Inspiration

The Cyrsti's Condo quote of the day comes from Laleh Chini :

"Old age is like a bank account. You withdraw in later life what you have deposited along the way.”

A Message from the "Crazy Cat Lady"

 Recently I wrote a post here in Cyrsti's Condo concerning the issue of men being afraid of women...trans or cis. And, received this comment from Michelle "The Crazy Cat Lady." 

"OH NO IT'S the crazy lady again...LOL!!!!

You posed a question about trans women holding a position of supervision in any industry. The process would be almost impossible. Not only, would we have to fight against the males who look down at us as trying to steal their positions in life but cis-women that are fighting to climb that proverbial ladder to success.

Let's get real, men are just scared little boys that want to control the playgrounds. They sit back on their collective butts and let others, mostly women, do the work. Women on the other hand are fighting to keep their foothold on that ladder and can be really mean fighters. I've learned first hand, just how catty and underhanded women can be.

We have to battle both sides, male and female, as well as (as you put it) the effects of testosterone poisoning, and for some of us, learning to cope with the effects of estrogen that all cis-women learn from birth to live with. Add on the effects of the religious right and the "Failed Steak Salesman's" administration. It's no wonder we have hot flashes, mood swings and fear getting into confrontations.

Yes, I heard that comment about not being able to bear children. I've heard it from both males and females. To the men I say "Men can't handle pregnancy and all that comes with it". And to the women, I would point out that our gender has that option. Many don't want or can medically have children. Some that go through pregnancy are finding that like some of their male counterpoints, don't want the children they bring into this world. One woman pointed out that she became pregnant because she thought it was expected of her as a female.

Yes, you are so right that we of the trans nature have to fight hard to win our rightful place in the world. And on that merry note, I'll retire to my couch, with a big cup of tea and snuggle up with my cats."

Thanks for the comment!

I live with a self described "cat whisperer" and my daughter has a "gaggle" of cats. Being a dog person most of my life, it's all still very new to have these spoiled cats hanging around :)

Getting back to the subject at hand, I don't believe we discussed the power of sexuality women have over men.

Naturally enough, a man's sex drive is basically a large part of his ego and a women's is tied to a deep desire to feel wanted. I know I am trying to over simplify a complex subject. What is not over simplified is women have to take on the responsibility of birthing and raising the children. 

Of course, since transgender women still are on the outside looking in as far as birthing children is concerned, couples are capable of adopting and trans men in relationships with trans women are having children too. 

When you look at all of this, it's no wonder men are afraid of losing the power systems they have maintained over the years. 

Big Sky

 This fall, most of the major network television shows have delayed filming schedules. One of the few who didn't was the "Big Sky" new release on ABC. Locally here it's on Tuesday nights. 

Of significance, the show features Jesse James Keitel (below),  who is making LGBTQ history as the first non binary regular actor in a lead role on prime-time television.

Previously, Keitel appeared in Alex Strangelove, Younger, and the Student Academy Award-winning film Miller & Son. Big Sky, created by David E. Kelley (Big Little Lies), centers on the hunt for an abductor of women in Montana. Jerrie, a transfeminine nonbinary artist and sex worker, is one of his targets.

Keitel, who uses they/them and she/her pronouns, said they hoped the story may “change some hearts and minds” among conservative viewers regarding nonbinary and transgender people. Television is “the most powerful medium we have right now,” Keitel said. “It’s accessible to so many people, people who normally wouldn’t get to experience a person like this.”

Just My Imagination

A couple of days ago, my endocrinologist called me back with the results of my recent laboratory visit to have the vampires check my blood. 

To my surprise she told me my estradiol level had risen from the last time she prescribed me new patches from a low of "40" to "80" currently. 

Since I am very poor in asking relevant questions such as what should my levels be, I went to Google and received this answer:

"For transgender women, the Endocrine Society guidelines define the target range of estradiol as 100–200 pg/mL (367–734 pmol/L)¹; as many providers in our practice do not titrate therapy when estradiol levels are above 90 pg/mL (330 pmol/L), the range of 90–200 pg/mL (330–734 pmol/L) was used to define effective"

So, I guess because of those levels, she prescribed me adding one more patch I add to my body twice a week. I am prescribed (by the VA) Alora 1 mg patches. Each of the patches contains 3.1 mg of estradiol which is released over a 3 to 4 day period. I am fortunate I guess in that I haven't had any problems with the patches staying on. Because the next step would be me giving myself injections. I definitely have a problem with needles. 

Actually all these facts and figures are a way for me to understand the advanced gender transition I am going through. If the last time I received permission to increase my dosage is any indication, I can expect more changes again.

Of course the first time I added the extra patch, I imagined I felt an added fullness in my breasts and hip area. Realistically I know changes do occur over a period of time and not the first days. 

Plus I do know the risks of Hormone Replacement Therapy at my age. So does my Endo Doc I guess since wants to check my blood hormone levels in a month.

In the meantime, I will have to try to keep my imagination in check.  

Finally, statistics are showing nearly one in ten transgender individuals are using "underground" or un regulated hormones to aid their transition. Please be careful!

TDOR

 If you didn't know, "TDOR" stands for Transgender Day of Remembrance. The day set aside to remember all the tragic, senseless killings of transgender women and men around the world. 

Here is a statement from the day's founder:

"Transgender Day of Remembrance seeks to highlight the losses we face due to anti-transgender bigotry and violence. I am no stranger to the need to fight for our rights, and the right to simply exist is first and foremost. With so many seeking to erase transgender people -- sometimes in the most brutal ways possible -- it is vitally important that those we lose are remembered, and that we continue to fight for justice."
- Transgender Day of Remembrance founder Gwendolyn Ann Smith

It's always important to note also the great majority of transgender deaths in the U.S. are trans women of color. 

