Transgender Activist in Starring Role

 Trans activist Shakina Nayfact is making history again as she lands a starring role in the new NBC comedy The show which is called "Connecting" will be on Thursday nights. Nayfact (below) is making history as the first transgender regular on a prime time television show. Here is a brief description from the "Advocate" : 

"On the topic of her history-making role, Nayfack placed it in the larger context of the transgender movement. "It feels like a huge honor and a huge responsibility to get right," she said. "And also, I think it is a benchmark in a process of social change that so many other trans artists have forged alongside me and ahead of me. I like to stay away from the narratives of like, you know, 'first achievement' and think more about the legacy that we are building together as a community of trans actors fighting for representation for the rest of us out in the world."

However, in a time when few Hollywood productions are being made due to the pandemic, and in an election season to boot, Nayfack acknowledged how special it was to have a trans character represented.

"I look at Connecting as one of the first shows to be made amid the crisis of COVID-19. And one of the seven series regulars on that show is a trans woman," she said. "So that's really exciting to me because we're already guaranteed admission. We're here. We're inside the theme park. So let's go on some rides."

Perhaps some day we will come to the point where we don't have to point out an actor or actress is transgender at all!

Saying Hello

 Have you ever encountered another person in public whom you considered to be transgender or a cross dresser? Have you tried to strike up a conversation or just walked the other way. Perhaps later you regretted your decision. In the pre-covid days of my life, it wasn't totally uncommon for me to see a person who triggered my "trans-dar."

Overall. except for one occasion when I encountered another transgender person I knew well, I can say I never spoke up and tried to start a conversation. Why? Mainly because I was afraid of embarrassing myself if the person wasn't trans. The only other alternative I had was focusing in on and commenting on a particular aspect of a person's presentation.(such as a handbag or earrings) Of course if I was at the market and I encountered the rare overdressed woman, I automatically thought she was a cross dresser. More interesting was the night Liz and I went to a New Years Eve performance of the Cincinnati Orchestra in music hall where all the women were dressed to the nines. Including me. The occasion was early in my coming out days and I was scared to death. 

Along the way, I recently received another comment from "Emma" concerning her thoughts  on encountering another transgender person:

" I've often walked away from an encounter with another trans person asking myself why we didn't simply talk about something else - just as we would have with a cis person." Yes! It's just over three years since I started my transition. The first couple of years were so focused on being trans, dealing with my shame and fears, yes, a couple of surgeries. Lots of internal transphobia. But these days I hardly think about it. I think it comes down to self-acceptance and love, recognizing that we are as normal as anyone else. Sure, some of our characteristics are a bit rare, but so is being left handed, blue-eyed, or whatever. Je suis comme je suis: I am what I am. After over a half century on this planet I am excited about my life."

Thanks for the comment Emma! Nice to hear of your excitement. :) 

Transgender Gold...Bond

From "Cheddar" and  Mike Nam

"Actress Laverne Cox, perhaps best known for her role on the Netflix hit Orange Is the New Black, has partnered with skincare brand Gold Bond on the new marketing campaign #ChampionYourSkin and is using the platform to highlight the transgender community and the non-profit Trans Wellness Center in California.

"Trans folks, just by being ourselves, are skin champions," said Cox.(above) "We go out into the world and face all kinds of discrimination, all kinds of violence, and, sort of, attempts to invalidate who we are."

Cox touted the work of the Trans Wellness Center amid such damaging obstacles. The Los Angeles-based center, established in a collaboration between six local organizations, provides help with housing, employment, and health care for transgender people.

"Our unemployment rate is three times the national average, four times that for trans people of color, and so employment referrals are things that you can get at the Trans Wellness Center, which is so important," she said.

Cox also made the case that people who wish to help the transgender community should donate to organizations like the Trans Wellness Center. She explained that, while national groups do important work, funding local organizations that directly affect people's lives is critical."

For more, go here.

From Both Sides Now

 Before the get started, let me send along my thanks to all of you on several different blogging platforms who sent along birthday wishes. All were very much appreciated!

Now, perhaps you all remember the recent Cyrsti's Condo post concerning Jayde and her very understanding spouse. During my long life, I have had the opportunity to be on both sides of the spousal fence. 

Some of you may remember I met my first wife (and the mother of my only child) in the Army. She found out about my cross dressing desires after a Halloween party. Over an approximate five year relationship it became increasingly evident she didn't really care about my gender leanings. I often thought if I told her I was leaving for a couple weeks to change my sex, she would have said oh well. 

All of this led me to the relationship I started with the cis woman who was to be my wife for twenty five years. Looking back at it, the beginnings of our life together represented the last gasp at my attempts to put my feminine self behind me. Even though I told her I was a cross dresser to start with, I had to aggressively pursue her to embark on a relationship. Essentially I was to win the battle, only to lose the war within myself and with her. 

As the years went by, she never really fought my cross dressing urges but was totally against any suggestion I was transgender. Unfortunately, the longer I fought my transgender urges, the worse our battles became. I am not proud of the times I snuck out when she was at work, only to have her come home and discover my transgression. Essentially to me, I was violating our marriage vows. Plus, she always seemed to hold the upper hand when she told me things like "Be man enough to be a woman."

Ironically, after years of fighting, making up and trying my best to live male, she suddenly passed away from a severe heart attack at the age of fifty. I loved her dearly and it was quite the shock but eventually freed me up to see if I could live full time as a transgender woman. Still I needed help to push through my doubts.

At that point, approximately nine years ago, Liz entered my life. In a complete turnaround, she told me I was a woman and I should go ahead with hormone replacement therapy to feel better. We are still together and I am living happily full time in a feminine world. Finally, the huge weight of being bi-gendered has been lifted from my shoulders. 

