Cyrsti's Condo "Pin Up"

Look Who is NOT Coming to Dinner?

With all respect to the classic movie, my acquaintance over in Columbus (Ohio) did not fall for the invite for him and his new bride to come to dinner with my partner and I.  Not surprisingly he wanted to not expose that part of his life (including me) to her. That's all good, if he was consistent. Don't email me at least 25 times a week with essentially the same ideas. His life is stuck in muck-not a good spring look!

Intended or not, he provides me with a link to that part of my past. The only one. On the other hand, while I have not had to sever as many of my ties with friends and family as others, it is time to cut ties with him. I guarantee he will come slinking back.

Look, I really don't care if he didn't tell his new wife. Just don't be a hypocrite and continue to email me with a femme name. He needs to continue his religious purge.

Liz and I certainly can find any number of places to eat in Columbus. The biggest problem of all could be, his wife could be more diverse in her thinking than he is in his closet.

On the positive side and speaking of Columbus, Ohio-today is the annual The Ohio State University spring football game and as many as 90,000 fanatics could be in "The Shoe" for the game. Now that's religion!

Cyrsti's Condo "From the Hart"

Cyrsti's Condo "Shoe Story"

Just maybe these two should have switched shoe styles for this picture!

Spring Cleaning in the Closet?

Perhaps Connie's comment said it best when she wrote about my *** acquaintance causing all the ruckus around here, "Maybe there is a spring loose on the closet door!" There is. The latest message from him said he would have a "rebuttal" for my comments about him later. I told him wasn't interested-just go on with his life.

Ironically as I said, years and years ago I was the recipient of one of his major purges-make up, breast forms and all. From that point on he simply went from purging externally to purging on line.

The last thing I ever wanted to do here in Cyrsti's Condo was to give the impression I have forgotten or don't respect the closet. Unlike Connie's comment that it has been years since she has shopped in a thrift store-I still do.

It's become a real need for me because of my budget and then again a sport too. Just a couple Saturday's ago, I found three key wardrobe items from a well known plus size store for under ten dollars.Two with the original store tags still on them and I am proud to say I can wear now because of  my diet results. Unlike Connie though, I can't say every time I go. I see a potential cross dresser. However, over the years I have seen my share and why not? Thrift stores are wonderful places to have dressing room access, great prices and yes-rebuild after a purge.

Finally, lets not forget one of the "funnest" parts of being a girl in a climate with seasons is being able to dress yourself for it!

***FYI all-I an 99% sure he doesn't visit Cyrsti's Condo. On top of being envious, he is paranoid to the point of being afraid of secret "gremlins" infecting him from here. Instead of the stores "pandering" to cross dressers. (Plus-what would his new wife say?)

Power Shopping?

Paula Goodwin also responded to one of the questions in a former Cyrsti's Condo post "Since You Asked."

"There do seem to be a number of stores, and service providers, perhaps more aimed at crossdressers, who charge some quite extortionate prices for what they sell as "specialty" and "confidential" items such as breast forms, large size shoes, and shapewear. Most of these items can be bought much cheaper on the high street or from mainstream suppliers much cheaper.

The last question I simply don't understand, in the UK anyone who represents a danger to themselves or others will get professional (medical) help, those who don't will have to wait interminably or pay for it."

Thanks Paula! I think his insistence on mentioning the stores which "pander" to the cross dressing community just means he is spending too much time looking and dreaming. Remember, this was the guy who purged one time and gave me half his "stash" from a storage unit he had hidden from his wife.

As far as professional/medical help in our VERY convoluted system goes-it is out there. But- in the great majority of cases insurance still won't cover it and most can't afford it. His deal was attacking the idea of therapy as a whole and it's effectiveness.

Finally, keep in mind, he will "almost" accept the idea of a true transgender person. On the other hand-transsexuals are in no way female and in essence all of us are cross dressers in overdrive. He made these determinations in the 80's when he went into the closet and is living there. 

More Background

I know I was a little vague on the background history from one of my recent posts which went into the questions I got from a long time acquaintance.

I'm going to pull excerpts on both comments then back track into info. The first comment comes from Connie:
 "Cyrsti, it seems as though this friend of yours has either been frustrated for a long time or is challenging you to give an explanation as to why cross dressers are different from trans people - or both (most likely). Perhaps this person has even undergone conversion therapy, but the last three questions certainly do have cynical undertones that could be based on shame and guilt." - and- 
"I would give answers to these six questions that would be similar to yours, but I'm much more intrigued by the motivation of your old friend in asking them. The bigger question, I think, can be drawn from between the lines - not necessarily from the lines being drawn."

Connie, frustration may be too simple a term. He carries with him to this day a deep resentment towards a transsexual woman we both knew during her transition (all the way to SRS) "Me thinks" one or both of them went to far and he still carries frustration. 

And there is the "tale of two therapies." About the same time, both of us went to probably the only gender therapist in Ohio at the time (1980's). For some reason, he came away thinking therapists were enablers basically only in it for the dollar. Ironically, my wife and I went and I came away with the advice my gender dysphoria was not going away and both of us would have to live with it if our relationship would survive. 

