The High Maintenance Gender

 As I began my transition years ago into a full time feminine world, I learned the hard way what I suspected all along. Being a woman would prove to be infinitely more difficult than I thought it would be.

 Most certainly in my cross dressing days, I did learn the basics of looking like a woman but as my wife always told me, I really didn't know anything about being a woman. In fact, one of our fights ended up in her telling me I would make a terrible woman. She later went on to explain to me her statement had nothing to do with how I looked.

What she didn't take into consideration was all the years I had studied all women so intently. Including the time I worked in a predominately woman dominated business. So all I had to do was to step up my game even farther. 

I am fond of pointing out my first  major learning experience in my male to female gender transition came as I learned how women communicate between themselves often by using visual cues more than the straight forward ones used by men. I tied my experiences in with a couple I already knew. Women operate on a passive aggressive basis and are more apt to form cliques rather than teams men form. 

The more I was able to get out and try to live a feminine life, I found out my wife was right and I changed.  To make matters worse, she passed away before she ever had a chance to see my transition.

So, applying the makeup and picking the perfect outfit is gratifying all the way to being fun, is all still icing on the cake.

Being able to reinvent yourself as your authentic self is so deeply satisfying. Proving once again living the layered life of a woman proves you belong in the sandbox of the high maintenance gender. 

Standing Up to be Counted

 Recently, the United States Senate heard discussions based on passing the "Equality Act."  Amazingly, the only transgender person there to argue for the passage was 16 year old Stella Keating. (below)

Keating comes from near where Connie lives in Washington state (Tacoma). A state where she is legally protected from discrimination but as she pointed out, what if she decided to go to college in a state where she wasn't protected. Adding, "How is that even American?" 

My only question is why was Sheila the only transgender person there? What happened to all those national organizations which are always asking for my support or money???

On the other hand, we need all the bright, brave and young trans voices we can get to further the transgender cause.

Another Step Closer

 My partner Liz and I crossed another milestone recently when she secured a time for her first Covid vaccine. Her date is coming up Monday. 

When she completes both of her vaccinations, it means we are a giant step closer to being able to venture out again in the public's eye. Most importantly to me, I will have the chance to see my daughter and three grandkids again. 

Liz and I from Christmas party two years ago. I loved it when her heels made her taller than me!

Also, I will have the opportunity to interact with the public as a transgender woman. Looking ahead, I wonder how many lessons I will have to relearn, if any.  Interestingly, Liz has been indicating she wants to "experiment" with my hair and make up, which she has never dome in our past. In her past, she dabbled in being an Avon cosmetic person and I have settled into a real makeup routine which may need some updating. Truthfully, my "routine" has become wearing less and less makeup. I still rely on my nightly skin care routine and exfoliation when I shave to get me by. Of course now makeup is less important when a mask covers a significant part of your face anyhow.

My problem is too that in my quest to be a "natural" woman, I have a tendency to revert back to looking more like my old male self. Even though a feminized version due to the hormone replacement therapy I have been on. 

As always I have set my expectations too high as far when we can begin to rejoin society again. 

I am sure I will experience no major lifestyle changes. I just want to return to somewhat the same existence I enjoyed before. You notice I wrote "somewhat."

Another Transgender First

 "Leyna Bloom" has become the first transgender woman of color to  be featured in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue.

Leyna is an American actress, model, dancer and activist. The Swimsuit issue is not her first big feature as she was the first openly transgender woman of color to appear in Vogue India.

Coming Soon

 

FYI, the email you see is my other email under my legal name which I changed nearly five years ago. 

It's another story I will get into in another blog post.

I will send out this reminder again as we get closer to the presentation which is part of the Trans Ohio Transgender Month of Visibility.

Close to Home

 

Diamond :Kyree' Sanders, a black transgender woman  has been murdered here in Cincinnati, Ohio. She was only 23 and loved fashion and travel. 

While detectives did consider whether the incident could have been a hate crime, a Cincinnati Police Department spokesperson said the force now believes the killing “had nothing to do with the victim’s lifestyle”. .Her cellphone and purse were stolen. 

This is yet another example of how careful we need to be as we lose our male privileges as we transition into a feminine world. 

