Transgender Women and the "She" Word

Last night I did catch another episode of Becoming Us on the ABC Family Network.

As you can imagine, some gender bigots do not consider this show family friendly programming. (That's when you know you are watching the right show!)

Last night's show featured a clash of cultures of sorts. Mtf Carly's step daughter was getting married.  Carly and family are in the Chicago area, step daughter lives in New York City and future Son in Law's parents are from South Carolina.

Regardless of my suspicions of a "set up", the fact remained that "Mother of the Bride" could not quit mis-pronouncing Carly. In fact at times she kept calling her by her former male name - in front of the rest of the family at a dinner.

Out of respect for all the good people of South Carolina, I don't think this woman was carrying her Confederate flag. She was just gender ignorant-but worse yet thought it was OK-even cute.

At the least, last night's show, took a look at the harmful effects the use of a simple pronoun can have on those of us who cherish the correct one so much.

'Nuttin Honey'

Rarely am I at a loss for words-written or vocal. That's not to say I am full of quality words, but over my lifetime I have faced down my share of "Bull-shitters." Today it seems is one of those days my noggin is quiet.

As all of you know (who are 'blessed' with gender dysphoria) times are rare when we don't try to dig deep within ourselves and question "why"?

I think I am in one of those burn out modes I get into. Going into the Fourth of July weekend, my "Rolls" (car) broke down and I couldn't make my VA Cat scan appointment, was laid up with a bum knee and had to figure out how to scrape up money to pay my property tax. So I basically spent the weekend not at Liz's, by myself as she was working. I don't do well left to myself and basically want to knaw my arm off.

So, today, I am on the comeback trail. My car is getting fixed, my knee is feeling better and my cat-scan has been rescheduled. About the best I could come up with yesterday was a trip through Walmart with "ghosts of cross dressing past." I am too lazy today so far to jump over to Pinterest to snag a photo of an impossibly beautiful (and/or fake transgender woman).

One benefit of being retired is, I can relax a bit more before something else in the transgender world happens I can write about.

Until then, silence is golden? 

Karen, Roxie and I in Walmart

This morning as I finished another VA doctors visit, I stopped at a Walmart to pick up shipping supplies. While I am the first to say I think Walmart has single handily done more to rip the economic heart out of this country, I will say I am a hypocrite and buy boxes/shipping tape at about one third of what I pay anywhere else.

As I was walking through the store, I couldn't help but remember the women walking with me I barely recognized. On one side was a woman from my past I called Karen. Karen was named after a middle school crush I had. To me a "crush" was wanting to be her. My Karen really blossomed in the 1980's. She did fairly well with the big hair, over sized sweaters worn with short skirts and flats. In fact, Karen gave me the courage I could present well enough in the world to get by as a cross dresser. But, essentially, I out grew her the more I searched for my "fit" in a feminine world. 

On the other side of me, came Roxie. As the name would lead you to believe, Roxie was much more adventurous than Karen. Roxie did a lot of crazy stuff in short skirts,heels and blond wigs. Many times "over the top" would be a kind description of her. In many ways Roxie was the antithesis of Karen in that she was too showy-especially for Walmart.

In fact, I tried to judge my "pass-ability" by heading for Walmart.  I never was the sharpest tack in the box and kept going back for more punishment from the hillbillies in this town.  After a while even I understood my long blond wig and black jump suit really fit in well in downtown Columbus and really bad at my local Walmart.

Fast forward to today. Basically, no one gave me a second look. As much as I wanted to break out my "happy dance"-the fact remained the place was nearly empty at that time in the morning (10 AM). On the other hand, my hard earned belief in myself as a trans woman plus the effects of HRT brought me to the point where I am today.

Roxie and Karen were smiling.

The Labels Of Gender Transition

These days I think I am able to put up a pretty good front about my transgender life. Peeps looking in have a tendency to think I am well adjusted. It's true, comparatively speaking I am well adjusted with my life long gender dysphoria. Most of you know though, the hell we go through to get our lives to where we are today. I tell everyone, I would not wish this on anyone and don't tell me I had a choice. Plus, my life today is hard earned and far from complete. I believe I will be transitioning until the "Grim Reaper" comes to fetch me and I ask him if his robe is "Goth" or "Boho" inspired. 

At any rate, I happened across this post from Deidre O'Bryne , a transgender woman from Ireland. In it she touches on one of my most asked question: "At what age did I know I was transgender."  I thought I would pass it along.

Deidre O'Bryne

"AT WHAT AGE did I know I was transgender? It depends on what you mean by “know”. My first time looking at clothes in a different way was at age nine. I spent my teenage years and young adulthood feeling different in a way I couldn’t put my finger on."

She goes on to write about her conflicts with being a cross dresser and other deep questions most of us have struggled with for a life time. She discusses inner gender wars, HRT and gender markers among other things.

Take a look at Deidre's post here.

Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition"

KerPlunk! It's time again for another Sunday Edition hitting your virtual front porch. It's our 4th of July edition. A time to remember all of those again who have paid the ultimate sacrifice for the freedoms we enjoy today. Freedom is never free. It's a beautiful mild day here in O-H-I-O so let's grab a cup o joe and get started.

Page One-the Week that Was or Wasn't- Take this money and shove it!!! From the AP:SEATTLE (AP) -- The Girl Scouts of Western Washington said it has returned a $100,000 donation because it came with the provision that the money couldn't be used to support transgender girls.

The group said it sent back the money in late May after the donor had asked that the gift be returned unless the group guaranteed it would not be used to benefit transgender girls.

"Girl Scouts is for every girl, and that is every girl regardless of race, ethnicity, socioeconomic status, sexual orientation, gender identity, religion. Every girl is every girl," Megan Ferland, CEO of the Girl Scouts of Western Washington, said in an interview Tuesday. "It was a sad decision, but it was not a difficult decision. There was no way I would be put in a situation of refusing a girl participating because of a gift. It was really that quick."

The local council has transgender girls participating in the Girl Scouts, said Kate Dabe, the council's vice president of marketing and communications. To preserve their privacy, Dabe declined to say how many or provide other details about them."

I am especially proud of the Girl Scouts and my daughter/grand daughter's participation in the Scouts!

Page Two.- Another Victory: Also recently  the transgender community and their supporters celebrated a huge victory in their battle towards equal rights.

The U.S. Justice Department announced in a court filing that transgender students must be allowed to use the restroom that corresponds with their gender identity.

The department says in a statement of interest filed Monday that failure to do so amounts to sex discrimination under Title IX of the U.S. Education Amendments of 1972. 

Page Three.-Welcome Francine: I would like to take this opportunity to welcome Francine Keller and her In Transition blog...Here is an excerpt from a recent post:  'Not a Trendy Woman'

I’m not an ordinary transgender woman. Since that word would never describe transgender anyway, my statement sounds like a contradiction, doesn’t it? Transgender women usually work hard at looking pretty. They want to blend in with CIS gender women, so presentation usually takes longer.

Many trans women follow trends in fashion, others make their own style. Getting caught, outside without makeup is terrible for them. It’s a little like reverting to the boys they once were. Consequently they primp and worry about image. 

I tend to drift the other way, and I’ve come to identify with Cyrsti Hart who, like me, has a non-conforming approach to womanhood. She is one of my heroines. Until recently, her linebacker shoulders prevented her from wearing tanks and camis. Now, she looks great in them. Although I love to wear tanks around the house, I too, have linebacker shoulders.

In my non-traditional approach, I find myself dressing traditionally, like CIS gender women, who are my age. I dress up sometimes, but I lean toward the casual, and primping is not in my nature. Perhaps I would be different if I’d grown up as a girl, but I’m getting old, and most people don’t care how much makeup I wear anyway."

(Be careful Francine-I don't know if I identify with me haha!)

Be sure to follow the link above for more and/or go to my "Wanna Hook Up" Link section here on the blog!

Page Four.-The Back Page: Thanks for stopping by Cyrsti's Condo on this Fourth of July weekend!!! Luv ya all!!!!

Cyrsti's Condo "Quote of the Day"

"A transgender woman can spend countless hours alone in front of the mirror, but she can only see her true reflection by looking into the eyes of others. "  Connie I.

More Fourth of July!!!

Above, draped in all her glory is one my fave patriotic shots of Julian Bond.

Now (less dramatic) the second represents something I would have never considered-not so long ago. The picture to the right is of a friend and I in Thailand (circa 1973). I am closest to the truck and we were both in the Army. Not the truck.

Happy Fourth!!!! Boom-BOOM!

The Fourth of July holiday this year does mean more to the transgender population of the LBGT crew. The gays and lesbians of course have just fought a hard fought battle to win the nation wide right to same sex marriage. But, for the most part, we trans types were left out in the cold thinking "well that's the right thing to do-but what's in it for us?" 

Being a transgender U.S. Army veteran one of the heights of hypocrisy in our society comes from the military. Recently there have been some real change in the basic policy concerning active trans troops. Unlike gay or lesbian troops, transgender women and men were out. (Talk about uncertainty!)

Then slowly and ever so uncertainly bits and pieces of change were announced. With my very limited on hands knowledge of the military (three years) I knew the "chain of command" was an all important factor in how trans troops could possibly serve. The problem was, you could have one unit commander who supported your job and service-then get transferred to one who didn't and out you go. Discharged, "see ya!"

Now at least in two branches, (Marines and Navy) they have issued a directive to not follow the chain of command and go all the way to the top:

I'm far from the expert, but I see this as one giant step towards moving the Pentagon bureaucracy towards granting troops who fight for the nation-true equality.

Even another cause for celebration!!! 

Cyrsti's Condo "Cover Girl of the Day"

Our feature cover today is the androgynous male model Kostantin Kudin: