"Shades of L?"

Some time ago I found myself in a conversation with a generic about my sexuality.  She called me gay. I said I am not gay, I am trans.  She said didn't I say my partner was a lesbian. I said yes and she said-OK you are gay. The experience leads me to this discussion of how we- as transgender or cross dressers are accepted in the world and how (like it or not) we are all linked together.  Often, not under positive circumstances.

Like some others of you. I have been totally embarrassed by the actions of others in my so called community. To be truthful, fetish cross dressers. I only care about their lifestyles when it intrudes with mine.  One night in particular comes to mind when a certain group came in to a gay venue I was in and in effect trashed the women's room.  (The place had a sizeable lesbian presence that night.) Of course I distanced myself from them.

Switching gears a bit, I have always found connecting the dots between all the various gender and sexual spectrums of this is fascinating.  For example, take (again) the cross dressers who use dressing as a woman as an "excuse" to have sex with another man or transgender "admirers" who may feel the same.  Then if you begin to throw all the various "shades of L" in with generics-the fun really begins. 

First of all, those of us raised male simply (naturally) do not have a perception of what it is like to grow up generic and a lesbian one.  Why wouldn't it be a so called inclusive and increasingly enabled club similar to cis gay men?  Thus, transgender women have to get up to speed quickly to just be admitted to the club at all.  Plus, if you are a Mtf trans person and still prefer women sexually, you stand a better chance of being perceived as yet a bigger "wolf in sheep's clothing".  Some of you have mentioned the "Butch" lesbian community and my experiences have told me I don't even show up on their radar.  My one exception was a hundred years ago in a hard core butch bar. One of the regulars said she said I didn't look too bad and she should maybe "take me home with her." Lots of sexual tension after a free beer and that comment!

OK, I am tired of all these dots. Finally, I don't totally understand the reluctance to accept the trans women into the world of women at large.  Sure, most of us were raised male but have given up all of that perceived male privilege to enter a feminine world that half us are willing to kill ourselves to get to. Furthermore, we share the same nasty problems of male abuse as generics do-but worse not to mention the we just don't get paid less-we don't get paid at all.  

But, we are capable of adding a full rich spectrum of experience and knowledge to women everywhere.  We just have to quit being our own worst enemy and prove our worth to the feminine community as a whole.

Lesbian's, Trans Nazi's and Mick Dodge?

First of all, maybe you all are asking just who the hell is Mick Dodge?  Mick is yet another reality TV "star" who happens to come from Connie's "neck of the woods" in the Hoh Rainforest region of the Pacific Northwest. My question is how long has it been since Connie been hanging out in the "Hoe Forest" and could it be that Mick (below) is actually a pre transitioned version of Connie?



And, on we go with Connie's comments: (for all the fun I make of her- I agree with both!)

"Years ago, I was involved in a "discussion" with a Lesbian woman who, to put it more nicely, refuted the validity of my gender identity. She just couldn't come to grips with the gender/sex separation. Before it got too nasty, though, I told her, "Well, I guess that the difference between butch and bitch is "u" and "I". She laughed and bought me a drink!

On a side note, I admit to having avoided a certain group of (self proclaimed) cross dressers for quite some time. To (some of) them, I am a bitch because of that. Cyrsti, you may even put me into the TransNazi class for that. But, my avoidance is not because I consider myself to be superior in the "gender spectrum", rather, it is because I have a different identity of self that does not include what I perceive to be their exhibitionistic motivation for going out in public. I like to say that these people re-create themselves for the purpose of recreation. I had tried that for a short time, but I learned that it just didn't fit. This doesn't mean that I don't support and accept them any more or less than I do anyone within the LGBTQ community. For me, I had spent so many years struggling alone with my gender identity, and the more I've become self-assured, the more independent I've become. I don't think that I'm so different than many in this respect. Still, I believe the important thing is that we do respect each other as fellow human beings. Sometimes, though, the more narrowly we define ourselves, the more we distance ourselves. Or......maybe it's like a teenager who asks Mom to drop him off a block ahead of school - the fear of embarrassment does not diminish the love, though"

More to come! This is a huge topic.

Connie, Connie, Connie?

This morning when I opened the Cyrsti's Condo comment page to review, I saw I had been really "smooched" by the "Seattle Bombshell" or just bombed "Connie."  Before I head out on the tundra, I thought I would share one.

