Cyrsti's Condo "Really Dear?"

Come on honey, you really didn't know someone was "playing" in your clothes?

(Unidentified cross dresser)

Whats In A Name Change?

I can not describe the trauma involved with being seated in a Doctor's waiting room, knowing full well someone is going to scream out my very male name. My recent Cyrsti's Condo post on the sudden military's reversal on changing gender markers on a transgender veteran's DD 214. gives me hope I won't have to much longer. As most of you know, I am a trans vet and under VA health care and suddenly the news leaked out the military had changed genders on  a few discharge forms.  Truthfully, I don't know for sure the steps I need to take to apply to get my 214 changed to stop the madness but I now know the light at the end of the tunnel is not the train! There is a chance!

My only real problem is that I am lazy, I have a very androgynous picture on my drivers license, all my friends and the greatest majority of the world pronouns me correctly-so gender markers are on one of my burners-somewhere.  As I have said though, since I am retired on Social Security, I don't have to worry about finding a job as a transgender woman-a huge deal with the wrong gender markers.

Now, I also received this comment: 

Maria HardingFebruary 1, 2015 at 9:23 PM

I really hadn't really thought about it until I read your article then, as I read the first couple of paragraphs here, I was saying to myself, oh no, they can't do that. Then, I absolutely agree if someone has the civilian id then yes. Make it complete. Really good article Cyrsti. Thank you so much for opening my eyes

Thanks to you Maria!  Yes, gender markers are almost as big as deal as the physical transition itself.  It's a daunting task to go back and attempt to erase all vestiges of one's former gender life.  I have read stories of one trans woman who ran into problems (of all places) at her dog's veterinarian.  After all, one bigot in a system seeking to make some sort of statement is all you need to jam a wrench in your life.

But all is getting better-in some places.  My friend Racquel just celebrated her legal name change this week as did my friend Draco years ago.  Here in Ohio though-we are stuck with our birth gender on our birth certificates as I write this.  Getting a passport and a new social security card is not impossible either.  My problems come with playing with Social Security at all and risk my retirement check.

I am sure all of you who have journeyed down the gender marker route at all probably have different stories depending on where you live.  One fact remains-transitioning is not for sissies!

Super Pick

It's true, it seems hell will have to freeze over before another Super Bowl ever comes through Ohio again.  Old time misguided Cleveland Browns fans will feed you some sort of BS about some sort of pre historic championships they won before the first Super Bowl.  On the other hand (and the other end of the state) the Cincinnati Bengals have been twice only to sustain heartbreaking defeats.  Now we are stuck with an "almost" good enough coach and a not good enough "ginger QB".

However, none of my whining stops me from a Super Bowl prediction!

Remember, first of all, I have my biases and emotional attachments to consider.  First of all, forget about Brady playing with his balls or any of the other cheating the Patriots do.  I look at it this way-if Bellicheat was really playing with Tom's balls-of all teams-the Ravens would have screamed like little girls.  (Patriots beat the Ravens before playing the Colts).  Why emotionally I would love to see Seattle dismantle Brady is that he played for Michigan.  I am not alone.  Last season when the Patriots and Bengals played here in Cincinnati, the game was close into the fourth quarter when Brady had the ball and the heavens opened and literally doused him with rain.  What's that tell you?

I'm going to blame my pick on HRT- I think New England will win, although I don't want them to. (Sorry Connie)

Don't Look Now-

All of the sudden, transgender veterans are beginning to have their DD 214's changed to reflect their feminine lifestyle:

This week the National LGBT Bar Association announced a historic decision by the United States Navy, which issued new military documents recognizing a transgender veteran’s legal name change and gender identity. The association also hailed similar victories for two veterans of the U.S. Army. 

 

Lieutenant Paula M. Neira, a 1985 Naval Academy graduate who served in Operation Desert Storm, filed her case in March 2014 and received word in the mail on January 23 that her name change had been approved. She is the first Navy veteran to be issued new Department of Defense paperwork known as Form DD-214. This form is used by Navy veterans to prove they served, whenever they apply for work or for benefits and services available only to veterans. 

 

Neira told Daily Kos the decision came as a pleasant surprise. “I was expecting a fight,” she said. Despite serving with distinction and being awarded more than 20 military decorations, Neira told Today Health she felt she had to leave the Navy because of her gender identity.

 

“I never wanted to leave and hoped to spend my entire life in the Navy,” she said. “I had to leave and be who I am. That decision was the hardest one I have ever made.”

 

Neira resigned her commission in 1991, and underwent gender confirmation surgery in 1995. 

 

Neira, now a nurse educator in Bowie, Md., learned the importance of the DD-214 document when a job offer was rescinded, after she revealed to a prospective employer what her military records would say about her. 

 

“This is an important step for so many transgender veterans, and we are glad the Navy has made it,” said Brynn Tannehill, a former Navy pilot and Director of Advocacy for Service Members, Partners, Allies for Respect and Tolerance for All (SPART*A).

 

 

Of the 22 million veterans of the armed forces, the Williams Institute, a UCLA Law School think tank, estimates 134,000 are transgender. But a spokesman for the Pentagon told Daily Kos these decisions do not reflect a change in official policy.

