Wish List?

It's fairly obvious to me that I won't benefit from the "Caitin Jenner" no expense spared transition fund-  so, what would be mine?
Actually, it's a very simple "short list"

1. I want my HRT estrogen back. Maybe very possible. Soon.
2. .Breast augmentation-before next summer.
3. Facial feminization surgery in some form.

Truthfully, the only way I will be able to accomplish much of my "wish list" is if the VA rules change on approving any corrective transgender transitional surgeries at all. My wish list will remain just that. But that's cool too!

I think I can survive!!!

What You See is Not What you Get?

I have read people determine gender on others very quickly. Thus,most think it is/was incumbent for us as crossdressers/transgender women to look the part of our non birth gender-to the point of obsession with some.

For some reason, Connie's friend who claims to be a crossdresser on HRT fits into this post. First of all, let me point out-most assuredly Connie's CD friend is not the first to follow the hormonal route to look more feminine. In fact, I had an acquaintance years ago whom I am a firm believer followed the narcissistic feminine route all the way to the SRS table. 

Again, not a problem.To each her own. 

These days (and in this post!) I am even going to give the much maligned (by me) Caitlin Jenner some props. What she does for me is when I am out in the world and get read as a transgender woman, all of a sudden that is not such an evil thing. Not that Jenner deserves all the credit.

I have my personal theory of how people perceive me breaks down something like this: The greatest majority of no perception at all. Like most people, I could just as well be in another dimension. Then, there are those who see me as feminine, but at a different level. Which is where the fun starts -sometimes. Truthfully, these days, most are positively fascinated or entranced. I love eye contact these days!

They know they are getting what they see. A transgender woman. Plus they still think we are pretty rare. 

Finally, also very cool are the times I get to meet the same persons more than once-even if it is just to say hello. They begin to see me less as some sort of hologram and more of a person. It's all good until I open my mouth and jabber something crazy.

Having written all of that, my next post of course will center in on my selfish holiday wish gift list!

Rent a Gender?

One of the "fluff" stories on the evening news tonight was the new "trend" among millennial fashionistas was renting high end fashion accessories like glasses to complete outfits. I thought what if you could rent your gender?

If you could take the "magic" pill and transform yourself to the person you always perceived yourself to be-would you?  The base for many great stories, I am sure. The problem would be of course would be how the insiders (transgender individuals in particular) would perceive the option versus the civilians of the world. An idea for another post. A pill for the ultimate cross dresser perhaps? Or an idea for a "Twilight Zone" episode?

Also an idea would be to write a short speculative transgender piece for the "Topside Press":

"Topside Press is now accepting submissions for an anthology of short speculative fiction by self-identified transgender writers. Speculative fiction can include science fiction, horror, fantasy, alternate history or any fiction which envisions a world that is fundamentally different from our own.

Our goal for this anthology is to showcase the talent of a diverse range of authors and catalyze the next wave of meaningful, moving, and politically engaged speculative fiction."

If you are interested, you must hurry because the deadline for submission is December 1st. (Follow the links above.)

I received the info from my Veterans Administration psychologist! Via the Dayton, Ohio PFLAG newsletter.

The Colors That I See

Today was appointment day with my VA psychologist. After the usual "small"talk about how I was feeling about going into the holiday season this year, and I couldn't change the subject to the guy causing a ruckus down the hall- I said I was entering the season with care this year. For several different reasons, last year was rough-real rough.

Along the way today she asked me about my hormones and I said the next decision date was coming up December 8th. She asked exactly what they (the HRT) meant to me. I said not so much with my appearance/etc but since I now know what I am missing-I told her I miss the colors.

Of course, cis-women have very little of the concept as they were born into it. Plus, colors are different than senses. Example, women have a heightened sense of smell over men.

Sometimes, I hate to be the trainer with her! (kidding) She also told me to quit being such a "guy" and ask for help from family, friends and her.

Trans-i-tion

Did I still spell it right? Or more importantly, do  I know what it means? Sometimes I do - I think. Until someone asks me. Then I am not so sure.

It's like Friday night when the transgender man (at the meeting I was at) who took a moment to point out Caitlin Jenner was not a good example of the overall transgender community. As we all expected Jenner will look the part increasingly as a very attractive woman, but how  much true transition Caitlin has experienced in her gilded trans closet remains to be seen.

Then, later on in the evening (of course) the biggest elephant in the room was heard from- what about the rest room gender issues we are suffering from? The trans man spoke to the fact  that transgender women seem to have a tougher time with the restrooms. A woman (cis) asked what restroom he used. The reply was the men's room and of course when the topic came around to me-I said the women's. I added that even though I felt my choice was the right one to make morally, it often was the safer one. I can't imagine just walking into a men's room anymore and using the urinal-without definite repercussions. Perhaps physical.

