her. I think I have but am not positive.

Outside of those two places I know I want to be, the rest of the weekend is set up to be one of fun for Liz and I. She is taking Friday off from her job, so we can get our nails done and hopefully get an early start on what usually is a two hour trip one way.

Finally, I am going to try to archive a couple blog posts for the weekend if I have enough material to attempt to write about!

Helping Others Erases Gender

Today, as I was attempting to meet my therapist on time,  I was going through the parking lot. As I hurried along, an elderly gentleman walking towards me happened to have his plastic bag rip open and his medicine spill out all over the ground.

Throwing caution and time into a brisk wind, I stopped to help him. Besides losing his medicines, he was losing some paperwork too. Fortunately, with the help of another person, we were able to retrieve all his items and get him on his way.

He was so embarrassed but he still managed to utter two thank you's before assuring me he was fine.

Between the feel good part of helping someone in need and having a man hold the elevator door for me, the fact wasn't lost on me that being a good person always outshines just being lost in my transgender self as I try to put my best feminine foot forward.

Life is good.

"C" is for What?

The Cyrsti's Condo post about being called "sir" at the clothing store, garnered quite a bit of reaction in the comment department:

1. FABULOUSCONNIEDEEApril 22, 2018 at 2:42 PM

   "Well, you could have said C, as in cross dresser. Or, after being called "sir", you might have thought of another "C" word in reply to her. :-)
   
   After living so much of our lives as men, it's not surprising that we refer to our past knowledge and experiences almost automatically. I catch myself making a football analogy or something else more "manly" than I might have wanted to say quite often. However, I try to consider the other person when making references, and I say things that will (hopefully) be understood and add to the conversation. So, I think that my conversations and interactions don't necessarily need to be much different than they've always been.
   
   The hardest thing is not what we say, but how we say it. Having a more-female voice is of great help, or course, but changing our speech patterns from male to female can make more of a difference. The proper accompanying mannerisms may be just as important.
   As a child (and still, as an adult), I would watch a Mickey Mouse cartoon that included Minnie, and observe the differences between them. Mostly, Minnie was created as a feminized version of Mickey. Beyond putting Mickey in a dress, though, the cartoonists made a few subtle changes that made a big difference. While it is easy to conclude that Mickey and Minnie are male and female, recognizing and implementing the subtleties in ourselves can be quite challenging. The last thing we want to do, though, is to end up appearing cartoonish in our presentations."

   I think this would have been one of the times to have a more feminine sounding voice to "tip" the gender balance. Also, she wasn't being negative, as much as boring.

Ithinfg

1. 
   Mandy ShermanApril 22, 2018 at 3:25 PM

   "Looking forward to the pix!
   
   On occasion I get the dreaded "S" word...and kind of ignore it. Enough folks do things right, that a few "misgenderings" aren't a big deal for me. But you're right...try to eliminate the characteristics that might cause people to say "Sir."
   
   It would be nice to do voice therapy. I'm a bit envious. But at this point, without being full time, I don't have a burning desire to proceed with it. And then there's always the wife to consider. That would not go well with her...she tolerates, even as I push the envelope. But I fear going down that road would be a step too far...
   
   Cheers,
   
   Mandy"
2. 
   Jeni SkunkApril 22, 2018 at 4:44 PM

   "My suggestion would be: C as in Crown
   After all every woman IS a Queen.
   :)"
3.              I must be doing something wrong. I have been called a "Princess", but never a "Queen"...which would be  worse than being called Sir! So maybe I am doing something right after all. Thanks to all of you for your  comments :)
4.             

A Good Question

I love it when I read another idea about the transgender identity which I have never considered. Probably because in my egotistical mind, I have considered any and all possibilities. As I think about it, seeing other ideas is one of the reasons I am still addicted to Facebook.

An example is one of the peeps I follow is a transgender woman who refuses to acknowledge the trans label, except to say she is transsexual. Plus, in her latest rant, she says the entire transgender community is just in it for the sex. Which is far from the truth in my recent history. Maybe I am just being naive.

