The Uncracked Egg

 After reading a couple other transgender related posts and talking indirectly to a novice cross dresser who is near my age and is able to finally get out into the feminine world as her old/new self, I came up with the gender being an egg theory. 

Let me explain a bit. 

Not unlike a baby chick trying to break out of the egg, a transgender person is trying to do the same thing when it comes to expressing our gender. Along the way, we have differing levels of success achieving opening our egg and bursting into a brave new world. Everyone is so different, yet so the same. Depending upon the amount of testosterone poisoning we had to endure, Mtf transitioning can be a daunting task. One of the things I had to tell the person I was chatting with last night was try to dress accordingly to where you are going and don't compare yourself to all the other beautiful models and/or trans girls you see on line. But do read up on all the ways you can approve your appearance. And, above all, don't try to dress as a sexy twenty something when you are a half a decade older. However, that does not mean you should dress like your granny. 

In other words, try to enjoy yourself and do the best you can until you are able to be more experienced as a novice cross dresser and/or transgender person. 

I wonder these days too, if the term cross dresser is on it's way out seemingly like the word transvestite did years ago. I suppose it is because recently, the people I have encountered just coming out of their gender shells (or eggs) are identifying themselves as transgender. Of course, the whole subject just makes an already difficult idea even more confusing. 

Looking back at my gender/egg experience, I know I made every terrible mistake in the cross dressing handbook before I settled in to a semblance of finding my way in a feminine world. I can't take any credit for that either because of all the friends who took me in. 

As with any other human life, coming out of your egg is never easy. It's just for transgender women or men, we get a chance to do it twice.

Still Relevant Today

 Today is Martin Luther King Jr. day. 

With all upheaval going on today, his quotes are even more relevant. Here is one:

Pronouns and the Trans Girl

 It does my soul good when I get addressed as "she" or "ladies" when I am with my partner Liz. 

In fact, one of the most difficult challenges I have faced during the pandemic has been the lack of positive feedback from the public. Since last March, we have only been out to eat three times. We have been out a few other times but only for necessities, mainly as we were masked at places like the pharmacy. We even have our groceries brought to us. As I said, it's been tough to experience anyone using pronouns with me at all. 

I finally caved it to pressure and changed my name on "Zoom" to include my preferred pronouns. By "pressure" I mean, I began to see more and more transgender individuals including their pronouns. In one way I don't mind it but in another way, I feel it is just another way to out myself. 

Of course as I always mention, I am fortunate to have had a strong trans affirming circle of friends around me for years. Going back to people like Kim, Nikki and Zena who helped me to learn up close and personal what a femininizing experience meant. It seemed they added the stage and all I had to add was the courage.

Back in those days of reckoning, the last thing I wanted to do was to give my name and add in my preferred pronouns. These days though, it seems the younger generation is cool with sharing their pronouns as a source of pride.'

Which is good with me.

Back in the Bad Old Days

 Remember when the only time you saw a cross dresser or transvestite on the media was when they were up to no good. 

One of the primary examples I can think of is Christopher Morley. Perhaps you will remember him on Magnum PI  when he played a rogue British agent trying to assassinate a politician. One of his "disguises" was a policewoman. 

Ironically, I just saw the episode on the "Hallmark Channel" this morning. By total accident. 

Then in 1974 Morley played another evil character in the movie Freebie and the Bean. I remember vividly seeing the movie with a couple other friends and being totally surprised by Morley's transvestite presentation in the film. In fact, I tried to be careful not to act too mesmerized by the action. 

I guess you can say even then I wasn't very pleased about the negative presentations concerning "transvestites" back in those days. But, that was all there was except for the early talk shows such as Phil Donahue.  Check out this picture from 1991 of a transsexual on Donahue"

Unfortunately, as all of this played out I was in a severe battle with my own gender dysphoria and none of it provided much relief.
 

Emma Said it Better

 One of the writers I follow on "Medium" is Emma Holiday. 

From what I can gather, she is roughly the same age as I and has shared many of the similar transgender experiences.

Today I thought I would share her latest post "Who is Emma?"

