Disaster Averted!

This adventure is actually part two of the last post and is another "bra" story. 
I guess I had this one coming. I wrote about the success of removing my bra without taking my top off. Along the way, I also mentioned the diminishing  feel of a fetish experience being replaced by the overall feel of being a girl. Which of course includes the bra. It has become  piece of clothing to make me look better. Not feel better...until last night.
It just so happened that one of  my bra straps gave it up and broke.  The good news was I was fairly close to the bathroom. With my breast form cradled in my arm and pushed against my body I made it to a stall for repairs.
Dammit! Where the heck is that safety pin I kept telling myself to put in my purse. The same place as the tampon and pad...in my other purse. This girl thing is tough!
Somehow I had to fix this problem.  Become a trans "McGuyver"? If you didn't know, he was the best at making complicated devices out of simple objects. Fortunately, the strap was somewhat fixable by taking the broken snap and  hooking it back to another spot.
I was able to get back to my seat, finish my drink, put my coat on and leave.
As I said, I had it coming.  Blah, blah blah!

Three for the Road?

I enjoyed a rare break from work this week and used the opportunity to visit friends again in a few of my regular stops.
Two nights ago was one of those rare evenings that was so smooth, it was almost boring.
Last night was OK but I learned another lesson on being out.
I've mentioned several times how I'm a weekly regular at about three spots. accepted by the crew, mgt etc. If I put it on a scale of one to ten, I would be at a nine with clientele not noticing me or caring. The easiest way to change all that is to have a genetic female complain about me using the restroom.
Last night as I was using the "room", a woman came out of a stall quite unexpected. We met on a close up face to face.  Now that girls is something I rarely pass. I didn't with her either. She left first and when I went back to my seat at the bar, her husband was putting the first class glare/stare on me.
I calmly met his stare for what seemed an eternity, threw my shoulders back and clipped by him in my boots. Now I don't care what he thinks but I don't want to cause any problems in the business.
As it turned out nothing more happened.
The whole episode reminded me of how easy or hard it is to cross gender lines...again!

Merging Transgender Fantasy With LIfe.

I've always believed that very few of us started down the transgendered path with a true goal or outcome in mind.
Many trans girls started with a basic fetish with female clothing. Others may have been initiated by a family member, Halloween party or school play.
 Along the way, the reasons for being transgendered in the first place just seemed to fade away and the reality of being took over.
In my own case, the clothes, makeup and hair became less of a thrill and more of a lifestyle. Not too say I can't still get a real thrill from the right outfit or public reaction. Not unlike the feelings a genetic girl would have.
Two other trans girls I follow have addressed this transition also. "Stana" and "Janie" interestingly enough approach the subject from different angles, but come up with the same answer.  All of the sudden, this female thing started to feel so natural..with all of us.
How does it happen without injecting hormones to change the body or the brain with chemicals? Number one you have to want to and then work to get there.  I said a number of times the majority of males can present female if they try and have the right help. That doesn't mean you are going out and winning your local beauty pageant anytime soon or you can go out and move effortlessly in public. Start somewhere slow.
In my case, I went to closeted meetings and then began to go with certain "girls" to gay clubs. Over the years I worked on my appearance and started to shop for my own clothes.  Finally I'm to the point I am today.
Others say they admire my looks or boldness. That's all good but my persistence is all that should be admired. I can't tell you how many times I've been reduced to tears over the years only to pull on the pantyhose and try again.
Then again maybe you will never get to the point where your transgender fantasy becomes life and that's OK.
The lifestyle is so varied and complex there is plenty of room for you! You just have to work hard to find your spot.

Meanderings

If you are a regular here on the blog (and I thank you!) you know we cover a lot of ground in many areas.
Not to disappoint you, here are a couple more!
Maybe you've seen my rants concerning the responses I get on line from many clueless guys who are in bred romantics.  "You are beautiful. When can we get together and...."  I'm sure you get the point.
Tonight during one of my incessant surfing adventures on the net, I ran across this post from a younger guy on how to land a "cougar". One of his major points was treating an older female with respect.
I immediately thought of writing a post on how to land a "trans-cougar".  Essentially, the main idea would be that we are not desperate, promiscuous and really wouldn't mind interacting with a decent guy.  At any rate, that's another post for another time! The fact of the matter is many of the inappropriate comments come from former or current crossdressers. That has always really surprised me.
Speaking of the much maligned crossdressing group, I ran across a site you might be interested in. http://www.thegirlinside.com/  is one of the more comprehensive collections of articles about men dressing as women that I have seen for awhile. Of course I have added a link for you.
I had gotten away from the notion that crossdressers are a separate entity from trans people for a number of complex reasons. I was easily settling into the notion that crossdressing was simply a stepping stone to a trans future. I stand corrected and please not too long in these heels!

Such A Geek!

