Beauty and the Generic Spouse

Yesterday, on Femulate, Stana posted  a picture from one of her readers named Allison.  When Allison described the picture she said (in part) - It was taken by the fabulous Amanda Richards at True Colors Makeup Artistry in Pennsylvania and  "The reason I think it's one of the best (of my pix) is my wife went to the photo shoot with me and I could her gasp for air when I came out of the dressing room; I knew I looked great."  I believe we all agree! Which brings me to my point.

What is more threatening to a generic spouse, when her hubby comes out of the dressing room looking like Allison or when hubby begins to begins to really begin to pick up a feminine persona-with out so called cross dressing at all?

I know, it's an impossible question crossing so many gender and relationship boundaries- for sure- an easy answer is impossible too. 

All I can do is pass along my own personal ideas.  No matter how I looked, my wife made no secret she was not fond of my girl self.  Looking back, I don't blame her but again that is another blog post.  What did happen was, on occasion I could play with the "A" listers who were natural cross dressers-like Allison. It took me years to figure out femininity indeed was more than skin deep.

Just guessing but the slower mtf gender transition may have a better chance of surviving in a relationship. After all, women are very curious and competitive critters. 

Cyrsti's Condo "Quote of the Day"

 from ift.tt

Cyrsti's Condo "Monday Humor"

Back to the Gender Alphabet

Every once in a while I have to slow down my everyday life again I try to reestablish who I am to others by explaining it all to myself.


In this weeks Cyrsti's Condo Sunday Edition, I responded to a comment from Connie on how I sounded as if I was somehow "talking down to" or "demeaning" cross dressers. Surely, Connie was right, but even more surely I do not feel that way. Ironically, the same subject came up with my VA Doc visit this week. One of his first questions was, "How long have you cross dressed?" Finally (I'm not the sharpest tack in the box) I came up with this answer for the average binary gender civilian: I have been a cross dresser since the age of 12, I have been transgender since birth. It was a "birth right" I didn't ask for but here I am.


Most of the time, at that point, I have to backtrack into the basic difference between gender and sexuality and hope for the best.


My problem is now, I risk offending the very group I respect to the max-cross dressers. After all, I identified with Cd's for decades and even did my best to hide behind my dresses to extend my life. All of it just quit working. I wasn't a cross dresser anymore than I was the macho guy down the street. I just took it all to a point of no return. None of that makes me any better or worse than the next person-cross dresser or transgender!


Finally, in this post, while we are talking about gender words, lets talk about the word I consider a gender slur. That of course is the "tra__ny" word which as far as I know still remains a fave word used by enabled older cis gay men (Rude Paul.) If you have a strong feeling one way or another, Frock Magazine is running a survey you can take here.

Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition"

"Kerplunk!" another edition of our Sunday Edition has just hit your virtual front porch!  Get your hot "Cup o Joe" snuggle in your fave jammies and lets get started:


Page One: The Week that Was or Wasn't. Across the country, news from the transgender world seemed to slow a bit with stories such as the "Transparent" television success and the "Leelah Alcorn" tragedy seemed to fade a bit. Speaking of Leelah, Liz and I were traveling up the very busy Interstate Highway 75 between Cincinnati and Dayton, Ohio yesterday and she noticed a very androgynous fellow driver in another car looking at us. Perhaps, she saw my "Leelah-Fix Society" bumper sticker?
Page Two: I Was Misquoted?"  No actually, I wasn't but what I wrote was taken out of context. Here it is:

FABULOUSCONNIEDEEJanuary 24, 2015 at 4:49 PM " Cyrsti, I have a challenge for you....Is not your statement, "almost as big as being a cross dresser to being a transgender person" something that a trans nazi might say? Well, it certainly sounds like something a "proud member" of a certain social network has said in the past (still being said, probably, but I divorced myself from that network years ago). I ask this because sometimes we may not be aware of "what we is or what we aint". ;) "  Yups Connie you are right and over the years I did grow up in the community (as you did Connie) with a forced understanding of where I "belonged" in a system with transsexuals at the top and cross dressers at the bottom. My fault was I did not add my usual disclaimer to what I wrote. First off, I never ever want to sound like I am insulting anyone who cross dresses and definitely DO NOT want to infer I would be putting myself up on any sort of pedestal-ever. Please forgive me if I do! Thanks Connie!

Page Three: What's Up Doc? Last week, I wrote about my first visit to an endocrinologist who cared more whole heartedly about my gender transitional well being. Actually, a Veteran's Administration assigned Doc. I know it is easy for me to sit here and write about taking advantage of nearly free medical care as I continue down my HRT road-but not having it can be problematic to your health. Real problematic. My new Doc even called me personally Friday night at 6 to "re consult" with me about taking me off the estrogen pill and putting me on the patch because it would be easier on my liver.  Are you kidding me? I can't remember the last time I got a personal call from a Doctor and at 6 at night? I thought he was going to tell me I was going to die!
Page Four: The Back Page-Editorial:  Age gives you a certain confidence that you have seen it all.  Going through a gender transition tosses all of that into the dumpster as I continue to experience. On one hand all the new "bright and shiny" new toys I get to play with are wonderful, on the other, I still wonder how anyone could ever think a transgender person is going through all of this because we merely want to. I have any number of things I want and quite a few I need. I want a new car and my grand kids to be happy but I needed to transition to save my life.


