"Left Handed Mail"

Two comments from my recent blog post "What Makes a Woman" from the "UK Huffington Post."
The first from Paula:

1. The problem with the child bearing ability definition is that would include a lot of Trans Men!
2. Good point! I wonder what the so called "purists" think about the trans men who keep all their reproductive organs to have a child or transgender women who have their sperm frozen for possible impregnation of a woman at a later date?
3. FABULOUSCONNIEDEEJanuary 30, 2017 at 2:03 PM

   I disagree with the article's insinuation that the "very real feeling" equates to "You just are." They are not the same thing, although attempting to make them so may be the only way to explain gender identity to the average person. The problem is that to assume they are the same diminishes the validity of the "just are" premise. Certainly, accepting that oneself is left-handed or dyslexic comes from no feeling, albeit there are very real feelings that can emerge as a result of those things.
   
   One of the most disturbing things people relate to me is that they accept (or reject) my choice to act on my feelings of being a woman. Oftentimes, I am even congratulated for my courage to act on my feelings - or to be as I feel myself to be. Yes, I have a feeling of being true to myself through this transition, but it is really more due to the release of the bad feelings I have had in the past than the good feelings I get from my feminine expression. Still, my gender identity is not a feeling anymore than a cis woman's female gender is to her. The difference is that I am forced to be conscious of the same thing she may take for granted. It is that fact that creates the "feelings".

Thanks Connie and Paula :)

Just What the Hell Was I Thinking???

As I think back on my "Life Turns on a Dime" series of blog posts,  I did briefly think What the hell..etc?

I know many of you here in Cyrsti's Condo have gone through or are going through what I have/did and it is a cup half full or empty experience.

The half empty/negative experiences were the tears we shed to get to the places we are today. The half full experiences were simply we made it. We are the survivors of life's toughest climb. Looking down from Mt. "Genderest" gives us a unique view of society that very few humans are allowed to experience. Who doesn't want to re-event themselves?

Still, the transgender experience continues to be shunned by the majority of a mis-understanding society. Often, simply because we can not blend as well as we would like. Until you reach the point of "forced stealth", or when one lives her trans life on her own terms and the hell with the world.

I will say though, life on my end is getting easier. Not so much from a presentation viewpoint but from the public viewing me with a pleasant surprise. Not a mocking or mean response.

We simply didn't have a choice but to embark on the climb we made, We just had to do it or join the extremely high suicide attempts in our tribe.

So what the hell was I thinking? Survival!!!

What Makes a Woman?

Good question right? Now I have seen in various circles the questions rise again on rather trans women are "allowed" to use the "woman" word alone anymore or ever.

The easiest answer and the one most completely wrong is "child bearing ability" alone makes a woman. The problem with the idea comes with all the cis women born without the ability or will power to have children. Does that make them any less a woman? No.

Transgender women have just had a different path to express their femininity. Our femininity lies in the same places a cis woman's does- between her ears and in her heart. Gender identity is not about your physical sex or the clothes you wear but an innate sense of who you are.

Sooner more than later (maybe) society is going to understand we (transgender women and men have been around since ancient times and allow us to go our own way without roadblocks and recently:

“The medical profession has tried - and failed - for over 100 years to change the brains of trans people, in a bid to make their gender identity congruent with their body. Most clinicians now agree that the best solution is to realign people’s bodies to more closely match their gender identity, not the other way around.”

The UK Huffington Post recently carried an article which I have quoted from ( here ) Of interest is the fact feminists are once again attempting to distance themselves from the trans woman community for mainly the scientific failures mentioned above.

What I also don't understand is why now with attacks rising on women of all types (physical and legal,) feminists don't want to add to strength in numbers, our numbers.

Finally from the "Huffington Post" : “Being transgender should not be seen as an attempt to invalidate or diminish womanhood (or indeed manhood) any more than being gay should be seen as an attempt to diminish heterosexuality - they are just different experiences deserving equal acceptance and respect.

“Science cannot fully explain the experience of being trans. The suggestion that seems most likely is a neurological difference in the same way as dyslexia or left-handedness. It is a very real feeling which has been known in every culture throughout history.
“One does not need to understand it to simply accept that it is. The fact is no trans people can explain why they feel as they do. How do you explain why you are left-handed? You just are.

Book Photo

This is one of three photos I had access to after the final showing Friday night.
The project was called "Women Using Their Heads" by Judith Serling-Sturm and photographer Tina Gutierrez.
This is not one of the pictures from Friday night and I am waiting for one of those to show up on FB!

When they do, I will pass one along :)

Cyrsti's Condo "Archive Post"

This one goes way back. The post is from 2013...before I had lost nearly 50 pounds.

Saturday, December 28, 2013

"Dragging Up the Past"

Every once in awhile I come across a very rare old picture here in Cyrsti's Condo.  I was able to scan this and show it to all of you.  I know it has to go back approximately 6 years and was taken at a local gay venue -by whom and for what reason I don't remember.  I do recall the blond in the picture is a blond named "Sherri".

