The Principality of Bitchdom (From the Archives)

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

The Principality of "Bitchdom"

Maybe I should have spelled this little "queendom" queendumb. 

No kids, I'm not doing my usual "throwing rocks in glass houses", yes I have been to "Bitchdom".

"Don't make me pull this wig off and bitch slap you with it!"

Where is this place? Well,  I define the location as synthetic. Brought on by synthetic PMS brought on by synthetic hormones.

Allow me to pick up a big rock and heave it here in Cyrsti's Condo/Bitchdom tonight. Very simply I have found recently I'm being patronized on occasion.

I know you have probably seen the "look behind the fake smile" people think they have perfected. It's like they are thinking, first I had to like black people, then gay people and now you?  

No, they really don' t have to like me because I am transgender and worse yet- they think I'm so cool. Has nothing to do with me, it's because they have met a trans woman. They think they are special being  one of the 10% of the population who has met a me or saw a me on television.

Through the years I saw a similar version happen in the restaurants I worked in. All of a sudden it became  so cool to go to a gay dance club for my female crew members.

Truth is I'm not so cool and this doesn't happen to me frequently. Then again anymore,  I'm fortunate to have a nice circle of friends and the same places I go so it shouldn't.   As I have written though, I am starting to expand out into a few "active" organizations, so we will see what the future holds.

Maybe tonight, I just needed something to bitch about and maybe I am cool dammit!

JJ's Sunday Edition

Ker Plunk! Listen up, another J.J's Mother's Day Edition has hit your virtual front porch.

Weather report: Overcast and a bit chilly here in Southwestern Ohio, cup o joe weather to be certain! Grab a cup and lets get started.

Page One: the Week that Was or Wasn't: As the country continues to focus on North Carolina, I was focused on two trips to the VA and a medical procedure my partner Liz went through. All seem to be doing well, thanks!!!! 
Yesterday I already mentioned being seen by a transgender woman doctor which was different, exciting and inspiring. The other visit was pretty normal as I get.

Then, as I alluded to so briefly in the "Visit with the ' Family" post, (The family are LGBTQ community members,) it seemed the whole world had a need to know more about us or was one of us. My best example, as I was spending a whole day in a hospital waiting room, was the receptionist who finally couldn't stand it any more and asked softly was I trans? I said yes and proud of it, why? She said she had a friend who was in the closet and was considering what most of us go through, coming out and possibly wrecking her life or staying in and struggling.

She was a warm and caring person I wish I could have helped more, but told her what I could.

Page Two: Yesterdays Coffee: Opinion: It's Mother's Day, and regardless of all the cheap shots about being called a Mother in your life, our Mom's hold a significant spot in our hearts.
In my case, I took awhile to "forgive and forget" the mean old days when Mom said she would provide me the cash for "electro shock therapy" to rid myself of my gender confusion. Years after she passed though, I remembered it was probably a decade after that when we transgender women and men were removed from the the psychiatry "sick" lists. So she seriously thought she was doing me a favor. At any rate, I got the last laugh when I legally changed my middle name to hers.
So Mom, here's to you. In all the dark and bright days of my past, you were probably the only one who truly cared.

Page Three: Page One cont. Before I forget, Friday after I talked to the woman about her transgender friend, I ran into a young lesbian woman running a fast food restaurant where I stopped to get food I was sorry I paid for later and Liz's all night nurse was a gay man who used phrases like De-Nile" wasn't just a river in Egypt. I know I'm biased, but what a truly colorful world it is if people just look around.


Page Four: The Back Page: Well kids, it is time to frolic in the park before it rains again during our own personal monsoons. Thanks for joining us here at JJ's! Love you all!!!

Visits with the "Family"

Perhaps you have heard of the LGBTQ community (individuals) being called "The Family." During my seemingly huge leave of absence around here, I ran directly into my fair share and maybe some of yours too of family.

