Part of the impossible dream for me is Facial Feminization Surgery (FFS). I just can't ever seem being able to afford it or on some days even wanting it. One who did is featured on the Cyrsti's Condo big screen,  from YouTube:

Tit for Tat

It doesn't take a genius to figure out the human obsession with breasts.  "The girls" are one of the basics of a woman's femininity and an attraction to others.

How funny is it when guys think I'm going HRT to just to grow my own breasts to play with. 

I won't deny breast development has not been a pleasant part of my exterior feminization. In many cases just the slightest touch is a constant reminder of where I am on my transgender journey. BUT on a much larger scale, the transformation of my skin and the thickening of my hair have been just as astounding. In fact, I should write a separate post just about my hair.

Plus, let's not forget my continued lack of climate control.  I went through the hottest summer of my life into my coldest winter. I wish I could blame it on the climate but I can't. It's real and it's me.

The main point is that all pieces of this gender puzzle are continuing to come together and the process feels so right. I can only hope this summer will be a little more "air cooled"!

A Close Shave

German cross dressing magic on YouTube from the Cyrsti's Condo big screen:

Hormones and the Transgender Jock

Many of you who are regular guests to Cyrsti's Condo know I'm a sports fanatic and of course I'm happy my The Ohio State Buckeyes are going back to the Sweet 16 in the NCAA basketball tournament

Hillary Thompson

Recently though, so much more is happening in sports.  Transgender and  transsexual women are increasingly trying compete with their own gender.  Kick boxer Fallon Fox comes to mind, along with trans golfer Bobbi Lancaster and skate border Hillary Thompson.

Of course I am for equal transgender rights at every turn but I'm not so sure of the inherent fairness of sports competition with genetic females.

I can only go with my own personal observations of how HRT has sapped my male strength but still think my basic body crafted from years of testosterone would give me an unfair physical advantage. IF skill levels and mental attitudes were comparable, changes are I would win.

I also considered the deep seated ideas of athletic competition between men and women which go back to our earliest days of getting beat by a girl.
That theory goes out the window though when you consider transgender roller derby skater Kayley Whalen? I'm thinking most of her fellow female skaters could care less and said so and vice versa as Kayley went on to fight with the bigoted transphobic Michigan Womyn's Music Festival. (Which has barred transgender participation).

Kayley Whalen, right.

.

Bobbie Lancaster

I guess the bottom line is I'm trying to do the infamous "pound the round peg into a square hole game". To each their own and let the best person win...transgender or not.

Happy Birthday "Y'All"

I guess I'm fortunate enough- no let me say I am fortunate enough to be invited along on uniquely feminine activities. The latest was a birthday celebration with four other women.
Birthday's for guys and for kids are different for women.  Just to sit down over dinner or whatever and exchange a card or even a cupcake among friends just had a different feel.

Women form different friendship bonds which are so much more complex than men.  Of course family and relationships are the major topics of conversation but there is more. Last night for example, one of the women's daughter was experiencing early labor pains.  During dinner she was in constant contact with Mom (the birthday girl) about the process.  Even I know most all women experience them and it's usually a false sign the baby is arriving.   The call started a conversation around the table about child birth experiences.  Three out of five of the women could contribute and two of us couldn't. I have obvious reasons and I'm not exactly sure about my other friend.

The whole tribal evening was primeval in it's scope I believe. Without being too melodramatic, I'm just using cavemen and women as an example.  Women of course were tied in to the home front much more than the men.  Over the centuries a female may really dislike the woman in the next cave over but for the most part may not go and try to harm her. Instead the process carries over into the clique I was part of last night. The gender dynamics of gossip and passive aggressiveness were fascinating.

Over the years, I have written on the benefits of learning the dynamics of feminine communication. Last night, I had to keep rebooting my male trained mind to understand what the girls were really saying. When was a bitch a real bitch and when she wasn't. Or when was a compliment genuine or just nice "how you doing girl" warm and fuzzy?

My solution was and is to be an interested observer and learner-which is impossible for most of this group.  As an accepted part of the circle, I do participate and learn at the same time.

Of course the whole evening was just another stop on this long transgender journey. I know I should never take any of this for granted so it's time to learn and move on to the next party.  Hope I make it!

Invisible Again

I have written about being invisible on a number of occasions here in Cyrsti's Condo but this one hits close to home.
Recently I was invited by a transgender girl friend to go to an equality event in my town.  The event was significant primarily because I didn't even think such an activity could happen in my medium sized town. It's  not necessarily known as the most liberal place in the world.

At any rate, the presentation revolved around a film which used Bible interpretations and major real and imagined theologians.  I use the word "imagined" for the right wing bigots who hate the LGBT community. During the movie I counted the times the transgender word was used and came up with a maximum of five times in two hours. Wasn't surprised. Been part of the silent "T" in and out of my own closet. The icing on the cake though was no mention of the transgender word before or after the event by the presenters.

By this time, I was relatively steamed by all of the missing "T" but I knew being upset meant nothing if I didn't do a thing.  So afterward I took up the offer to sign up for the mailing list and asked if I was welcome at all.  Of course then I got the blank "well sure but then again what does that mean look" from the gay and lesbian organizers. Hey, I'm used to that and formulated a plan.

