"Hollywood Nights in NYC"

This is actually from my book and is one of the Top Ten experiences I'm attempting to put together from the past half century. As scary as that sounds. I called it "Hollywood Nights in NYC"  My reference is pulled from the Bob Seger song: "Hollywood Nights" : He knew right then he was too far from home He was too far from home. Read on and you will know why I felt that way.

"The early 1980′s brought on major personal changes, mainly a move from the Midwest to the New York City area and a new wife who would be with me for 25 years. She was a very strong person who knew of my cross dressing past time and turned out to have a major influence in my life. She typically didn’t have a problem with going out with me as two girls but for some reason couldn’t accompany me on this adventure.

One evening a club out on Long Island was holding some sort of a “mixer” for transvestites, spouses and admirers. I wish I could go into great detail on my evening’s outfit but like my memory-it’s gone. What I do remember is my wig was long straight and dark plus of course my skirt was stylishly short and my heels stylishly high. It turned out none of that could match what happened next.

I parked the car and headed into what turned out to be a party room of sorts attached to a suburban motel. At the end of a short hallway was a table where two women were selling admission tickets. I asked for one ticket and they looked me up and down and said no single women were allowed. During the course of my life, I have been rarely speechless. One of those special occasions was then. I ho hummed around and finally said in my man voice “how about a single cross dresser?” Of course they apologized profusely and in I went with my head exploding with wonderful warm and fuzzies for be totally mistaken for a genetic woman. Little did I know how deep and far reaching the implications of that evening would take me. It turned out the person I am today was born that evening so long ago. Here's a look at why:

Of course I came home from the evening on cloud nine and quickly fell off it. The new perception of myself as this lovely feminine creature waiting to take on the world in my heels and hose was killing my relationship. In reality my male ego was going nuts and I was “Attila the Hunita” (not a famous drag queen) to live with. Finally my wife had had enough of my terror binge and after a very bad fight said “She had had enough of this torture, be a man enough to go be a woman.” Deep words to end a fight? I guess. 

Perhaps by this time you have figured out I may be a very determined person (all right stubborn) and those words took a while to sink in. Eventually though water will penetrate granite and I understood what she meant. Slowly but surely that statement became my mantra as you will read again and again here. I had to study the true essence of femininity and be brave enough to embrace it if I was to survive. Was it easy? Of course not!  Plus you can see by the year, I had a long way to go! I knew I was too far from home on my gender journey. I wasn't sure if I ever would get back-or if I even wanted to!"

Womanless Beauty Pageant

I'm putting this video up on the Cyrsti's Condo big screen from the sheer fact it is one of the best produced womanless pageant videos I have found, not because of the quality of the participants. Speaking of participants, I have determined my own breakdown:

1.- guys who are doing it for fun
2.- guys who started out doing it for fun but just maybe want to see how they look in heels and hose.
3.- guys who saw themselves in heels and hose and liked it.
4.- guys who liked the experience in the past so much they came back for more.
5.-guys who were doing it anyhow and just had the chance to dazzle the world!
6.-guys you are sure to see in a future drag show, or in the mall

Of course, all were "talked into it against their will"!

The Best of Androgyny

As you can see in this Cyrsti's Condo big screen choice video,  the beautiful androgynous guy "Tima Marso" transforms from male to female with the help of a professional makeup girl. It's tough to determine the before or the after!

Cyrsti's Condo Word of the Day

One very simple word which says it all...and nothing...undefinable. 

A descriptor which many of us never have the freedom to understand or embrace. For what it is...or isn't.

A "Natural" Woman?

I picked this video for the Cyrsti's Condo big screen because unlike so many YouTube drag transformation videos, the final result is very natural!

I am the Transsexual

In our transgender community there never seems to be a shortage of interesting, thought provoking articles and posts.

I found this one to be particularly interesting from several different viewpoints. It's called "I Am The Transsexual Your Boyfriend Wants to Be With."