An even better example was sent in by Connie:

"A theoretical question I've considered over the years is: Would I pursue my transition if I should lose my eyesight? My answer has changed as I've navigated through the different phases, but that original vanity never really goes away. I know that I do a credible job of presenting, on the outside, my womanly self. It takes a mirror, and the ability to see myself in it, to be able to accomplish this (although, I've made myself up so many times now that I could probably do a half-decent job without a mirror). Yes, my vanity would take a hit if I couldn't see my outward appearance, but I've become comfortable enough with how I see myself as a woman in heart and spirit that even blindness could not change who I am now. I'd still miss seeing myself in a mirror occasionally, however."

A great question!  Somehow I think I would have to continue my transition and hope the effects of HRT would help me to continue to present well enough in public.

I am so vane now, in most situations I try not to wear my glasses...even though they are women's. So, I don't know how I would approach it!

"C" is for Charles?

Yesterday, I finally grabbed my partner Liz for a girls out shopping trip. We did really well at a store called "Gabes" which features overstocks of name brand fashion clothes. I ended up buying four different tops and one long summer dress. I am sure I will wear one or two of the tops next week at the Trans Ohio Symposium so I should have a couple pictures to pass along.

All went very well, including the changing room attendant directing Liz and I to the women's changing rooms. After we made our decisions, she said you Ladies have a good day. From there, we proceeded to the front registers to check out. As I was paying for my treasures, the clerk asked if I had a rewards card and I said no.  After deciding I needed one, she asked for my email address. It's still under my old name "Cyrsti" so I had to spell it for her. She said did it start with a "C" or a "K" so I said "C" as in Charles.  I wonder if I set off some sort of gender reaction in her, because, out of the clear blue sky, she called me "sir".

After getting upset, I decided not to say anything because I don't hear so well and she sort of said it in passing (or not passing). I just took my purchases and took off.

Then I started to think, the next time someone asks me to spell my email address, to say "C" as in cat. To make sure I'm not sending anyone any subliminal signals.

As I thought about it further, I decided to include things like "Charles" in my next "wall."

In addition, my next "wall" goal will be to try to make the smallest detail of my feminine presentation a priority. As I have written about before here in Cyrsti's Condo, I plan on trying to get involved in feminine voice therapy of some sort and getting some new makeup techniques.

The whole idea has rejuvenated me!

You and Your Mother?

Perhaps I should save this post for closer to Mother's Day, but I received another comment from Connie concerning a Cyrsti's Condo post (Whose on First) about her Mom, so I decided to use it. It came from a comment I made which included the phrase "per Norm":

FABULOUSCONNIEDEEApril 18, 2018 at 6:08 PM

"Just to be clear, I never do anything per Norm. I do, however, do things per Norma, as that was my mother's name. I am reminded often by family members how much I resemble her, both in looks and in personality. That used to bother me a bit, but now I just accept it as an affirmation of my destiny to live life as the woman I was born to be.

Come to think of it, being compared to my mother is a label that has been put on me. I guess some labels are just inescapable."

Like many other transgender women, I, like I am sure many of us have spent a considerable amount of time wondering about our relationship with our mothers. It's ironic how close we were to having a "mother-daughter" relationship and never knowing it.

My mother and I were much the same, including the resemblance factor. We both shared the same restless personalities and a complete need to try to dominate the other.

She (my mother) was the one who suggested electrode shock therapy for me, when I came out to her after I got out of the Army. And it was me who took her first name as my middle name, when I legally changed it. I did it partially as an honor and partially to know I got the last laugh with her about being transgender.

I honor her because she went through the hardships of WWII and the Great Depression, which I guess "battle" hardened her to face the challenges she was to face having child birth. I was the first to survive after several still births and miscarriages. In fact, I could be the result of a hormonal drug given to expectant mothers back then who were having problems with child birth. The word is now, the drug could have had something to do with gender dysphoria. 

