Nothing to Wear

In the recent year or so, "nothing to wear" meant agonizing over what outfit I could put together as I faced the public as a woman.  Fortunately, as I have become more secure in what my style means to me and how I can shop to fit it-times have become easier in the closet department. (No pun intended.)  I am also helped immensely by my partner Liz's acceptance of my style and her suggestions and little gifts. So now I have nearly none of my male clothes left which was the plan-until this brief gender detour this weekend.

Years ago my daughter converted to her husband's Jewish religion and tomorrow is my grand daughter's Bat Mitzvah.  If you aren't Jewish like I am, I had to do a little research and this is what I came up with: According to Jewish law, when Jewish boys become 13 years old, they become accountable for their actions and become a bar mitzvah. A girl becomes a bat mitzvah at the age of 12.  

It's expected over a hundred peeps will be there between tonight and tomorrow.  With a bunch of them whom I haven't seen for awhile or others who have heard of my transition-I will be the androgynous -transgender elephant in the room.  Several attendees do know of my cross dressing past but my appearance now will certainly show them I have gone way past that.

So tomorrow, as one of the set of grandparents, I was asked (required) to stand up for the ceremony with the Rabbi.  Exactly how I was going to present was one of the first questions when I came out over a year ago to my daughter.  Turns out, grand daughter didn't care how I was attending-she wanted me there. I did obsess over thinking, what the hell, what a great time to come out to the rest of the world who was left, who didn't know already.

Finally though, I thought that would be a selfish act. I should not be taking away any of the spot light from my grand daughter on her special day. So I'm attending as what's left of my male self.

By wearing a very large loose T-shirt one day and a short sleeved vest the second, I can get away with not binding my breasts-yet.  Something I'm sure you trans guys sympathize with.  Plus, being the cynical bitch I can be, showing a little development will keep a few tongues wagging. Speaking of wagging tongues, Liz and I are having a contest on how many times she calls me by my feminine name.  Which she does without fail-except she shouldn't tomorrow.  It's going to be tough on her to call me my male name and mispronoun me as a "he".

All of this is over and done by tomorrow afternoon though and all will go their merry way and Liz and I will do some Dayton TGBLQ Pride partying!  As far as the grand kids go, my goal is to have a sit down Q&A with them later this month-no parents allowed.

Should be interesting!

Cyrsti's Condo "What If?"

Well honey, I kind of was going out with the boys tonight and I  kind of was going fishing!"

It's Backwards Both Ways!

I'm afraid you all got a glimpse into the contortions my mind goes through with Mandy and Jen and who was going to L.A.! (And who was already there)  Liz always tells me it's a good thing I'm pretty.  A better answer is, it's a good thing-for the most part I can keep my dyslexia to a low roar, stay in the present and roll through life.

One of my best examples of me being me happened in one of the workshops I sat in on at Trans Ohio, which was for therapists, psychologists and psychiatrists.  All of them attended to get extra degree credits and hopefully understand more about what makes transgender women and men tick. (I wanted to see what made them tick!)  They were licking their chops to get at me when I told them I was bi-polar, dyslexic and happened to be transgender. I would have counseled them for half of what they charge!

Getting back to the point at hand- this was the mix up:

Cyrsti,

To set the record straight, I'm the girl planning to do some sightseeing en-femme in LA early next year... How much and where is still up in the air...

Jen: As time gets closer, and I get further into what I plan to do (and when,) we can revisit this. I'd love to meet you for lunch, if somehow you can get down to the Union Station area...that's where I'll be the day I leave town. Just not sure of the date yet. I'm not brave enough to either drive very far in the city, or try city buses en femme. 

Hopefully this summer will give me enough practice that I can feel more comfortable in my feminine persona. That's something I still need to work on. And I have to view myself from the woman's standpoint, not the man's! Great advice...

Mandy

Jen is the one who works on Hollywood Blvd, very near the Chinese Theater! Whew!!!

I'm going to end this post now while I think I have all of this together.  The bottom line is - even if I'm confused, I still love you all interacting!!!

Cyrsti's Condo "Don't Tell!"

PLEASE don't tell my Mom the womanless beauty pageant at school was last week!

Cyrsti's Condo "What If?"

"Guess who I found sneaking out the back door with his new friends...in my wig?  My, my -won't this selfie look good on FB?