I have seen the relationship world from both sides.

Life is but a Circle

 On my 71st birthday, it's time to take a second (or two) to reflect on what has turned out to be a very interesting life. Along with the curse of early struggles with my gender identity, came the discovery of the euphoria from my weak attempts to cross dress and conquer the gender divide. 

Later in life came the times when I was suicidal as I was trying to lead a "bi-gendered" existence. 

Finally, my life came full circle, I accepted being transgender and lived through a very bleak period of my life when I nearly lost everything. I eventually found by doing that, I could start to build my new life as a transgender woman-full time.

I should probably point  out I am a very impatient person and the time it took me to transition was difficult even though it was aided by HRT or hormone replacement therapy. Even then I learned the hard way taking meds in the end result didn't make me any more or less a woman. The desire was completely between my ears.

One way or another life teaches you lessons if you have the ability and/or the where with all to take advantage. Or if you are fortunate to live that long. 

I would be remiss too if I didn't mention the people in my life who loved me and I loved. My partner Liz and daughter Andrea continue the love today. 

Advice is like rear ends, everybody has one. Mine would be don't give up on life. What's true today may be false tomorrow. Life can turn on a dime.  

We Don't Transition Alone

 Those of us who have a spouse who has been along for the transgender journey, very quickly we should learn the spouse occupies a very important position in our transition. 

I have always believed a spouses reaction to her partner's new life is a crucial factor in if the relationship is going to survive. After all, the cis woman is stuck in the middle of what turns out to be often a very selfish endeavor. She gets to watch in person the gender transition of her spouse, for better or for worse. Just think of all the cis women who have been pressured to help in the cross dressing urges with clothes and make up. 

I write pressure because of the urgency to present as a realistic women as possible. Obviously it takes a special person to accompany her spouse down a feminine path and I have an example.

Her name is Veronica and her spouse is actually a nearby acquaintance of mine. Her name is Jade, and here is one of the most awesome messages I have ever read:

 "So when I first came out as trans to my wife, she was so supportive and amazing. The thing I remember most about that conversation was when she looked at me and said, "You know I'm not gay, but I'll be gay for you." I love you to the moon and back!"

Isn't that great? Wow! This is Jayde:

I personally have been on both sides of the spousal situation, from very bad to very good. Which I will explore in an upcoming post.

In the meantime, thanks to Veronica and Jayde for sharing in this extraordinary post!!!

A Transgender First in Belgium

Transgender woman Petra De Sutter has been announced as Belgium's deputy prime minister.

De Sutter is a gynecologist and fertility expert at the University of Ghent, and was elected to the European Parliament last year where she was chair of the Committee on the Internal Market and Consumer Protection.

She’s known for her activism around sexual and reproductive health and on trans issues.

Belgian Green party leader Meyrem Almaci announced De Sutter’s appointment today, as the new government was formed following several days of intense talks.

Congratulations!

Your Inner Child

 Perhaps, one of the most difficult ordeals we go through as transgender women or trans men is taking care of our inner child. I have, like most of you, vivid memories of my earliest experiments with women's clothing when I explored my Mom's wardrobe. Back in those days, I was somehow able to shave my legs and remember the thrill of sliding nylons up my legs. It was all so thrilling but just didn't last.

My inner child was telling me there just had to be more to all of this. In fact, if I had been listening, or had the knowledge, my inner self was trying to tell me I was transgender. Back then, the phrase was years away from even being used. I am referring to the early 1960's. 

Not understanding everything which was going on, of course I reverted back to the male dominated culture I lived in and kept suppressing my inner child. Many times with dire circumstances. I wish I could retrieve and recycle all the time I wasted. I remember all the time I spent daydreaming in study halls about all of the sudden becoming one of the girls I so admired. I erroneously thought the girls possessed all the cards. They didn't have to worry about asking someone out, being a successful athlete or being drafted into the military. I took me years to realize the girls had their own set of problems to worry about.

None of this though,  could sooth any of the tensions my inner girl child was causing. The only thing which did work were the brief times I was by myself and could cross dress and parade in front of the mirror. 

Unfortunately, there was no way to suppress her as I grew older. The more I explored the feminine world and the more accomplished I became doing it, the more I realized I could fulfill my dreams and release my inner girl child.

It turned out to be the best move I ever made.

Stuck in the Middle

 Perhaps you remember the "Stealers Wheel" tune...Stuck in the Middle with You."  It seems this could be an appropriate musical anthem to describe a transgender existence. 

Let's take me for instance. This morning when I woke up, I took the time to look in the mirror and promptly said "Boo." It then occurred to me how different my life has been as I tried for years (and failed) to walk the gender divide. As it turned out, all I was doing was misleading myself. I would have been better off to have followed my transgender leanings years or even decades before. I refused to follow what was natural gender wise for me causing great stress and many problems in my life. 

Now though, through the miracle of hormone replacement therapy and the support of people such as my partner Liz along with my daughter Andrea, I have achieved more in my life than I ever thought possible. For every morning when I say "Boo", there are so many other mornings I am amazed by my breasts, the length of my hair and the softness of my skin. 

Even with all of the wonderful changes, it seems I am still stuck in the middle with myself. Perhaps thoughts such as these are what drive transgender women to "go all the way" and undergo genital realignment surgery. Which I have always rejected as an option for myself. I just can't see such a major costly surgery being worth it at my age along with the committed relationship of nine years I am in. 

So I will most likely end my life as I started it. Stuck in the middle with me.