OK, you can make fun of me now. I'm such a geek.
This morning it was cold in my house and I was wearing a cozy fleece top I had to change. The change included my bra.
Instead of going topless in a cold house...it was time to conquer another female mystery. It was time to take off my bra without removing my shirt. 
During my adolescent years, just getting the bra off a girl was a superhuman experience.  First of all, she had to agree to the move and then I had to negotiate the fasteners on the back. Keep in mind, this was after I had bras of my own!
Topping that though, was the absolute magical experience when a girl would take off her bra without removing her shirt! How did that work?
Until this morning, I had no idea.  Now, as I found how easy a task it is, I feel so naive and maybe a little sad.
The whole maneuver  has joined the women's rest room as another mystery solved. Yes genetic females have many intangibles but restrooms and bra removals are not the top of the list.
Now, I feel a little sad, a little satisfied and a little geekish. After all, sometimes it nice to still have a mystery or two!

Transition/Transition

Certainly we have followed similar paths to where we are today. More than likely, the young trans girl today faces many of the same obstacles as  many of us did years ago. The only true difference is the influence of the Internet. Certainly the younger girl today does not feel the isolation of her older sisters.  That in itself though doesn't solve all the problems she faces.
"Transition/Transition " is a brief look at the milestones we face as "T-girls".
Number one is the discovery we have a special attraction for the other gender. A real attraction, we want to be them. Closely following this discovery comes confusion, frustration and denial.
Number two is the action mode. In this mode, the overwhelming desire to act on the discovery results in borrowing Mom's or sisters clothes. The majority of the time this is of a sexual nature. Sexual or not, the compulsion to become the alternate gender is powerful.
Number three is getting in that closet and slamming the door.  No one needs to know of your weakness! It will go away.
Number four is forcing the demons out of your life. Surely if you are the most macho guy or the best athlete, you can forget this ever happened.
Number five is failure.  All the years of trying to be the "alpha" male has gotten you absolutely nowhere.  Many times you have now gained a wife and family who you feel would never understand. Many feel you have deceived them. This reaction could be unfair.  You didn't know the "depth" of your feelings and you were doing the "male" thing by fighting them.
Number six is desperation. The sneaking starts. You could be contacting transgirls on the web,  going on "business" trips as a girl or any number of other activities but all of it still is just a cover up of the real problem.
Number seven is fixing the problem. This could be as severe as suicide or as drastic as going all the way and living as a girl. Something had to give.
Number eight is the future. Hopefully you didn't try to harm yourself and you accepted yourself as a female.
This all has been a very simplistic look at the factors we face as trans.
In my case I wish the crystal ball had been a little clearer.  I would have listened a little closer to that first person that told me I made a better girl.

Copasetic?

What the heck is that? Sounds like some sort of medicine my Mom used to force down me when I was a kid.
By definition "copacetic"  means all is satisfactory or is fine.
My personality equates that with being in a rut.
What did the famous philosopher Randy "Macho Man" Savage say? If you are not living on the edge, you are taking up too much space?
When I feel too natural as a girl, does it take the edge away?
Yes and no.
"Back in the day", each step out the door was an adventure. The adrenalin was flowing. Would I be be busted or be the fairest of them all?
Over the years much ( if not all ) of that has subsided. The rush is now a warm satisfaction.  Is it good? Sure...but every now and then I miss the good old days!

Info Overload!

Perhaps you've seen one of both of these articles. One comes from the "New York Times" and is an overall look at the seeming explosion of "trans" activity. If you haven't heard of "Candy" Magazine read about it here. It's awesome!

Luis Venegas, Editor "Candy"

The other is a very complex look at "transphobia" from a site called "QT". Be warned if you are interested, factor in a lot of time!
Yet another focus comes from a totally different angle.  I read "Blogher" on occasion to see what genetic girls are thinking. The site has a feature called "Own Your Beauty". It gives incredible insight into what women think of beauty and why you feel the way you do.

My  point is how varied the entire transgender topic is.
Hopefully you will be able to discover or learn from one or more of these sites!
Cyrsti

A Note for the G-Girls.

I discovered by accident that I had never included this post on "Hub Pages" here on the blog. I probably didn't because the post is directed at the genetic female spouses and friends of trans girls. All of the sudden, it has become one of my most popular posts so here it is.

Love Hurts!

