Trans-Dar

As we approach the Halloween costume and party season, the chances for our "trans-dar" senses to emerge will be even more frequent.

The "trans-dar" concept of course is with us 24/7 anyway.  I read about it most recently on Paula's Place,  but have seen Stana on Femulate pass along her experiences, as well as Mandy. Plus, Pat's comments here on the Cyrsti's Condo blog.  (I'm sure my old addled noggin is missing out on more of you I can't remember at the moment!)

Why "Trans-dar" at all?  I think our excursions into the girl's sandbox, no matter as a cross dresser or transgender woman, make us naturals.The only more natural "trans-dar" folks are genetic women.  Of course they have "lived" what we are attempting to live from day one. If they are true women and not just female baby makers, their "trans-dar" is even better. They know the effort it takes to have pride in your appearance and style while all the time making it look natural and effortless.

Here's a question, how many of us have actually acted when our "trans-dar" went off?  If you have, please tell me!  I can never remember hearing or reading of anyone who actually spoke to a cross dresser or transgender woman in public they didn't know. The chances have been slim for me.

I can't ever remember ever seeing more than ten or so individuals I thought may be a "sister of the cloth." Here are my excuses for not making contact: I wasn't totally sure, I couldn't get close enough to them, or they looked so scared and jumpy, I was afraid they would fall in their heels and hurt themselves running away.  My plan now is simple and one I wish I would have thought of years ago.  Just make eye contact and say "hi". That way I won't have to feel guilty about doing nothing.

Revisiting Halloween, it's the time of year for closeted CD's to get out and "strut their stuff!"  Similar to when I look at womanless pageant contestants- I am on the outlook for the level of "expertise".  I look for shaved legs, the probable expense of the "costume"  and how comfortable the person wearing it is.  Think of it as Cyrsti's version of "he might be a cross dresser-if."

Ironically, (as we will visit a number of times as Halloween approaches) much of the actual "fun" has gone out of the season for me as I have transitioned.  This year though, my partner Liz is working hard to put the fun back in Halloween and more!  She is also keeping her idea extremely secret.  I will tell all of you- when we all make it past the "need to know" basics.  I can only say I think I won't be setting off anyone's "trans-dar" in my female based costume-but a ton of "scare-dar."

Cyrsti's Condo "Wish List"

To lighten things up around the Condo, I'm passing along a couple of items I found:

The first is a dress I just love (and couldn't even wear) from a site called "Trans and Crossdress Beauty"
 

The second (from my own imagination)  is the first picture home to a "Duck Dynasty" watching family. From their son who just went away to college!

Hi Mom and Dad! Having a great time at my first dorm party!! Love you!!

HRT-Fact or Fiction?

You regulars around here in Cyrsti's Condo know I am a Huge believer in karma...what goes around- comes around.  During my life as a guy, I never understood several things about women: problems with climate change, losing items in purse and breaking their nails.  After all, how hard could it be to go back to the nail salon and get it fixed - poor babies.Little did I know one of my  hormone replacement therapy effects would be making my fingernails paper thin.

So thin it seems just playing with the dog the wrong way can chip or crack a nail. Even my genetic friends say my nails "break" in a weird way. I'm afraid to ask how that works!

All I know is now, I'm adding a specific vitamin to my diet which says it is good for my nails and coating them with a clear base which is also a strengthener.

My problem also is the physical labor I still do moving items from point "A" to point "B" to sell-not good for a salon inspired "manicure."

Look, I'm not really being a whiny girl here, I'm just giving Momma Karma her due.  When one of the women I worked with "broke a nail" not only did it cost her money-it hurt!

Cyrsti's Condo "Total Non Disclosure?"

Won't he have a surprise when he goes to remove my garter?

Cyrsti's Condo "Quote of the Day"

Cyrsti's Condo "Star Gazing"

Here we go kids, another chance to gaze at the stars and read what astrology says about the week ahead. We Libra's have another chance to go for something-whatever it may be!:

(September 23-October 22): There is a race to the front of the line now. If there are circumstances that aren’t matching up to your skills, this is the moment to get things straight. There are many options that will appear surreal, but trust they are visions of a near future that is within reach. So, suit up, because the snooze button no longer works and your reputation to say what you can do hangs in the balance.

This week, I skipped the urge to feature Pisces and the mention of a hot oil body treatment after a "L Word" episode about a lesbian bar and hot oil wrestling and went with Leo for all of you who may be in the middle of transitioning:

(July 23-August 22): There will be lots of things to attend to in your backyard, so don’t get all fancy early in the week making plans that require you to go far. If you take the effort to learn about the community you are a part of, you will find a place to belong. Yes, seems the intellectual connection and spiritual understanding you crave is right under your nose.

As always, if I left you out, don't despair and head here for your sign! 

  

Cyrsti's Condo "Quote of the Day"

My Goat and I

This is not a fun story, in fact it is downright painful about why I grew the "Goatee."

For obvious reasons, I never wore much facial hair because I knew sooner more than later it would have to come off in some sort of "ultimate purge." Fortunately too, my beard growth basically stops from the corners of my mouth over to my ears.

I have written in length here in Cyrsti's Condo, and even more so in my book "Stilettos on Thin Ice" about how I tried to balance my awakening knowledge I was transgender with a desire to stay with my wife of 25 years.  She always accepted the knowledge I was a cross dresser but never would embrace thoughts of me being trans.

