Friday, April 20, 2018

You and Your Mother?

Perhaps I should save this post for closer to Mother's Day, but I received another comment from Connie concerning a Cyrsti's Condo post (Whose on First) about her Mom, so I decided to use it. It came from a comment I made which included the phrase "per Norm":

"Just to be clear, I never do anything per Norm. I do, however, do things per Norma, as that was my mother's name. I am reminded often by family members how much I resemble her, both in looks and in personality. That used to bother me a bit, but now I just accept it as an affirmation of my destiny to live life as the woman I was born to be.

Come to think of it, being compared to my mother is a label that has been put on me. I guess some labels are just inescapable."

Like many other transgender women, I, like I am sure many of us have spent a considerable amount of time wondering about our relationship with our mothers. It's ironic how close we were to having a "mother-daughter" relationship and never knowing it.
My mother and I were much the same, including the resemblance factor. We both shared the same restless personalities and a complete need to try to dominate the other.
She (my mother) was the one who suggested electrode shock therapy for me, when I came out to her after I got out of the Army. And it was me who took her first name as my middle name, when I legally changed it. I did it partially as an honor and partially to know I got the last laugh with her about being transgender.
I honor her because she went through the hardships of WWII and the Great Depression, which I guess "battle" hardened her to face the challenges she was to face having child birth. I was the first to survive after several still births and miscarriages. In fact, I could be the result of a hormonal drug given to expectant mothers back then who were having problems with child birth. The word is now, the drug could have had something to do with gender dysphoria. 
If I had actually turned out to be her daughter from the beginning, I'm sure my life would have turned out about the same way,...because she had her way of doing things. It was her way or the highway.
Obviously,  I will never know but on occasion it is interesting to think about.


  1. My Mother was a very strong willed lady (I say was as although she is still alive due to dementia she is definitely no longer herself) I once asked what my name would have been if I had been born a girl, she told that the possibility was not even considered. She had always wanted to have four sons, and was determined to fulfil that ambition.

    I have often wondered if somehow through a sheer act of will she managed to alter my prenatal development somehow.

  2. I know that a few of us in my age group wonder about if we are DES babies.