 

“At this time, there are no plans to change the DOD policy on the DD-214,” Lt. Cmdr. Nate Christensen said in a statement. 

 

In addition, the Pentagon’s deputy general counsel responded to a request by the LGBT Bar Association to distribute official policy guidance to the boards that govern the DD-214s, with a terse statement explaining why it was “unnecessary.” 

 

Neira told Today Health, “Hopefully, it will become routine for any transgender vet to request a new DD-214. The broader implication is to recognize that transgender people can serve in the military. To make it difficult serves no other purpose than ignorance and bigotry.”

 

 

 

Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition"

KerPlunk! Another version of the Cyrsti's Condo "Sunday Edition" has hit your virtual front porch.  Get your hot cup o joe, curl up in your fave jammies and lets get started.

 

Page One-The Week That Was -or Wasn't.  Perhaps you regulars around here noticed I missed posting two days in a row for maybe the first time in a year or so. None of it had to do with personal illness, just other factors.
In the world as a whole, quite by accident, I stumbled across an intense episode of a show truthfully I never have watched called "Love thy Sister".  From Autostraddle comes this excerpt:

Transgender representation on TV is slowly but steadily getting better. Last year, Laverne Cox became the first openly transgender actor to snag an Emmy nomination. This year, Transparent, the first show to feature a transgender woman as the lead character, won two Golden Globe Awards. And just a few weeks ago, WEtv premiered a new reality series called Love Thy Sister, which features Londyn Smith de Richelieu, a black transgender woman who is longtime friends with one of the show’s three sisters. This week’s episode focuses heavily on Londyn, her relationship with Ione Rucker and her experiences as a trans woman.

While I know some will automatically want to dismiss the show and Londyn  for being too gorgeous-the fact remains the show spoke directly to most of the lives of transgender women and men.  First of all Lyndon had a giant problem and discussion with friend Ione who was having a huge problem with using the proper pronouns with her...much like my problems with my sister in law.  Then, Londyn was going with her friends to a "woymn" only sex toy party and was asked to leave because she was "still a man"...much like me being denied admission to a lesbian "only" group here in (Loki) Cincinnati. I was surprised the show did such a good job.  If you find it to watch, be patient. The real content comes after quite a bit of early fluff!

Page Two: And Then There was Bruce?  I have to tell you, I cringe every time I see an update on Bruce Jenner's transition "to a woman".  Very simply, I'm afraid of the Kardashian media circus doing just that to a transgender Mtf transistion: making it a circus.  So far though, all seems to be pretty calm on all the talk shows and of course Bruce is supposed to be coming up with her own story soon.

Page Three:  "D" Says it All?  I guess it had to happen soon or later-the much feared diet.  So, a week ago Liz and I embarked on one.  No need to mention which one, because unless they work for you and are good for you-who cares? Unless I am paid to be a spokesperson (hint!)  At any rate, what is a diet with out a goal?  My goal is next summer, when I really am looking ahead to the warmer months as a true coming out time. The reason being, my muscle mass should be at an all time low, and my exterior feminine HRT development should be at an all time high. Why not do yet another one of the ultimate in woman life experiences? The diet.

Page Four: The Back Page.  Well kids, it's time to put the wraps on another Sunday Edition! I'm going to try to get a special post together including your comments and maybe even a very prejudiced Super Bowl prediction!

Cyrsti's Condo "Pretty in White"

I remember seeing this picture years ago I assume Anzhela Adamova identifies as a cross dresser or maybe just this is an androgynous "gender blender" style picture:

Cyrsti's Condo "Blind Date II"

At some time in the past, I must have captioned this picture from an unknown cross dresser on Pinterest because I received a reply on it.  I labeled something to the effect dressing up like a girl is fun and games - until you get set up on a blind date!

The reply comment from Karen L  was, "And, It depended what the blind date looked like!"

And Then There Were Three

Last but not least to be sure came this comment from Connie on our Cyrsti's Condo post "Beauty and the Generic Spouse" :

"Without going into my whole story (nobody really has asked me to write it, anyway), I can tell you that, after 46 years (42 of them in marriage), my "wife" and I are still together. Our relationship has changed considerably in the last six years, so that we are now BFFs (always have been) but now without "benefits". She never wanted to see me cross dressed at all, and so I was always careful to keep it hidden from her. It wasn't until she finally understood that it was so much more than cross dressing that she agreed to let me be myself around her. Had I kept up with the guise of a cross dresser, which is all I ever thought I'd be able to do for the rest of my life, we would not be together now. The seemingly simpler concept of cross dressing was much more difficult for her to understand and accept than the complexity involved with me being transsexual has been. The main thing is that cross dressing is something that one "does", while the other is "who you are". She used to ask, in despair, "why are you doing this to ME?" When she finally realized that I was only doing it (cross dressing) as a means of survival, and that it was only but an outward expression of who I am inside, she also realized that I would never, could never stop "doing it". During a couple's counseling session once, the doctor suggested that we negotiate a specific amount of time each week for me to "express myself", and he even used the analogy of an avid golfer agreeing to playing just 18 holes only on Sunday afternoons. Well, that was a stupid thing for him to say, but it did help in that I was better able to explain to my wife the difference between myself and an avid golfer (I would be happy to lose a couple balls, but the golfer wouldn't - KIDDING).