Beginning Thursday morning (I won't say bright) I had an another appointment with my VA therapist. For what ever reason she couldn't be there so I did a "walk in" which left me to the highest bidder. Or biggest loser. My appointment though was anything close to a loss when I quickly discovered I was talking to a real live transgender doctor at the VA. 

Of course I was geeking and trying to keep my mind on the subject of why I was there to start with-me and I never grow tired of talking on the subject.

Plus, part of the discussion just had to center on coming out stories and the world at large now for transgender women and transgender men.

Maybe I will have to look around a little closer the next time I am seeing a new Doc! 

Finding a Transgender Friendly Place Archive Post

May 2013: Did I get your attention with this title? Actually it's one of the bigger questions I get on a regular basis. Over the years I have tried to over think this process and come up with  complex answers I can't even follow.

Last night though, in a rare moment of brilliance- my transgender spirit guide said "listen dummy, you find your own places by just going there."

I thought for a moment a said "wow spirit peep you are on to something!"

Think about it, we all have the power to help a place to become transgender friendly. But of course there are rules:

One of the biggest misconceptions is that all gay venues are trans friendly.  The truth of the matter is you have to educate them the same as any other place.  They just don't know us. Recent surveys have indicated that only 10% of the population has met a transgender person-change that!

Shopping of almost any kind should be a given. After all you are spending money with the merchant.  You can also endear yourself if you don't treat women the way they treat each other. If you don't know, listen sometime.

Which brings me to what I assume are common sense points:

1- Never Assume your experience is going to be a bad one and be a bitch. With that attitude you will be right. More than likely you will give yourself and the rest of your trans sisters and brothers a bad start.
2.-Mind your own Business, be pleasant and TIP well when you are in a service situation.  You will indeed make a good impression.
3.-Go Back.  Maybe not common sense but a good point.  If you become a good customer, you will be remembered and even protected in certain situations.
4.-Communicate. I learned this one the hard way. When you don't talk to people they assume the worst about you. So what if you don't think you have the sexiest female voice around. Not using your best effort will hurt you more in the long run.

Last but certainly not least, rest room and dressing room usage.

Very iffy and very sensitive.  Too big of a subject to be covered here except to say I do have one definite standard. When I'm a great regular customer in the places I go-I can get my restroom privileges. Employees and managers get used to me using the women's room.  BUT any "civilian" (not an employee) can change that in an instant with a complaint.  The last thing I want to do is cause a scene. Years ago a male manager at one of my regular haunts revoked my rest room card.  I simply went up the street and established myself at a competitor.  About 6 months later, he got fired and a few of the employees who were still there came and invited me back. How nice was that?

Finally, YOU have the power to enable a place to become transgender friendly.  Just don't go dressing all crazy, acting like an idiot and being a poor citizen. You will just ruin it for all of us.

M.I.A

This week is "poke and prod" week at the Veterans Administration for me so I may not be able to come up up with a couple new posts, so I might dig down in the ol' files and come up with a couple archived posts.

But first, I can't help but mention the political passing of Ted Cruz (although like any villain he never really goes away.) I was really pleased in the morning yesterday when I heard one of his television ads in Cincinnati compare Clinton/Trump to "two peas in a pod" because they "approve men using the women's room." What a jerk, certainly he doesn't really believe his own scary rhetoric, and it turned out maybe "The Donald" didn't either. Trump is probably the most surprised person in his room that he has gotten this far.

And Bobbie just passed this along on Facebook to me that Prez Obama is preparing some sort of anti hate speech. So never a dull moment as they say.

From New Zealand

Transwoman Dakota Hemmingson not so long ago, she had a better job – as a hairdresser at a barber’s shop in Auckland, New Zealand.

Unfortunately, things took a turn for the worse when she told her employer she wanted to fully transition to being a woman and was “forced out of her job” at Barkers Groom Room.

Ms Hemmingson took her fight to the Employment Relations Authority (ERA) claiming unjustified dismissal and has now been cleared to pursue a claim against her former employer, Matthew Swan.

