Social Girl?

Well, tonight, Liz is going with me to the cross dresser - transgender social get together. I hope it goes well for her especially. She actually is more forgiving than I am in many situations, so I am sure all will go well.

I even have a new sweater to wear with leggings and boots. It's a cream colored hip hugging turtle neck with just a bit of sparkle to give it some pizzazz. The group's "social director" always comes early to get it set up and volunteered to meet anyone in the parking lot, who was a little afraid (or really afraid) to come in alone.

The offer brought back remembrances of my past, when I would have taken someone up on such an offer.

Liz and I plan on eating and having a drink, but are coming early. So, I doubt if we will see the whole group. Or, stay long enough to see if anyone embarrasses themselves.

I will let you know here in Cyrsti's Condo.

The "Dating Pool"

I think it is so terrible we transgender women aren't given a fair shake when it comes to dating. After all, we have so much more to offer the typical cis man. I know years ago I could come up with a number of points, but as my memory serves me today, I can only come up with a couple of the most major ones.

Most importantly, I think, trans women like to be more traditional than cis women do these days. Plus transgender women have a tendency to have a deeper appreciation of the same subjects as men like.

For example, back in the day, I was very enamoured with a big teddy bear of a guy who rode a very nice classic "Indian" motorcycle. As I look back, if I was able to have grown out my hair, I may have tried to flirt my way into a ride. As it was though, I was able to understand on a deeper level, his feelings for his motorcycle. As destiny would have it, he got transferred to a different location and I never saw him again.

Along the way, I did have a couple other men who I went out with whom I really liked. Again, they weren't local and moved away. From then on, cis women were the answer for me and the men I continued to encounter were less than stable.

Let's check in with Paula Goodwin for her ideas:

"Sound advise, I suspect that most of us have found ourselves in "unfortunate" situations my few attempts at dating led me to the conclusion that I was fishing in a very limited gene pool; and that all the men (with one exception, but he turned out not to be available) I met were creeps only after one thing. Strangely the longer I am on HRT the less that matters,~~~ but I would like some male companionship."

And, from Connie:

"I think that the dating process may be the same in one way, although it is made different by the type of "suitors" a trans girl may be more apt to attract. We can go around declaring that gender is between the ears and sex is between the legs all day, but the truth is that, for men especially, there is an awful lot of sex going on between the ears, too. As trans women, we are seen to be attractive by others whose minds may be swirling with ideas of sex much different than our own. 

I may be old-fashioned, and even a bit of a prude, but I am not naive. I'll admit to allowing a man to go too far with his advances toward me - to the point, I imagine, he thought he had been given permission by me to use me any way he wished. I was a young 50-something trans woman at the time; not really young, but new at being an out trans woman. I was flattered by the attention, but I had no interest in a sexual encounter with this man, or any man. 

The privilege any woman should have is to have NO taken for an answer, but this can definitely not be an assumption. Whatever her reason for wanting to end the pursuit of her, a woman should be prepared to make her NO be clear and final. Before doing so may require physical means or the defensive tactics of pepper spray, though, a woman needs to learn to read the signs beforehand. A trans woman also needs to learn a few other signs than does a cis woman, I believe."

Thanks to both of you for your ideas!

Scratching the Surface

Under the facade I carry around with me daily, comes the worry someone, someday will "bust my bubble" and ruin it all.

Probably though, what is more likely to happen is someone will want to question me about being transgender. Although, it hasn't happened for years. I suppose my insecurities go back to all the days when I was cross dressing and the comments I received. Most because I deserved it for some ill conceived outfit the mirror told me was lovely.

Along the way, as I acquired my own sense of being and style, I did settle into a basic confidence which allowed me to navigate the feminine world.

I really wonder what would happen some time if I do run into a smart arse comment. I wonder if I could be as quick as Connie's retort (in the last Cyrsti's Condo post...Take That Bitches).

And, I'm not the only one. Check out this comment from Tanit:

Tanit RichardsFebruary 1, 2018 at 9:37 PM

"All I can say about this jaw-dropping story is that I would DIE if those idiots did that to me. I would never associate with them in ANY way, shape or form after that since I am not a person that could ever get over a "prank" of this caliber. OMG - the thoughtlessness of it! Good on you for taking it like a "man" though, I couldn't... Hugs,

Tanit"

Thanks for the comment Tanit. I have been known to be more than a bit cynical during my life but I would hope (from the amont of time I have known her) Connie and I are mainly on the same page...no pun intended. I wouldn't want to instigate a verbal sparring with her.

