Under Construction?

It looks as if I'm a couple days away from approaching the VA about hormones.
Of course I've been considering this move for years. Doors opened that I never thought would and I have come out to the few remaining key people in my life. I have decided it is now or never.
This blog is enjoying over three hundred hits a day from around the world and I know I have many readers from all ends of the transgendered spectrum. I'm sure you all know what an intensely personal experience this is! Allow me to share some ideas.
First of all, it is time to take a realistic assessment of the body I plan to reconstruct.
It's been a very serviceable and durable body.
For most of my life it was male enough to shield me from bullies and moldable enough to explore being a girl. I dislike the thickness of it but respect it. It is what it is.  Even though I've lost 80 pounds or so in the past year, I will never be mistaken for a small person. On the other hand, there are many women my size or larger. Obviously their 200 pounds is distributed differently than mine...right now. 
I have no miracle expectations of an overnight weight shift on my body but I'm sure the hormones will make a difference over a period of time.
Will I miss the old body? No, I'm just modifying it. I don't foresee any major sex reassignment surgeries in my future.
The modifications would be a welcome change.  Living the split gender existence does get old sometimes.
The positive part of living how I do is having an intense look at what to expect. I have a network of friends and places I go who know me. It's not as if I'm starting from ground zero.
Again, my expectations are that over a period of time the body changes I will experience will help in the process.
I do have some worries about losing who I am as a girl.
I have personally known several girls who just weren't very nice people since they  started down the hormone path.  I can tell you I didn't know what kind of humans they were before so maybe it wouldn't have mattered anyway!
Yes, I am prepared to deal with the mood swings and I'm very interested to see how hormones will effect how I think I feel female now. Will my perception of a female thought change?
We all know the only constant in life is change. You either have change or want it and normally it is not as bad or as good as you think it will be.

Duh! It's About Time!

Lingerie Brand Markets Itself to Transgender Women.
Chrysalis Lingerie is out with a video that features Maya, a woman who used to be a man and has discovered a new-found purpose in life after becoming a woman.

Follow the link to the video showing Maya!

A Night In A Transgender Girl's Life

Last night proved to be a fun and interesting evening.
The hot weather is continuing in my part of the world and I was able to wear a very lightweight dress I have had in the closet for a while. The slight breeze on my legs did provide some relief from the heat!
My first stop was a reunion of sorts. I met a delightful couple I hadn't seen for awhile.  In the past I even took them up on an invite for pizza at their apartment.  We caught up on some girl talk while the husband hung out with another guy.  The only negative was when she used the wrong pronoun (he) with me. She was more embarassed than I was.
Later in the evening by accident I ran into a going away party. I knew several in the group and was able to talk to some women I hadn't seen for awhile.
More girl talk about family, life and clothes.
The evening can be summed up like the dress I wore. Lite, airy and suggestive at times!

I'm One of You and One of Them

Is there an easy answer to "what's your story"?
I've considered this answer. "I'm one of you and one of them."
Quick, concise and to the point. Right?
If I'm talking to either gender it's true.
I'm one of you and one of them.
Any other questions?

The Russians Are Coming!

This is part two of my last post.
On the same day I had the "connection" with the gay guy in guy drag, this happened to me at night.
I headed to my current "fave" spot. Very early into the evening,  one of the "other" sorority girls had enough "liquid" courage to sit down next to me and ask the magic question...what is your story?
I have seen her many times but never understood how close she was to the "ruling Alpha Females" in the pub...including the one who got me banned from the women's room
My immediate answer was "you ask me questions" what do you want to know?
As she fooled with my hair and dabbed at my eye makeup, the only real question again was the use of the restroom.
It turns out (according to her) some of the *sorority sisters have a problem with my restroom choice when they get a little intoxicated. I didn't mention the woman is Russian and consumed two shots of liquor and a beer in the short time she talked to me! In her thick Russian accent she said she didn't care but some of the others were not so liberal and were very narrow minded Ohio girls. (I need to throw Oklahoma under the bus here, because I know at least one is from there).
I kept trying to impress upon her how happy I was she took the time to talk to me and attempted to get to know me.  I had hoped to do that with the rest of the sisters.
Several very important things could come of this. First and foremost maybe I made another friend in the group. IF she remembers any of the conversation. Some night I want to gather my courage and sit down with the group and have a chat.
My fear is the rest room discrimination card is still very much in play here. If I never had to use it that would be fine but that is not possible.
I considered not going back for awhile. Then again, why should I penalize myself for a couple others feelings and I am sooo tired of running. I like the place!
I know I'm a curiosity but I don't want to be a distraction and definitely don't want to be a problem! 
Maybe nothing will happen and hopefully I will find the courage to chat with the sorority,
Time will tell and it is moving at "warp" speed!

*The group has nothing to do with a real sorority.  I use the term to describe the female gender as a whole and their reaction to a transgender woman. In this case a group of 4 to 5 regular single females in the pub who hand out together.

Gay/Transdar?

Recently I have found myself in social situations with a couple of gay men. It all happened at work or at a store while I was in guy drag.
This is all so interesting because I have never had a total sexual experience with a guy...ever.  To my knowledge, I have never been remotely "socialized" by a gay man. What I mean is any more interaction than normal pleasantries. Somehow this is more.
Why? I can only guess my recent dealings with men has opened me up on a different level that gay guys pick up on. Somehow the one yesterday did.
I would have never have  predicted my life may go this direction.  Three years ago (as I have mentioned many times) I considered myself at the least...a transgendered lesbian.
Today (if you are into labels) I consider myself a very curious transgendered girl. 
The whole feeling is one of liberation at the least and freedom at the best!
My next post will delve farther into all of this and why I can't be making any of this up!

Transgendered Actresses Playing Trangendered Roles!

The "New York Times" recently featured several transgendered actresses in an article called "When They Play Women, It's Not Just An Act." Pictured above is Harmony Santana who stars in “Gun Hill Road”

One of the other featured actresses is "Laverne Cox" pictured above who has being living as a female since the late 90's and was a star on VH1's reality show , “Transform Me.”

Now What Part 28!

Again, I was going out for a quick evening...
Big, long and hot days coming up
No such luck. First there was "Orlando". I persuaded  him I was texting my mean big boyfriend and he was on his way.
Next was the girl who wanted to dance with me...in a sports bar.
Finally, in my own hometown. I figured I would encounter the usual BS encounters.
Not tonite! I was there for around ten minutes or so. Two guys walked up and the one asked if the seat next to me was open.
I said "sure" and the older man sat down next to me and proceeded to not leave me alone, He was cool and we shared many experiences.
Eye to eye we talked and he said or indicated not a word about me being trans.
The frustrating part is  I don't know why  I went through an entire evening being female accepted.
Looks? Maybe?
Confidence, probably. Definitely the evening will be revisited!

Enjoy!

ARIANDA SODI from Chile.  No hormones or surgery. Then again Barry Bonds never took steroids!