More on Transgender Attraction

 Connie commented on the Cyrsti's Condo "Attraction" post:

"As I approach both my 70th birthday and 49th wedding anniversary, attraction is quite different than it was before. While I don't feel lonely, I do feel a loss. I was lucky that my transition to living as a woman was accepted by my wife, but the relationship changed. We were friends before we married, and, while that part has only strengthened over the years, romance was placed on the back burner years ago. Of course, it's much more complicated than just that, as there are other factors (many of them having to do with health) that I won't divulge here. Love and companionship create a bond that can be so much stronger than physical attraction.

I could write of a multitude of occasions when someone was attracted to me as a trans woman. It has never been the case that I consciously attempted to cause any of them. I have been "hit on" by men (both gay and straight), women (both cis and trans), and even a trans man. In each case, I have asked myself what it was that attracted them to me. As far as I know, none of them could have been sure of my genitalia or the "authenticity" of my breasts. In at least a couple encounters, I'm not even sure they knew I was a trans woman. I'm not naïve enough that I believe they were all attracted to my sparkly personality, either.

I decided long ago that, although I can adeptly create the illusion that there is a female body beneath my clothing, it doesn't matter - because I know there is not. The only way, now, that I would feel sexually attractive would be if I had female genitalia and breasts. The fact is that if I don't feel attractive the way I am, then I wouldn't be interested in anyone else who might be attracted to me this way, either.

I know it is largely due to my dysphoria that causes me to feel the way I do. Thank God I have a wife who values our love, companionship, and close friendship as much as I do. Those are pretty attractive qualities, in themselves, after all."

Thanks for the comment! 

As I have said many times, my major contact with genders when I began to come out as a transgender woman came from cis women, mainly lesbians although one of my first dates was with a trans man. Although I like to deceive myself into thinking the majority of attraction came from how I presented myself, the reality was my attraction came from the fact I was different. I am a firm believer in most cis women aren't as grounded in a strict gender binary as men are. So my gender blurring was a plus to them.

Plus my attraction could have been my desire to live an authentic life on a cis woman's side of the gender spectrum. 

To be certain there are no easy answers.

Wow! She Transitioned Well!

 Yesterday I wrote a Cyrsti's Condo post on Nicole Maines transgender character being part of the features in the new DC Comics Pride Anthology issue. At the same time I noticed a post in Femulate from Stana. Without a doubt we all have different distances to travel in our public presentations as we transition genders. 

Take Nicole Maines for example.  She gained "passing privilege early in life from her parents when she was accepted for who she really was. She was "allowed" to not go through testosterone poisoning before and during puberty.  Even to the point of becoming a transgender activist at an early age. I am sure most of us would feel so fortunate to have been in the same situation. 

Now, let's take Stana from Femulate for example. In her recent post, she described how she was mistakenly confused by an intake person as being a feminine person. She has always written concerning being a "feminine" male. Again, you can see from her wonderful pictures how well she has transitioned. Or maybe she would argue she didn't transition at all. She is just living as her authentic self.  

Then, there are the rest of us. All have faced differing levels of being able to try our best to present a feminine image. If you see many true photos on line (which are getting harder and harder to find) you will see many who have struggled with the basics of transitioning.

The sad part, or even tragic part is all of us are only trying to do what comes naturally. Forget the transition word, we were always girls and women. The only beneficial part of not being particular feminine was I was able to fool the bullies and they left me alone. 

My most recent example came yesterday when I went to the Cincinnati VA Hospital for my second vaccine.  When I went in for my first shot, I was mis-gendered at least three times which nearly broke my heart. This time, I gathered my resolve to not get mis-gendered so many times. I spent extra time on my eye makeup, since my eyes would be the only part of my face which would be seen. I also spent extra time trying to style my hair different. Again, looking ahead to wearing a mask.

The good news was this trip I wasn't mis-gendered at all.  More than likely, the year off from interacting with the public I have gone through has made me lazy when it comes to my feminine presentation. 

At the least, maybe someone will think I transitioned well.

In the Comics

 Nicole Maines (below) , "Supergirl's" first transgender television  super hero  will now be featured in a  DC Pride  anthology comic. 

 From Wikipedia:

"Nicole Amber Maines (born October 7, 1997) is an American actress and transgender rights activist. She was the anonymous plaintiff, Susan Doe, in the Maine Supreme Judicial Court case Doe v. Regional School Unit 26 regarding gender identity and bathroom use in schools"

As an aside, Nicole and her identical twin brother Jonas were adopted at birth  and grew up in Portland, Maine.