Or more precisely, it wouldn't happen because we are on the same level of transition. I don't mean that negatively. As all of you probably know, as you go through life, trans or not, there are different things that bother you. Take my hair for example. I know my long hair is very age inappropriate for a woman of my age. But I know I have waited all my life to grow it and I was fortunate it did to the extent which has happened. Plus, I feel in the absence of a real high quality wig, growing out my own hair was the one biggest step for me personally being able to negotiate the feminine world. 

In the meantime, we all have our transgender crutches to carry around, and sometimes they get quite heavy. 

Take That!...Bitches!

From Connie, concerning rest room usage and a fun story:

"FABULOUSCONNIEDEEJanuary 30, 2018 at 1:16 PM

The transgender/cross dresser group here in Seattle has bylaws that must be agreed to in order to join. The largest section of those bylaws is dedicated to proper ladies room behavior. I can only imagine this to be so because of specific incidents that had occurred over time. The fact that these rules are so specific in regard to "no brainer" behaviors has always been disturbing to me. I also imagine that alcohol was a factor in many of these incidents, but that certainly does not excuse them. Bylaws often don't mean a thing to one who is pumped up with alcohol, however.

The first time I went out with this group (about ten years ago) was also the first time I'd ever gone into any public establishment. My reluctance to use the ladies room for the first time had me reluctant to use it along with anyone else, as well (including, if not especially, anyone in the group I was with). While I was sitting safely in the stall, one of the members bought off a female server to walk into the ladies room and yell out, "Hey, there's a man in the ladies room!" I recognized it immediately as a prank, and I re-entered the main room with my head held high and walked confidently back to the table. Of course, the group was laughing and applauding, but I did not let it phase me. As I took my seat, I said, "I knew that there were no men in the ladies room because none of you were with me there."

Bullying can come from even the most unexpected people. I wrote this off as a sophomoric initiation prank to a "sorority" that I quickly learned I did not want to belong. Not only did I not want to belong, I simply did not belong at all. If nothing else, that experience confirmed what I had begun to understand about myself - that I was not merely a man in a dress.

I could have qualified that last statement with "not that there is anything wrong with that." Sometimes there is something wrong with that, however. Bad behavior has nothing to do with gender identity in any form."

I too really don't like the "team potty" effort, unless it is with Liz in a situation which I consider to be "iffy"! Otherwise I will "do it" on my own. Thanks for the comment.

A Transgender Actress Returns

From TV Guide: (no, not transvestite!)

"Grey's Anatomy may be an old show, but it's still on the cutting edge for telling trans stories on primetime network TV.

ABC's medical drama is bringing on Transparent actress Candis Cayne for a multi-episode arc as a patient who comes to Grey Sloan for a "groundbreaking" vaginoplasty surgery, according to The Hollywood Reporter. The storyline is based on a true story about a trans woman named Hayley Anthony who helped Jess Ting, the director of surgery at the Center for Transgender Medicine and Surgery at Mount Sinai, design a new vaginoplasty procedure.

Candis Cayne

In 2007, Cayne became the first trans actress to play a recurring trans character in primetime on ABC's Dirty Sexy Money. She's also appeared on The Magicians and Nip/Tuck.

Grey's Anatomy has been working to improve trans representation on TV in Season 14. This season has a new character, intern Dr. Casey Parker (Alex Blue Davis), who debuted in October and recently came out as a transgender man. The show has received praise for how Casey's gender identity is not treated as the most important part of his character and how many of his storylines have nothing to do with being trans."

LGBT Success?

I have been following with interest the unfolding drama in my former hometown of Springfield, Ohio who finally has passed an ordinance to outlaw discrimination based on sexual preference. However, as I read with interest, I found the giant "religious loophole." Meaning, you can still discriminate for religious reasons. At least that is the way I read it. Also, I didn't find a word about "gender discrimination" ...or protection for transgender women or trans men. I suppose any movement in a very conservative old town is a good move, but it could have been better.

Speaking of better, check this out, from Vermont's Seven Days: "Christine Hallquist is about to make history — or at least give it her best shot. 

The CEO of the Johnson-based Vermont Electric Cooperative is poised to announce a run for governor as a Democrat. If she were to win the August primary, she would become the nation’s first openly transgender, major-party candidate for governor. 

It was only last November that Danica Roem of Virginia became the first openly transgender person to win a race for a state legislative seat. A potential governorship? Now, that's history. 

Hallquist is nationally known in utility circles and is a respected expert on energy matters in the Vermont Statehouse. But she’s never been tempted to enter politics herself — that is, until Donald J. Trump won the presidency. “There are strong headwinds from Washington that threaten [Vermont’s] way of life and finances,” she said, explaining her move toward candidacy. 