It's also important to remember on this day, we all have to be careful and do the basics to protect ourselves. 

The Aging Summit

 Three days of this week I was involved in watching and learning from the LGBT Aging Summit which was held virtually this year.

After I finally received the proper link to sign in, I had missed the keynote speech from an acquaintance of mine...a transgender woman of color. I did however after a fair amount of prodding, made it in for the next webinar on the current state of LGBT elderly residents when they come to the point of needing assisted care living. I wish I could write something positive about the prognosis but I can't. At least, here in Ohio, the current laws do nothing to protect elderly LGBT women and men from possible abuse. 

Imagine for a second if you were in a nursing home and a "well meaning" subordinate begins to show up in your room with a bible and explains she or he is giving you time to repent before it is too late. Or when you begin to be ostracized by the other residents. 

As you can tell, nothing in the webinar gave me much hope for the future except for the people involved who were involved in positive changes. 

The second webinar I "attended" was actually a viewing of the documentary "Gen Silent." It's actually a decade old now and includes looks at the lives of a transgender woman slowly dying of lung cancer, an elderly lesbian couple who describe the early days of navigating life together in Boston, as well as a gay couple which features one in an assisted living situation with dementia. 

By now, you understand the documentary didn't provide much joy and happiness for the future. Especially for me because my Dad passed on from dementia. It was hell.

Perhaps the biggest problem is, things haven't changed that much for the LGBT community over the past decade when it comes to aging. We need all the advocates we can get!

After watching "Gen Silent" I felt extremely blessed to be in a relationship with my partner Liz. The transgender woman who was passing away was sadly dying alone after being shunned by most of her family. 

If you decide to follow the link and watch "Gen Silent" you may want to have some tissues handy.

What Does Transgender Awareness Mean to You

 To many of us, this is largely a meaningless question. Since we consider ourselves to be transgender, often we are aware of it much of our waking hours. Plus some of our resting hours as we dream. 

If you are similar to me, you had to live through an all encompassing pressure to find a way to a lifestyle which led to a path to the authentic you.

Along the way, I led an existence which led to hiding, sneaking around and even a form of cheating on my wife which led me to attempt harm on myself. Ironically, the whole process led me to a public scorn on occasion which led all the way to laughter. 

Finally, I came to the conclusion the male lifestyle I was desperately was trying to hold on to just wasn't worth it any more.  

I guess you could say my transgender awareness had reached it's peak and I was able to begin my MtF gender transition. 

I might add too, I suffered from varying degrees of gender dysphoria which added to my transgender awareness. 

Possibly, with the continued influence of the internet and social media over the years, transgender awareness in the general public's eye has undergone a positive transformation.

I can use my home state of Ohio as an example. Our Republican conservative legislature is currently listening to testimony from both sides on an LGBT anti discrimination bill. After years and years, this is the farthest it has ever advanced. Hopefully it will make it this time.

Perhaps also, you can feel a bit of pride in knowing you have existed and made a life for yourself as a successful transgender woman.

If you are still in your closet, hopefully you can take your time, read how others did it and be able to slowly and successfully enter a feminine world. There are plenty of us out here who are great role models! Something else which has really changed over the years.

Finally, enjoy your awareness week!

Transgender Awareness Week

 From Indie Wire comes a look at what to watch during the Transgender Awareness Week:

"Start with Laverne Cox in "Disclosure" and work your way to Isabel Sandoval's "Lingua Franca" for an eclectic array of trans storytelling.

This year saw the release of several quality films and TV shows steeped in authenticity, joy, and a genuine grappling with the complexities of the trans experience. There’s no better time to visit these projects than during Transgender Awareness Week, a week of celebration that culminates with Transgender Day of Remembrance on November 20, which memorializes victims of transphobic violence."

This is quite the lengthy post and it can be viewed in it's entirety here.

Why Trans Women Try Harder

 Recently here in Cyrsti's Condo I wrote a post on why men are scared of women. This post is an extension of that idea. 

In society, in order to rise in the system in most any field, a cis woman has to prove she is better than her male counter parts. Much better in many fields. I know in the restaurant industry I worked in, women managers were common but they all had to bring a different skill set than men to succeed. An example would be how they dealt with kitchen crews which required extreme coercion on occasion all the way to toughness and team building. Over the years, I had a couple of women kitchen managers who were so tough no male crew member would challenge them.

During those years, as I watched them work, I wondered how much more difficult the same task would be for a transgender woman in the same occupation. The answer of course was the whole process would be difficult to the point of being impossible. As transgender women though, we are a tougher tribe than we give ourselves credit for. On a fairly regular basis we have to gather our big girl panties and stare down the bigoted public who refuses to give us credit for being women at all.  I remember years ago when I received a comment here I couldn't be a woman of any sorts because I couldn't give birth to a child. Of course that isn't true because of the number of cis women who can't have kids for whatever medical reason or women like my deceased wife who never wanted to have kids. 

Other obstacles we transgender women have to face as we attempt to succeed in society is the effect of testosterone poisoning on our exterior presentation. After puberty most of us face an uphill battle to overcome our size and proportions to look at all feminine. We have to become very adept at the art of makeup and fashion to succeed at all. In other words, we have to become better than the average cis woman to make it. Not to mention the commination/voice skills we have to acquire. 

That's why we have to try harder.