The ERA judgment said she had received a letter prepared and signed by Mr Swan that said: “It would be in the best interests for both yourself and the business to end your employment with Mensworks and Barkers Groom Room effective immediately.”

I understand a picture is but a picture, but how many guys would mind having their hair cut by Dakota? Then again, she may make a lot of them nervous...like the name "Barker's Groom Room?" Do you drop your dog off for a shave/cut while you are there?

Go here for more.

"JJ's" Sunday Edition

Ker Plunk! Listen up, another Sunday edition is hitting your front porch,

Weather report:  So far so good for the huge marathon here in Cincinnati (approx 40,000 peeps), but later on, storms return. I know, again, much of this country has seen it's share of nasty weather and we are sending out positive vibes to you!

Let's grab a "cup o joe" (coffee) or tea and get started,

Page One: the Week that Was or Wasn't: As I look back on the week, all I can say - it was tedious. Normally every morning my E-mail fill's up with at least 50 or so emails on the transgender LGBT restroom battle. All I can say is if any rational human being would stop and try to listen to us, we are not men using women's facilities. We are not the predators and I will leave it at that.

Page Two: Yesterday's Coffee: ChaChanges . Spring is the time to shake things up and move into a house from the Condo-so, here we are. Plus, as we were adding a new picture with shorter hair, I figured it would be just a good of time to put my new name in too. J.J. actually are my initials which my grandkids switched to from granddad. It works well for them so it works for me. Plus, I can line it up almost with "you can call me Ray or you can call me J!"

Page Three: Back Page: Well kids, lots to do today so it's going to be a short version. Remember I love you and thanks for stopping by! ...JJ

We Got Mail

Thanks to you all for sending in your input to "JJ's House"! Yes I finally added a new picture and decided to add a new title at the same time. Thanks for your patience!!!

Now on to the input:
First from Paula in Great Britain. For me this puts the USA on a similar footing to Russia and Uganda as travel destinations, it is all so sad.

Sad is correct Paula but this is yet another mini revolution. This one though is fueled by the fact that we transgender people have been tossed under the bus by a group of radical right wingers. Spare me the rant! Plus, what has exasperated the whole situation is the trans population's potential power, exposure and even popularity.

The only thing the right wing has found to fire up a largely backwards group of the country is the restroom non issue. Also it is a proven fact most of the largest religions are losing their memberships slowly.

Finally, you have to keep in mind we are a big nation, so many areas simply are and will be easier to move around in as LGBTQ peeps. An example is I can move around easily where I live on the East side of Cincinnati but a little over 50 miles East of us are where the eight people were killed in the rumored drug cartel murders. Rural and mean.

Then there is Donald Trump, Paula, as far as trans people go, I think we barely show up on his radar. After all, he told Caitlin Jenner to use what ever restroom she wanted in the Trump Tower.

It's going to be a down and dirty time between now and fall elections in America with a lot at stake for all transgender women and trans men.  

I Bet They Never Saw This Coming!

From the GayStarNews : The price of North Carolina’s attempt to abolish protections and to exclude trans people from public life continues to mount up, as the UK Foreign Office has revealed it has raised the matter through official channels.

This was in response to a written question from Cat Smith, Labour MP and Shadow Spokesperson for Women.

Cat Smith

Last week, she asked the Foreign Secretary: ‘What plans does the Secretary of State have to raise the issue of LGBT rights in North Carolina and Mississippi with his counterpart in the US?’

The official response, delivered late yesterday afternoon, was that they have already raised it with North Carolina.

Responding on behalf of the Foreign Office, Hugo Swire, Conservative MP and a Minister of State for the Foreign and Commonwealth Office wrote: ‘Our Consul General in Atlanta raised our concerns with the North Carolina Commerce Secretary on 19 April.

‘We have amended our Travel Advice for the United States to reflect legislative changes on LGBT rights in North Carolina and Mississippi . This Government is opposed to all forms of discrimination. We are committed to ensuring that all LGBT people are free to live their lives in a safe and just environment.’