First of all, since she is from Seattle, Connie is a coffee snob. She commented: "The only thing that is disappointing here is that you get your coffee at a gas station. YUK"  What she doesn't know is all the attention I get from the tree company guys!!! On the other hand-  She (Connie) is stuck watching a bunch of Frazier reruns in a Seattle coffee shop, all the time wondering if she had a chance with Frazier's closeted gay brother Niles.

Her second point was much more serious and it concerned a transgender woman's often rough interactions with lesbians... coming up next!

Cyrsti's Condo "Vintage Looks"

Remember Jim Bailey? Female impersonator extraordinaire!

It's a Start!

Every once in a while I mention the often bewildering world of changing your gender markers (which means flipping the "M" to "F" or vice versa.  The rules often change radically depending upon where you live.

I have also mentioned I'm just lazy plus a huge procrastinator.  The other day though when Liz and I stopped into a convenience store/gas station for petrol and coffee.  It so happens I have had a rewards card there for ever.  It was still in my male name until the other day when Liz saw the receipt and the name.  To make a long story short, she said something not so positive about the name she saw.

OK already! I changed the name and the marker from "Mr." to "Ms."  I wish it all could be that easy.  Even I would have to quit putting it off.

Leelah's and Lindsey's Legacy?

Of course Leelah Alcorn's suicide and plea for help has tragically come and gone.  Part of her legacy around here (from where she was from) is turning out to be a continuing discussion of what it means to be transgender.  WKRC TV, the CBS affiliate in Cincy recently produced a special on transwoman Lindsey Deaton.(Left)

  Lindsey is one of the rare transgender women who has been able to transition during a long term marriage to a generic. She is also very visible in the local community. I have added a link below to the story and video.  My disclaimer is in the past we have had a difficult time with WKRC's links.  Check this one!

Go here

Cyrsti's Condo "Too Much Beauty for One Gender"

I'm not even sure I would be correct in using the "androgynous" word for (Tokio Hotel) musician Bill Kaulitz.  What would David Bowie and Boy George say?

And My Blog Gently Weeps

From GayStar News and Trans Ohio:
A 22-year-old, believed to be a trans woman, is alleged to have been stabbed to death by her father on Friday night (13 February). Bri Golec, an artist and drummer from Akron, Ohio, is the seventh known trans person to murdered this year. -Trans Ohio said: 'We are saddened to learn of the murder of Bri Golec (left), a 22-year-old trans woman who resided in Akron, Ohio. 'Her father has been arrested and is in jail at this time. Please keep our Akron community in your thoughts and prayers.



This is yet another refusal of the family to accept a members transgender identity.  Here is more:   The language in this report (from Akron) has been updated to reflect family members' clear statement that Golec was male and not a trans woman. We continue to note, as we did before, that Golec's gender identity can not be 100% confirmed based on conflicting evidence currently available. - See more here. 

Snowed In

Well, the much awaited meeting with the grand kids was snowed out today.  Cincinnati (Bostonians ignore this) is getting a foot of snow in the area and the thermometer is at a balmy four degrees.  At any rate, too much snow to drive a hour and a half in. We will have to "git er done!" later.  Of course kids are a blank canvas on which parents and family draw on, so fortunately I have only a positive canvas to complete. The deadline is sometime in May, when both families are expecting the real me at grand daughter's birthday party. 

My real surprise came though the other day when my daughter started to talk to me what I am required to wear at my oldest grandson's Bar Mitzvah . (A year from now.)  It seems all of his closely related women family members are wearing similar outfits.  The whole moment was yet another of the surreal moments I have experienced recently in my transgender transition.

 

Connie and Maria added a couple more thoughts!

1. For you, Presidents Day will forevermore be Precedence Day! Weather permitting, or whether not permitting: Is that the question? Well, I think that you have better than "a snowball's chance" with the grandkids. Just a reminder, though - talking 'not down' or 'not up' is challenging, but 'not too much' is advised. It's the old K.I.S.S. adage that, I think, works best here. And, if you're really lucky, you'll get a real kiss before the day with them is over! :
2. Maria HardingFebruary 15, 2015 at 9:12 PM

   Best wishes on your tasks for tomorrow with the grand kids. They love you. Kids are so open, they'll probably just shrug their shoulders and say, "OK" 

Maria these three definitely are going to think "is that it" or as my daughter said, unless I grew a tail and pointed ears, her youngest wouldn't care-since he is such a huge cat fan!