The Gender "Tipping Point" Part Two

Recently I wrote a post here in Cyrsti's Condo concerning my Gender Tipping Point. Connie wrote in and added:

"In my case, my rising femininity was more a matter of dropping the dead weight of the masculine facade I had been carrying around for so many years. I guess I'm one of those for whom being feminine has always been easier, but I began transitioning because I could no longer compartmentalize my gender expressions (masculine and feminine) in living as two separate personas. 

Interestingly, setting myself free to live authentically has led to my giving less and less thought to my gender at all. We are all really a combination of gender traits, yet the transgender person is so much more aware of her, or his, own gender than is the average cis person. My own dream is to achieve that kind of balance, unconcerned with tipping whatsoever."

Thanks for the comment! I too give less and less thought to gender as I live as me. Plus, the more I hear (primarily from the younger set) about "gender fluidity", the more I like it too. I agree we are all a mix of genders anyway.

Unfortunately, society still dictates a strict gender binary be followed in most all circumstances, as seen by the number of transgender or gender queer kids who end up estranged from their families on the street.

I think too, the amount of time I spent falling off the balance beam (or "she saw" as Connie called it), could have been spent so many other ways. I am saddened on what could have been.

Then again too, crying over "spilled make-up" is a waste of time too.

Another Victory!

This one came in New Hampshire this week. From "Slate.Com":

On Wednesday, the New Hampshire Senate passed a landmark bill outlawing discrimination against transgender people in housing, employment, and public accommodations. The state House of Representatives has already passed the measure, and Gov. Chris Sununu has confirmed his intent to sign it. What’s remarkable about this victory is that Sununu is a Republican, and both houses of the state legislature are controlled by the GOP. Democrats pushed hard for the bill and supported with near-unanimity. But it was Republican legislators who carried it over the finish line.

This bipartisan triumph for transgender equality contrasts sharply with Donald Trump’s unrelenting assault on transgender rights. Indeed, it should be been seen as a rebuke to his persistent attacks on LGBTQ Americans. The Trump administration has revoked federal guidance protecting transgender students, employees, and homeless people. It is poised to attempt to repeal nondiscrimination protections for transgender patients under the Affordable Care Act. And, of course, it is striving to ban open transgender military service by arguing that trans people are mentally unstable deviants. Vice President Mike Pence and Attorney General Jeff Sessions are the driving force behind the onslaught: Pence intervened behind the scenes to overrule Secretary of Defense James Mattis’ support for trans service, while Sessions has issued a stream of directives designed to undermine LGBTQ rights under federal law

The Gender Tipping Point

As we transgender women (and cross dressers too) go through life attempting to cross the gender frontier, there comes a point when you can "tip" the gender balance.

As we move down the path, often we learn the more we know, the more we need to learn.

Examples would be, as novices, we strive to perfect a feminine "illusion" thinking it will be enough to sustain our gender desires. Then we find, no matter how good the illusion looks, nothing is good enough. You have to move around and even create another persona to exist.

The more serious you become about succeeding in a feminine lifestyle, the more you learn about the razor thin "gender tipping point." Studies indicate fellow humans make gender decisions within a matter of seconds.

Getting better and better has to become an obsession to succeed. I always read with some humor a negative person who thinks no cis men can ever do the work to become a convincing woman. Do they not want to do the weight and skin work, not to mention the makeup and fashion expertise which is needed? Any cis woman would tell you the same thing. Being a woman is definitely being the high maintenance gender.

Visualize if you will, a transgender person jumping up and down on a teeter totter. After a while some (quicker than others) will learn moving up the board to the center is a more effective way of  getting where you want to go.

All of a sudden, you feel natural as your chosen gender and you start to reach out for better hair, voice, or whatever you feel makes you feminine.

As the teeter totter begins to flip your way, you begin to feel more and more natural and life can become better than you ever thought.

Sometimes though,we slip and fall off the "trans teeter" and it is extremely painful to try again. As with anything else which is worth it though, the ups and downs of your ride can be worth it as you live your new life.

A New Boob?

We received several comments concerning recent posts I have decided to pass along here in Cyrsti's Condo. One of which center around vocal feminisation for transgender women:

1. Melissa WestApril 30, 2018 at 6:12 PM

   "Hi Crysti
   
   At the moment I’m listening to and doing while driving the Melanie Anne Philipps voice feminisation course as mentioned by Stana. She’s at http://heartcorps.com/page33.htm I feel that I am making a lot a progress. She covers the points covered in your last but one para.
   
   Best wishes
   
   Melissa"

   Yes! I have heard the demo and the difference is startling (as was the person I saw in person)! Thanks for sharing.
3. 
   FABULOUSCONNIEDEEMay 1, 2018 at 4:07 PM

   " The VA in some situations will provide one wig and one set of breast forms a year." This made me chuckle. Do they pass them out the same way you got your government issued uniform and other necessities when you went to basic training? I wonder just what kind of wig and breast forms they'd supply. :-)
   
   Seeing yourself as you practice your voice is important. You need to combine the non-verbal communication with the vocal. I made videos of myself so I could analyze it later, because I learned a long time ago that what I might have thought I was seeing in the mirror was not necessarily what was really there!"
4. As I understand it, the VA will pass out the breast forms through their "Prosthetic" Department. The VA also has a very active "Women's Health" department, so I'm sure the program originated there. More than likely, the same thing happens with wigs. I will ask "my people!" 
5. And thanks for sharing the video/mirror idea!

 

Arrival

First of all, I am pretty much a technologically challenged old geek. Thus, one of the weekend challenges was learning how to navigate around Columbus, Ohio using the Uber car service. After I learned how easy and relatively inexpensive it was, I found I could relax much more seeing as I didn't have to worry about drinking and driving.