Our lives actually went separate ways for years before he made contact on Yahoo. During that time, he actually made contact with a cis man somewhere on line and corresponded with him as a generic for a year or so. At the least I tell him he does a great job of living by the "Hypocrite Code".  Finally, he got out of a long term relationship with a wife who recoiled about any idea of cross dressing and married another woman in about a month. Did he tell the "new wife"? Of course not. 

Another comment next.

Walk Away?

Years ago when I was first free to explore the real possibilities of transitioning, I remember quite vividly reading about one of the transsexuals "coming out of stealth" just to explain why she "got out." By getting out, I mean-she meant, out of the rat race just to live her life in her preferred gender. Commonly referred to as "stealth." - and why she was going back.

I remembered at the time-what a waste of experience and activism. Lately, I'm not so sure.

My daily Cyrsti's Condo blog has become a child at a time in my life when I don't need one. Certainly, I'm not getting rich by all of this, although money is NOT why I started all of this. I wanted to prove I could, tell my story for others and yes-transition.

As transitions go I suppose, mine has been very kind to me. I'm blessed to be able to live a feminine life far beyond my expectations. So far as a matter of fact, I think writing about them has become a chore for both of us. I know I'm not real glitzy and going to the store today in jeans, T shirt and boots wouldn't make for big fashion story-but it is who I am.

My passions burn bright for equal treatment and rights for all citizens of the transgender community but then again these days I feel I'm on the outside looking in because of my age. Plus, the hour or so I put into the blog everyday has the potential to take away time I could have to go to community trans support organizations. Here's an example of my frustration. Today the closeted cross dresser I mention here in the blog told me about the religious classes he was taking at the age of 65. Of course the pastor threw in how religion and God can be a cure for cross dressing. Really?

I also know humans don't live forever and I have a long way to study the religions I want to- such as Tibetian Buddhism, Hinduism and earth based Spiritual beliefs held by native tribes around the world and America. What's the line from "Smokey and the Bandit?" I have a long way to go and a short time to get there.

Recent discoveries of  totally accessing my true gender self has whetted my thirst for more understanding of my soul. I used to be a huge believer and practitioner of transcendental meditation. It has occurred to me now, the blocks I was experiencing could have been self induced gender blocks. And, all of that takes time.

So. as of yet-I don't know where I am going with all of this. All I do know is around the time I do my Trans Ohio workshop will be coming up at the end of May. Plus, Cyrsti's Condo will celebrate another year. In the meantime, we will have business as usual and see what happens!

Since You Asked

Recently I received this set of questions from a frustrated cross dressing closeted friend from the 80's.

 Dear Ms. Hart,

• How many people who dress are trans?  
• How many people who say they are trans actually know what they're talking about?  
• How many bisexuals prefer a "trans" label to a "bi" or "gay" label?  
• How many people who transition realize that they've evolved from male to transsexual and that "female" is truly out of reach?
• How many individuals and businesses are making money pandering to these people?
• How many people exhibiting suicidal tendencies are getting professional help as opposed to professional enabling?

 Wow!! if I knew these answers, I would be rich and somewhere else!

But of course like ass holes-I have assumptions like everyone else'

Here are some:

• 1.-VERY few cross dressers are trans-the castle (where we used ti hang out) just seemed to have an over balance. I would say 10% at the MOST.
• 2.-Most trans people do know what they are talking about-but in most cases say it in a terrible way. If you are truly trans-you just KNOW it.  If you are good enough to express it or write about, you are even in a smaller minority.
• None-all the bi/gay/lesbian labels are sexual-not gender. A trans person though can express which sexuality they prefer. Such as I prefer women and identify as a trans lesbian.
• As different as snowflakes-all perceptions are different. "Female and Male" are anatomical terms and have nothing to do with gender. Personally, I believe female is always out of reach-but "woman" isn't. Also I do believe there are still many transsexuals who believe they can still buy their way to being a female through surgery. HRT can "sync" a former male brain into the feminine world which felt right and being a woman is within reach. Remember a female is not a woman and a male is not a man.
• Very, very few business's make money "pandering" to the transgender community-for several reasons. The biggest one is the high unemployment rate. Also so many are still in the closet and so many go stealth (as I am considering this is all so tedious) money is scarce. Also, please don't confuse the gay and lesbian venues who do make some money off of some fringe trans peeps or the sudden abundance of reality shows about us. In short, we are poor, invisible and unorganized. Don't worry about us being "pandered" to yet.
• This is an incredibly misguided question. When you talk to your pastor-do you consider it "professional help?" Also, keep in mind professional help is too expensive and out of reach for the greatest majority of those who try and succeed at suicide. By using the term "enabler" you must still cling to some outmoded notion that this is a choice. If you have followed the Leelah Alcorn suicide at all, you would have your answer. If counseling enables you to save your own life-wouldn't you take it. What about if it was your own son?
• There you Go!