I can only imagine your range of emotions when that man of yours comes to you or worse yet is discovered by you in your clothes. I've been there and it is a no win situation.
Why? Confusion, emotion and information get in the way.
Both of you are confused. Unless you are the rare individual who has met or has read about a transgendered person, you have no idea what you are dealing with. Is he gay? Does he want to run off and get a sex change? What is the family going to think? Was it you who caused this? Are you less of a female?
Chances are he is confused too. The most common theme from transgendered men I've met is many are not sure of the extent of their female desires. They only know it has been with them since early childhood. The only fact you can probably be certain of-he is not gay. Most of us aren't. Kind of. More on that later.
Unfortunately, emotion dominates where confusion reigns. Your first reaction is why did he lie to you? Being dishonest is much worse than wearing your clothes. Here are two reasons why he didn't "exactly" lie to you. (Man reason, sorry!) The most prevalent problem is he didn't know all of feelings he had. If you research the transgender subject, you will find a wide range of definitions. If you are in the transgender life you know there are so many more. Believe me, he may not know how much a part of him this is. I didn't and it can easily change.
The second issue is an extension of the first. He thought a relationship, a wife and family would solve the problem. At least he hoped it would!
At this point of time, you could care less! Your life as you know it has changed forever. Or has it?
Yes it has. Regardless of the many stories of couples working their way through gender obstacles successfully, many just don't. One major fact is this WON'T go away. No matter what he says.
If you make it past this point and the dust settles, you could find a gentler and kinder spouse with the pressure off. However, you could find much more neither of you expected. After all you didn't ask for or want a new sister or girlfriend.
None of this makes you less of a woman. It makes him less of a man.At one point in time he loved you enough to try to eliminate the girl part of his personality. He hoped the woman in you would be more important than the one in him.He was doing the right thing for the wrong reason. Doing away with the girl inside was impossible. You couldn't win so you have to get past this. It was a lose/lose proposition. By the way though, both of him may still adore you!
Let's say you stayed away from him for a couple days, weeks or even months. It's tough on you because it's not an easy subject to bring up with a parent or your best girlfriend. The only easy answer is to separate and that is not always the best solution. The guy you fell in love with is still in there. No matter what he looks like.
You decide the best solution is to talk and it is. With all the upheaval of the first announcement, the new session could be quite different. As in any discussion of the unknown there are problems to be aware of. Here are a few.
If he says he won't do "it" anymore. He's not telling the truth. No one knows what causes transgender behavior or how to stop it. Here's what happens. He finds a better way to sneak around behind you. Beware of storage sheds you never visit. Worse yet is when he transfers his desires. It happens when he actively contacts or wants to be with transgendered girls. Believe me it happens to me all the time. The excuse? I used to dress, I can't anymore so can I see you? (No! I don't do that) It's no worse than "my wife doesn't understand me"! His intent is looking for another woman who isn't one. That brings up the gay question again. You know the answer as well as I do. If it is a guy under that attractive female, she really is a he. All of that is another problem all together and one we are not really discussing here.
What if he tells you the truth as he knows it? Gives you all the details of wanting to be a girl.This is where you really have to soul search and decide if you want to stay together. Before you consider "giving in" here, he needs to tell you he can't stop. Make him give you his plan on the three of you living together. You also need to see him as a woman. (If you haven't already) Why? When you see "her" your decision could be easier or much harder.
Most of us look like "guys in a dress".That's fine and usually are men who love the feel of the clothes, makeup and hair. You are probably dealing with the low end of the transgender spectrum and easier to understand and deal with. Remember, non of this is evil! Your thought could be "involving me is"!
If your man doesn't look like a guy in a dress, you are dealing with a whole different set of problems. Is he attractive or even beautiful? He didn't become that way overnight. You know as well as anyone the work it takes to maintain a look, not to mention the money. A minimum of three scenarios come to mind here. First and foremost, are you threatened by what you see? You don't need that bitch in your house! Secondly, this person will need time and space to maintain her persona. Last but certainly not least, this girl has the most potential to move to the next level of full time life as a woman.
These are not hard and fast rules of course and you might be enamored with the attractive form of your man. It is truly a lifestyle change to have another friend you can shop with, share girl stuff with and be friends. I have seen it happen! You have to experience all of this to help to help in your decision. Your feminine skills will tell you how comfortable "she" is in meeting you. Naturally "she" will be nervous, but how well does she carry herself a a woman? This all helps you to decide how deep this runs. No matter what he tells you.
Your eyes won't deceive you, but you still need to be careful. My two wives knew of my transgender leanings before marriage, but not how deep they ran. I didn't! In my younger years making myself into an attractive girl was a powerful aphrodisiac.The more I was successful as a girl, the more I wanted to be one. During twenty five years I grew from being a weekend cross dresser to living much of my life as a girl. It was very tough on my relationships.
The next important step in your decision is finding as much real information as you can. Here are some tips. It is not as easy as it may seem!
If you "Google" transgender, transvestite or transsexual, you will be overwhelmed with everything from psychological theories you can't understand to porno. Look for groups that offer spousal advice. If you would like to take it farther, you could even join some groups and really catch what is going on. If you contact me I have a couple of suggestions.
In fairness, all information is just that-information and these groups may offer little similarity to what your relationship is going through.
Through two marriages and quite of bit of living, what I've written here is only one view of transgender life from one that has lived it. Here is my disclaimer. I'm far from a shrink but I do live on both sides of the gender line. I'm widowed from a 25 year marriage. All of this is just my view!
Over the years however, I've learned from brutal mistakes and many successes.I been so fortunate to be around people how loved me for what I am!
I hope life treats you as fairly as it has treated me! Good luck down a VERY difficult path.