If I had actually turned out to be her daughter from the beginning, I'm sure my life would have turned out about the same way,...because she had her way of doing things. It was her way or the highway.

Obviously,  I will never know but on occasion it is interesting to think about.

Life Through a Mirror?

Most of us start this journey as a transgender woman, trans man, or cross dresser the same way...with trips to the mirror.

For most of us as well, we begin to separate from the mirror and have a tendency to want to try our hand living out in a brave new world. One of the opposite gender. When we do, at least we think we are moving away from the mirror.

When you think about it, all of our lives revolve how we see the world, or how it sees us. Crossing the gender frontier becomes so difficult when we already have specific gender ideas ingrained within us and something is screaming, wait!, that's not right. As we begin to live in the proper gender, often, the first thing we do is to do our best to at least look the part of our chosen person.

From there, the mirror gets much more intricate. Not only should you do your best to present your gender properly, you have to learn how to read others. A keen observation of whom you are dealing with can take you a long way. Especially, if you think you may be finding yourself in an unpleasant situation.

I guess you can say, a trans life could become truly one of smoke and mirrors but then again it doesn't have to and I am sure you know a cis gender person or two about whom you could say the same thing. Or, your life could be entering an extraordinary phase. Even phases though must come and go...and the extraordinary becomes mundane, as Connie says:

" Finding the extraordinary to now be ordinary. Then, when you think about it, life can truly be extraordinary by that very shift. As we transition to womanhood, we move past living through experiences on to discovering that we are free to experience life."

So true. and when it happens, the freedom is wonderful.

Make Up?

My other transgender - cross dresser support group (here in Cincinnati) announced yesterday, the date of it's first make up assistance workshop in May.

Being the smart a-s person I am, I always say, how could I ever try to improve upon perfection. If the truth be known though, I have many questions about working with my eyes, foundation and contouring. I would love help with all of them.

So, on May 14th, I hope to garner some individual attention, all the way to the point of taking my skin wipes with me to take off all my current makeup to have her start over. If indeed I have the opportunity. I'm afraid she is only going to address the group as a whole.

For some reason, it seems my skin is responding again to the hormone replacement therapy (HRT) and is going through another mini transition. Which I always heard was possible. I also switched to another slightly more expensive foundation. Which seems to be helping.

I do wish all of the makeup advice would have been available before the Trans Ohio Symposium at the end of April. I need all the immoral support I can get!

Diversity within Diversity

Tuesday was my transgender veteran support group meeting at the Dayton, Ohio Veterans campus.

For once, the meeting was well attended (twelve) people and wonderfully diverse. Two much younger new people attended who identified mainly as gender fluid as well as the on again- off again SRS person from Richmond, Indiana.

We also have several run of the mill transgender peeps, as well as a "card carrying" lesbian. The mix made for an interesting conversation on several topics.

We talked about having a VA presence at the Dayton, Ohio Pride celebration this year and one of the gender fluid persons said they didn't like Prides basically because of all of the blatant exhibitionists. Her only experiences were from Atlanta, Georgia and Berlin, Germany. Far from the still conservative ideas of Middle America. I told her also, it wasn't so long ago, I felt totally un-represented at Prides "overrun" by drag queens and garishly attired cross dressers. Fortunately, I haven't felt that way at the last couple of Prides I have went to.

The other gender fluid person (who I will refer to as she) said she didn't quite understand what all the fuss was about existing in the public's eye. Even though, she is a self professed six foot three inches and a former Army Ranger, she is still quite androgynous and has quite a bit of passing "privilege." So at her age (30 something) she has missed quite a bit of the public problems for transgender, or gender fluid, individuals that used to exist much stronger... back in the day. It was nice we "more mature" participants could explain the "good old days" were just old and not so good.

Finally, I also brought up the possibility of receiving voice help through the University of Cincinnati Medical School, in conjunction with the VA and I hoped to get more info soon!

 All in all, one of those support group meetings that for once provided support!