A Night with Pat's Wife

Now that I got your attention, I have never met Pat's wife.  In fact, I have never met Pat in person either. What I do know is Pat and I share a similar age and path to where we have arrived today. I just made a turn a couple years ago and started a pesky bunch of meds called hormone replacement therapy.

I do hope neither of them dislike the fact I'm speculating what I would learn if I did have a chance to sit down for a one on one with Pat's wife. For simplicity, I'm going to call her Ms. P and I have never attempted a post like this before-so bear with me.  For all I know she has never read Cyrsti's Condo for any number of reasons.  I know my wife considered I never had any bad influences-I was the bad influence.

First and foremost,  Pat's words bring back strong memories of my deceased wife.  If she was still alive and got together with Ms.P,  I can only wonder what they would say about both of us.  I can never be certain, but I think my wife never told any of her friends about my gender struggles.  She never knew any other spouses of cross dressers she could talk to.  I can blame some of that on the age we lived in- with the lack of knowledge and social media.  But I do know my wife thought our problems were our business-only.  I wonder if Ms P was/is like that too?

How would Ms P approach my wife about the obvious with me.  I was on a path which would take me to a closer threshold of femininity than she was comfortable with and the end result was a self destructive behavior which would lead to the end anyhow. (Coming up in a future "Comet" post.)

Would Ms P and my wife discuss how our gender dysphoria was not what they signed up for?  Certainly genetic women are the stronger family types of the binary genders but when is enough enough?  Sure they love us -but...

Or maybe the two would look back and share crazy stories of Pat and I trying to grow as cross dressers and in my case failing miserably.  Is it easy for us to think of them going through all of this with some sort of knowing humor?

Here's what I think my night with Ms. P would be like.  She would want to know about my wife and our relationship and what would have happened if she had lived on and I continued down the path to HRT and a transgender life.  She would also want to know now what my life has become and how I react to it.  Even perhaps, she would ask how Pat and I differ.

All I know is, over my 30 or so years in the cross dressing and transgender worlds, there is precious little feedback from the genetic women who from through no fault of their own, find themselves smack dab in the middle of it.  Ms. P and all you other genetic spouses-I certainly sympathize and would love to totally understand why we are here.  I don't understand it myself.

Finally, the easy stuff-Ms. P I know my hair is way too long for a 65 year old woman but I have waited a half century to grow it and I know- I wear too much eye makeup.  So once we get all that girl talk out of the way, I love your earrings and the night was fun!

Cyrsti's Condo "Quote of the Day"

Life and Diversity Equals Love!

Cyrsti's Condo "Quote of the Day"

The newest "Penis Enlarger" on the market is...a Magnifying Glass!

Retweeted from Qweerty on Twitter

What Would Daniel Boone Say?

If you were asked what the next "Frontier" for human rights was going to be (or is), would you say just peeing in a public restroom? If you face "potty panic" as a transgender woman or transgender man-you might. Often times, the public will give you your gender space until you just have to pee.
We talk about the potty quite a bit around here in Cyrsti's Condo, as we did in my workshop at Trans Ohio and Bobbie was kind enough to further this discussion by sending in this story from the Globe and Mail and the University of Toronto.

Here is an excerpt:

One day this spring a team of volunteers set out to scour the dark recesses of the University of Toronto. Their aim: to catalog and map every public bathroom on the downtown campus.

This was not a bizarre geographer’s quest, but part of a broader trend affecting schools, offices and all manner of public spaces across the country. The humble public toilet is under pressure. Changing times have brought new demands from religious groups, people with disabilities, parents of young children and the elderly, all of whom are pushing for amendments to the traditional architecture of stalls, sinks and urinals.

(It didn't take the) scholars who have studied the way we organize bathrooms to point out to us that it’s sensitive territory. Bathrooms have played a role in major social shifts, from the emergence of women in the public sphere, to racial desegregation to the opening of opportunities for the disabled.

“The toilet [is] a symbol of exclusion or inclusion. Do you provide for people or not?” said Barbara Penner, who teaches architectural history at University College London. “I’ve always thought of bathrooms as a very useful index of status for a variety of social groups.”

Then of course, many in the transgender - cross dresser culture used their ever prevalent male egos to proclaim their success at merely using the women's room was proof of their superiority passing the world as a woman. Even If you are one of the trans nazi's I mentioned above or live deep in your closet-there is something you can do. 

Vote out the socially conservative dinosaurs who won't change the system.