Bottom line was, the more I explored my gender, the clearer it became I was trans.

Sounds easy, right?  The problem was, I began getting caught up in lies about where I was and what I was doing on a greater scale. I became harder and harder to live with.  To the point on one occasion, when she told me "be man enough to go become a woman, we both will be better off." I didn't and continued down a road where I essentially was cheating on her-with myself.

Finally, on yet another occasion when she came home early and caught me coming through the door, I had had enough.  I wasn't being honest with myself, her or the world and dishonesty in a person I felt was one of the nastiest attributes ever. Someone could call me stupid-just not a liar. So here I was lying.  What did I do? Once again I tried to take the easy way out by taking a whole bottle of whatever bi-polar medicine I had at the time and curled up downstairs on the couch.  I'm writing this, so you can guess the pills didn't kill me (I never told her.) so I went to "plan B."

I am a firm believer in whatever spirit you worship giving you a strong hint of what you should do in life. I am not the sharpest tack in the box and I chose to ignore my spiritual gender guideposts but for some reason, "plan B" was looking better.

The plan was going to be utterly difficult and in many ways I thought would be tossing all of my feminine learning experiences in the trash.  The only way though I knew to stop what I was doing was to grow a beard.  A voice deep inside was screaming at me, "Just Do It!" The picture of me with a goatee here on the blog shows the result.

The saddest part of the story is approximately two years into me doing the wrong thing for the right reason-one night my wife of 25 years went to work and never came home.  She suffered a fatal heart attack on the job. Absolutely and positively I never thought I would outlive her.  That was eight years ago this Thanksgiving and the mental trauma took me five years to work my way through. The night was the reason I try to tell everyone how literally paper thin, life really is and everything you think is permanent is merely an illusion.

Now though, I am proud of the fact now, I was able to live up to what I said I was going to do during the last two years of her life.  Selfishly, I do listen to those who say she was wrong to expect me to be someone I wasn't (like her sister, my daughter and my partner). I know they are right but I loved my wife deeply and she was my best friend too, so as in most other things, there was so much more than meets the eye.

In the picture, I had ballooned up to 275+ pounds.  After her passing, I went back to my inner soul for survival. She helped me to lick my wounds and slowly get back in the game and within a week, the goatee was gone.

Should I say, the rest is history?

Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition"

Good morning kids!  Ker Plunk! It's time for another Sunday Edition here in the Condo and on your virtual front porch.  Settle in for a hot "cup o joe."

Page One.- The Week that was-Or wasn't.  I consider myself fairly used to what goes on around the Condo, but last week, we posted a couple ideas on breasts which positively set records on the number of hits I have ever received and several wonderful comments as well.  Certainly, I had no ground breaking ideas on breast worship.  Essentially, no matter how we identify as transgender or cross dressers-we can "adjust" the size of our breasts.  No different as any of the "tricks" genetic women have used forever.  My most recent example came not long ago when my partner Liz mentioned I needed a different kind of bra which would bring my new breast tissue which extends to under my arms forward and fills my natural cup size (C).  Making the most of what I have.

We went on to have quite the conversation of her memories of shopping with her Mom for her first bra and how essentially embarrassing it was.  Similar to so many feminine rights of passage all of us know very little about, the gender "grass" is not always greener on the other side.

Page Two.- My "Goat" Last week, we also made the jump from breasts to facial hair.  No secret, beard coverage is a huge step to effectively presenting ourselves as women.  If you go on YouTube at all, there are tons of ideas of how to do it for cross dressers or drag queens.  Of course for more permanent results, we must go the route of laser or electrolysis. As I said, due to financial constraints and a relatively manageable beard-I had to put hair removal on the "back burner".  But, where I am at now- is waking up to an increasingly feminized body and a scratchy chin...Ukk!  Liz and I are "shopping" increasingly for a professional to begin the process.

As far as the "goat" comment, J.Alana asked:  "Nice blue eyes Cyrsti. I hadn't seen this picture. Maybe you can clue me in on why you were growing it out."

(The picture she is referring to is actually on the blog!)  Actually, the "Goatee" story is an extremely sad, embarrassing and uplifting experience all wrapped together in one two year period of my life and I promise a post about it by tomorrow at the latest.  Thanks for the eye compliment J. Alana!  I commonly referred to as having a green/hazel eye color mix.  I do know though they have been known to pick up the environment around me-or according to Liz- emotions.  I am just happy I can see out of them!

The "real" Elvira (left) and the "drag version"

Page Three.- Halloween   Octtober is nearly here, and with it Halloween.  I'm happy because I don't have to worry about  having experiences to pass along!  Seriously, as easy as Halloween looks, it is far from easy for most of us.  I know early in my life, I was paranoid about dressing as a girl at all.  Someone at a party may learn of my "dreaded" cross dressing secret.  Later on, I progressed to a "Ha Ha" look at me dressed as a woman for Halloween.   One year I responded to a comment from two genetic women friends who said, "Wow, you make a good looking woman!" I could only say thanks, but a lot of good it does me." (what the hell did that mean to them?) Finally, as I accepted I was transgender, Halloween became nearly mundane. In October, we will chat about why it has nearly come full circle.



The Back Page.- It must be time to wrap up this "Sunday Edition"- Liz's big fuzzy black cat is staring at me and is threatening to walk across the keyboard.  As always, thanks for taking the time to stop by Cyrsti's Condo!  Your visits make it all worthwhile!