I'm heading to the next meeting which I assume will not include the "it's cool to be around gay folks" peeps who were there last night.  I plan on discussing the silent "T" and how ironic it is that there aren't any transgender people in my town of 75,000-according to them.  The highlight of the evening was when a woman stood up and said she would love it if her daughter was a lesbian. I thought, "how about a trans man?"

My true goal though are the youth who this group wants to help.  Pity the poor transgender boy or girl who is exposed to this group and is invisible. At the least, I should be able to light a fire under the gay and lesbian leaders of the group and maybe help a lonely kid. I overheard the gay leader tell my friend that he had once met a transgender person in Columbus. Wow!

Bottom line:  None of them  have to know me as much as they have to know about me.  I'm not invisible and I do live here.

Trying too Hard

As I sat in the salon today going through the process of making my hair presentable, I had a chance to read a few of the fashion/style magazines which were naturally available.
One story quickly caught my interest. It seems a genetic woman wrote an article about her experience with wigs. She set out to try as many colors and styles as she could during a day and then wear her choice on the subways of NYC.

Of course like the rest of us, she was totally blown out of the water and like many of us...went the blond route.

Here's the fun part. After she made her choice, she felt attractive and secure with her new appearance- until she rode on the subway.  Her comment? I became paranoid because I thought people would think I was trying too hard. (paraphrased)

Wow! Isn't trying too hard to be feminine one of our biggest fundamental problems from cross dresser to transgender? Once we relax and allow our inner girls to emerge, all of the sudden our lives become easier.

As my stylist worked her magic and I walked out, I thought how much sense the genetic woman made.

Pee Papers

Thanks To "Bobbie" our intrepid internet "Silver Surfer" here in Cyrsti's Condo. She passed along this story from the Daily Beast

" If a Republican legislator has his way, you’ll need papers to pee in Arizona. Thanks to the state’s infamous immigration legislation, residents are already subject to searches in order to prove their citizenship status. Now transsexual people will have to prove they are in the “correct” bathroom. A new bill introduced this week by Republican state representative John Kavanagh would make it a Class 1 misdemeanor to use a public restroom that does not correspond to the gender on one’s birth certificate. If a person is reported to be using the bathroom without the proper paperwork and matching genitals, it would be defined as “disorderly conduct” and the person could be fined $2,500 and spend six months in jail."

Obviously transphobic Kavanagh should get a real life and out of ours. If you are transgender and passing through Arizona...better hold it!

But Bobbie finished on a high note with this story from Upworthy:

Have you heard the story about the transgender student who joined a fraternity? Earlier on Upworthy we told you about Donnie Collins, a student at Emerson College in Boston, Massachusetts. When his insurance policy turned down his request for transgender surgery, Donnie’s fraternity brothers started a wildly successful fundraising campaign. Total strangers pitched in, then Donnie’s health insurance company miraculously agreed to cover him, and the fraternity raised a bunch of money to help other young people with their surgeries too. Result! So what kind of person could possibly inspire so much love and generosity? Check out Donnie’s thank-you message from last month and you’ll get it. At 1:13 A campaign is born. At 2:38 Here is Donnie’s takeaway At 4:58 Consider yourself kissed, friends At 6:40 Here's the big heartfelt finish"

Thanks Bobbie!

Boring?

I was going through my transgender relevant emails and came across a surprising and confusing story about the clothing chain New Look:
Recently,  A young trans woman was left upset and puzzled after being told she couldn't use the changing rooms at international fashion chain store, New Look. According to Gay Star News.
A confusing story because at least in my section of the world most women's clothing stores welcome cross dressers or transgender shoppers with welcome arms. My theory is in retail business today we all are green under the sun...as in money.

But, seemingly not so much with "New Look":

"M (whose name has been withheld at her request) was visiting the chain’s branch in Brixton, south London, England where she spent half an hour browsing, picking up clothes before heading to the changing room. There, she says, her way was barred by a staff member who challenged her explicitly, stating: ‘Oh, you are a man.’ M attempted to explain she was transgender and just wanted to try on clothes like anyone else. However, the response was the same: ‘This is a women’s changing room, we don’t have any changing rooms for men."

I am not here to slam the "New Look" chain. The company tried to "spin" the story by calling the incident a mistake caused by poorly written memo. More than likely a better written memo has already been issued. If not shame on them. If they carried clothes in my size, I can certainly take my business to their competitors. The same as I do with a certain well known chicken food chain.

More interesting to me was "M"s boring comment:

‘All trans people want to be is boring. ‘All I have ever wanted was to wake up one day and be a cis gendered girl. And I guess the reason I was so taken aback by the incident was because in my head, at that point, I was the girl. Not 100%, but I was pretty damned close. ‘But [New Look’s] official policy is that I am someone who their store managers have to make special arrangements for because, in their eyes, I am not a woman and will never, ever be a woman. And I will never be boring. I will always stand out. And I will always make other customers feel uncomfortable in using a closed changing room whilst I use a separate closed changing room several feet away. ‘Still, I cannot get over the thought of, what if this happened to someone who was very early in their transition? Who has only just got out of the closet hell? This sort of thing could set someone back months in their transition.’

So true! I'm fairly certain boring does not describe me as a person at all. Even if you leave the transgender part of my personality out.
Plus when you do venture out of the closet the last thing you need is some narrow minded bigoted clerk setting you back with a dressing room ban.
Everytime a "M" steps up, it helps us all!