Not So Little Black Dress

Well tonight the snow has held off and I can make it to the Art Show, at which my photograph is part of. The only thing I can tell you is my photograph is part of a larger work being presented to a competition in Chicago. Obviously, I would be honored if the whole book made it.

For the evening I have chosen a belted black dress with leggings and my boots. I will also wear one of the long scarves Liz has made me and my black short leather jacket. (She (Liz) can't go because of work.)

My new business cards did make it, so hopefully I can make some new contacts. Plus there still is an outside chance my new glasses could get here too, but that would be too much to ask!

I will let you know how it it goes.

Cross Dressing 101?

Or, "If life presents you with panty hose-do you wear them?"

Over the years here in Cyrsti's Condo, we have discussed what trigger mechanisms (if any) would lead a boy/man to cross dress at all and is cross dressing a manifestation of a larger transgender leaning.

While it is impossible to say, some of us have had an insight, this one from Connie:

"My niece had a boyfriend she was really serious about. I guess he finally decided that he should let her know about his cross dressing, so he just showed up at her place all dolled up to surprise her with it. Of course, she wanted my input, so I gave it to her straight.

 She was reluctant to continue with the relationship, anyway, but after I told her she would have to be prepared for the possibility that he may one day decide to transition, she went with her intuition and broke off the relationship. Just the fact that he used that tactic to come out to her should have been reason enough, however. 

She has always been supportive of me, but she's seen the turmoil my coming out has caused with the whole family. Accepting the fact that your uncle is really your aunt is so different from learning that your boyfriend wants to be your girlfriend - even if only occasionally."

First of all, I agree with the inadvisability of just "showing up" cross dressed without warning and secondly was his love of the clothes as far as his lust went? I feel being transgender takes you out of the clothing fetish all together- eventually. I know in my case, the clothes lost their pop fairly quickly but wanting to be a girl never did.

At the least I would have to tell a person who asked about a boyfriend/spouse who loved to cross dress, beware. What can start off as an innocent enough fetish experience can turn into the turmoil Connie spoke of. 

Transgender Television

FYI...I recently mentioned National Geographic's show called the "Gender Revolution" in Australia and just saw they also are having a show on in this country called "What is Gender" with Katie Couric at 8:30 AEDT next Wednesday.

Katie Couric

Laverne Cox (right)

Also, CBS is beginning a new series called "Doubt" which includes transgender actress Laverne Cox.The role is widely regarded as the first major re-occurring role on a major U.S. television network for a trans actress! Plus, I think Laverne is playing a cis-woman. The show premiers Wednesday, February 15th.

With the respect of National Geographic and the number one ratings of CBS, both of these shows can go a long way to insure transgender gains will not disappear in the near future!

•  of gender through the lens of science, society and culture in the ground-breaking new two-hour documentary.
   clear cut. Join us as we set out to explore this evolving concept of gender through the lens of science, society and culture in the ground-breaking new two-hour documentary.

He Might be a Cross Dresser If?

This post was actually written in 2014:

I was talking to Missy the other day (my deceased wife's sister) about one of her boy friends "just happening" to have a couple dresses and women's underwear stashed in the back of his closet. She was waiting for me to "anoint" him as a cross dresser, or something.

The whole conversation brings up and interesting point which we haven't steered clear of here on occasion in Cyrsti's Condo.  How good is our "trans-dar" and once we come out to a genetic woman, how much better does her's become?

I know Pat has commented about her wife many times as I have about my deceased wife and current partner Liz.  It's a pretty simple deal. Genetic women are simply going to have a heightened sense of who may have entered their girls sandbox.  They were born into it as females.  No contest!

Now, as more and more of us come out of the closet as Paula Goodwin commented:  "as we stop hiding one side of ourselves they (the sides) stop being separate to the rest of our lives. I see that Stana is now going to stamp shows as well as Radio Conventions, as we all do more and more the "Gender" bit just becomes part of who we are (just like everybody else)." It's much easier for a genetic woman to have that "aha" moment when their trans dar goes off.  Even if it is wrong.

When we do come out to a woman around us that we know,  they begin to see "shadows" on occasion. All of a sudden, that guy they dated way back when or the cousin who came to visit just may have been a cross dresser?  To be sure, those guys may have been.  We all know there are far more cross dressers buried deep in closets than anyone knows about.

Plus, as I told Missy, there are so many different levels to our community, it's hard for us to keep track.  One man's cross dressing may be as simple as wearing panties and bra under his suit to work, all the way to transforming himself into that attractive well dressed "woman" you pass at the mall.

These days, I am careful to mention two things. One, does it matter if the man has a simple attraction to feminine clothes or two, if he has more than an attraction be sure to keep an eye on him.  Most of us are
facing a highly emotional, difficult, up hill battle if we transition.  She will need all the help she can get!