Club Diversity, Columbus, Ohio

Every year, Liz and I make it a point to going to a venue called Club Diversity. It's in a old Victorian style house just south of Downtown Columbus. "Diversity" is unique in that it is owned by a transgender woman and has a truly unique clientele.

Saturday night featured a packed house, made up by gay men, lesbian women, straight couples mixed in with the occasional transgender woman or even a cross dresser or two.

As Liz partook of several of their fabulous martini's, I was able to sip my beer and Jagermeister and survey the room to see who may have been surveying me.

It was fun! I had my usual visual contact with a butch lesbian, all the way to a gay guy who was doing his best not to be too noticeable looking at me. I didn't try to hide any of my narcissistic entertainment from Liz, who finally said "You have arrived." I said yes, Compliments of Uber and a lot of HRT :).

 Finally, I wore my fuzzy green sweater and leggings for the evening, which turned out to be unseasonably cool. Jagermeister though, is custom made to warm you up as it originated as a German hunting drink. I first made it a friend when I was in the Army in Germany.

I am riposting a selfie picture I took in the hotel after the trip back. A good time was had by all!

Also, I would be remiss in not writing about our stop for a famous "Thurman's" Hamburger before we went to Diversity. What is amazing to me, is they remember us year after year and we normally end up with the same server. We did well this year, the wait time was only about 45 minutes.

It's time to wrap this post up before I become accused of working for the Columbus Chamber of Commerce!

I See Girl!

Saturday was quite the long day, which of course revolved mostly around the Trans Ohio Symposium in Columbus, Ohio.

First of all, we had to get an early shuttle ride from the hotel to the Symposium venue since many streets were going to be closed off for a huge half marathon. So I had to grab a quick breakfast and shake off the party cobwebs from the night before relatively quickly. My workshop was at 10:15. All went well during my presentation and at one point one cis woman said all she saw in me was "girl." Which of course was nice!

During my workshops however, I always have to make the point of the person you see now didn't just happen. She took a lot of work and more error than success and even resulted in me trying one very active suicide as well as several ongoing "passive" attempts. Even though my workshop was sparsely attended I thought, it still went well and I was pleased.

The rest of the day, my partner Liz and I attended other workshops and key note speaker presentations. The Symposium was well attended and set a record this year with over three hundred attendees.

Of course lunch was served as well as a mid afternoon snack, which gave us the time to check out all the "vendor" and organization tables which were set up.

The breakdown of attendees this year seemed to favor more transgender women in various stages of transition and a fewer than normal amount of transgender men.

All too soon the day was over and it was time to take a quick breather before we began the night's activities on our own.

More to come in the next post!

Vocal Feminization Ideas

During the Trans Ohio Symposium I was able to hear the workshop presented by the lead transgender veteran liaison  person for the Veterans Administration Hospital I go to in Dayton, Ohio.

What did I learn? The VA in some situations will provide one wig and one set of breast forms a year. And more importantly, I should have no problems being referred to a qualified vocal feminiization coach in the near future.

I also sat in on another informative workshop called "Finding Your Feminine Voice."

During the workshop, the presenter mentioned a couple options she used to dramatically improve her voice. She mentioned You Tube videos as a possibility but couldn't remember who she used. So, as with most things on You Tube, usage comes with a built in warning but could be worth exploring. Other options included various tonal apps on your phone. Plus, someone mentioned access to your local educational institutions. Many of them have student intern programs which can be relatively inexpensive.

With any improvement worth working on, practice is very important with voice training. Options mentioned included leaving yourself messages on your email, or answering machine and/or practicing on your laptop so you can see your self as you talk.

Without getting too technical, the presenter said your new voice should originate somewhere in your upper neck area. Using the chest area is what men use and getting too far up into the nasal area will result in a falsetto tone. She (the presenter) also said though, since women vary their vocal patterns more than men, an occasional falsetto type tone isn't all that bad.

Hopefully, a few of these ideas may help you down your own vocal path. When I finally get a vocal therapist appointment, I will keep passing along more ideas.

Impresive

By far, the most impressive transgender key note speech and workshop I have ever attended, happened Saturday at The Trans Ohio Symposium. I was fortunate enough to hear Mara Keisling from the "National Center for Transgender Equality. 

Here is her background:

"Mara Keisling is the founder and executive director of the National Center for Transgender Equality. Since 2003, she has led organizational and coalition efforts that have won significant advances in transgender equality. As one of the nation’s leading voices for transgender equality, Mara is regularly quoted in major media outlets. A proud Pennsylvanian, Mara received her bachelor’s degree from Pennsylvania State University and did graduate work in American Government at Harvard University."

Why was I impressed? Because Mara, has been working (along with others) tirelessly to protect and further trans rights. She is razor sharp and with her background in Washington, she can speak factually to what we face now and what we will face in the future as transgender citizens in the United States. Under a decidedly hostile administration.  

She was surprisingly positive. Pointing out how far we have come and explaining what has to happen to go even further. Unless you have been living in a cave somewhere, you know, mid term elections are rapidly approaching and many key governor positions, as well as Senate and House of Representatives seats are up for grabs. Which (of course) points out the need to get out the vote!

It was comforting for me to see and hear in person such a qualified leader on our side in Washington! Find out more about Mara and the NCTE's work, follow the link above.

Back Home

Well, our "mini" weekend get away to the Trans Ohio Symposium is over.

A good time was had by all and I learned quite a bit from the presentations which I will be passing along in future Cyrsti's Condo blog posts.

I basically looked at the whole weekend as a transgender overload.

An example was one trans woman who described her time in the closet as a life in a movable prison.

I decided to go ahead and show all of you one of my rare selfies I took Friday night after several "cocktails".