Anyway, I believe that there are so many variables that each case will be different, even if most of it could be the same. In other words, my story may be atypical; your results may vary."

I too Connie went through the "hobby" aspect of cross dressing, years ago-but not so much with the balls-yet.

Seeing as how I have used several "sweeping generalizations" in this post-we all know what a basic selfish pursuit playing with gender is all about. And, I think those of us who have encountered any number of women who have accepted any matter of what we are.  It's the true measure of the gender we are becoming a part of or expressing the gender we have always been.

The tough/cruel part of this is (as Connie wrote) we are just trying to survive and in most cases don't actually have much control of the process.  Must be why we try to kill ourselves in record numbers?

Personally, I find it interesting the number of people I am running into who think somehow my deceased wife was at fault for only accepting me as a cross dresser. A topic for another post.

Beauty and the Generic Spouse Part Two

Several excellent comments on our Cyrsti's Condo post which among other things discussed how your generic spouse reacts to your feminine appearance   I am fairly unflappable, but getting a comment from a "generic" (other than Liz) is rare around here:

Maria HardingJanuary 27, 2015 at 7:29 PM

Thank you, Cyrsti but, are women really competitive? Yes on one hand, no on the other. Until I found my spouse, I would compete however, at least for me, I did not see him as competition. He is, after all, my husband. The head of my household. I see the flip side, men are the competitive ones. For us, no matter how good (or bad) he looks, I let him know! lol. And she has always been my friend, whether she knew it or not. I always have her back.

 

The reason I wrote that Maria, as in all in the other gender differences, I see women as competitive as men -although in more complex ways. A man competes in a simple world, of physical or monetary power. The alpha females I worked with for years, brought it all to the table.  They listened better, were better in tune with their environment and could "bring the pain" in so many ways it may take you days weeks or months to discover.  Even today, when I'm walking into situations I'm not familiar with, I look for the women in the room first for potential problems.

 

FYI- Maria has a blog many of you may be very interested in!  It's called "A Crossdresser's Wife" See! All of you who think I discriminate against cross dressers-here you go!

Full Time Is In the Mind of the Transitioner?

Paula (left) of Paula's Place came up with a wonderful blog post the other day, essentially revolving around going "full time" as a transgender woman.  Here is an excerpt:


"Without any conscious decision being made I have found that over this last week I have in effect gone full time.   Last week I went to both a rehearsal at my Church and a CIWM meeting authentically,   I also came out to my RSCM committee and the All Soul's Orchestra and have received nothing but support.

Then on Sunday evening I was scheduled to be playing with the worship band for our evening service, when it came to it I just couldn't bring myself to "butch up" and so didn't bother getting changed, just refreshed my lippy and went.   While in no way was I particularly flamboyant I would say that I was pretty obviously presenting female.   I don't know what I was expecting or indeed what I feared, but there was no drama, no lightening bolts, and not even any comments.   I suspect that my being trans in now such old news that everyone was just waiting for it happen!"

For some time now, I think my life has paralleled Paula's in that I am not screaming to the world I am transgender, but in the unforgiving winter weather we are experiencing, and with minimum feminine upkeep , the world still knows something is amiss.  I just don't fit in their comfortable binary gender category.  I know though, I am retired and have not faced the terror of coming to work one day as one gender and the next as another. However, as Paula said people around you have to be pretty dense to not notice any transitional changes, going on with you.

One way or another, I love it when someone else writes a blog post for me!!! Thanks Paula! Follow the link above to her blog.

Rest assured, should you decide to make the transitional gender journey, no matter how you do it-the peaks and valleys and twists and turns will keep you guessing!

Beauty and the Generic Spouse

Yesterday, on Femulate, Stana posted  a picture from one of her readers named Allison.  When Allison described the picture she said (in part) - It was taken by the fabulous Amanda Richards at True Colors Makeup Artistry in Pennsylvania and  "The reason I think it's one of the best (of my pix) is my wife went to the photo shoot with me and I could her gasp for air when I came out of the dressing room; I knew I looked great."  I believe we all agree! Which brings me to my point.

What is more threatening to a generic spouse, when her hubby comes out of the dressing room looking like Allison or when hubby begins to begins to really begin to pick up a feminine persona-with out so called cross dressing at all?

I know, it's an impossible question crossing so many gender and relationship boundaries- for sure- an easy answer is impossible too. 

All I can do is pass along my own personal ideas.  No matter how I looked, my wife made no secret she was not fond of my girl self.  Looking back, I don't blame her but again that is another blog post.  What did happen was, on occasion I could play with the "A" listers who were natural cross dressers-like Allison. It took me years to figure out femininity indeed was more than skin deep.

Just guessing but the slower mtf gender transition may have a better chance of surviving in a relationship. After all, women are very curious and competitive critters.