Adding A Link

I've mentioned Matt Kailey's blog Tranifesto  here a couple of times. Matt is a FtM transsexual who writes a very interesting blog. In addition to presenting a different look on the trans life (as a guy) he answers many thought provoking interesting questions!

Red Means Stop?

NO! I'm sure all of your have noticed or read I went red again. 
I try to have the Blogs main picture reflect the current style I'm wearing to give you all an idea of who I am.
Essentially, the hair is the same length and volume of the dark so it I can pass the red off as a whim of my hair dresser.
As far as the public is concerned The red seems to be just a bit more accepted. The shade of hair is easier to match with my skin shade so that's a benefit too.

I have felt like I reacquainted myself with an old girlfriend.  Fun and comfortable!

Curves Ahead!

I was planning what I was going to wear as I made my way home from work. The weather has started to ever so slightly make it's way to a cooler fall so I could wear a soft clingy top I almost forgot I owned. It sort of screamed "Hey you! Don't forget about me!"
I call the top "breast orientated" it definitely highlights the shape and size of my breasts and requires just the right bra. I wear a very soft bra with very little shape.  My breast forms fill out the bra and in turn the top very dramatically. (even giving the slightest hint of nipples). All of this is very exciting of course but the top has a couple other benefits. The sleeves are long enough to comfortably cover my wrists which will always be thick.  It is also long enough to fall to the curve of my hips created with a couple small hip pads. Add a pair of my favorite religious jeans (wholly) with big flair bottoms, flip flops and a long strapped bag and the outfit was complete and dee-licicious!!!!
The overall proportion was correct. The hips and breasts took away the span of my shoulders which is always a goal. For some reason it was so much easier to throw the shoulders back and sway the hips last night. How much fun was that!
I slid up to an open seat at the bar and leaned back to watch a preseason NFL game.  Beer and pizza appeared quickly as I  pulled my phone out to check my messages. Here I was, legs crossed looking down over my breasts to my phone feeling certain life was good! It was indeed. The only attention I created was welcome.  Another female patron I see quite a bit there came over to say Hi and we exchanged girl talk for a brief time before she headed back over to her friend.
All too soon, it was time to go and I noticed an older man was beginning to show some interest.  I decided to take my time as I got up played with my hair and slid my purse over my shoulder. Rather than take an indirect route to the door I walked straight past him to see if he would follow my movements.  As with so many men who play the eye games so well (thinking I'm not noticing) he never looked up as I passed by.
At these times it's nice to find a reflection in the area from a mirror or window to see if he is following my back side. No such luck last night.
Didn't really need it!

Stuck in the Restroom with You?

Not only you...but your young kids (male and female)?
Sure it happened the other night and was exciting and or scary.
I decided to stay closer to home and go out earlier on a weekend night. I was secure in my girlness and really couldn't sit where I could see the restroom. When I had to go, I hoped for the best.
So much for hoping. When I entered, the room was crawling with little kids and Moms.
I kept my act together and didn't panic or run and found an empty stall. Fortuantely the kids and Moms were fighting each other and barely noticed me.
I took care of my business and waited a split second before i exited the stall and headed for the sinks. I learned the hard way not to hide in a stall when there are other women waiting.
I washed up and only faced a server passing through also. She gave me a knowing smile and I headed back to my seat.
The whole early evening was different in that I ran into people I know in my male life. I don't like that but was successful tonight. No one gave me the second look.
That's all good but kids in the restroom are cruel and unusual punishment!

Answered My Own Question?

I agonized over how I should talk to the "Doc" when I set up my hormone appointment date. I have never been really happy with my voice but others tell me it's fine.
The phone of course sets up a whole new dynamic. A voice with no visual.
I finally decided to try a softer version of my own voice and go from there. When she called back and I answered she (of course) asked for me by my male name. When I told her she was speaking to me, there was a slight pause.
As we discussed a date of September 7th, she seemed to relax to the point of even enjoying the conversation.  In turn I felt even more relaxed. She apologized for the wait to see me and I told her I had been waiting for years for this...a couple weeks sure wouldn't be a big deal.
She ended with "I'm looking forward to meeting you". Probably I'm a bit different?
My next decision is how to dress for the occasion.  I don't see going in guy drag will give her a fair representation of who I really am. 
If living the life is a deciding factor for her...might as well "git r done"!

Again and Again and Again....

Can I ask a question? Is it more satisfying to go into public and have people assume that you are a woman -or- is it more satisfying to be recognized as transgendered?
Answer: both!

Shopping Thoughts

Today I had to go shopping for guy clothes.
Hate it. Boring...sort of like watching paint dry but I will have to do my best guy drag for an interview coming up.
Felt the same old "why me" feelings as I entered the store and went the wrong way to the men's department.
The process never takes a long time.  Pick from the same boring colors and styles and take off.
In my part of the world it is back to school time. As the mother/daughter combos attacked the clothes,  I  wondered how it would have been for my Mom to take me shopping for new fun back to school outfits. A part of my life I will never know.
Many of these families were ahead of me in line and as I waited I realized I'm not as bitter or frustrated anymore with buying a few items of male clothing.
Today was the first time ever I could comfortably watch with interest the items other women were buying. The first time I could look for imperfections in other women lol! A huge difference from simply wanting to be them. Even though I was in guy drag (I passed) I was them.
For once I was comfortable in the knowledge my girl was safe and secure and growing. Comfortable in the knowledge my life was changing.
Sure, a new pair of shoes or purse I noticed would have been more fun to buy today but now there is a tomorrow.
A tomorrow when those new heels will look fabulous!

Finally!

The call came from the VA psychologist. I will call her back for an appointment tomorrow.
Now what? I will tell her for sure I've taken this "girl" thing as far as I can go.
She will probably ask me if I really want to go further and why.
My life has been similar to digging a tunnel from two sides.  On one side is my inner girl. On the other is how she presents to the public. I believe a powerful connector could be the hormones.
Here is how I visualize this. (Years from now, we can revisit)
For example, the last three out of four times I've been out I have seen nothing that would lead me to believe the world didn't accept me as female. One end of the tunnel is moving inward quickly!
The other end is much more difficult to judge. She's a little jaded and cynical and has waited years to see if the light in the tunnel wasn't the train.
How are hormones the connector? Those of you who read the blog who are on them may agree with my ideas.
Sure the body changes I know. Any increase in breast size and hips is just the beginning to physically feeling more female.
The more dramatic connection would be mental.  I've written in the past about my "feminine" thoughts. I want the tunnel connected here.
I envision a "gentle" connection. I really don't want any invasive surgery but to want to have softer skin, nicer breasts and stronger feminine emotions n my life.
So we will see what the psychologist has to say.
Whatever her decision, work on the tunnel will continue!

Non Information

Hormones part two.  Updating my visit to the VA to inquire about hormone therapy, updating you is easy.
There isn't an update. Nothing so far.  No appointment with a consulting shrink. Nothing,
OK, it has only been a week. Yes, I am impatient.
My imagination tells me my request is rattling the around the halls of the local VA. Yes we saw the transgender memo, but we have someone wants to do it? Here? Now what?
Truthfully, I wonder about the number of qualified  people the VA may have?
The person I talked to can legally prescribe hormones if she is allowed to.
Now, I do understand there are parameters. Not just any Tom,  Jane or Cyrsti should be able to walk in and leave with hormones.
I don't even know if I qualify with the lifestyle requirements. Sure I live most all of my leisure time female. Is that enough and am I just being paranoid? Probably.
All I need now is an "anti-paranoid" drug!