"It took time, a lifetime for me, to understand that she and he are truly just one person. The thoughts they shared were always a collective sharing of perceptions, ideas and beliefs. They are a brother and a sister to each other. They protect and consoled each other. Their endless internal conversations eventually provided the strength for Emma to finally emerge.

She is transgender. She combines a life time of male experiences with the soul of a woman. She has the remarkable opportunity to draw on her gender and her sex to see the world with a unique perspective and to share it with those who care."

Plus there is more: Go here to read it.

Inspiration

 

Dysphoria 1...Zoom Nothing.

 In the past couple of days I have had three Zoom meetings to attend. 

When the pandemic really began to spread of course, I had to learn all about Zoom. If you don't know, it is a on line visual "meet up" with one or a group of people. Early on in the process, I learned the fear of facing myself on the computer screen for however long the session lasted. 

To put it mildly, the results sent my gender dysphoria into a death spiral. 

Over the years, I have been able to maintain a delicate balance on how my presentation is perceived versus how it is received in reality.

To be blunt, I thought I presented well during my meeting with my therapist and terrible in my second session. 

Look, I know my strong point is I am transgender and like so many of us (cis women too) will never reach the beauty plateau of someone such as Laverne Cox.(below)

I will have to save all of that for another lifetime. Over the years, I have been so fortunate to have met many people who have accepted my true self.

In the meantime, I will have to concentrate on the positives to keep my gender dysphoria at bay. 

Maybe then, I can put Zoom up on the scoreboard.  

Representation is Good!

 

A former White House intern (above) who previously made history by becoming the first transgender speaker at a major political party's presidential convention when she spoke at the 2016 Democratic National Convention is once again blazing a new trail for equality.

Sarah McBride was sworn in on Tuesday to the Delaware State Senate, becoming the highest-ranking elected official in the United States. At least four others have been elected state representatives in state legislatures, but McBride is the first state senator.

"It's certainly been a whirlwind," McBride told NBC10's @Issue shortly after her election victory in November. "But I'm excited to get to work. It's been wonderful hearing from so many neighbors, so many Delawareans, who are excited about the prospects for progress before us.

More Inspiration

 Perhaps you saw the post here in Cyrsti's Condo about not practicing until you get it right but do it until you don't get it wrong. 

Our resident musicians, Connie and Paula responded:

First, here is Connie:

"Yes, that is true. However, if you are practicing what is wrong, and hoping for it to suddenly come out right, your success will be less likely to come to fruition. Repetition is reinforcement - for right or wrong. We all have heard the quote, "insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result." It's not necessarily insanity, though, as it could be laziness or naivete that would keep one from even recognizing the wrong result.

 As a drummer and a singer, I normally have not had trouble doing both at the same time. I have had many people, including other musicians, ask me how I can do it. I can't answer that, any more than I can answer why I'm a transgender woman. All I can say is that it comes naturally to me - for the most part, that is. There is one song, the Paul Butterfield version of "One More Heartache," that has given me fits in the past, though. The syncopation of the drum beat against the bass line threw me off from the vocal entry almost every time. The more times I did it wrong, the fewer times I got it right. How I finally could consistently come in with the vocals at the correct spot was by concentrating on the guitar part, instead of being so locked in to what the drums and bass were doing. You see, I was so much into the syncopation that I wasn't allowing myself to step away and see the whole picture.

 I think, in our trans lives, we are so emotionally vested in our thought and vision of being a woman (or a man, for ftm), we can fail to see how we fit into the larger picture. We all have our comfort zones, but living within them won't always lead to a desired outcome. Walking around the house in stiletto heels does not totally prepare one for walking on uneven pavement, or even on ice (Where have I heard that before?:-) Still, I wouldn't recommend stepping outside if you're wobbly at the door. Of course, you can't get anything right unless you're willing to try it in the first place. As it's been said, the only real failure is to not have tried at all."

Paula had this take:

"In the music world this is often quoted as "An amateur will practice until they can play it right, a professional practices until they can't play it wrong!"

Thanks to both of you for commenting.