 Here's an excerpt:  “I wonder if you had leveled with me about your intrigue with these men who look like women, or women with the parts of men, I wouldn’t be so scared. Scared of not knowing you, of life as the fool who blindly trusts while you meet escorts, the partner who will never understand you or your fascination with what I cruelly call “things.”

As I said, this article will take you in more than a couple different directions and it is worth a read here.

From the Cyrsti's Condo Archives

Aussie Courtney Act.  If you don't remember her story, watch the video below!

Chick Flick

I have mentioned here in Cyrsti's Condo several of the key moments when I knew this transgender deal was the real thing. Here is one:

I was bored one night a couple of years ago and was innocently surfing through the 900 channels I have on satellite television and settled on one obscure movie for a reason I can't recall.

Turns out the movie was some sort of "chick flick" .  For reasons I truly can't explain I actually started to become interested and more amazingly I was watching it from a feminine perspective -  Subconsciously.  In no way did I set out to watch this movie thinking if I do this, I will be more of a girl.

Being the genius that I am, I learned from the experience and began to search the room so to speak when I watched a movie. Which female lead do I identify with, envious of or just admire.

In a recent post I told you I went to see the 2013 version of the The Great Gatsby.  Of course the period costumes and scenery were just fabulous but the woman I locked into was Jordan (above). I just loved her look and the ability to play the perimeter.  She was part of the inner plot and drama but was good enough to stay just out of reach of it and not get burned. Plus her non verbal eye communication was classic female.

It turns our this new toy of my transgender transition has proven to be more enlightening and enjoyable than I ever would have expected.

Now where is my movie critic show on Bravo TV?

Becoming Transgender Handy

Last night I went to the "movin' picture show" to escape my part of the country's turn to experience "hell on earth" temperatures.

I was a good citizen and paid for my ticket and headed to the concession stand to help the theatre pay for their air conditioning. As the teen aged girl put together my massive order of a buttered popcorn and a Coke I noticed how incredibly delicate she was. I mean over the top delicate. Her movements and the current incarnation of The Great Gatsby movie I watched started my thought process into the entire dynamic of hands and the transgender woman.

Early as I started to explore the feminine side of the world as a cross dresser,  I viewed my hands as a huge barrier to presenting as a woman.  There was the pesky problem of hair on my knuckles, nail care and the size of my paws. Just what was a trans girl to do?

Ironically, the hair problem was easy. At that time I worked in a very busy broiler driven restaurant. If you are ever around a really good broiler cook, they judge the doneness of their steaks by touch. They naturally burn the hair off their hands. So when I was looking for a new cook and he said he could broil, I would look for hair on his hands. if he had any-he wasn't that good. On occasion I had to get in the way and help on the broiler, so I had the easy answer for hairless hands.

My nails were easy too.  The temporary "stick on" nail products did a great job. If there was a problem, the wrong kind of nail drew extra attention to my hands. Later I began to learn the basics of nail length, shape and color. Many flatter, just as many don't.

Most importantly, my hands weren't huge. All of the sudden the problems I experienced in football or basketball due to "small hands" began to benefit. In no way do I have dainty hands but I'm told I have proportional hands. Who knows, maybe it's just another passive aggressive compliment but one way or another I had to move on with what I had.

The biggest problem I faced was nothing I just mentioned.  I was faced with the "operational" issue of talking with my hands. Again, a couple of hurdles to clear. The first of course was if  I talked with my hands, people would notice them and two I was completely unprepared to do it. The whole process very much falls into the feminine way of doing business. When men do it, the process is very directional or even violent. I don't like you so Boom! here is my fist communicating with your face.

My answer was to compromise.  At the time I was already being indoctrinated into the feminine non verbal communication world which included a series of taps or touches for effect on occasions.  I learned to try to keep my hands close to my body to gesture or touch and to not use my hands as paws to grab something. I didn't have to go over the top like the concession girl but I did want to gently find something in the black hole known as my purse.

Becoming transgender handy is never an easy process.   As with anything else in the transgender process though, almost anything is possible if you handle it right.