Hallquist

The 61-year-old Hyde Park resident would face long odds against Gov. Phil Scott, Vermont's popular first-term Republican, but she is undaunted by the challenge. “I’m a strong leader,” she said. “I can handle headwinds. I wouldn’t be running otherwise.”

Before that, Hallquist would have to win a Democratic primary featuring 13-year-old Ethan Sonneborn and environmental advocate James Ehlers — which, at first glance, seems like a pretty good bet. Party leaders have welcomed Ehlers’ candidacy but have also continued to beat the bushes for candidates with a better shot at winning. And they are very happy to see Hallquist enter the arena. "

Follow the link above for more.

If Ya' Gotta" Go

Unfortunately, one of the most devastating facets of being being transgender includes being able to use the bathroom of your choice.

So much so, I was surprised to hear one of the new participants (a cis woman) ask about it during our last trans vet support meeting. I said it definitely was a factor to me, as I have used (of course) women's bathrooms for years now. Along the way I have been treated very rudely, although many years ago. Even to the point of having the police called on me and being called a pervert.

Another trans woman in the group talked about the extreme measures she takes if she doesn't know for sure there will be safe bathrooms to use where she is going. For example, not drinking a lot of fluids. She also said she knows where every gender neutral bathroom is in the VA hospital (Veterans Administration) although supposedly, we can use any bathroom we want.

I have always said, I find the whole situation to be over blown because many women's bathrooms aren't the "pristine" palaces one was led to believe they would be. Be careful of where you sit to pee!

I have always found it to be the best policy not to take your time. Do your business, wash your hands, check your make up and move on. Back in the day I used to even carry a tampon with me, in case some women was questioning my girl card. These days I don't because rarely does anyone question my "age" card!

Plus, I have female marked on my drivers license and veteran's administration identification card. Should anyone ask.

Like I said, it has been years since anyone has. I even made it through the rest stop on the Alabama/Mississippi state line.

Enough said!

Coming Events

Presumably, I will go Friday night to one of the cross dresser/transgender social mixers at a nearby restaurant/ bar.

I really don't want to go without Liz, who is saying now she will go. However, a bad workday could derail her enthusiasm. Maybe a Margarita would help?  Maybe :).

As I have said before here in Cyrsti's Condo, I'm a little shy in going simply because "back in the day, I saw too many instances of "men in dresses behaving badly." I won't go into too much detail, except to say I was ashamed to be associated with them because of activities in the women's bathroom. Plus, that was in a gay venue and Friday's night out is in a straight venue.

Who knows though, I could have a good time and dodge the one t-Rump supporter who snorts under her breath half the time when something is said and for some reason won't leave me alone. Just lucky I guess, and yes she knows my politics as well as I know hers.

It would be interesting too to see if anyone else brings a real live cis woman with them as a guest. I'm guessing not.

Another Kennedy in Line?

Fortunately in this country, there are intelligent young progressive politicians waiting in the wings to take the reins of power from the old corrupt fools we have in power now.

One has a familiar last name, Joe Kennedy and he will be stepping up to deliver the Democratic rebuttal to the orange buffoon's State of the Union" address. Which I will be boycotting.

Joe Kennedy

On top of that, Kennedy is going to rub salt in 45's wounds and invite an transgender service person to the speech. According to The Hill:

"Rep. Joseph Kennedy (D-Mass.) has invited a transgender soldier to President Trump’s first State of the Union in protest of the administration's attempt to ban transgender people from the military.

Staff Sgt. P

Patricia King

atricia King will be the lawmaker's guest to Trump’s address, according to The Boston Globe.

King told the Globe that she realized she was a transgender woman while serving in the military, and soon came out to her family.

Trump announced last year that he was banning transgender people from serving in the U.S. military. However, courts have halted the ban and transgender people were allowed to enlist starting Jan. 1.

“I have served for almost 19 years,” King told the Globe. “And all of a sudden, it is all hanging in the balance.”

King also told the publication that she was the first service member to have her gender reassignment surgery paid for by the military.

“There are much easier ways to get surgery covered than enlisting in the military, [facing] the possibility of deployment, and dealing with the stigma of being a transgender service member,” she said. “Every one of us who raises our right hand is prepared to give everything in the defense of our country.”

Kennedy, a rising star in the Democratic Party who will deliver the party's response to Trump’s address, told the paper that he invited King to remind the president of transgender service members' dedication to the U.S.

“I want her to be there as a real person, and the face of an inhumane policy,” Kennedy said."