Everyone have a great week! The Goddess willing and the creeks don't rise-we will be back next week with another Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition."

Hows That Working For 'Ya?'

Every once in a while I try to pause and look around at life as a transgender person and I see for certain, there is no right or wrong way to do this. Lately, seemingly one major change has been I haven't read much recently from groups I call the "Rad Fem's" or the "Trans Nazi's" and more from those describing their experiences: Like-

FABULOUSCONNIEDEEJanuary 22, 2015 at 6:52 PM

I use my own voice when I sing. I used to wonder if people were taking me for a drag queen - or even an "impersonator". What I learned, though, is that, by just being genuine and true to myself, people have accepted me as just that. This doesn't apply only to being an entertainer, however, as being genuine and true to oneself always will reap great reward. If you doubt who you are, people will doubt if you are (or worse, "what" you are).

And:

PamJanuary 22, 2015 at 11:29 PM

Crysti, I definitly agree about the Columbus, Ohio being more accepting then other parts of Ohio. I live in Westerville a suburb. My form of advocacy involves being open about myself where I work, the groups I belong to (non-trans) and at church. This give people a chance to see we are mostly just like them and not some exotic person that they find offensive.

Using a well worn term from the "old country" - "you is what you is and not what you ain't." No amount of surgery or HRT is going to change you but it will change how you view the world...a difference almost as big as being a cross dresser to being a transgender person. My partner Liz used to be fond of telling me how wonderful it was for me to be able to reinvent myself.  Then we learned together that wasn't quite the case. I was just me all along, just hidden.  Sometimes good-sometimes not so good.

Then again: 

FABULOUSCONNIEDEEJanuary 22, 2015 at 6:14 PM

I don't think that we can ever wipe out, completely, sixty-years-worth of all the crap. Maybe if we were given sixty more years to do so? Well, only if I can still wear my 4" heels - otherwise, I can't imagine getting that old. I've managed to make it through a whole day without thinking of my "condition", but the fact that I finally came to realize that I had done that, patting my own back for it only makes me realize that I've got a long way to go yet.

Don't we all!

The Doc, The Resident and the Vampires.

It seems like ages since I began my HRT odyssey with the Veteran's Administration when in fact it has been nearly four years if we go back to my initial meetings with a VA therapist.

Yesterday, I hit a new level of sorts as I was finally able to land an appointment with a VA endocrinologist for the first time.  In the years past, my local  smallish hospital didn't have a full time one who would see me, so after fighting and fighting, my visits to an "outsider" were paid for.

My disclaimer on all of this is I have never had a problem with my overall care.  I think the great majority of the people who work within the VA system have a very difficult job to do. Not to mention our government (like it or not) will go off and fight any number of wars without looking forward to how they are going to provide proper care for those who fought them. Another blog post.

My visits to my old endo doc were for the most part, no harm-no foul. Check my vitals to make sure I was still alive, check my estrogen and testosterone levels, get my new "scripts" and "see ya!" Yesterday, my new Doc actually called out my name into the waiting room and asked me if he did it right (he did-I hate when they call Mr. Hart!) and we got started.

For the first time ever as a trans woman, I was really examined. Take off your sweater, drop your drawers kind of exam followed of course by 6,000 questions.  To add to the "fun" was the third year medical student who was accompanying the Doc. The first thing he asked me was "She had never met a transgender person, could she stay?" It turns out she was more fascinated by me, than I am on the mornings when I can't seem to put one foot ahead of another. Her presence in the room definitely provided me a first.  During my 50 plus years of adult life, I have never been "examined" by both genders at the same time-with breasts.

All too soon, my appointment was over and I was off to the "vampires" to give yet another three vials of blood which lately have seemed to get lost in the system. The good news was-this guy really knew what he was doing.

Perhaps my interaction with the Doc in training was the gift which will keep on giving.  She asked several times if I would come talk to her class at a local university about how to treat and NOT treat a transgender patient. Example from my last visit to old Doc- Note to residents- Do NOT make your first question- who do you have sex with-men or women after mis-pronouning you.

Finally, the Doc scheduled another appointment for three months from now and the only major change so far is I'm going on an Estrogen patch and off the pill. I will let you know of any other changes - like an unplanned pregnancy!

They Should Have Just Asked!

I saw this post on theFrisky:

 A study by the University of Basel discovered there’s some truth to the cliched belief that men and women process their feelings differently. Maybe John Gray was on to something?  The study, which will be published in the Journal of Neuroscience, “focused on determining the gender-dependent relationship between emotions, memory performance and brain activity.” The results show that women find intense imagery more emotionally stimulating than men, and are more likely to remember those images.

Previous studies have found that people are more likely to remember emotionally charged events than neutral events, and that women consider such events more emotionally stimulating than guys do. Researchers set out to determine whether this is the reason women do better than men on memory tests. 

What a radical idea?  Of course, results may vary but if you identify as a transgender woman or transgender man, you just knew this was true. And, when and if you decide to start HRT (again results will vary) you really will know how true this is.

At some point in time, maybe every research study on differences between the binary genders will at the least include ideas from those of us who have crossed the gender frontiers.

Cyrsti's Condo "Quote of the Day"

Seize the power!!!