Bottom line is, I have yet to figure out exactly what line one crosses over to claim a successful so-called transition. I mean if you go on appearance, sometimes I can go days without so much as a side glance. Then, it seems every other person wants to be rude and stare. 

I do think though, a transition begins long before one meets the public. It's not a secret women spend (or should) much more time on hair, skin, weight, clothes etc than men.It is yet another BIG reason it is tougher to transition to the feminine side of the fence than vice versa. 

So there you go. Can't say I am not a little envious of Jenner's appearance.But then again most other women would be also. It's tough for most of us to afford the personal trainer, fashion assistant and extra surgery Jenner was "born into." 

Caitlin may have to jump out of that mirror and into the world (without the heels).

Maybe that's what a trans-i-tion is truly all about.

Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition"

Picture compliments of Robbie Lewis, The Ohio and what I call a "trans" themed sunset.

Ker PLUNK! Another weekend edition is hitting your virtual front porch! Here on the banks of the Ohio in Cincinnati, we are enjoying a chilly, sunny fall morning with temperatures expected to rise. Perfect for a hot "cup o joe"!!!









Page One-The Week that Was - or Wasn't: By far, two events overshadowed any of my mere existence last week: the tragedy in Paris and the presentation I heard Friday from a transgender man at a "Love Must Win Inc." meeting. Both nearly beyond the power of words. The week for me marked the beginning of yet another stage of my long gender journey.

Page Two- Bureaucracy and the Trans Girl: With everything else which has been going on, I have neglected updating you all on the process of realigning my legal gender "markers" with how I am living my life. Since I do have a letter from my psychologist, stating I was "qualified" to change from a "M" to a "F" on nearly every form of legal identification I have-except here in Ohio where the best that happens to my birth certificate is an attachment is added.

What really gets to me is, I still have to have a "mental health" professional to "approve" what I have known forever. (I do know also, a physician can approve it too,)

No matter though, my Probate Court hearing is set for Dec. 23 (really!) the initial filing fee was $89.00, Then I got hit for $22.00 for a certified birth certificate, Then another $45.00 for the legal newspaper filing fee.

Page Three - Here Comes "Da Judge": It's interesting to me (and not in a good way) the judge who has to sign off on my legal name change has refused to sign same sex marriage licenses. Not unlike Kimmy "the Snake Worshiper" in Kentucky. The difference has been in Ohio they have found another way to work around him and he just lost in the election. (But still be finishing his term.) So it's all just paranoia-I hope.

Well, "Gotz" to go kids-hope you have a good week!!! Luv ya all and thanks for stopping by Cyrsti's Condo.

While My Blog Gently Weeps

In the midst of all we do in our lives - no matter where we live- it''s impossible not to be extremely saddened and angered by the senseless attacks in Paris. Let's take a moment to send extra thoughts and prayers to the survivors and families of the attack.

Here's an Idea!

Last night Liz and I went to another "safe place" meeting of "Love Must Win Inc."

The speaker of the evening was Jay - a FtM transgender person. 

Upon arriving, little did I know I was in store for one of the most inspiring and scary stories of survival I have ever heard/read of.

As you probably can infer ahead of time, his story was one of drugs -prescribed/alcohol and suicide. He was - is part of the 41% of all trans people who try killing themselves as the ultimate option. 

What I wasn't prepared for was when he said his ultimate attempt at resolving his gender struggles (and proving his femininity) was to have a child.  No military, no sports, no macho stunts - become a mother. And, in his case, in the long term the only move which kept him alive.

Wow! Thanks for the experiences. Now he is a teacher, in a happy relationship, with a good relationship with his family.

Quite the survivor. 

Hell! They Tried to Kill Me?

First of all, thanks to all of you who thanked me for my service! Mandy and Connie specifically! You two, my daughter and partner Liz made four! Then again, I suppose I don't fit the stereotype of the trans "vet" next door.

In the meantime-yesterday, I went in for another "blood letting" and lab workup and even a visit with my real live Doc.  The problem became when the sequence of the appointments became screwed up. I went to the Doc before the vampires took another pint. The good news was I didn't really need another "session" yesterday but the vampires were not to be denied.  (The bad news.) 

So, since my numbers came back into line so fast, even the nurse brought in from "American Horror Story" to take care of me-won't now for at least a month. She became aggravated when they tried to set me up another blood letting in two weeks and I told her to talk to the Doc...and found out she was wrong...bitch!

The roughest part of all though was making the trip (about 75 miles) down I-75 back to Cincinnati- in the dark-a bumper car zone at it's best.